A/N: Yipee. Revised and re-characterized, I'm back in action.
Now, forged from Microsoft Word Processor and drenched in the juicy goodness of Pepsi, may I present your sword, I mean chapter.
Shepard sat in the mess, a hand under his 'chin'. Finding nothing better to do and giving in to hunger, he activated a paste tube from his helmet and began eating the soft content.
They had just saved Liara from a invasion force worth of Geth and had saved the colony on Feros, killing the Thorian and its creepers.
The end of each mission seemed climatic and always ended with a victory, but also did its toll on his men. They barely managed to survive the flood of Thorian Creepers and had even slimmer chances when fighting the Geth in the cave. Williams and Alenko accompanied him to Liara's dig site while Garrus and Liara accompanied him to the colony.
He'd had several conversations with his crew, including Garrus and Wrex, who decided to seek his help in finishing some business. He had been chatting with Tali for some time now. She was a promising Quarian with tech skills that eclipsed that of engineer Adams. She was also a little to pressing on matters concerning his past. He had unknowingly laid down some hints as to what he did in the past. He tried to evade her questions and thankfully managed to avoid them, if not slimly.
Finishing his paste, he sat up and moved to the elevator. The trip downward was slow to say the least. His many visits to the cargo bay always made him forget to enhance the elevators speed. It was something that needed to be fixed.
Exiting the elevator, he walked over to his own area and began looking at the many stripped down rifles and mods that were laid down before him. Closing his eyes, thinking coolly, and activating his Omni-tool, he began on modifying the five assault rifles into one, strong rifle.
Garrus approached him as he began assembling a rifle.
"I see your not with that Quarian you love so much." began Garrus, taking a seat near the Commander.
"Love, Vakarian?" Shepard answered without turning. "I don't have time for crap like that." he admitted. "The galaxies first Spectre needs to be someone of direct focus and control. Having someone to love in battle takes away that focus and control. It takes your focus from the enemy to him or her. It takes away your control, for him or her. I need focus. I need control." he finished, resuming his assembling process.
Love? He abandoned such hope since the destruction of the Hyami. He had no room for affection. It would only get in the way of the mission.
Garrus resumed speaking. "So you don't love her?."
Shepard immediately stopped his work with that remark. "You're asking me if I love her?" he asked without any form of emotion.
Garrus, though surprised by his emotionless attitude, only responded with a 'yup'.
Shepard turned and looked at Garrus very carefully into the eyes as though telling him to listen up and to listen up good.
"No. I don't love her." he answered rather emotionlessly. "I haven't loved anyone that much. I probably never will." He left it at that as he returned to his work.
"And why not?" Garrus dared to ask.
"I don't have time for it." he answered without turning. "As for why, it is because of the call of duty."
"Elaborate." asked Garrus, taking out a pistol and toying with it.
"I am a man of war. Everything I do is because I have nothing better to do. I have biotics, honed for war. I have my weapons, made for war. I have my skills, learned for war. It will be that way when I fight and will remain that way until I die." he responded somewhat coldly.
"So you haven't even thought about loving another?"
"This conversation is over." Shepard informed him, standing up and deactivating his Omni-tool.
"Why?"
"Captains orders." he responded, walking off and onto the elevator
The ride upwards was silent, his breath being the only thing aside from the elevators small hum. As the elevators doors opened, he walked out, not paying any real attention to his direction. He ended up bumping into a someone, a woman by the sound of her 'oomph'. Before she actually had a chance to fall backwards, he brought up a single hand on her upper back. It stopped her from falling completely while leaning back a little.
With the moment fading, he finally registered the woman as none other than the Quarian he was talking about a while ago. She was apparently very shy about what just happened, immediately moving from his hand and standing to the side.
"I'm sorry, Commander."
He raised a brow. Though no one could register his raised brow, his vibrant green pupils gave a questioning impression.
"I wasn't looking where I was going and I got lost in my-"
He silenced her with a hand.
"Sorry." she said silently.
"I'd say that this deserves an apology." he stated seriously.
She was going to speak when he stopped her again.
"I am sorry for bumping into you, engineer Tali'Zorah." he said silently. She only eyed him. "Does miss Zorah accept my apology?" he continued. She nodded. "Thank you." he finished.
She was going to say something, but he walked away into his room, the door sliding shut with a hiss. She stood watching him until the doors closed completely.
...
He sank in his bed as soon as he hit it. The recent conversation with Garrus was still in his mind.
"So you don't love her?."
"Your asking me if I love her?"
"Yup."
"No. I do not love her."
His words rang through his head almost as much as Garrus' bickering. It was true, he had abandon all hope of finding love. But...
No. He didn't have time for it. It would only get in the way.
Mentally nodding to himself, he closed his eyes and began the process of getting some much needed sleep. Virmire was getting close, and so was Saren. He would need some rest before he unleashed hell on the Turian.
[Entry from Shepard's journal]
Entry 10116K2 - T'soni
The Asari's mother was a tough one. I hope I can call her the same.
She is a strong biotic, i will give her that and she's not that bad with pistols and shotguns. Further training will be required. I will assists her in this field.
I have nothing more to say per this entry.
A/N: Hooray for my new Beta, Darth Azrael! His skills and vast, near encyclopedic knowledge have helped in the making of this chapter. *Raises a Pepsi* Here's to you, dude.
In an unrelated/related note, Pepsi rules.