A/N: this one was heavily inspired from an anon prompt I received. check it out the mini crack ficlet/answer
at swanqueen-fangirl . tumblr post/7530613961 (remove the spaces)
"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!" Emma screeched.
They had all felt the magical current pass through them. Emma, Regina, Henry, and Hook were in Gold's shop when they heard the manic laughter from the back room.
A fairly attractive young man ran out from the back, shouting with glee, "IT WORKED! IT WORKED! THE SWAP WORKED!"
"Swap?" Hook asked, looking horrified at his brand new gut that was hanging over his waistband. His hand went to his head and he froze. "No! Oh sweet Neptune, No!" he cried out as his hand ran over a balding spot smack in the middle on the top of his head.
"Moms?" a deep man's voice asked and Emma jumped.
"Henry?" she asked tentatively. There, in his place, was a fully grown man with brown hair, muscled arms, and wide eyes.
"What happened to you?" Henry asked.
"Me?" Emma repeated in surprise. "What happened to yo—" she hacked out a coughing fit.
"You're old…like really old," Henry said, not taking note that he was a foot taller himself.
"I am?" Emma searched the shop frantically for a mirror until she found one. She immediately freaked and yelped aloud when she saw who was looking back at her. Not her usual self, but an ancient looking woman wearing her wrinkly features and grey hair. "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK!" Emma panicked, looking around the shop for her wife and an explanation. "REGINA?!"
Where her brunette previously stood, was a cranky looking little toddler with a pouty face and dark eyes. "Regina?" Emma asked in disbelief.
"NO!" the toddler sassed and buried her face into Henry's long legs.
"D'AWWWWWWWWWW," Emma squealed with her hands clasped together by her cheek.
Shaking her head out, Emma marched over to the young man who had shouted just earlier, and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "WHAT THE FUCK IS—OW!" the now silver haired blonde's hand cramped up on her, and the young man laughed at his release.
"How's that arthritis, dearie?" he taunted.
"Old Man Rumple?!" Hook said incredulously. "I mean Old Man Young…er…Young Man Rumple?
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Emma demanded.
"GOTTA CATCH ME FIRST, DOUCHE CAKES!" Young Man Rumple said and bolted out the door.
Emma tried to run after him, but took two steps and yelled, "MY HIP!" She tumbled down while Hook ran as far as the door to the shop before he was out of breath and clutching at his chest. An older Henry looked apologetically at the two of them for not racing after Young Man Rumple with a toddler wrapped around his legs like a python.
"Swan," huff huff, "what the bloody hell just happened?"
"He aged us!" Henry said in his newly rich tone.
"NO!" toddler Regina shouted and all three of them looked down at her.
"Well…most of us?" he said in a lilt.
"Guys, is your vision blurry?" Emma croaked out.
"Nay."
"No?"
"NO!" Regina added.
"Mom, what do we do?" Henry asked. His hand went to his cheek and he froze, feeling some new scuff around his chin. "Do I have a beard?" he asked Hook excitedly.
"Nay, tis more of a shadow in me eye," Hook chuckled and Henry's face fell.
"Yeah, well at least mine isn't grey," he said and Hook paled when he continued on ."You two are matching!"
Hook shoved Emma out of the way of the small mirror and shrieked when he saw how much older he looked. "IT'S CALLED A SALT-N-PEPPERED LOOK, YOU BASTARD!" he defended when he saw his only mostly grey hair. "IT MAKES ME DISTINGUISHED."
"OLD," Henry deadpanned.
Toddler Regina sat down on top of Henry's feet, and Emma decided on a plan of action. "Okay, listen up. I know my Mom was having Tinkerbell over for lunch today. We can go there and find out what the fuck is happening."
"Great, I'm starving," Henry said.
"Aye."
"My bug only fits two people," Emma eyed the two boys...men. "And I think it's best if I take Regina with me. Maybe Tink can fix her or something because we might need her magic. Will you two be okay for now?"
"Can we get some food?" her son asked.
"WHAT?" Emma cupped her hand around her ear.
"Let the old lady go," Hook said to Henry. "You and me got some burgers to eat."
It took Emma longer than normal to drive the short distance to her mother's home with a stubborn toddler that had refused to part from Henry's legs. The fact that she couldn't see very well didn't speed matters up either. Emma squinted her way over, getting honked at continuously for going twenty miles under the speed limit. On the one lane street, a gang of teenagers in a van harassed her by honking and yelling at her to go faster.
"YOU'RE DYING! GOOOOOO FASTER, GRANDMA!"
HONK! HONNK! HONNNKKK!
"Fucking youths," Emma growled. When the lane opened back up to two lanes, the teenagers in the van floored it.
"UP YOURS!" was accompanied by several middle fingers as they passed.
"YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT!" Emma screeched back and shook her fist at the hooligans.
When she finally reached Mary Margaret's home, she had a hard time getting out of the bug. Regina was fast asleep in the passage seat, and Emma went around to the other side of the car to get her out. Midway through bending down she heard a crack and yelled, "MY BACK!"
Her shout woke Regina, and she started screaming. "No, no, no," Emma tried to soothe her, "it's just me!" Regina's big brown eyes found the blonde's in confusion. "Here, I can't carry you, grab my hand." They waddled to the front door and rang the bell.
Mary Margaret answered with Tinkerbell looking out from the table in the kitchen behind her. Snow's face visibly paled. "OH GOD IT'S THE CRYPT KEEPER! HE'S FINALLY COME FOR ME!" Snow panicked in terror. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"MOM!" Emma shouted over her. "Mom, it's me!"
"Emma?" Mary Margaret peered closer. "What happened to you? You're…..old," she whispered, almost scared. "Ancient." Snow then looked down and was surprised to see that Emma wasn't alone. "D'AWWWWWWW, and who's this?" she bent down to the toddler's level to baby talk and pinch her cheeks.
"I had to wake her up, so she might be a little cranky," Emma warned.
"Who—"
Regina pouted angrily at Snow and rubbed her eye with her little fist. The angry glare was straight from the older Regina and Mary Margaret instantly recognized it. "SHE'S SO PORTABLE!" she squealed in a high voice, reaching for Regina to pick her up.
"NO!" the rug rat yelled, wriggled and threw a fit. Snow retracted her reach and looked a little hurt.
"Everything alright?" an accented voice called from the kitchen.
"Tink!" Emma exclaimed.
"Tell me, what did dinosaurs look like?" Tinkerbell chuckled lightly at the blonde's decrepit state.
"Shut the fuck up, but tell me what the hell is going on," Emma said grouchily. "Old Man Rumple used a spell, and then he was young again, and then we were old, and then he ran the fuck off."
Regina had her thumb in her mouth and her small fist grabbed a mash of Tink's dress and she tugged repeatedly. "A spell, you say?" Tink thought hard as she lifted the tiny brunette to sit on her lap.
"He called it a swap," Emma offered. "But… not all of us turned old." Their eyes went to the newly portable Regina who was pawing at Tink's earrings.
"I think I know what happened; which spell he used," Tinkerbell started to say. "If it was a swap, it must be the Age Swap. It's the only one that has a lot of collateral trades."
"What happens with an Age Swap?" Mary Margaret asked. "Is Emma Old Man Rumple's age now?"
"Not exactly," Tink continued to explain. She started to bounce her knee up and down, and Regina let out a gleeful squeal. Snow pursed her lips at how easily she'd taken to the fairy. "The spell switches the numerical age of the caster, and they must've been in the vicinity of the spell. So that would make Emma, what is she, 28?" the fairy blonde asked.
"My baby is 82 years old?!" Snow exclaimed and Tink nodded. "Wait, what about Regina?"
"It seems like the swap only takes into account the relative age to whatever realm one is in." Tink said. She stopped bouncing her knees and Regina poked at them, trying to make them bounce her up and down again.
"I think she was thirty," Snow offered.
"That would explain this precious three year old I'm holding right now," Tink said. She turned to Regina in a playful tone, "Isn't that right?" She nuzzled her cheek and Regina giggled shyly.
Suddenly a loud snore from the 82 year old Emma made the two women jump.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Tinkerbell murmured. "She fell asleep!"
"EMMA!"
"THE WAR WILL BRING MY JOHNNY HOME!" Emma exclaimed and shot straight up upon the rude awakening. Tinkerbell massaged her temple and filled Emma in on what the spell was. "How do we fix it?"
"A reverse spell at the sight of the first."
"Gold's shop."
"Let's go."
"Mom?"
"Yes, sweetie?"
"Do you…do you still have my glasses I had as a teen? I can't really see all that well," Emma hastily admitted.
"Let me go look real quick." Mary Margaret soon came back with the ugliest, thickest, pair of coke bottle glasses in the history of optometry. Tink stifled a hard laugh and Snow elbowed her in the ribs. "She can't see them anyway," she hissed in the fairy's ear.
"WHAT?" Emma yelled.
"They look great, honey!" Snow smiled cheerily.
"Doesn't count if it's from your mom," Tink snickered.
"SHUT UP! THEY LOOK OKAY THOUGH, RIGHT MOM?"
"Oh, honey, of course they look good on you," Snow said lovingly.
"Doesn't count," Tink stage whispered.
"Okay well, I'll text the boys what's up and we can make our way over to Gold's shop. I guess I'll leave Regina with you," Emma said apologetically. Tink struggled to hand over the suddenly kicking and screaming toddler to Mary Margaret.
"Good luck with that one," Tink said, reapplying her lipstick before sauntering out the door with Emma.
BZZZT BZZZT BZZZT
Henry's phone went off at Granny's diner where he and Hook were currently shoveling meat upon meat slathered in ketchup and BBQ sauce within a bun into their faces. Henry reached into his pocket and his mouth hung open when he read the text:
Spell was age # swap. Heading back to golds
Hook raised a devilish eyebrow at him.
"It's an age swap?" Henry relayed. "By numbers?"
"How old are you, boy?" Hook asked.
"Well, I was twelve," he said. "So I guess that makes me—" Henry's eyes became saucer plates. "IT MEANS I'M TWENTY ONE!" He looked at his impressive frame, flexed his muscles, and rubbed his scruffy chin.
"By the tentacles of Davy Jones," Hook spat. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?"
"What?"
"I get to buy you your first drink, mate!" he clapped Henry hard on the back. "What are we still doing here! You won't be twenty one forever!" He shoved the last chuck of burger into his mouth and licked his hook clean where he had been eating from it like a kabob.
"Hold on, so how old are you?" Henry inquired as they started walking down the street to the White Rabbit.
Hook's brows came crashing down into a dark look. "I was," he glanced around them quickly and then pulled Henry closer to whisper in his ear, "thirty five."
Henry saw his greying hair and pot belly that was hanging over his pants, threatening to launch the buckle off his belt. "Old Man Hook!" he joshed and the pirate scowled at him. "Fifty three ain't no way to live," he said solemnly.
They burst through the doors of the White Rabbit and Hook marched up to the bartender and ordered two whiskeys, straight up, no ice. "Cheers, mate," Hook smirked and downed his in one go.
Henry copied him and immediately coughed and nearly hacked it back up as his breathing came in choked gasps. Hook laughed and ordered the next two rounds all at once.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," Henry said. He had stuck to a single beer after the terrible whiskey, while Hook went hard, already slurring a half hour later.
"Does this make my hook look fat?" the pirate asked Henry, modeling his new gut. "Don't lie to me," he hiccupped. "Hello, love," Hook called to a pretty redhead near him.
She looked at the aging man with disgust and slapped his hand away. "Perv!"
Hook looked as if he was holding back his tears at the rough insult.
"This blows," Henry murmured and rolled his eyes.
"Hey there, handsome," a flirty voice said in his ear, and Henry twirled around.
"Ruby?"
"For you, babe?" she purred, "I could be."
"Uh…it's me—Henry."
Ruby pulled her hand away from his ass as if she'd been burned. "OH GOD!" she panicked. "SHIT! I DIDN'T KNOW!"
"It's okay."
"Noooooooo," she drew out. "That was so not okay!" Ruby was blushing a furious red. "I see it now though," she said, giving him the once over. "But who's the old fat dude you're with?"
"I AM A DAMN SEXY SILVER FOX, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!" Hook shrieked at Red.
"I'm guessing he brought you here?" Red asked Henry who nodded unhappily.
"Lighten up, bro," she lightly punched him in the arm. "Bet you haven't learned any games yet, huh?"
"Games?" Henry blinked heavily, starting to feel the alcohol running through his veins. "I wanna play!"
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Jefferson sang when he unsteadily wobbled past the three of them.
"HEY!" Ruby grabbed him by his shirt collar. "Gimme a quarter!" Jefferson fished around in his pockets and pulled out a rubber chicken, some trash, a cucumber, and then finally a quarter. "Now scram," Ruby swiped it and pushed him back on his way.
"Bounce the thing in the thing like this," Ruby said to Henry, demonstrating by setting up an empty shot glass and failing to bounce the quarter into it. "You try."
"Like this?" Henry slurred a little.
DINK!
The quarter bounced from the bar top and perfectly into the shot glass.
Hook spit out his drink. "YOU'RE FUCKING ME, MATE!" he exclaimed, and Ruby's eyes doubled in size. "Do it again!" he demanded.
Henry unsteadily threw the quarter down once more.
DINK!
"Impossible!"
A few people started to gather around him. "AGAIN!"
DINK!
The few bystanders whistled, bringing more people to crowd around them.
"Yeah, well, beginner's luck."
"Thisssis bring," Henry said as someone bought him another beer.
"Boring? What?" Ruby snapped her fingers, "Got it. Okay so this one," she'd gotten a hold of a plastic red solo cup. She put it face down with half hovering over the edge of the bar top. "Flip it and make it stand upright."
"I'LL BE TAKING ALL YOU FUCKERS' BETS!" Hook suddenly hollered from his spot. "TWENTY HE CAN'T DO IT, TEN HE CAN!" he started the room off and suddenly pockets and wallets were emptied.
Henry clumsily swung his hand out and knocked it into the side of the cup that was hanging over the counter. The force caused it to pop up, flip, and land perfectly upright.
"FUCK!" someone moaned.
"FUCK, YES!" another cried.
Ruby turned to Hook who was pocketing a couple twenties and dolling out another bet. "He's a prodigy!" she said in astonishment.
"AGAIN!" someone shouted, and Henry flipped the cup once more into a perfectly upright position.
The mild music in the bar suddenly peeked Henry's interest. Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline started playing. "HEYYY," he shouted across the commotion. "CRANK THAT!"
The song suddenly got louder and filled the entire bar with a sense of community as everyone grabbed the person next to them and threw their arm around them, drinks in hand.
touching hands, reaching out…. touching me…. touching youuuuuuuuuuuuu
The entire bar slurred along to the chorus, "SWEEEEEEEEET CARRRROLINNNNE!"
"BAAAH BAAAH BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Henry yelled obnoxiously into Hook's ear. He had his arms around both him and Ruby.
Good times never seemed so good
"SO GOOD! SO GOOD!" everyone fist bumped.
The entire bar sand on until the song finally faded out.
"BAAAH BAAAH BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Henry hiccupped as another beer was pushed into his hand.
"Next up: beer pong!" Ruby said excitedly. "There's no way you're good at that too!"
"MA! MMMMA!" Regina shouted, and her little hand knocked against the front door where the two blondes had disappeared.
"They'll be right back," Mary Margaret said. She bent down to pick up the little brunette, and Regina squirmed and kicked till Snow set her down in the living room. Regina glared at her, and she stared at Regina awkwardly. "Um…I think we have some of Henry's things that he's left here on visits…"
Snow left the room for a matter of seconds, and when she returned with Legos, crayons, and a coloring book, Regina was nowhere in sight. "REGINA?" Snow panicked, dropping the swag onto the floor and running through her house. A loud crash rang out from another room and she raced over.
The mini terror had managed to climb onto her dresser, using the half opened drawers as stairs, and knocked over everything to the floor. Snow reigned in her frustration and dragged Regina off the dresser top and back into the living room, shutting all the doors to other rooms as she went. She then blocked off the living room and tossed Regina onto the floor with the Legos and coloring book. Snow quickly dug in her pocket for her cellie.
RING RING RIN—
"If you're calling about the sex swing I ordered, talk to me, but if you're not, then I didn't answer," a voice slurred out.
"Cora, it's Snow—DON'T HANG UP! I have Regina here and…she's… well she's kind of a toddler right now. What do I do?"
There was a long pause and Snow thought that Cora had already hung up before she received a terse response. "How should I know? I didn't raise the little nightmare."
CLICK.
Incredible, Snow thought darkly before continuing down her contacts list. She heard the rustle of the Legos spilling over. Who else would know how to handle a child?
RING—
"My diner, what you having?" a gruff voice answered.
"I HAVE A TODDLER WHAT DO I DO?!" Snow nearly screamed into the phone.
"We've got a big rush here, and I don't know where that damn Ruby went off to," Granny said in exasperation. "Just try not to kill it," Granny said bluntly and she promptly hung up.
Snow's attention was drawn from calling anyone else to the sound of Regina laughing. She glanced up from her phone to become completely horrified. All across the white wall of the living room was angry crayon scribbles. There was also a drawing that looked suspiciously like a girl with short black hair surrounded by fire. Regina was running back and forth with the crayons in hand and making long streaks back and forth on the wall.
"You little shit!" Snow said and immediately covered her mouth at the unexpected expletive. She angrily put down her phone and ran to get to the destructive toddler, but instantly pulled up short. There before her, and in front of Regina and the crayon wall, was a minefield of Legos strategically placed to cover the entire floor in front of the toddler.
"You little shit," Snow repeated in a low growl. The Legos were thrown haphazardly, but they might as well have been a floor of knives. Snow took one cautious step, catching one under her foot. "FUCK!" she stumbled back and hopped up and down on her other foot. Regina made a sound like a raspberry with her tongue sticking out as she went back to drawing all over the wall.
"FORRRRR NAAAAARRRRNNNNIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA!" Snow screamed out her battle cry and charged across the Lego minefield. "FUCK! OW! SHIT! MOTHERFUCKING! ASS! DUCK! OUCH! TIT! BALLS!" Snow let every swear in her vocabulary fly until she grabbed Regina from the back of her collar.
"NO!" Regina kicked out, and Snow wrangled her in tight with her arms around her. Regina slobbered all over Snow's arm. "UGH!" Snow let out and loosened her grip. Regina then sunk her few teeth into Snow's arm. "OUCH!"
"AH! AHHH," Regina whined.
"WHAT!" Snow yelled at her. "WHAT WHAT WHAT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!"
"AHHCK!"
"USE YOUR WORDS, YOU ASSHOLE!" Snow lost all pretense of not swearing at the tyke of a hurricane that she'd gotten stuck with.
"ACK! ACK!"
"Snack?" Snow tried, and Regina tried to bite her again. "OW! OKAY!" She carried the little queen to the kitchen table. "Snack…," Snow murmured, trying to think of anything she had that the toddler could eat.
She placed Regina in one of the chairs and rummaged around in her fridge, taking off lids to containers to examine them. She set a few down behind her when she saw they had some sort of fruit snack left over from one of Henry's stays in the back when she heard a clatter behind her.
"Try not to kill it, try not to kill it," she repeated Granny's solid advice like a mantra. Mary Margaret closed her eyes and rubbed her temples when she turned around to see that Regina had stood up in the chair and had knocked a few of the left over containers down. The floor was now an array of food, but Regina was quiet, too busy stuffing her face with the one full of last night's spaghetti.
Snow sighed heavily and instead of cleaning up the mess, she sat down in the chair next to Regina. "So you like spaghetti," she said. Regina had sauce all over her face and her two little hands with fistfuls of the noodles. "I bet—" Snow was cut short and her face was a mask of complete shock, for she was now covered in the spaghetti the toddler had thrown at her. Regina giggled gleefully and clapped her hands together.
Without thinking, Snow took a fistful of the spaghetti and threw it back at Regina's face. "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT!" Regina's hair was now a mix of saucey noodles and her lip started to quiver.
Oh no.
The little brunette let out an ear splitting scream and started to cry. "No, shhh, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!" Snow retracted. "Look! Funny faces!" she tried, but they only seemed to upset the toddler more. Snow tried to hold her again, but she was met with the same resistance as earlier and gave up, setting Regina down on the food covered floor. The screaming continued for the next ten minutes off and on, but by then, Snow had completely ran out of fucks to give.
Snow stared absently at the fuzz of the TV while Regina screamed and ran around the room, yelling and throwing a tantrum, but Snow stared on absently at the screen. Ignoring the tantrum throwing child marking up her walls, getting spaghetti sauce everywhere, and still screaming, Snow stared on and just let it happen until there was a sudden silence fifteen minutes later.
Mary Margaret snapped out of her trance like state to investigate the peace and quiet when she came across Regina. Asleep. Mid- task of ripping up every page from the bookshelf that she could possibly reach. The little queen had finally tired herself out that she had cried herself to sleep.
"You poor thing," Snow sighed and picked up the sprawled out toddler from the floor. She carried her in her arms to the couch, but instead of laying her down, Snow held onto her and sat down. Regina had a sleepy thumb in her mouth, head buried into Snow's neck, and her dark lashes were flush against her tearstained pink cheeks. "You know, you're not so bad when you're asleep," Snow stroked the little queen's back and hummed softly, relieved the storm had finally passed.
Tink gritted her teeth in annoyance.
"Did you see that? You almost hit them! Slow down! Are you going the speed limit? It's the limit you should be under it, then," Old Broad Emma berated the fairy as she fixed her thick coke bottle glasses.
Tink was wholeheartedly convinced the longer they took, the more the age swap had affected Emma.
"I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, I COULD—" the fairy slammed on the brakes suddenly.
"OH HEAVENS, MY STARS!" Emma croaked out at the hard stop.
"We're here." Tinkerbell said. She quickly fixed her hair in the rear view mirror and stepped out. Noticing that Emma couldn't get out of the tiny bug too well, she magicked a walker from Gold's shop to help her out, and it scraped along the floor to the back of the shop.
SCREEEEEEEEEECH
Shuffleshuffleshuffle
"Were you there when he casted it? Tink shouted so Emma could hear her.
"When I was a young lad, it was four score before the invention of sandpaper came when the confederates decided that strawberry jam was the devil's pastry helper."
Tink stared at the silver haired woman, completely baffled. "I'll take that as a no…." she murmured.
Crossing into the back room of Gold's shop, suddenly both of their feet started to burn furiously.
"OW!"
"FUCK!"
Both of them started hopping up and down, and Emma climbed atop a rogue chair. Tink jumped up onto a stray shelf.
"What's happening?" Emma croaked.
"I think we tripped something?" Tinkerbell said, still unsure. "I need to get to the casting site!"
"Leave me here!" Emma shouted as every item started to sink slowly into the ground. "And tell my wife I love her!" she said. Tink was quickly switching from item to item while Emma was confined to the rogue chair. "And tell Henry I was the one who broke Regina's ipod and blamed it on him!" The chair was almost halfway into the ground as Tink hopped around on her feet lightly, jumping from item to item so as not to touch the floor.
"MY GLASSES!" Emma said and pawed at her face as they tumbled off her nose and sank into the floor. "I'M BLIND! OH GOD I CAN'T SEE! JESUS IS THAT YOU?!"
Suddenly the back door to the shop swung open, interrupting her hysterics.
"GOLD!" Tinkerbell screamed at Young Man Rumple. He was in a One Direction concert t-shirt and sipping a Slurpee from the local gas station.
"The hell are you two doing in my shop!" he asked, snapping his fingers and putting a pause to the sinking lava floor.
"We were trying to reverse your age swap!" Emma explained.
"Oh that," Young Man Rumple said dismissively. "Yeah, I'm done with that," he said and snuggled his t-shirt. "But it was so worth it! They were all so cute!" he said dreamily and sighed.
"So will you undo it, then?" Tink questioned the distracted teen.
"As long as you get the fuck outta my shop," Gold said, already sounding like the grouch he was. With another snap, the two blondes were suddenly standing next to Emma's bug, and one last wave of magic changed Emma back into her 28 year old self. Inside, they could hear Old Man Rumple change from his 19 year old self, and back into the 91 year old everyone begrudgingly put up with.
"I'M SEXY AGAIN!" Emma shouted excitedly. "I never want to grow old, holy shit, that was the worst thing ever! Everything hurt, I couldn't see, I couldn't even remember things from one moment to the next. I do not envy that old bastard."
The change came instantaneously and without warning. Where a tired out three year old rested in Mary Margaret's arms, was now a full grown thirty year old brunette covered in spaghetti. Snow yelped aloud at the sudden weight difference on her lap. Regina seemed to take longer to realize what had happened as she nuzzled Snow's neck and her dark lashes popped up and she froze.
"Wha—oh oh my—" Regina stammered out as she suddenly flung herself off her mother in law. "THIS NEVER HAPPENED!" she screeched at her.
"No, Regina, it was…" Mary Margaret's cheeks pinkened ever so slightly. "It was nice," she admitted.
Regina eyed her ex step daughter turned in-law. "Well if you tell anybody, I swear to—"
"I won't! Snow exclaimed suddenly with her hands up in defense. "I promise! Nothing happened!"
Just then they heard a car door slam, quickly followed by a few more.
"I think they're back," Snow said.
There was a heated argument coming through from the outside and then the door swung open.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU—" the argument halted as soon as they saw Regina.
Ruby had driven Hook and Henry back to the house, and they had changed back on the car ride over. The two boys were slurring all over the place, and Henry looked rather green.
"What happened to you two?" Regina demanded.
"US? What happened to you, love?" Hook threw back at her.
"Moms, I don't feel good," Henry said, grabbing his stomach and lurching.
"I got him," Ruby cringed and steered him towards the bathroom where sounds of him tossing up echoed out.
"WHAT HAPPENED," Regina demanded again, full of worry.
"S'nothing, love," Hook said. "Just some man time is all."
"He got Henry drunk," Emma said bluntly and just as furious.
"HE WHAT?!" Regina yelled at him. "YOU GOT OUR TWELVE YEAR OLD SON WASTED OFF CHEAP RUM?!"
"The lad was 21!" Hook defended. "We couldn't well waste that now, could we?"
"REGINA SNUGGLED ME AND SHE LIKE IT!" Snow word vomited out suddenly and quickly covered her mouth, eyes wide in surprise.
Regina stilled and looked horrified, starting to blush profusely. "NO I DIDN'T!"
"YOU DID SO!"
"I WAS THREE!"
"IT STILL HAPPENED!"
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT!
"YOU LIKED IT!"
Emma looked back and forth between this new argument with amusement.
"DON'T LISTEN TO HER!" Regina said.
An awful hurling sound reached their ears from the bathroom, and they all grimaced. Regina chewed Hook out a bit longer before joining Ruby and Henry in the bathroom. Emma then sidled up to her mother.
"So how was she?" the blonde asked curiously when Regina stormed past them.
"What do you think," Snow said. "An absolute nightmare." Even just recalling her afternoon seemed to drain her of any energy. "You know I work with kids all day," Mary Margaret confided to Emma. "But…" she made a gesture of raising her hand up as if to back hand someone.
Emma laughed. "I better go check on the kid. He's going to have a wicked hangover by the sounds of it."
A/N: Thanks for reading my craziness. Spread the word and PLEASE REVIEW! I love reading which parts made you guys laugh!