...
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For the second time in three days they had argued, and for the second time in three days Jess had stormed off - leaving Nick in her wake to stare helplessly at the empty spot where she had stood.
But this time was different, because he knew exactly why she had walked out. She was pissed at him for being angry with her, but Nick was feeling aggrieved too.
Why did Jess have to think she knew better? Why did she always second guess him?
Of course he hadn't called Reagan, what was he going to say?
'Oh, hey - just thought you should know I'm still in love with Jess. Yeah, yeah, came as a bit of a surprise to me too. The realisation knocked me to my feet, actually!'
He'd wanted to speak to Jess first and tell her what had happened, give her the chance to process what he had to say. For all he knew, it might have had her running for the airport. Back to the protective arms of Cece, who would then give him a swift kick in the nuts on his return to the loft for daring to say something so outrageous while Jess was still going through so much.
He'd had a plan. Sort of.
But now it was ruined because Jessica Day just couldn't keep her meddling paws out of it. She couldn't bear to let him do things his way for once and actually listen to him when he said he didn't want to call Reagan. Now he was stood in silence by himself, the smell of her baking still filling his nostrils. Nick let his head fall to his chest, grunting and balling his hands in to fists, seething with frustration that had nowhere else to go.
He walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer, slamming the door shut afterwards. After angry-walking around the apartment a few times, Nick finally slumped forward on a stool at his writers bar. This was a mess, there was no denying it. He had no idea how to tell Jess the truth now without making things even weirder. His chest felt tight again, stomach threatening to make him throw up. Nick rested his head in both hands and sighed.
He wished he had something simple wrong with him, like broken bone. A physical ailment easily treated. It would be a lot easier to deal with than the internal turmoil he was currently experiencing. It felt like he was in a zero gravity machine - insides all over the place, not quite able to get his bearings. So he downed his bear and went to get another, numbing his upset the only way he knew that worked. As he sat back down, he found himself reaching for his pen and opening his notebook to the last chapter of The Pepperwood Chronicles. Striking a line through the entire thing, Nick flipped the page and started over. He didn't stop writing for several hours, and even when his fingers were cramping, Nick couldn't stop until the final words were written on the page. He sat and stared at the paper, his completed final chapter staring back at him. The enormity of his achievement bubbled in his chest and made him smile from ear to ear, but his elation was short lived when he looked over his shoulder, realising he had no one to share this moment with. Sinking forward to rest on his forearms like a balloon being slowly deflated, Nick checked his phone hopefully for a missed call or message from Jess - there were none. She'd been gone for longer than he was expecting, and it was driving him crazy having the half finished conversation floating around in his head.
Getting a third beer, Nick made his way out on to the balcony where he sat in the partial shade at the table. He was starting to really like it out there, and wondered why he had allowed himself to be so easily dissuaded from using it by Reagan. Looking out at the view, he took a swig from his bottle, crossing his legs at the ankle and breathing in the warm air. Nick smiled as his eyes came to land on the window boxes lining the railings. The plants that had looked so forlorn and withered a few weeks ago were now standing tall in the sunshine. Their petals were full and bright, and even he could admit it made him feel happy seeing the splash of colours greet him as he drank his coffee every morning.
He'd thought they were all but dead, but Jess persisted. She tended to them, gave them water and lots of TLC. It dawned on Nick that he and Reagan were much like the flowers on the balcony - neither one of them were putting the work in to make the relationship flourish. They were wilting fast, and the only person who'd noticed enough to try and help was Jess. Gulping his beer, Nick exhaled painfully slowly, groaning at the guilt that was starting to chew on his insides. He knew deep down that Jess had only been trying to help when she called Reagan, she wasn't to know the reason behind why Nick didn't want to speak to his girlfriend. He had been doing his usual act of trying to avoid confrontation at all costs, but all it served to do was create tension and ill-feeling with Jess instead. Things couldn't continue the way they were. Something had to give.
Time to put on the big boy pants, Nicholas.
Giving himself a short, sharp slap on each cheek, he reached for his phone and scrolled until he reached Reagan's name.
"Hey, it's me. Yeah, it's okay. I'm fine...but, I think we need to talk..."
...
By the time Nick was on his sixth beer, the buzz of inebriation was truly setting in, and Jess was still not home. He had a ball in his stomach that was one part worry, one part anticipation, and one part hunger.
The hunger prevailed.
Wandering over to the kitchen, he started rifling through the cupboards for something to eat before remembering the muffins Jess had made earlier that day. He stood in front of the plate and stared at it, hand lingering millimetres away, as if he was too afraid to touch them. Like he didn't deserve to taste the cakes she'd made for him with love. His grumbling stomach eventually got the better of him, and Nick carried the plate to the couch along with another couple of beers tucked in the crook of his arm. He was fast losing hope of Jess coming back tonight - maybe she'd booked into a hotel somewhere for time to calm down. There was nothing else for him to do but get drunk and wallow in his turmoil. Flopping down onto the cushions, he couldn't help but think only of Jess. All he wanted to do right now was see her face. He needed to look into her eyes and try to explain himself, somehow. He'd already had one difficult conversation this evening, might as well strike while the iron was hot.
Eating half a muffin in one go, he closed his eyes and let his head lean back against the couch. His mind took him back to the day when the air conditioning broke and they'd spent the afternoon watching films in their blanket fort. And then again to the early hours of the morning after that when they'd been hideously drunk and she'd fallen asleep on his lap as they sat talking nonsense in the living area. Jess would never know that he'd lain there watching her curled up with her head on his legs looking so peaceful and serene. Taking in the way her eyelashes were so long they almost touched her cheeks, and finding himself leaning forward to zip her up in his hoodie so she didn't get cold. He'd gazed at her until he'd passed out himself, head swimming in thoughts he was sure he shouldn't be having about his ex-girlfriend.
Suddenly he felt like the dumbest fucking guy on earth not to have been paying attention to the things he had started to feel again over the past few weeks.
Of course it was Jess.
It had always been her.
Dragging a hand down his face at his own idiocy, Nick took a large mouthful from his bottle and followed it up with the other half of the muffin in his lap. His cheeks were full of delightful, chocolatey-sweetness when he heard the apartment door open. Sitting up instantly, he saw Jess waltz through into the kitchen. His mind wanted him to scream 'I love you' after her, but his ability to speak was thankfully rendered impossible by the huge mouthful of chocolate muffin he was chewing on.
"You're back!" He was finally able to force out, crumbs spewing from his lips.
"Can't get rid of me that easy." Jess smiled, steadying herself on the counter and making Nick realise she maybe wasn't completely sober either.
He slurped some beer quickly to wash down the cake.
"Jess, I'm really sorry about earlier. I was hoping we could talk_"
"It's fine, Nick. No need. I was thinking about it a lot and it's like you said, I overstepped - you were right to call me out on it." She waved a hand and stepped further in the the kitchen, reaching high for a glass.
"You were trying to help. I get that now, okay? Look, I really do need to speak to you but first just let me say that I shouldn't have lost my temper with you." He said apologetically "Now you've ended up having to spend the day by yourself and I feel really bad_"
"Oh, I wasn't by myself."
"You weren't?"
"No. I was with Jeremy." Jess turned to search the wine rack for something pink.
"Who...who's Jeremy?" There was no hiding the surprise in his voice. If she didn't know better, Jess would be sure there was an air of jealousy coming from him right now.
"Jeremy is a tour guide at the National World War II Museum that I've just spent hours exploring! I've honestly had such a great afternoon. That place is awesome..." There was a sly smirk on her face that Nick couldn't see from where he sat. Of course, what she wasn't going to tell him was that Jeremy was also a 64 year old married grandfather of four. She was owed one tiny moment of fun to make up for the way he had made her feel earlier by being a complete asshole. Seeing him unexpectedly bothered by this was fun...
"Yeah?" He asked, starting to feel his bravado fading. The window of opportunity to bring up last night and the situation with Reagan was slowly slipping from his grasp. The seed of doubt was already sprouting roots in his mind.
"Yes!" Jess enthused, all but skipping to sit beside him on the couch. She beamed when she saw a lone muffin laying on the plate that Nick had put on the coffee table "Aww, you saved me one?! Thanks!"
"Uh, sure..." He couldn't help but feel slightly confused by this super happy version of Jessica Day that had walked through the door. She should still be at least a little annoyed at him. Should still want to thrash things out with a deep and meaningful conversation about his feelings and the reasons behind him not calling Reagan. This chirpy, tipsy, giggly Jess sat before him was more than a little unnerving "...so, this Jeremy guy?"
"Oh, yeah! He was the sweetest. He volunteers there, and he saw me walking around by myself so offered to give me a guided tour. One on one history lesson, how cool is that?" Jess picked at the muffin.
"Sounds just swell. So it was just the two of you? No other visitors?" Nick was alarmingly aware of the slithery vines of jealously creeping their way up from his gut. He was being ridiculous and he knew it.
"Yup. I must have gotten lucky and turned up at just the right time, huh? You know, he was so knowledgable about the local area, too. I learned a lot today, Nick. A lot. Jeremy was really interested in helping me get in to the history of New Orleans.
"The only thing he was interested in was getting in to your pants..." Nick said belligerently, a sneer on his lips as he chugged on his bottle.
"Nick!"
He merely shrugged at her.
"Anyway. The museum closes at 5:00pm - it's now 8:30pm. Where've you been?"
"Treated myself to a few pink wines in one of those tacky bars down on Bourbon Street you wouldn't go to with me!"
"Hmm. Explains a lot." He says, nodding to the way she's wolfing down the muffin in her hand.
"Well, I'd worked up quite a thirst after those amazing fries I had at the museum!"
"Come again?"
"The truffle fries that they serve there - they're the most amazing thing I have ever had in my mouth!"
Nick opened his lips to make a smart-ass comment but swiftly changed his mind upon seeing Jess glare at him.
"I've honestly never heard of them. Let me guess, did Jeremy recommend them?!"
"He did, as a matter of fact but...oh my god Nick - I swear, these fries: better than sex!"
"Well, then you're having sex with the wrong guys, Jessica." Nick laughed drunkenly and shook his head at her.
"No...I mean it, these were so good. Sooo good!"
'I sure hope it's not all sex that you're referring to? I mean, ours was pretty spectacular - if I do say so myself."
Jess snorted at his assumption and took a glug of wine as he continued.
"Clearly, it was the best you've ever had, and it cannot be surpassed by a tray of freakin' fries!"
The beers had given his eyes a shiny glaze and made his smile become the lazy, lop-sided type that still caused her heart to shudder in her chest. Jess cleared her throat and imitated the sound of ringing before reaching into her bag, his brows meeting slowly in confusion as she did. Lifting her phone to her ear, she pretended to answer.
"Hello? Oh, yes...sure, he's here...uh-huh...one moment, please." Leaning towards him and resting her wrist on his knee, she continued "Excuse me, Mr Modesty? It's for you..."
Unable to contain the laughter at her own joke, she guffawed loudly and he sat forward to give her a playful shove back in the direction she came from. Tipsy from the numerous glasses of wine she had already consumed, Jess flopped back to sit against the cushions. Giggling, she watched Nick prop himself upright to mirror her pose. He regarded her with his best 'I'm-drunk-but-also-trying-to-be-serious' face.
"Look, Jess - I'm just going from your own words, okay? I was your sexual awakening, you said so yourself! It's fine to admit it..."
She scoffed loudly "What?!"
"In fact, I believe the exact description you used was that you were like a 'young nun' - and I was your 'sexy Monsignor'"
Jess's mind flew back to that time early on in their relationship, where they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Just a brush of his waist as he passed her in the kitchen, or a loaded look across the dining table would have them sneaking off to their bedrooms - or occasionally the bathroom, much to Schmidt's disgust - to rip each other's clothes off and have mind blowing sex. And mind blowing it had been. Toe scrunchingly fucking awesome, if she was honest about it. Just thinking about the act with him was causing her to get riled up.
Damn it, Nick was right.
She looked away and sipped her wine - suddenly feeling her mouth go dry.
"Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about. Shut up."
"You're not denying it, so you know it's true!" He pointed a finger and twirled it, causing her to swat his hand away and roll her eyes dramatically. This fuelled Nick further, and he cocked his head to one side "Can't argue with the facts, Day. We were so good together. Sooo good!"
"I see what you did there. Well done, you..."
"Just admit it - our sexy times were the best of the best! Especially that night you wore my Bulls jersey...fireworks all round, am I right?" He was looking at Jess, a big smirk on his face - goading her.
She knew exactly what he was doing. Tapping her nails rhythmically on the empty wine glass still in her hand, Jess plastered a neutral expression across her features and looked at him pointedly.
"Oh yes. The night I played you like a fiddle? Of course! How could I forget?"
"Played me like a fiddle?! You're delusional, Jessica..."
Putting on a whiny voice, she mimicked him perfectly
"Jess? You win! I wanna take you - respectfully!"
"Oh, please - you couldn't wait to rip my clothes off. You wanted it just as much as I did!" He narrowed his eyes.
She raised a brow and gave a shrug of her shoulders.
"I knew it! That was our best night ever!" Nick laughed smugly and downed the rest of his beer, leaning forward to place the empty bottle in front of the couch and picking up another.
"Maybe for you..." Jess muttered.
"Ha! Okay. So what, pray tell, do you think was our best?" He questioned, turning his body as he sat back, looking at her head on. Avoiding his gaze, she fell quiet and chewed on the inside of her cheek.
"Ah, too many to choose from, right? That's okay - I can wait. I've got all night..." Resting his shoulder against the back of the couch where it brushed against hers, Nick rubbed his hands together and grinned '...take your time. I can give some suggestions if you like?"
Ignoring the fact Jess hadn't responded, he brazenly pressed on "Our pit stop on the way to Mexico? That time in the store room at the bar? Ohhh...Glove City?"
Jess shifted uncomfortably, feeling his eyes burning into her face. This was entering dangerous territory and even though she was the wrong side of drunk and totally twirly, she wasn't sure if this was the best idea to keep going with this weird act of flirting between them.
"It definitely wasn't The Captain..." Nick cringed at the memory.
"You know what? I really don't know if we should be talking about this right now, Nick..."
"The Captain? Yeah, you're right. Best leave that one buried, huh?"
"No. Not that..."
"Then what?"
She looked at him and he saw the silent plea in her eyes begging for him to stop pushing.
Oh...
Message received: She wants me to back off.
Realising he had overstepped the mark, and made her uncomfortable by maybe misreading the signals in his own drunken mess of conflicting emotions, Nick nodded an apology and moved himself across slightly to reinstate a gap between their bodies. Neither spoke for the next few minutes, they remained sat side by side just letting the music in the background wash over them and fill the silence. The song playing had ended and then Jess heard the first bars ring out of 'Until We Get There' by Lucius. She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat as the lyrics fell in to the space between them...
What do you say
Is this the time
For one more try
At a happy life
Placing her wine glass on the table, Jess sat back down and turned to face Nick. She didn't want him to think that her memories of their times together weren't great ones - hell, she'd been reliving them in her mind on a loop for weeks on end. Wishing, hoping, praying they wouldn't be the only ones they'd ever have.
Not giving her inner Cece time to protest, Jess took a deep breath and her voice came out small - but he heard it well enough.
"Our first time..."
Jess noticed Nick's adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed a gulp of his beer, before returning it to the table and slowly turning to face her. His eyes carried a mixture of surprise at her answer and fondness at the memory. He responded softly, almost as quietly as her admission.
"Yeah?"
She nodded silently, tucking her knees up to her chest and wrapping an arm in front of them protectively. Her gaze fell from his as she continued to speak. It felt like right now was the first time Jess had been honest with herself - or him - since she had arrived in New Orleans.
"Yeah...I'd never felt more wanted in my entire life than I did in that moment with you..."
Her words caused something inside him to snap. There was little resistance left in him, to be fair, and it was never going to take a lot to break the barrier. But hearing her say that? Hearing what that moment meant to her...it was everything.
Reaching a hand up to her face without thinking, Nick felt his heart skip a beat when Jess closed her eyes at his touch. He stroked a finger lightly down her cheek, landing under her chin where he tilted her head upwards, urging her to look at him. When she allowed herself to meet his gaze, Jess sucked in a deep breath and held on to it, scared that letting it go might just be forceful enough to blow away this fragile moment suspended in mid air between them. With his finger still propping her head up, Jess swallowed as she saw Nick lean in to cautiously. When she didn't flinch, he smiled softly, his face growing closer to hers by the second.
"Nick, I..." She whispered, but the words were captured by his mouth as he landed his lips on hers. Jess sighed into the warmth of him, tasting the beer on his tongue as she opened her mouth to his. It was slow and gloriously tender - his lips gliding over hers, urging her to let him deepen the kiss as he shifted his weight forward.
Nick was drunk about three beers ago, but he knew this wasn't the alcohol acting on his behalf. He wanted this.
Moving forward, he slid an arm around Jess's waist and felt her breath catch as his fingers grazed the bare skin just under the hem of her shirt. He felt her relent and pull him down to the couch with her, lips not once leaving his until he broke the kiss off in a desperate gasp for air.
Nick paused briefly as he loomed over her, a flash of hesitation playing across his face. He searched her features for any uncertainty, any sign that she didn't want this as much as him, but Jess just hooked her fingers under the edge of his shirt and gently tugged to bring him closer. Lowering himself, his body pressed her down into the couch cushions and Jess couldn't fail to notice how aroused he was through the thin cargo material of his shorts. She gripped his waist with one hand, the other reaching up to the back of his neck as she kissed him feverishly. Nick responded by moving his mouth to suck at her neck and rolling his hips against her slowly, the friction driving a surge of pleasure to her core, making her ache with want and - truth be told - she could barely hold herself back as their kisses grew more frantic. It was all tongues and lips, teeth nipping at each other's skin and leaving marks as they were overcome with a sudden, unbearable lust.
She wanted him...badly, despite the voice of Cece screaming caution in her mind.
Oh, how she wanted him.
Nick's hand was sliding it's way up her thigh when a sudden, persistent vibration buzzed near his crotch. The disorientation fuelled by booze and 'twirliness' meant it took them both a few seconds to realise it was his phone ringing in his pocket.
"It's probably just Schmidt..." Nick panted, one arm propping himself up and trying to reach into his shorts to grab it "...he likes to call to say goodnight. At first it was sweet, but now I worry we've made it a permanent fixture in our friendship."
He grinned triumphantly as he finally managed to extract the phone, but fell quiet when he looked at the screen. Staring at it blankly for a moment, he felt Jess shift under him slightly and clicked it off quickly before placing it face down on the coffee table.
"What's wrong? Who was it?" She asked, concerned by his reaction.
"Nothing, it's...it's no one..."
Jess sat up quickly and pushed him back on his heels, hand covering her kiss swollen mouth in realisation.
"Oh, God. It was Reagan, wasn't it?"
Nick's eyes closed, a heavy sigh escaping his mouth. His silence was all the confirmation she needed.
"Shit." She whispered "What are we doing?"
Scrambling to her feet, she wriggled her legs from under him.
"This is, this is wrong!"
"Jess, wait..."
"No. This isn't right...we can't..." She was already stepping away from him with tears in her eyes when he reached out for her.
"You don't understand, let me expla_"
Not pausing for breath, Jess continued shakily "...you have a girlfriend. And I just...I'm not going to be the one to make you cheat on her, Nick. I can't be that person..."
She backed away from his outstretched hand so quickly that her calves banged into the coffee table, then span on her heel and rushed down the hall to her room.
"Jessica, stop - please! It's not..." Nick leapt up and strode after her, seeing her disappear behind the door as it slammed shut "...what you think."
He tried the doorknob, but she'd locked herself in. Resting his head heavily against the wood, Nick tried knocking carefully.
"Jess...?" He pleaded, but was met with nothing but silence. Turning on the spot, he slid to the floor with a bump not realising he was unintentionally mirroring the position Jess was sitting in on the other side of the door.
Nick placed his head in his hands before slamming a fist against the floor in anger at himself.
What the fuck did he just do?
...
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