Author Note: Right, this will be the last chapter i can post for a day or two, but i know where i'm going from here so have no fear!! I won't desert you all again!! It's just that i actually need to do some damn homework soon =/ plus it's mother's day tomorrow, so i gotta go celebrate my mother and my mother's mother and my mother's mother's mother and- no only joking, the last one is all decomposed so that could be gross -shudder- so just gotta celebrate the alive ones!! Not that i have anything for either mother's =S oops!! Heh this day always makes me think how awesome it would be to have Lorelai as a mother!! XD

Anywho, a massive thank you as ever to everyone who has reviewed, you guys rock my socks XD keep on being awesome please XD

Enjoy =)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of the characters!!

Chapter 10

Wrong.

I had gone straight home after that and tried to start planning my summer. All the books I could read so I was well ahead of everyone else, all the free time I had to do... well, whatever I wanted! I could go travelling; I'd always wanted to see India and now was my chance!

...I almost had myself convinced that I would be fine. Almost being the operative word here. I had ended up sat on my bed, just staring at my bedroom wall feeling lost.

Now that I had actually done it, now that I'd actually let her go, I had time to focus on what it would mean to me, for me. And what I realised was this – that having Rory in my life had been a very good thing. She had kept me grounded and stable. I'd always been quick to judge; quick to snap at people and Rory had been the only person brave enough to tell me to 'just relax and breathe.' She'd been the only person I'd listen to no matter what. Even before we'd started dating, before we were even friends, I'd always had respect for her, right from the very beginning. It might not have seemed like respect then, but it was.

And now, if I snapped, I'd have no one to hold on to, no one to bring me back down to earth... I needed Rory. But I guess I would just have to learn to live without her now. Alright, I could do that. I could change, I'd done it before. Since when has anyone ever stopped Paris Gellar from doing anything? Yes, things would be fine. Just... fine...

Nope. I couldn't even fool myself. It was very sad. So that's why, when there was suddenly loud banging on the front door of my parent's house a week later, I hadn't been able to sleep a wink or do anything else for that matter, except lay in bed with the television blaringto try and help me ignore the horrible, gaping hole in my chest, right where my heart should be. I ignored the banging; it was probably someone for my father, the bank maybe. Nanny had the day off so the door remained unanswered. That was until I heard who it was.

"Paris? Paris! Open up right now! I know you're in there, so just open the door and talk to me!"

"...Lorelai?" I threw the covers back, leapt out of bed and ran to the door. "Lorelai?!"

"Yes, it's me, Paris. Now open up!" She sounded pissed.

"What do you want, Lorelai?" I didn't particularly want to open the door to find her stood there with a baseball bat or some other blunt implement.

"I want to talk to you!"

"What about, exactly?" I stepped closer to the door, so I could hear her better.

"About the weather! What the hell do you think I want to talk to you about, Paris?! Rory! I want to talk to you about Rory!" I froze. She knew? "And then I want to beat you to death!" She knew.

"What for?!"

"For goddamn well breaking my kid's heart, what else?!"

"...Oh." I stared at the door. "No, no I didn't break her heart!" She was wrong; it had been for the best!

"Well if you didn't then it must have been your evil twin! Because someone who looks just like you broke her heart and I swear I am going to kill them! Now let me in!" She banged on the door again, making me jump.

This was getting out of hand. I hadn't meant for all this, I just wanted what was best. I didn't know what else I could do! I had to sort this out first that was for sure. I just had to make Lorelai see and then everything would be fine. She could go back to Rory and I could go back to my miserable existence.

"Okay, I'll let you in. But you have to promise me you will hear me out!" I fumbled for my keys and shoved them in the lock.

"I'll listen!"

"And you also have to promise to not try and use your purse to beat me to death like you were going to, okay?" I waited. She sighed in annoyance.

"Fiiine! I promise not to beat you to death! Now can I please come in?" I turned the keys and pulled open the door to reveal a really rather pissed off looking Lorelai. "Thank you." She stepped inside and I quickly shut the door behind her.

The silence was awkward, very tense. I desperately tried to think of something to break the ice, but nothing came to mind other than 'sorry I broke your daughter's heart, how's life?' and that was not the way to appease the mother of your now ex girlfriend.

"So..." I had my arms folded over my chest as I stood there looking at Lorelai. I realised that I was still wearing my pyjamas. I also realised, upon seeing what Lorelai was wearing, that I hadn't actually worn normal clothes since... Graduation.

"So what the hell is going on, Paris? You care to explain why I came home this afternoon to find my only daughter locked in her room, and smashing things again? Or why she has been crying herself to sleep for the past few days without my knowing it? Or maybe you'd care to explain to me why I shouldn't beat you to death with my purse?! Because right now, that sounds to me like the best idea by far!" I had seen Lorelai mad a few times, but never like this. This was different... terrifying, is probably more the right word!

She towered over me, her face like thunder as she glared at me with her deep, dark blue eyes, one of the many things her daughter had inherited from her.

I wasn't sure what to say. I knew that this confrontation would inevitably end with me being hit with something hard, so it probably didn't matter all that much what I said. I just wanted her out of here so I could wallow some more.

"I didn't break her heart, I-"

"Oh really?!"

"Will you let me finish? You want answers, right? Well you're only going to get them if you let me talk!" She sighed angrily, but took a step back and nodded for me to continue. I was glad she was willing to listen, but I didn't have a clue what I was going to tell her!

"I don't know what to tell you, exactly."

"The truth would be a nice place to start!"

The truth... I wasn't even sure quite what that was anymore. The lines were starting to blur and I hadn't yet had time to digest the new information that Lorelai had yelled at me.

She waited patiently, well, actually it was more impatiently. I could see her foot tapping; her jaw was clenched tightly shut to stop her from saying anything else.

"I... I love Rory. I love her more than anything! And that's why I had to end it. I did it for her!" Lorelai looked decidedly confused. I really wasn't explaining it well.

I sighed, frustrated with myself, and with Lorelai for coming here in the first place and making me try and make sense of it all. Why did she have to mess things up? Why did she have to tell me that about Rory?! I couldn't stand the thought that I'd hurt her that much! How had I hurt her that much?!

Emily had said it was for the best, and it was... for the best...

"Paris, if you loved Rory then you wouldn't have broken her heart and just disappeared like that! What the hell is wrong with you?! God! I thought you'd be different! I thought I could trust you!"

"You can! You can trust me!" With Lorelai stood there yelling at me, making me feel guilty and horrible and about two inches tall, something in my head started to click into place. "Of all the people in the world that Rory could have gone out with I was glad it was you. I had believed that she'd be safe, that she'd be happy with you because you were smart and sensible. And you'd never break her heart because, just as you're the best thing that's happened to her, I know she's the best thing that has ever happened to you!" Everything she was saying, every word of it was true, absolutely, without a doubt true. "You know how I know that you were the best thing for her? Not because she told me so, which she did often! But because I could see it with my own eyes. All I had to do was look at her, watch her when you were together and I could see it as if it was written on her forehead in permanent marker!" The fog was starting to clear in my head. Lorelai's words were getting through finally! "She was always smiling, always so happy when you were with her. Nothing could hurt her or make her sad or get her down. Not even Dean had changed her like this! She was so much more confident and out there. I always worried about how she would change once she'd started dating; I worried that I might lose her and that she might turn into the cast of Bad Girls or Prison Break!" I was starting to realise... was it a mistake? Yes! No... Maybe! "But with you, I was sure I wouldn't lose her and that she'd stay out of prison! I just never counted on it being you who destroyed her like this."

By now, Lorelai had talked herself into a disappointed, guilt tripping mood, while I, on the other hand, had been talked into a horrible realisation. Then there was silence. Lorelai stared at me and I stared right back at her.

"You're right. About all of it. I'm such an idiot! Why the hell didn't I see it? How could I have let her talk me into it? How could I have even let her make me think like that?!" I knew what she'd told me at graduation may have had some truth, but who was she to tell me what to do, who to love?!

"Paris? What are you talking about? Who talked you into what?" Lorelai looked confused, with the beginnings of suspicion also creeping onto her face... it was always the first thing she thought of, first person she blamed when things went wrong... and more often than not, she had the right end of the stick. Just like now. "Paris?!" she moved toward me, reaching out to put her hands on my shoulders. "Paris, tell me who you're talking about! I have to know!" I looked up at her, into her suddenly hard eyes, and nodded.

She was exactly right, and we both knew it.

Author Note: This chapter is a little longer than the others, just to tide you over till next week when i shall try my utmost to post again, kay? Heh lemmie know what you think!! It's getting exciting XD bet none of you can guess what Lorelai's first reaction will be?! XD Peace guys, have a good Mother's Day =) be nice to your mother's, they deserve it for all the crap they gotta put up with from us!! XD