"Boy do you look dreamy today, HappyCap," Tony observed, leaning over into Rogers's dazed view. He hadn't been paying attention.
"Oh, sorry," Steve straightened. "Now what?"
"Pepper got back last night, she's coming to say hi." Stark leaned against the couch, noting Cap's somewhat un-Cap-like slouchiness. "And how are you?" He tilted his head.
"Oh," he focused, stowing his non-stop half smile for the moment to look serious. "I'm fine. Same."
"Briefing, yes? Tomorrow?" Stark tilted his head the other way.
Steve nodded, and then felt pulled away by the pulsing images tattooed on his brain. Birgit. She'd opened the curtains to her window to let in the dawning sunlight. They felt in awe regularly over the last two weeks at the most simple, quiet, beautiful moments they'd shared together.
"Atten-tion!" Stark barked.
"What?" Steve took on his soldier's posture.
"What's her name again? Beergut?-"
"Bier-sgit." He drew out her name, closing his eyes for the smile. He tried to hold the puppy love in... Stark was the last guy he'd want to see him like this.
"Oh... Bier-sgit seems to have a lasting effect." He walked quietly over to the counter and lit up the touch pad. "Is that German?"
"Yes," Steve confirmed, feeling more in control.
"Last name?" Stark asked, sipping on his ice innocently.
"Wolf." He took great pleasure in the fierceness of her name; how it suited her.
"Birgit Wolf, uh-huh."
"Yeah - what?" Steve stood. Tony blew up his search engine and tilted the window for Cap to suffer along.
"I want to look her up. So, physicist, doctorate. Very impressive," He scrolled through the entries. "Oh, Astronomy undergrad at Berkeley. That's charmingly impressive to boot. Did you tell her I blew up space? - Oh, jackpot. You will never forgive me for this," Tony popped up a window demonstrating to all the world that it was Birgit's personal blog.
"Yeah, I've seen this. So no surprises, now come on." Steve urged him not to probe further. Though he knew it to be futile, he wanted to throw in at least a little effort to dissuade him of embarrassing him further.
"Well I haven't seen this..." He clicked to her ample photo gallery. "Oh, see, here's proof of what I suspected all along. He tapped on an image."
"Yeah, it's from a TV show," Steve explained her costume.
"Oh, not just a TV show, Captain Rogers, that is Star Trek."
"Yeah, so? A lot of people like it, right?" He quirked an eyebrow.
"Nerds like it, Steve. Nerds." He nodded and patted him on the shoulder, "Yeah," he clicked through more pictures of her in uniform. "Your girlfriend is a nerd. Hey!" he continued, "Let's look at some more!"
Before he could investigate, however, Pepper slid in. "Steve Rogers, long time no see," She smiled and walked toward him, her fist extended for him to bump.
"Cute, Pepper. Come look at Cap's nerd girlfriend!" Steve rolled his eyes as Tony returned to the pad.
"Girlfriend?" Pepper raised an eyebrow at Rogers.
"Yes, her name's Birgit," he said for what seemed like the thousandth time.
"Now that's a mysterious name." She smiled and glanced down at the brunette in Science-Officer blue. "Oh, that's so great!"
"Yes, Miss Pots, she is a real nerd. She's almost a doctor of Physics." He feigned a very serious face.
"Well, that's definitely a lot of nerd cred." She nodded.
Steve was at once thoroughly amused (with weird pride) and mortally embarrassed. He knew that this was only the beginning. There was a chance they'd tease him forever if they saw what had yet been discovered.
"Oh, what's that thing?" Tony asked Pepper.
"It's a Tardis."
"From that owl show?" Tony squinted.
"Dr. Who." Pepper corrected.
"Huh." He looked at Birgit standing in a giant cardboard Tardis, looking positively pleased. "The owls are not what they seem."
"Oh my god!" Pepper squealed.
"Now that is... adorable. Now, Cap," Tony turned, "Do you know this one?"
"It's from Harry Potter..."
"Oh, duh, of course you probably know all about it now!" He pointed. "She's turning Captain America into a nerd!" He drank his scotch heartily as if in need.
"She lent me the books. I like the first one. I'm almost done." He lifted his chin defiantly.
"No spoilers, Tony!" Pepper lifted her hand up to Stark's face.
"I won't," He barely heard and looked closer, "Nice robes. What house is she in?"
"Oh, Ravenclaw!" Pepper and Tony discerned her house colors at the same time.
"Yeah, Okay, she likes 'nerdy' books and television... and movies," Steve interjected (the last addition with a glance at the ceiling). But there was no stopping that train.
"Okay, what next?" Pepper asked. Both Tony and Cap looked up at her in disbelief.
"Man, Peps, two weeks in Milan and you're downright cruel." Tony winked at her. She scoffed.
"You don't mind, Steve, right?" She held out a hand in punctuation.
He sighed and begrudgingly shook his head, "No, not really. But don't look any more at the pictures. Come on." He tried not to plead.
"You asking that so... specifically, "Tony leaned in, "means that we have to keep looking at them."
He scrolled. He and Pepper gasped.
Steve's head dropped. They were silent and he squeezed the bridge of his nose.
"That I absolutely did not expect," Tony began.
When Steve looked up he stared right into Birgit's smirking face. She was in tight, glorious lycra. Head to toe. In red, white, and blue she made a truly savory-looking female Captain America cosplayer. She wore a small mask over her eyes and had teased her hair into a glorious sex mane. The lines of the suit's design hugged her curves in a mischievous way. Each detail lined up perfectly to flatter her.
"The shield looks really good..." Pepper commented.
"Yeah, yeah, she was embarrassed at first when she told me," Steve attempted to deflate the discovery.
But Tony just stared into the image. He seemed almost overwhelmed by the number of jokes he would get out of this moment. The sheer versatility of each setup, each punchline... He would be able to tease Cap... forever.
So Stark looked up at Steve. His expression was quizzical, as if trying to riddle something out.
"Tell me," Tony began, pointing at the image and switching his view between it and Steve, "Would it technically count as masturbating to a picture of you...?"
"Oh my god, Tony!" Pepper bellowed in laughter. Rogers slapped himself on the forehead.
"That's terrible!" Steve concurred.
"Don't tell her I said that!" Tony jumped in, jumping up.
"You're the worst!" Pepper slapped him on the arm.
"I won't! I won't say -" Steve's voice was lost in the rising noise.
"Don't tell her -"
"Let's pretend you never said that -"
"You can't tell her 'cause she might like it!" Tony attempted to yell past Pepper's verbal blocking. "She's a fangirl nerd. She'll be totally into it. She'll try to get us to slash each other!"