Yes I am alive! I keep leaving you on long delays and I am so sorry. Finals, work, and personal drama do not mix well at all. But I have a month off from school so I should be able to update more often. I would have posted sooner but I was kinda in a funk and didn't want that to influence the story. So after a long wait here ya go! I hope that you enjoy! As always thank you for the follows, comments, reviews, etc. It is always much appreciated! (BTW if you haven't caught on yet the chapter titles are also song titles that kinda relate to each chapter )

After a quick visit to the med bay Shepard gave Tali a tour of the new Normandy. The debriefing with Jacob did not go well at all. Tali did not bother hiding her distrust and dislike to Cerberus. Jacob left the two alone to talk.

There was a small awkward silent. Tali would stare at Shepard and then quickly look away. This continued on for a few minutes before she spoke.

"I still can't believe that I am here, on the Normandy….that you are here again. So much has happened. For brief minutes it is like nothing ever happened, but I look around at all these unfamiliar faces and it reminds me, you died…and came back." She said quietly and shaking head slowly.

"Tali.." Shepard he started while giving her hand a gentle, but firm squeeze.

"It's still me here." He pleaded.

She smiled. "I knew it was you the moment you took off your helmet and spoke to me." She said with a chuckle.

"You don't have to convince me. I am with you all the way Shepard." She added on while returning the squeeze.

Shepard smiled and sighed with relief.

"Well I should let you rest and go tear apart those engines." He said jokingly while gently nudging in to her on their way out of the room.

"Same old Shepard." She said with a laugh.

It had been a couple of days and she was adjusting just fine. She was having trouble getting sleep though with the unfamiliar quiet.

She was working underneath the control panel in the main engine room. She was so in to her work she didn't hear the foot steps silently echoing.

"Boo!" Shepard said while touching her shoulder.

She jumped and dropped the tools she was using.

"Keelah Shepard! You made me jump out of my suit!" she said with a large sigh and putting a slender hand to her chest.

Shepard laughed and sat down next to her. After a few seconds he spoke.

"So you know what happened to me during the past two years. Tell me what happened to you!" He said with that warm smile, meant only for her. It always made her heart flutter. She looked at him and tried to think where to start.

"Well, as you know the data you gave me helped me and my people a lot. When I got back things for me stayed normal….but I spent a lot of time alone for a while." She sadly.

She noticed he was no longer looking at her, but suddenly found a spot on the floor very interesting. She knew it was only to avoid looking at her.

"But I came around. I thought to myself and I knew it wasn't what you would want me to do." She said with a smile.

She saw him relax and slowly look back up at her.

"Sadly after the Cerberus attacks there was another outbreak on some of the ships on the fleet….it reminded me of when my mom had died…things got hard for a while again. But I knew she did not die sad. She was outside of her suit, keelah how she hated out suits." Tali said with a small laugh.

He always liked listening to her talk. He loved how she lite up and how happy it made her. He smiled and nodded.

"I remember you told me about your mother before, on the original Normandy." He said with his warm smile.

"You remember that?" she asked.

"I remember you would always listen to me ramble on and on." She said quietly.

"You didn't ramble Tali. For starters I asked you all of those questions, and you were patient enough to put up with me. Secondly, I always enjoyed listening to you talk." He interjected before she could continue.

"Really?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"Of course Tali." He responded seriously.

"You were always so nice to me. And you always treated me with respect, like all the other members on the crew." She said while remembering old times.

"Were?" he asked jokingly.

She sighed and nudged him.

"You know what I mean you bosh'tet." She said with a giggle.

"You ever going to tell me what that means?" he asked curiously.

"Maaaaybeee. If you're nice." She said coyly.

Shepard just laughed heartily.

She had really missed that laugh. She missed siting and talking with him. She missed being with him. She had just missed him so much. She tried to ignore the pain she felt when she had lost him, but instead focus on having him back again. She wished more than anything she were human so she could have a chance with to actually be with him. She sighed in her head.

He seemed to notice her silence.

"You okay?" he asked concernedly.

"Y-Yes! Sorry I got lost in my thoughts for a moment." She apologized.

The two talked for a couple of hours. Shepard helped Tali work on the engines , she was surprised by his knowledge in mechanics.

"You have been holding out on me this whole time!" she gaped.

He chuckled.

"Well I only talk mechanics to my favorite little quarian." He said while still laughing.

She looked at him and shook her head. All the while tightening things here and there.

Without warning Shepard suddenly stopped and smacked his hand to his forehead.

"I'm such an idiot!" he exclaimed.

She looked at him and tilted her head.

"I'm so sorry Tali." He said sadly.

She was very confused.

"F…For what?" she questioned.

"Back on Freedom's Progress the first thing I noticed that was different about you was your suit! And I never said anything! I'm sorry Tali. I wanted to tell you I thought it looked really great." He said apologetically.

"You actually noticed?" she asked slowly with a smile across her face.

"Of course! How could I not?" He asked.

"I remember you told me you would get your adult suit when you returned home" Said while thinking back to their conversation.

"Y..You remembered that?" she asked with a gasp.

It was his turn to be confused.

"Of course I remember what you told me Tali. Why wouldn't I?" He asked

"W…well it…it's just when other species ask about us they don't usual remember or…or..or pay attention and.." she stammered nervously.

"Tali I wasn't mad when I was asking silly." He said gently.

"I was just surprised and your surprise." He added with a chuckle.

She let out a loud audible sigh, and then they both laughed together.

"How is your father doing?" Shepard asked when they both had gathered their composure.

He saw her stiffen and knew the question was an uncomfortable one for her. But before he could apologize or take it back she was already answering him.

"His usual self, more concerned with his politics and geth experiments then his own wellbeing…..or mine…"she added barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry Tali, I didn't mean to make you upset or uncomfortable." He said sadly.

"If it helps I can relate in ways…" he trailed off and turned away from her.

It finally dawned on Tali that Shepard never talked about himself, but he always asked about everyone else. He always listened to others and helped others, but never asked for help himself. She knew from the whispers on the old Normandy that he had a rough childhood and a rough road in life. But she always would turn off the hearing system in her helmet when they would go in to detail. Those weren't their details to share. They were Shepard's. She never was one for gossip. But most importantly she respected and cared about Shepard too much for that.

Shepard tried to apologize again but she raised her hand up to stop him.

"You have never told me anything about your past, or really personal about you." She said still trying to figure out this realization.

She saw him freeze and his eyes widen ever so slightly. Before he could speak, she again stopped him with a slight raise of her hand.

"I am not going to work at you like Kelly Shepard. I just…I just was thinking about how you always do so much for everyone else and never ask for anything in return. You never ask for help or talk about how you're feeling. I just want you to know I'm here for you. I am not trying to force you, but if you ever need to talk….if you ever want to I'm here for you Shepard." She said while reaching for his hand and giving it a gently squeeze.

He looked down at their hands. Part if his head was panicking, trying to get out of this conversation. That was what he was used to; it was what he knew how to do. But another side…a bigger side wanted to let all the years of pain out. But it wasn't fair to burden Tali with that darkness….sweet Tali. Her hand was still on his and that made his heart pound even faster than it already was. He felt his face burning. He was starting to realize that his fee"I lings for Tali were stronger then he thought. But he couldn't tell her. He knew that. He had a million thoughts going through his head, and it was starting to give him a head ache. He blinked tightly and the thoughts slowly started to float away.

"I have a hard time talking about my past..and if I ever told you about it, you would understand why." He started slowly.

Tali simply looked at him and rubbed her thumb along the back of his hand. Waiting for him to continue.

"I feel like it is too dark to tell people. That it is my burden to bare….like it wouldn't be right to give that to someone else. Ash never understood that. She said that she did, that she just couldn't..wouldn't accept that answer. But there is a big difference between not understanding and just not accepting the fact." He said quickly. He paused and laughed.

"I'm sure you heard about Horizon. But she pretty much told me that she was done with me. Maybe she is just mad, maybe it was never real to her. Who knows…and honestly a big part of me just doesn't care. If she can't accept me, if she won't listen, if she doesn't believe in me or trust me, than what is that? Nothing right? He asked, but not meaning for Tali to answer.

"To be honest, and between the two of us, I don't think I ever loved her. I never had those cliché feelings you know? No sweaty palms, butterflies, racing heart….none of that." He said seriously.

He sighed and put his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry for that..for putting that all on you Tali." He said before trying to get up.

She reached up and pulled him down.

"Victor Shepard! You stop that and come here!" she ordered while pulling him back down beside her.

He was very surprised by the outburst from the normally quiet woman.

He landed back on the floor with a thud.

"First off I asked you! I wanted to know! In fact I would love to hear more from you!" she exclaimed.

Before he could interject she smacked his shoulder.

"Secondly! Sharing and talking doesn't make you weak. I think it makes you strong." She added gently.

He looked at her, still very surprised.

She was still staring back at him.

"Ok..Ok. How about this. After our next pick up how about you and I watch some vids in my cabin and just talk." He finally offered.

"Good. I'd like that" she said calmly. But on the inside she was dying!

"Thank you Tali.." he said quietly.

She didn't say anything, but just hugged him instead.