Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!
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Chapter 10: Hurt!
Bella's POV
James was laying on top of me, in no hurry to move. I could feel his breath on my neck, his hands in my hair. I felt like I was on cloud nine, I had never imagined my first time would be so good, and never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be with James. I leaned my face into him, wanting to kiss him again. He was such a passionate kisser. When our kiss ended so did the spell. James told me to go shower. His voice no longer soft. I was hoping it was the blood that changed his voice, maybe after I washed it away, it would be fine, at least for tonight.
I stepped under the hot spray and it felt wonderful, my muscles loosening. I knew I would have several bruises from making love to James. All very much worth it.
I shut the shower off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around my self. I looked down and realized James clothing was gone, my heart started to race. I walked out the door into my room and he wasn't in there. I called his name out knowing it was useless. I could feel the water from my hair dripping down my back. I shivered violently both from the water, and from the sick feeling. I walked towards my bed and noticed the window wide open.
James was gone, he took away my virginity and left me alone. Yes I did want it to be him, but not like this, he was supposed to hold me afterwards, to kiss me to sleep damn it. A sob broke through me loud and sudden. I clasped my hand over my mouth, not wanting anyone to hear me. I quickly closed my window and lay on my bed. I curled up in a tight ball and pulled my pillow over my face, sobbing loudly into it. After hours of hard crying, I fell asleep exhausted by both the new sexual experience, and the cries.
I woke up to someone banging on my door. Alice I got up and padded over to my door opening it. Alice's eyes went wide and she jumped in and closed my door. She ran to my bathroom and came out with a housecoat, my face went red when I realized I was naked. I grabbed it and fastened it around myself.
"I am so sorry Bella, I thought it would go differently than that, he keeps changing his damn mind, I would have ripped his head off if I had known sooner." I knew she would have known.
"It's fine Alice, really, I knew he would do that, it was my own fault. I would say I regret it but I would be lying." I sounded empty even to myself. Alice looked sad.
I walked back over to my bed and threw myself down. Tears starting to stream down my face again. Alice laid down beside me and pulled me against her.
Alice held me for hours while I cried against her. "Alice…? Do you think…. if I was a vampire…. he could love me?" I asked between my crying fits. Alice moved away so she could look at me. She looked shocked.
"Don't think for one second that your not good enough Bella, don't even try. You are an amazing woman and any man human or vampire would be lucky to have you." I knew she was full of shit, but I also knew she believed it to be true.
I got up and went to my fridge pulling out my Chinese food from the weekend, and eating it cold. We sat in silence for the rest of the day. Watching movies and listening to music. Alice left around midnight and I walked to my bed pulling my journal from my table. Wanting to write about being with James. When I opened it, I knew instantly he had been in it, and then I noticed the picture I drew was gone. In its place was another note.
You are now out of my system
And I am now out of yours
Move on Bella,
I will never be what you want me to be
A fresh wave of tears burst out of my eyes and I flipped it over quickly, not wanting to see it.
I wrote quickly and my writing was horrid, but I knew I could read it. I wrote everything from him sitting with me in the bathtub to his sudden departure. I knew I would never forget, but it felt wrong not to write about my feelings.
I stood up and went to the window to lock it and noticed the lock was broken. That's when I remember the other night when I heard a snap.
I fell asleep soon after, all cried out. I woke up late the next morning because I had forgotten to set my alarm. I ran around and left with my shoes untied and a cereal bar hanging out of my mouth. The day went well, I worked hard, making up for the day before, and during my last class I text Alice.
*I don't wanna go home, lets go shopping?* B*
*OO perfect, you need a new lamp anyway :p* A*
*Exactly! Maybe even some clothes*B*
I knew that would get her excited. I knew the minute I went into my apartment the depression would hit me like a ton of bricks, and clothes shopping meant more time away. I then messaged her again.
*New bed set too…. This one has too many memories all of a sudden*B*
*Sounds good, meet you at your place you can drop your truck off, ride wit me*A*
*perfect, as long as I don't have to go inside*B*
With that I put my cell back in my pocket, and finished my notes.
After class I grabbed my truck and headed home. When I got there, Alice was sitting in her ostentatious bright yellow Porsche, with the top down of course. I grinned and grabbed my book bag. I threw it in her back seat while getting in the front.
"You ready for some heavy duty, mind numbing, vampire forgetting, shopping?" Asked Alice with a big grin.
I smiled back and said "Hells yes." We both giggled, and I felt lighter than I had in weeks.
We shopped for hours, I got a new lamp set, a new black bedding set with white designs all over it. The sheets were black and satin. We grabbed some new lingerie of course, that was Alice's guilty pleasure. I bought a couple pairs of jeans and some very nice knee high black lace up stilettos. A couple nice shirts. By the time we were done I was exhausted and fully stocked. Thanking Alice profusely for buying most of it. I had gotten used to her spoiling me over the past couple years.
When we got into my apartment Alice stopped abruptly and breathed in. "He was here today Bella." Said Alice. I could feel my heart pounding and Alice's face went blank. "Nope your fine, he isn't coming back tonight, at least he doesn't think he is. I will keep an eye on you though, and any sign of him I will call you…" I nodded and said thanks, not quite understanding why he would come back. He got what he wanted.
Alice helped me strip my bed and replace it. We set up my lamps and put my new clothes and lingerie away. When everything was done Alice said goodbye, and I was left alone, with nothing but my thoughts. I quickly regretted letting Alice help me set everything up. I sat down on my bed and turned my laptop on. I had no new mail. After five minutes on that I gave up and closed it. I walked over to see if James came to steal another journal, but they were all accounted for.
I stared at my bedside table scared to look in it, scared of what he may have written. Again I am a masochist so of course I looked.
There was a drawing on the blank page beside my latest entry. It was a picture of me sleeping, my hands under my head, my hair fanned around my pillow, a blanket pulled up over my chest. There was James laying beside me, his arm wrapped protectively around my mid section. His eyes open staring down at me and a slight smile on his face. Underneath the very descriptive picture were three words: Sleep Well Love
I stared at the picture for awhile, taking in every single detail. James had no shirt on. His pony tail was hanging over his shoulder. The moon reflecting in his eyes. I kept reading the words over and over again. I fell asleep like that. Wishing that maybe one day he could hold me like that, and not just in a picture.
Hope you enjoyed, James just cant leave things alone!!
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