"Men, it is my pleasure to say we are about to begin one of the most grueling, mind testing, and extensive training sessions ever known to penguin kind!" Skipper shouted, far more enthusiastic compared to his now anxious men. Whenever Skipper said such things, the inevitable result would be them crying like babies.
His training was one thing, but his idea of fun was another. What sane commando penguin used a bomb for hot potato anyway?!
Private, reluctant but curious, asked timidly, "Excuse me Skippah, but…what is this exercise you're talking about?"
"Finding a needle in a haystack!" the flat headed penguin exclaimed.
"That'd explain the big pile of hay," Kowalski muttered, but if Skipper heard it he made no sign of it. The scientist mentally groaned when he recalled where Skipper might've gotten this idea from. He'd mentioned it at some point, but he wasn't about to tell Private and Rico that. Thank all the fish that it wasn't 'find the hay in the needle-stack'. He wouldn't dare say it aloud.
"And…engage!"
Kowalski, Private, and Rico hopped right in but Skipper stayed in place. Moments later in Kowalski's search he surfaced from the very top and quickly took note of Skipper. The egghead looked at his commander questioningly, wondering why he wasn't going to participate in the exercise when he was ordering them to.
Skipper gave out a hysterical laugh at the silent question. "You actually think I'm going into that stack to find a needle? Getting near one of those sharp demon's tools of torture will be the last thing I'll ever do! "
Private's head poked out from the top of the pile of hay. "Was that why you were screaming like a girl earlier this morning, Skippah?"
"I was not screaming!" the flat-skulled penguin objected hotly. "And if I was then it'd be a very manly and tough scream!"
"Uh, yes you were," Kowalski retorted dully. He absently wondered how far he'd get before he was set up with maintenance duty.
As the argument continued, Rico had exited the pile of hay and was staring at it with a thoughtful look, flipper under his chin as he hummed for an idea. Inevitable chaos ensued whenever Rico would think and this was no exception to the rule. Smiling as a light bulb in his head went off, the weapons expert hacked up a flamethrower. With a demonic chuckle, he aimed at the hay and pulled the trigger, hot flames spilling out and hungrily engulfing the pile.
The flames presence was quickly noticed and, with unmanly girlish shrieks of their own, Private and Kowalski threw themselves off of the burning structure. Skipper's own demented laughter ensued.
It wasn't long before the entire thing had disappeared into the fire, the only concern for the penguins being to keep Rico away as he had constantly reached out to touch the blaze and looking at it like it was a box of meow-meows. It was only a matter of time before all traces of the hay were gone. Once that happened, Rico rushed forward and shifted through the ash, miraculously producing the needle from the mess.
"Ta da!" he cried out proudly.
"Unfair technicalities!" Kowalski protested immediately with an accusatory flipper pointed to the psychopath. While he'd never say it out loud, he was a bit sore for not coming up with a clever plan to get the needle like Rico had. He wouldn't say that out loud either.
Skipper smirked and slapped Rico on the back heartily. "That's how you solve problems like a pyromaniac. Good man!" His composure suddenly fell as Rico brought the sharp, thin tool into his peripheral vision, and he screamed, bowling over his men in a 'strategic retreat'.
Kowalski sat up, smoothing the area on his cheek from where Skipper's foot had made a mark that he'd keep for a few minutes. A sly grin crossed his beak, it did not go unnoticed.
"What are you thinking about Kowalski?" Private asked curiously and cracked his neck, where he had so sorely gotten stepped on.
He laughed faintly, growing into a mad cackle that made the weapons expert proud. "Ooh, I just think I found a way to get us all out of training."
Rico snickered and held up the needle like Excalibur. Yeah, not half bad for a Wednesday.
Inspired by a pic a friend of mine sent me a while ago! Credit to her for beta reading as well!