How Can Life Go On?
Chapter Seven: Back To School
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Heart Burst Into Fire by Bullet For My Valentine
A/N: I thought Bella's hair was to short in the pic so I added a new picture. Go check it out before you read this fic.
I'm coming home
I've been gone for far too long
Do you remember me at all?
I rolled out of bed still dressed in my outfit, not to my surprise. God why did I have to sleep with him? Why did I have to throw the biggest mistake of the year? I know I do love him, but I'm not in love with him. Why do I have to be stupid every time I'm on drugs? Maybe I should just get ready for school…that might get my mind off of things…hopefully.
I got up and threw my suitcase onto my bed and started shuffling through it. I just grabbed out some simple ripped jeans, I heart Buffy shirt (A/N: Anyone else see this irony to this?), and a dark blue raincoat. I tied up my dark blue converse, grabbed my make-up, and walked to the bathroom.
I put on some blue eye shadow, some brown eyeliner, black mascara, light blush, and pink lip gloss. I quickly painted my nails a dark blue. I ran a brush through my hair and shook it out; I grabbed a blue knit cap with a ball on the end, and put it on.
I ran down the stairs and stopped in the kitchen and grabbed a yogurt bar. I ran to the living room and grabbed my black Jansport backpack and put my MacBook into. I grabbed my car keys and ran out the door.
Please let this piece of shit work, please let this piece of shit work, please let this piece of shit work…
I put the key in the ignition, I turned it…nope. It is a piece of shit. And the day that I needed it to work…it doesn't. I looked up to see a silver Volvo parking into my driveway. I got out of my truck and walked over to the stupid shiny silver Volvo…I opened the spare door and slid in.
"Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even think of me." I said with tight lips, not looking at him. I slouched into my seat and put my feet on the dashboard. He out stretched him arm and knocked down my legs.
"Hey douchebag! I said not to think of me you fag! And what did you do? You thought of me! JACKASS!" I was yelling in his face by now, but I don't care. He deserves a lot more. Like a spanking…oh shut up Bella…
"For one," He was holding out his fingers…how I just wanted to rip them off… "You're getting muddy foot prints all over my dashboard. For two, what if I made a quick stop? You could break both your legs! And for three, I think we both know I'm not gay…we both experienced that yesterday." He looked at me with a smirk.
"For one," I said mocking him, he just rolled his eyes…dick, "I hope I get muddy fucking foot prints on your stupid piece of shit car dickhead. For two, I fucking hope I break both my motherfucking legs, maybe I'll get a nice big morphine shot. And for three, please you have to be gay. You were a 109 year old virgin, you sparkle, you drive a goddamn Volvo, and I swear I've seen you read Cosmo."
He glared at me, why I was laughing my ass off. I looked at him and drank him in. he was wearing a green striped hoodie a gray shirt, black skinny jeans, and black vans. He was so adorable…
"What are you staring at?" Edward exclaimed in a exasperated tone. He looked at me with a glare in his eyes. But the glare was only a mask. A mask for the pain, a mask for the denial, a mask for the rejection…God! What have I done to this man?
"I'm staring at my ex-boyfriend. The man I loved, but he crushed my heart. I'm staring at the man I have mixed feelings about, because I know I love him, but I need to make sure I'm in love with him. But I also need to make sure that he won't break my heart again, because I don't think my heart can take that again." I know he just asked a simple question but that question, brought up more feelings then the incident that happened yesterday did.
His eyes showed his true emotions, and what emotions I saw will haunt me for the rest of my life. His eyes were full of pain, misery, regret, suffering, lust, self loathing, denial, anger, sadness, fear, but most of love…I knew this man loved me with all his cold, nonbeating heart. But was that enough for me to love him back?
"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. Everything was and is my fault. If I could take back the last few months I would. If I could take back this gruesome creation that defiles the name of God that is my unnatural state of been, I would. I would take back the last 92 years of this worthless existence when I was supposed to have died of the influenza." His grip on the steering wheel was deadly, while his eyes were on the road but focusing on something else. Something far away.
"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! Don't you dare talk like that…just because you did something really stupid doesn't mean you shouldn't be alive. And no it's not your fault. It's my fault, I trusted you." I turned away from him, and stared at my hands in my lap. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I quickly blinked them away.
"Bella, I never meant to hurt you as much as I did. I left to help you. But it ended up hurting the both of us. Will you please forgive me?" He looked at me with big does eyes. He can't seriously be asking me that?
"Oh yeah totally, I forgive you. HA! Just messing, you fucked me over. Go to hell." I sneered at him. He slammed on the brakes really fast, and stared at me in disbelief. I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the car. And started walking to the school.
I'm leaving
Have I've fucked things up again,
I'm dreaming
Too much time without you spent,
I finally got to school, and I was still early! I started walking the front office when I saw a big spot out of preverbal vision coming towards me. Then suddenly I felt someone pick me up and lift me off the ground. I closed me eyes since my face was being smashed against something hard. I felt around and I felt something like fleece, something silky, and a pair of jeans.
I shoved away from what ever it was, and it put me back on my feet. I looked up to see Emmett Cullen staring down at me. I guessed his outfit right. He was wearing a black and white plaid shirt, a black Adida's sweatshirt, some blue jeans, and right now I was standing on his black Nike sneakers. I smiled and stepped off his shoe.
I looked over to see a red BMW, a black Mercedes, a red Jeep, and a silver Volvo. I looked at the people getting out of them. Rosalie is a black jacket, red shirt, black skinny jeans, and red pumps; and Alice in a gray dress with a black belt, a gray cardigan, and gray crocodile print heels. Jasper stepped out of the passenger door of the red Jeep wearing a white button down with a sweater-vest over it, a blazer, brown slacks, and black loafers.
Now I didn't recognize the black Mercedes, but I knew it belonged to one of the Cullen clan. And as I knew it Carlisle stepped out of the driver's side wearing his usual suit with doctor's coat. And Esme stepped out of the other side wearing a white blouse; black belt, white pencil skirt, and white sling back heels. A usual of the Cullen's always dress their fanciest when their going no where.
I gave a quick glare before turning around and walking away. But before I could get more then 3 feet from where I stood before Emmett pulled me back. "Hey little lady, walking away before saying hi to your Emmy-Bear. That kind of hurt…" I turned to face him. He was wearing a big fake pout, on his stupid little noggin. Jesus Christ he's annoying….
"Leave me alone Emmett. I don't need any bullshit right now. I'm going through a rough patch as it is. You know, stealing your brother's virtue was a lot less simple thinking when I was high then it is now." I said with a shrug. I turned around and started walking away again hearing 6 gasps, and 1 moan behind me.
Thank God I was smart enough to enroll myself into classes online. Other wise I would have been in deep shit with all my teachers. First period was the funniest thought-
I walked into the class but no one was looking. THANK THE FUCKING LORD! But oh no, no one can get off that easily. No never…
"Ah Miss. Swan, so glad that you could finally join us again. Welcome back, and if it's okay for me to ask; where have you been?" I stopped in my tracks at that sentence. How dare he ask me? And in front of all these dickheads!
Everyone turned to look at me. They were staring at me; it was kind of gross… I swung around to face Mr. Mason. "I went to goddamn motherfucking Disneyland. Fuck you! You don't need to know where I've been!" I turned back around and started walking to my seat.
Everyone was gawking at me now, yeah that's fucking right Isabella Swan grew a damn backbone. What the fuck. I sat down at my seat, took out my book, and turned on my laptop.
"Okay students, if you were here for the last few weeks," He gave me a pointed look, "Then you would know that the Junior and Senior classes are doing a special project for the next couple of days. And to the luck of the couple of students that week haven't seen for a while," Another pointed look at me, "That they actually got here for the first day that we actually do something, you have bet your 'Little Friends' but today you get to hang out with them." He explained to us about the 'Little Friends' and what we would be doing.
So I had to spend time with a stupid fucking little kid for 3 days. God damn it! Why me? Just…FUCK! This day is going to suck. And I heard that everyone already knows there kids, but me and the…Cullen's don't.
But apparently all the kids were taken, besides the gifted and talented children. And there were only 3. So I got partnered up with none other then…Alice Cullen! What a lucky bitch I am. So motherfucking lucky. Damn my life…
We all partnered up to get ready to get on the bus. I had to sit next to her. I've only seen her once since the flight. And damn did that suck. And I've only seen her twice and spoken to her once since they all left. Jesus why did I have to be stuck with her? I rather have Lauren!
And speak of the devil and soon shall it appear. Lauren Milroy came walking down the sidewalk, with Mike Newton on her arm. Fucking wow. What a skank! "HEY SLUT! Has left leg met right leg yet!" I started laughing and looking around to see who yelled it. It was none other then Emmett. Of course.
I looked at he while I was laughing hell of hard, and he winked at me! He fucking winked at me! I looked straight at me and said, "Umm…go fuck yourself." He looked shocked and Jasper had to hold down Rosalie. But it was worth it.
"Bella, that's no way to talk to anyone. Now is it?" I heard a bell-like pixie voice say from next to me. I almost forgot that Alice was my partner. I was just having so much fun…
I turned to face her, "Oh I believe you. Ha-ha I can't even lie to myself on that one…you're a two-faced bitch. Go to hell." I turned back around and took a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it.
I quickly sucked it down and blow out the smoke. I threw the bud on the ground and stepped it out. I turned back around to the Cullen's only to see Emmett pouting, Rosalie pissed, Jasper glaring, Alice crying on his shoulder, and Edward…well I didn't see Edward.
If only I looked next to me… "Did you just-"
"No." I didn't even let him finish. I didn't care what he had to say, really I didn't.
"But you just-"
"Nope." I said and started to walk through the crowd. Jeez why can't he get it through his thick fucking skull that I didn't want to talk to him! Damn! I'm not doing drugs anymore! If it ends up leading to me fucking my ex-boyfriend that is madly in love with me. Fuck it! It's not worth it anymore! (A/N: And she stops! But in this story there are no withdrawals because writing about them brings unwanted memories back. So she'll just fell really lousy.)
I think I just had an epiphany…cool. Mr. Greene finally got onto the bus so we were allowed to get on. When Alice and I got to our bench I sat down and took out my iPod to signal that I didn't want to talk. But before even the first note could plan I felt a hand snatch it away.
I glared at her through my preverbal vision, but took out my laptop instead. I started surfing the internet, when my Mac was stolen from my clutches too. What a bitch…she won't even allow me to have my own personal property.
"Why are you being so mean to me Bella? What did I ever do to you?" So we are going to start this conversation now. I took in a deep soothing breath to keep from crying throughout this conversation.
"Because your brother is the one that broke my heart, your husband was the one that started it all. And you were my best friend." None of those were true though. Edward wasn't really her brother, I would never blame Jasper for any of this, and she will always be a great friend of mine. But she has to earn my complete friendship back, because right now it has gaps…
"Bella I'm really sorry. I never meant this to happen. I never meant to leave you." It looked like if was able to she would be crying. "And I didn't mean to be such a bitch when we were on the plane. Seeing you like that was just heart wrenching."
I didn't to respond because right then we pulled up to the school…
Back to school.
Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.
I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight.
Oh! Back to school... back to school... back to school.