Fearing Death

"So what are you thinking about?" I asked as we sat on the railing watching the dark sea. It was nighttime and I had the night watch and Will had decided to keep me company during it.

"Nothing much, just something's about my past." He said a bit hesitantly, I quirked one of my eyebrows and asked.

"Oh really? What kind of things." I asked as I fingered my necklace. He gave a frustrated sigh and said.

"You're not going to give up are you?" I smirked and shook my head no.

"Fine I am thinking about Elizabeth." My heart dropped, but I wouldn't let him know that. My face went blank as I looked out at the ocean. I wouldn't let him see my emotions. I finally turned back to him and gave him a smile.

"Well of course you are she is your wife." I said in a matter of fact voice.

"I think it would be wrong if you weren't thinking about her." I said teasingly, but I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice.

"Emily…"

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked trying to come off as confused. He looked down and said.

"Never mind." We lapsed into an awkward silence, one we hadn't had in months. I kept staring at the ocean with my cold gaze, I could sense Will's eyes on me but I never turned to look at him. I knew I would go weak if I did. I thought of how smoothly the past few months have been. Ever since I punched Nicholas, the crew hasn't talked about Will and me again. My one year anniversary would be coming up in about two months. Will and I had only grown closer to each other. But lately he has been acting cold and distant, placing a wall between us. Like our conversations were short and we never talked anything more then the weather it seemed. He hasn't hold my hand, or kissed me in months. When ever I try to get close to him, he always make's up an excuse and leaves. I was brought out of my thoughts by a yawn next to me.

"Maybe you should go to bed." I said without looking at him.

"What about you?" I gave a sarcastic laugh.

"What about me? I have the night watch and all you're doing is distracting me. And you're tired anyway so just go to bed." I said in a harsh tone as I glared at him. He looked hurt at my tone but he nodded. And without saying anything he got up and walked off to his cabin. My cold expression vanished as he turned the corner revealing a sad one instead. Just then I heard footsteps coming from behind me and I turned around to see Bootstrap walking up to me. He leaned against the rail as we stood in silence for several minutes.

"You hurt him." Bootstrap said as I looked sharply at him.

"Excuse me?" I asked rudely.

"Will, you hurt him."

"Oh so now you are listening to our conversations, just great." I said snidely as I turned back to the ocean.

"And besides it's his fault." I said after more silence.

"Explain." Bootstrap said with mild interest.

"He's the one that's been acting cold and distant and I just retaliated." I said in my defense. Bootstrap gave a bitter laugh as I turned to glare at him.

"Oh and what is so funny pray tell?" I couldn't keep the hatred out of my voice.

"You do not know the ways of love Emily, being a pirate has hardened you."

"Being a pirate hasn't hardened me, being abused by my Father, being cursed by my Mother, and seeing my siblings lying on a road dead. That is what hardened me, not being a pirate. Being a pirate has saved me." I spat angrily at him. Bootstrap looked down at me sadly, and said in a softer voice.

"You have had a hard life Emily, and now that you are in love it is only making it worse."

"What do you mean?" I asked as the anger left me.

"I know you love my son, but your past life had made it hard for you to trust hasn't it?" I weakly nodded as Bootstrap words were starting to make sense.

"You do not trust my son, because you are afraid of what will happen, you're afraid he will hurt you, or let you down or won't love you." Tears started to sting my eyes as I kept listening to Bootstrap's words.

"I am afraid he doesn't love me." I whispered.

"Well he does, do you not see the way his face light's up when you come into his sight. Or how he is always happy when he is with you. Emily he loves you, you are just afraid to love him."

"If he loves me then why is he acting so cold and distant huh? Where's the love in that?" I said as anger came back into me. Bootstrap sighed and said.

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you." He started walking off but I grabbed his arm and turned him around.

"You cannot just come here and tell me all those things and not tell me this. Why is Will acting so cold?" I asked with desperation in my voice.

"Because he loves you and he wants to protect you."

"From what?" I asked as Bootstrap dodged the subject.

"In a week from today it will mark Will's ten years as the Fly Dutchman. And every ten years he is allowed to step on land for one day." Bootstrap didn't need to say more as my stone mask crumbled and tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Can you excuse me?" I asked and before he could answer I was already running off to my room. Once inside I collapsed on my bed as even more tears came. Star sensing my distress curled up next to me as I cried. It was all making sense, the coldness and distant. Will would be going on land in seven days, and he would be seeing his wife. I cried myself into an uneasy sleep filled with dreams of Will and Elizabeth all happy and in love. I woke up at about noon and I changed into a simple outfit. I put on the dress Bootstrap had given me all those months ago on my birthday. It fit perfectly with my body, and I thought I looked good. The rest of the crew seemed to agree as I stepped foot on deck, with the yelling and wolf whistling. I smirked at all the attention I was getting. It probably was because the dress was really short and sexy. It only went a little bit below my butt. My hair was up in a bun and I had on a pair of flats that I had got in France. I saw Will looking over at me but I ignored him as I talked to the crew, who I don't think heard a word I said, they were too preoccupied with other things. After getting bored of standing around being ogled by the crew I went below to the library and got a book to read. It was about the rise of the England Empire. I was just getting into the second chapter when the door flew open and in marched a very angry Will. I only looked up in mild interest as he glared at me.

"I can't believe you just did that." He yelled at me as I inwardly winced. I shut the book and I looked up at him.

"Do what? Go on deck?" I asked playing dumb only making him madder.

"You were all but throwing yourself at the crew. Do you know what they're talking about now?" I shrugged.

"You being naked!" He hollered at me as he started pacing.

"Why would you wear that?" He asked.

"Your Father got it for me, and I wanted to wear it. I see nothing wrong with it. You're just jealous." He snorted.

"Of what?"

"That they are looking at me and I am not telling them off." I spat at him.

"I don't know why you're acting like this." He said. I rolled my eyes and fired back.

"You're the reason I'm acting like this."

"Oh how is it my fault?"

"You're the one who has been distant and cold from me. You barley talk to me and when you do it's about idle subjects. And you have been hiding the fact that in six days you will be stepping on land to see your beloved wife." I said as tears threatened to fall from my face. Will looked at me in shock and said.

"How did you figure it out?" He asked after several minutes of silence.

"Your Father told me last night. He also said you love me but I think that's a lie." Will looked like a wounded puppy.

"You think I don't love you? How could you think that?" I looked down as sobs started to shake my body. Will walked over and sat in the chair next to me, he pulled me into his lap as he embraced me while I cried. I put my arms around his neck as he held me close. His hands were around me waist as he gently rubbed little circles on my back. He whispered soothing words into my ears as the crying finally started to subside. As soon as I stopped I pulled away so I was looking in his brown eyes, and I all I saw in them were love, for me.

"Why does everything go wrong with us?" I whispered as we stared at each other. He shrugged before saying.

"I don't know it has been hard hasn't it?" He asked as I nodded. I brought one of my hands up to stroke his cheek he leaned into my touch as he briefly closed his eyes.

"I'm sure other relationships have been easier then this." I said as he gave a small chuckle.

"Most likely, I mean not many people fall in love with a man without a heart,"

"I know two women did." I whispered as we went back to silence.

"You will be seeing her soon?"

"Yes, in six days for my one day a year."

"Are you excited?" I asked.

"Emily…"

"Please Will, I want to know. It won't hurt my feelings." I said as I brought a hand through his hair. As his arms still rested around my waist.

"Yes I am excited; I haven't seen her in ten years."

"That's a long time."

"I'm also nervous" I raised one of my eyebrows.

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"Because people can change in ten years. What if she has changed?"

"Everyone changes Will; it's just what happens in life. I bet you have changed too."

"But what if she has changed too much and I don't love her anymore." He asked dread filling his eyes.

"I doubt she has changed that dramatically. But if you really love her, you will still find the person you loved inside of her. All you have to do is look." I said as he smiled at me.

"Thank you Emily."

"Not a problem." I can't believe I am giving the man I love advice about his wife.

"What about us?" He asked after awhile. I thought it over before saying.

"You and I are just you and I, nothing more, nothing less." I said as I stood up, and I immediately missed the warmth of Will. And without looking back at him I walked out of the library.

(Please R and R! I do not own Pirate.)