X

Song

"Song! Song, please answer!"

I sighed, covering my eyes with an arm. This was the third time that Sakuya had tried to get me to open the door. Kota had tried 4 times. Lindow had tried once, then left as he said "I guess I'll respect your privacy.". At least he was understanding.

I ignored her pleas, until eventually wonderful silence returned.

My little act at the mess hall had been pretty pathetic, I had to admit. I could have dealt with the situation a lot better…but I had just felt so sick to my stomach at that moment.

I sighed, bringing the pillow off my bed over my face. There really was nothing for me to do other than just lie down and hope I fell asleep eventually.

There was another knock on the door, though this one wasn't nearly as frantic as any of the others'. I just sat on the bed, ignoring it. After a while, I assumed whoever it was had left.

So that was why I was so startled when Soma said, "I hope you realize that hiding whatever this is could end up killing us all."

I jolted upright. What was he talking about? Kill everyone? No, he was lying, for sure.

"If you freak out like today, then you could miss a critical moment in battle." Soma stated matter-of-factly. "Then someone could die."

I felt sick to my stomach. Stupid Soma. He was just trying to guilt me into complying. I turned over violently, facing the wall instead of the door.

Suddenly I heard the door open. I turned back in shock, seeing Soma stand in the doorway, a little smirk on his lips.

"It would be helpful if you locked the door." Soma said, closing the door as he stepped into the room.

I pointed at him, then at the door. He glared at me. "I'm not leaving."

Well fine then. I thought viciously. Then I'll just ignore you.

Soma came and sat on the wood partition between the bed and the rest of the room, but only after serving himself to a beer from my fridge.

Although this was obviously done to annoy me, I ignored it. I glared at him as I sat on my bed, pillow resting on my crossed legs and clutched to my chest.

Soma took a long drink from the beer then seemed to think about something. He stood up, reaching to the ledge behind me. I drew back, mostly because he was too close for comfort.

When he finished doing whatever he was doing, he threw my notepad and a pencil beside me on the bed. He sat down on the partition again, taking another sip of beer.

Once again, I pointed at him, then at the door.

"I already told you, I'm not leaving." He scowled.

I did the motion again.

He didn't answer this time, just giving me a look of 'you're wasting your time'. Eventually I agreed, stopping myself mind-action.

The stare-down returned, with neither side wavering in its determination to win.

Except it seemed that natural causes were going to bring me down. I was tired. My dropping eyelids ruined the stare off.

Soma had finished his beer a long time ago, the empty can clenched between his hands. I couldn't tell if he noticed my tiredness of not. He certainly wasn't making any move to leave.

After what seemed like another ten minutes and a lot of trying to stay alert on my part, Soma said, "This isn't over." And left.

I breathed a sigh of relief the moment the door closed. Then I forced my tired body into standing up and making sure the door was locked.

x

Apparently with my state of mind in limbo, I wasn't allowed on any missions.

I cursed to myself. It definitely wasn't a matter of higher-up doing; if it had been, then I would have professional psychologists knocking on my door. No, I figured that it was Lindow who had done this.

Soma's words replayed in my head.

If you freak out like today, then you could miss a critical moment in battle. Then someone could die.

Ugh. I slammed the pillow over my face. I couldn't hide in my room all day. I'd starve. But I didn't want to face anyone. I hated how pathetic I was being, but I found that I couldn't stop.

A knock on the door brought my attention to the real life. Who was it this time?

"Open up."

Soma.

I wondered how long it would take for him to go away. I wondered if I would last that long. Surely he had a mission to go to. You know, without me.

I rolled face down on my bed, hiding my head under the pillow. The poor, poor battered pillow that was getting its fair use lately.

"Look, I'm not after a heart to heart talk." Soma growled. "I just want to know if you'll go on a mission with me."

A…mission? I sat up, grabbing my notepad and quickly jotting down:

Lindow banned me from going on any.

Before ripping out the page and slipping it under the door.

"I'll take my chances." Was Soma's answer.

X

And that was how I ended up at the Wailing Plains, being hammered by rain and missing the warmth of my bed.

I looked at Soma expectantly. We were standing on the starting platform, but he wasn't giving any commands.

"Ready, New-Type?" He asked and I nodded. With that, we jumped from the platform.

Okay…I guess I'll just follow him for now…

I had a vague understanding of the mission. We were supposed to take down a Gboro-Gboro. I wondered if just the two of us would be enough. But I guess I would just have to trust Soma.

Soma suddenly grabbed my arm, stopping me. Farther down the round track was the Gboro-Gboro.

"Time to prove that you're okay, rookie." Soma said before jumping into action.

I followed him, watching as the Gboro-Gboro caught sight of us and roared. Undaunted, we charged into battle.

It didn't go nearly as fast as I could. While I would usually charge and slash as much as my heart desired, I stopped myself from falling into that crazy rage. I needed to keep an eye on Soma. I needed to know that he was safe.

So that was why when Soma suddenly collapsed from a nasty attack, I was at his side in a second.

I shook his shoulder violently, but he didn't stir.

Crap crap crap! No, don't panic! I thought desperately, but I could still feel my heart pounding.

He couldn't be dead! He just couldn't! I knew it, I knew that the moment I spoke to him this would happen! Why?! Why did I do that?! I could never have spoken even if I had ever wanted to, but somehow I had spoken without even realizing it!

The Gboro-Gboro roared, bringing my attention back to it. I had two choices, that much my panicked mind assured me. I could grab Soma and run, or try and fight the giant fish while keeping it distracted from the unconscious Gods Eater.

But what if Soma was more seriously injured than I thought? What if he was…dead?

No, stop thinking that way! But no matter how much the rational part of brain said that, the rest of it would have nothing of it.

The Gboro-Gboro waddled forward, and my body reacted on its own. I switched to Gun Form, firing a couple shots that knocked the Gboro-Gboro back a couple steps. One more shot knocked it to the ground.

I grabbed Soma, slinging one arm over my shoulder so that he was resting against my back. The hand grasping his God Arc hung loosely at my side, and I was thankful that he was holding on to it. Then I made a run for it.

The combined panic and the weight brought exhaustion upon me in seconds. I was panting in half-a-minute but kept moving. In two minutes my throat was raw.

Eventually I reached the area across from the starting platform. I gently put Soma down, leaning him against the remains of a building.

But the gentle act gave way to my panic. Still panting from the running didn't help the matter either.

Please don't tell me he's dead, please…

I tried shaking his shoulders some more, but he didn't react. I felt my eyes tear up. No, not another one…

I couldn't yell at him. My voice is what caused this in the first place, and it most definitely was not going to rescue me from this situation. All I could do was continue to shake his shoulders.

No! My violence was doing nothing. I slammed my head to his chest, shaking uncontrollably.

"Ow."

I jumped back, watching as Soma opened his eyes with a wince.

Before he could react, I had enveloped him in a hug.

"Rookie." He growled, pushing me off him. "Too close."

I picked myself off the ground, too relieved that he was alive to care that my hoodie had gotten all dirty from landing in the mud.

Soma stared at me. "Are you…crying?"

I put a hand to my face, realizing that my cheeks were wet. Of course I had been crying! I thought that he was dead!

I almost started crying when I realized once again that he was actually alive.

"What the hell's wrong, rookie?"

In response, I grabbed my notepad and hastily wrote:

I thought you were dead.

"So you panicked." Soma growled. "Let me guess. You didn't even check if I was alive."

Now it was my turn to stare. Why…why didn't I realize that?! I could have easily listened for his heartbeat…and I'd even felt his breath on my neck when I was running from the Gboro-Gboro!

Soma frowned at my lack of answer. He seemed to be thinking hard about something. "You just assumed that I was dead. Is there a reason for that, rookie?"

I blinked. He'd…he'd caught on, just from my panic?

"Song…" I blinked again. Soma had just used my real name. "Answer me. What made you assume that I was dead?"

I shifted nervously. I knew what was going to happen know. It would be just like last night. We'd stare at each other until one of us left, or one of us gave in.

But…I reached for the notepad. I was a Gods Eater now. People like Mrs. Oguri and Aiko were relying on me. If I couldn't even solve my own problems, how could I help others?

Soma watched patiently as I wrote on my notepad. I flipped the page so he could see.

My voice kills people.