Beating Hearts

Chapter 10

We only part to meet again. – John Gay

Kari wasn't ready for Tai bursting into her room unannounced. She was still holding the phone in her hand, heart pounding. How was it fair that he had this power over her? How?

"Who was that?" Tai asked loudly. Kari blinked up at him, suddenly frightened. What was she supposed to say? What was there to say? Oh no, time was ticking, and Tai was staring at her like she was crazy. How could she come up with a good excuse?

"DAVIS!" she finally yelled. "Uh, Davis is at the park down the street. He found my wallet there, and he decided to call me!"

Tai blinked at her. "When did you go to the park?"

"Earlier today," she replied evasively, risking only a quick glance in the mirror so Tai wouldn't get suspicious. She'd have to seriously inspect her appearance in a window on the way to the park.

"Well, I was at the park earlier, and—"

"Different time, don't worry." Kari sidestepped him and nearly ran to the door, slipping on some shoes and glancing at her reflection in the doorknob for want of a better mirror.

"Why're you acting so funny?" he asked. Kari jumped; she hadn't expected him to follow her to the door.

"No reason. I mean, I'm not." She wasn't embarrassed, so at least her face wasn't flaming up suspiciously. She was just… Kari felt strange, almost giddy. She had no idea what was going to happen, but for once it made her feel excited rather than anxious. Although the twinge of nervousness was still there, floating somewhere in her abdomen. "I'll be home soon. Bye!" And she darted out of the apartment and ran down the steps to the first floor before Tai could catch her.

By the time she was outside of the apartment complex, she was already breathing heavily. Kari's lungs had never been strong because of her illness as a child, so she decided to walk the rest of the way although her body was still tingling, remembering the phone call.

"We need to talk."

"T—Talk? Well, okay. At school?"

"No."

"…No?"

"Now."

"Oh, uh, okay. Tai's here though, so—"

"Meet me at the park, then."

"By my house?"

"Yea."

"Uh, well—"

"See you then."

It hadn't exactly been a spectacular, thrilling conversation. He hadn't confessed his deep love for her—NOT that Kari wanted that, of course—or anything. But still… Matt was going to see her out of choice.

And then she realized it might be something like, "I never want to see you again". The thought sobered her up, and she arrived at the playground equipment at the park with a heavy heart.

It was hard to believe so much had happened in one day… and it was still that day. Monday. Six days until the dance on Saturday. What could happen in that time period?

Matt found that pacing did nothing to ease his anxiety, and so he found himself sitting on the swings. The moon was high up in the sky, but he could barely see the night sky from all the lights of the city. The park was relatively dark, though. Peaceful. Matt had always loved playgrounds at night. They always made him nostalgic and put him in a better mood, which was definitely what he needed right now.

It was a careful balance he had to set. Kari was someone he didn't want to make angry, but she was also annoyingly empathetic. She would know when he got exasperated with her, or angry with himself. But she would take it the wrong way like she always did, and that always ticked Matt off even more. Why couldn't she be as empty as half of Matt's past girlfriends had been?

Not that Kari was his girlfriend. Or ever would be. Matt knew that a kiss was only a kiss, and didn't necessarily bind two people for life. After all, they'd only really been talking for—what—two weeks? A week?

Matt found that he was twisting around the swing, the chain above him clinking as it wound tighter and tighter, just like when he was small. Without thinking he stopped twisting, and the swing went spinning around. Matt saw the playground equipment as a giant colored blur as he spun. He couldn't help but crack a smile of pure childlike amusement.

Until he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. He stuck his foot in the sand, the swing halting and flopping awkwardly in the air. Matt turned his head to see Kari standing at the edge of the sandpit, her arms crossed protectively in front of her sides. She looked uncomfortable.

"Oh." Matt leaped up, trying to flatten his dishevelled hair. Well, she had managed to catch him in what was definitely an uncool moment. Matt hated it when that happened, and Kari seemed to be the only one who ever managed to do it. "Hi."

"Hello," she responded, and Matt could see she was strained. Whenever the girl felt stressed, Matt had always felt the need to be comforting, and it usually worked with a few smooth words. But he could never imagine treating Kari like one of those girls.

"Uh, want a swing?" he asked stupidly, but Kari willingly shuffled over and plopped down on the swing, lifting her hands to grip the chains. Matt could see in the dim street light glow that her knuckles were white. He didn't know what to do, so he sat down on the swing beside her.

For a few moments it was silent, albeit the soft clinking of the swing chains as the two swung lightly back and forth. Matt didn't know what to say, and he felt like an idiot. Hadn't he called her here to speak to her?

"So," he finally began, but didn't know where else to go. Say something, dammit! Where did all his suave go? Why was he sitting there, silent? "Did you have any trouble getting here?"

"No," Kari said after a moment's silence. "Tai will probably interrogate me when I get home, though."

"Ah." Matt struggled for something to say. "Well, my dad doesn't care what I do, so I had no trouble." He smiled over at her, but she looked worried. Oh great. He didn't want her pity, either.

"Look." He tried to think of the right thing to say. He sat sideways on the swing, looking at Kari. Her swing was still moving slowly back and forth, but her eyes were trained on his. The look blinded him idiotically for a moment, until he remembered what he was doing and collected his thoughts. "I just called you here because I didn't want you to feel… anxious."

Her lips pursed. Matt struggled not to stare at them and—oh GOD—so he turned away, afraid of looking at her. This was a strange feeling, strong and tugging at something inside of him. "I just needed to let you know that I—I wouldn't have done that normally."

"I know," was all she said. Matt didn't know what to do. He could hear she was annoyed, but how could he possibly walk out of this situation without her hating him? He really hoped she wasn't starting to… to have a crush on him or something! The thought caused him to smile darkly for a split-second, but with his luck Kari caught it.

"What?" she asked, and he could hear she was hurt.

"Nothing," replied Matt without thinking.

A quiet sigh. "Why… Why did you want to meet up?" She was avoiding his eyes now, staring down at her shoes. Matt noticed they were pink with little yellow stars trailing on them. Shoes for a little girl.

He was silent, staring at her shoes. "Look, I've never done this before." He shot a quick glance at her, but she was still gazing at the sand. "Usually if I ever made out with a girl"—the memory of kissing Kari flooded back and he had to desperately try and ignore it—"we usually just leave it at that, you know? Not ever much… closure." Another look over and he saw her face was glowing pink.

"So," she began after a hesitant moment, "so why are you closing it up with me?" It was an innocent enough question, but the tone made Matt uncomfortable. It felt like she was blaming him for whatever feelings would rush through her in the next few moments.

"That's because this situation is completely different," Matt rushed on. The only thing he knew now was to just talk and get it over with, because there was no way he could keep getting plagued with these feelings. He had to practice with his band the rest of the week, everyday until very late; he didn't have time to feel that anxious plucking thing he did otherwise. He wiped his hands nervously on his jeans. Matt barrelled on, oblivious to Kari's rapidly changing expressions as he spoke. "I mean, a kiss is just a kiss, right? I'm sure dancing with someone for a week can do that, and yea, it's only been a week! Not that that's any big deal to me, but for you it might be sort of a shock. And let's not forget Tai and TK or any of the Digi-destined because; let's face it, they'd freak out. And I'm older, and graduating, and I don't—"

"Okay." Kari's steely voice interrupted Matt, which was sort of helpful because he had been babbling. Babbling. The thought alone was a foreign concept to Matt, and to have just run his mouth off like that was mortifying.

"Kari, look, what I mean is—"

She stood up from the swing abruptly. Matt could only see her back, and for this reason felt unnecessarily nervous. "I get it, Matt. I'm not stupid." There was a silence. Matt couldn't believe she was acting like that.

Kari turned her head around to face him, and she had a soft smile on her face as she looked down at him, still sitting uselessly in the swing. "I get it," she said again. "Goodnight, and thank you for the dance lessons." She gave him a polite bow of the head and then turned around, walking into the lit streets that lined the park.

All he could do was stare as her small body slowly vanished in the sparse crowd of the few people that were making their way homes or to elsewhere that late at night. Seconds after she left his first thought was, 'I should have walked her home,' and a quick second being, 'her smile completely threw me off!'

He didn't move from the swing for quite a while. Matt tried to sort through his feeling and thoughts, but he was so confused that he couldn't understand anything properly.

Kari was proud of herself. She had acted composed. She had been quiet. She'd let Matt do his nervous rambling. She'd allowed herself to feel the pain she shouldn't have felt when he basically said 'I don't want to kiss you ever again.' She'd even ended with a damn smile. She'd made it through it all fairly well.

But once she escaped the darkness of the playground and made it out onto the lit streets of her neighbourhood, her expression darkened, and her composure crumbled.

Not like this. Not like this. Not here, on the streets. For God's sake, this wasn't some pathetic soap opera! Her stomach was churning anxiously, and she felt sick all over again. Kari was remembering the kiss, oh God that kiss, but not just that. Even before that. All her awkwardness around him, the pleasure she felt before he came over for lessons, the mounting anxiety while she waited for him to come in and the clumsy hope she felt when they danced, waiting for his praises at her waltzing.

Waltzing. That spurned on all sorts of other thoughts. Who knew Matt would be a waltzing fan? He had let her in on something private about himself, something that not all his fans knew. It was something between them that they shared, and now it was gone. It wouldn't be mentioned again.

Oh God. The tears were streaming down her face now, and she hastily tried to wipe them. A soft sob escaped from her throat, and she slumped against the stone fence beside the sidewalk. Sliding down so her back rested against it, she fell silent and still. It was late. Just how late? Ten o'clock? Eleven? Her parents would murder her. Tai wouldn't stop bugging her. But she couldn't get up, she didn't have the will to stand and go home and deal with her family. Deal with passing the sewing room. Deal with being alone in her bedroom with nothing but her thoughts and her damn feelings plaguing her.

"We weren't even dating or anything," she whispered, trying to convince herself to get over it. But whatever she felt for Matt, it was stronger than anything else, even the devotion she felt for TK. It was something bigger, more powerful, something more unattainable and yet so much more satisfying.

Satisfying? Yea, right. All it had caused her was grief, and—and this. Sitting in the middle of the street, crying into her lap.

Ten minutes later Kari shakily stood up and made her way home. It was a huge task, and she dreaded walking into her apartment. But she needed to get out of the street and away from the park, where all thoughts would always lead back to Matt.

Tuesday morning, Matt found himself glancing anxiously through the halls. No sign of Kari's head bobbing through the crowd, although it would be rare to see her anyway. He would normally ask TK, but TK probably knew as much about Kari's whereabouts as Matt did.

I need to stop, he ordered himself, and forced his eyes in front of him as he headed to his Japanese History class. It's not like she wouldn't come to school. She's Kari.

At that moment, Matt saw Tai's infamous hedge of hair several people in front of him. Without thinking he quickened his pace.

"Tai!" he cried, and Tai turned his head after several seconds of reaction time. He grinned when he saw Matt and stopped in the flood of students. Matt caught up to him, and the two friends began walking down the hall.

"Hey man," Tai greeted. "How's your morning been?"

"Boring," Matt replied as he shrugged his shoulders. "Yours?"

Tai rolled his eyes and made a grimace. "Please, don't make me talk about it!" he complained dramatically.

Matt sighed, and Tai continued anyway. There was no stopping him once he decided to tell a story. "It all started last night when Kari vanished for a surprising amount of time—"

Matt felt sickening jolt in his stomach. He had come to talk to Tai, but not about Kari, good Lord not about Kari!

"—and when she came back—startlingly late for a fifteen-year-old, might I add—she just ignored us all, snapped at Mom and Dad, and then hid out in her room! We all tried to persuade her to get up and go to school this morning, and boy did she throw a fit. She even tried to pull the 'I'm sick, call a doctor' which usually scares my parents into doing whatever she asks, but this time they just ignored her. It's so obvious she's having a tantrum over something, but no one in my family can figure it out!" Tai sighed heavily, running a hand through his mess of hair. "Honestly, sisters."

"Y—Yea," Matt croaked out, coughing to get a hold of his voice again. "So, did she end up coming or what?" he asked weakly, praying to anyone and anything that would listen that Tai didn't notice how winded he was acting. Had the meeting at the park caused all of that? Well, obviously, but… the thought that he could create a reaction (that wasn't just senseless screaming from an audience) was unnerving.

"Yea, but she was running later than I was. I didn't wait for her, so who knows if she actually ended up coming." Tai jumped suddenly. "Oh, here's my class. Talk to you later!" He smiled easily and swerved into the classroom, his anxiety about Kari already forgotten.

Matt was jealous of Tai's gift. Throughout his whole Japanese History class, he could barely catch a word the teacher was saying. He even ignored Lee, who was trying to get his attention from desks up to try and ask him something about band practice.

It was torture, but finally class was over. Matt escaped without having to deal with Lee, and was walking quickly down the hall, contemplating skipping out on the rest of the day. He couldn't believe that thought was entering his mind, but it was way too weird dealing with school. Matt hated how Kari was affecting him so much. It was supposed to be done. So why—

"Oh!" he muttered, as his shoulder caught with someone else's. He apologized to the girl quickly, who was bright red with awkwardness. He turned around to continue on his way, when he bumped into a second person.

"Dammit!" he hissed darkly, a bit embarrassed of his own clumsiness. "Look, sorr—" He froze when he lifted his eyes to the girl.

It was Kari. Kari, who had huge bags under her eyes. She looked flat, like she hadn't bothered with washing her hair or anything. "Oh" was all he managed, and weakly at that.

"Hi Matt!" she greeted brightly, giving him a small smile. Matt's eyes widened; he could feel his muscles freeze with shock.

"Er—"

"Well, I'm going to be late." She shifted the books in her arms. "I'll talk to you later." She waved and then vanished down the hall.

Matt must have looked ridiculous, frozen like a statue in the middle of the hall. He was only thinking one thing. Is Kari over it before I am? How is that possible?!

The first thing Kari had felt was fear. And then, mortification. She knew very well how horrible she looked, but she honestly hadn't cared. It was stupid of her, considering it was always possible to run into Matt. So she had done the first thing she could think of to cover up her horror. She'd greeted him cheerfully, like nothing had happened; and she had seen his eyes widen, seen the confusion written all over his face. Kari realized she was now getting better at reading Matt's expressions (or lack thereof)… there was no point to it all, of course.

How depressing this was. She'd come to school tomorrow cleaned up, she knew that for sure.

"Kari!" A hand on her shoulder. A smile. Kari turned to her left to see TK beside her.

"Oh, hey," she said. TK frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing," Kari replied, looking down the hall. TK's hand dropped from her shoulder.

"Kari…"

"Nothing's wrong TK," she said again, a bit more forcefully. She didn't want to risk a glance at him. She was afraid her heart might break, or she might fall to the floor and cry, or spill everything to him: how she'd fallen for Matt, how TK was only a friend, how she didn't want to go to the dance the school was giving anymore, how she didn't know what to do or say around him.

"What're you talking about?" he whispered angrily. Kari was taken aback, but at that moment TK tugged at her arm and pulled her to the side of the hall, where it was more peaceful. "Kari, you're…" he looked at her, concerned. "You're crying, you know."

Kari stared at him. Then she felt the stray tears drying on her cheeks. "Oh my God," she whispered, wiping them away quickly. She could feel her cheeks burning, and could feel TK's eyes on her.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked softly. Kari hesitated. She wanted to tell him so badly, to get rid of this heavy weight she was carrying on her shoulders. But how could she? Kari didn't want to destroy TK's view of her. Once she'd thought TK knew her the most out of anyone, but now… well, Kari didn't even understand herself! It seemed like there was no one she could talk to.

"N—Not really," she spoke without thinking. TK's face grew dark. "It's just, I don't even know, and—well—" Kari stuttered clumsily through some sort of lie, but nothing made sense. Finally, she sighed. "I just need some time."

TK's face froze. "…Time?" he repeated.

"Yes." She didn't elaborate. She felt there was no need. Risking a glimpse into his eyes, she saw he looked… he looked so many different things: sad, scared, worried, confused… and heart-broken.

"But—"

"I'll see you Saturday night, okay?" Kari told him, meaning the dance. She wasn't about to go without a date just because Matt—oh no. Matt was going to be there. But before she could think anymore on that subject, TK's quiet voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Kari, did I—what did I—"

"Nothing." She rested a hand on his arm impulsively, looking into his eyes. "I'm a… a big mess right now, TK. You're still perfect, trust me." She said it seriously, and he knew she was serious. But her tone was sad. She was sad. Kari turned away then, realizing the truth of her words. TK was perfect. It was she who was the villain, and this made tears itch at the corners of her eyes all over again.

Something had to be done. And no, not to get Matt back. To get over it, to move on… to realize she and Matt were from two different worlds. Things would never work between them except for when they were on the dance floor.

Three Days Later…

Matt was about to snap. It didn't help that he had gotten next to no sleep these past few days practicing with the Wolves (and now that he realized it, they weren't that great). His singing was off and his bass playing was constantly wrong. Matt wasn't feeling up to par, and his band mates could sense it.

Along with this sleep that he missed so much, Matt had seen Kari in the halls far too much for his liking. She constantly popped up, and whenever she did she always greeted him cheerfully, asked him how his classes were going, and whatever useless chatter girls could come up with. And he was always stuck for an answer, always scrambling to perform as cool as she was acting. Not to mention that she looked much better than he felt. The concept alone was unnerving.

Kari, the little girl and little sister of Tai, should not be affecting him this much. Whether it was her presence he was missing, or just the reaction she was having to this 'we can't see each other again' fiasco, he didn't like how he was feeling about it. Hadn't he been the one to decide they should stay away from each other? So why was he regretting it more and more as the days passed?

He avoided TK as much as he could, but his brother seemed to plague him almost as much as Kari. The only thing he talked about was how Kari needed "time", and Matt was growing sick of it. This was the only sign that she hadn't completely gotten over what Matt had told her on Monday, and for some reason it lifted his spirits… but only a little.

Matt was in need of dramatic help. The one person he had considered asking was away on a trip to America. Mimi had decided at the beginning of the week to pay a visit down to her father, who was still living there. So much for that advice he was in dire need of. The only other people Matt could even think of asking would be TK and Tai, and—well—unless he went about it sneakily, it was absolutely out of the question.

After school on Thursday (after several more awkward and embarrassing encounters with Kari), he made his way to a familiar, old apartment. He hesitated before pressing the buzzer.

A voice answered almost immediately. "Hello?" it asked, crackling. Matt felt relief. He hadn't heard that irritating voice in so long.

"Joe?"

Silence. "Er—yes?"

"It's Matt."

"OH!" Shock was evident. "You should have said so! I'll let you up, hang on…" The buzzer clicked off, and the door opened for Matt.

When he came up to the door, Joe was waiting on the inside. "Hey Matt!" he greeted cheerfully. Matt could see he was happy to have old company. Matt couldn't complain. Joe was crazy, paranoid, and irritating, but he was a friend.

"Hey," he replied, smiling at the older boy. Joe led the way into his apartment, babbling.

"It's been so long! This is a bit strange, let me tell you. Not to be rude, but out of all the Digi-destined I didn't expect you to visit me. Uh, don't take offence though!" He laughed, pointing to the coffee maker on the counter as Matt took a seat at the table. "Coffee?"

"No thanks," Matt declined politely, smirking over at Joe. "I used to remember when you didn't chatter so much."

"What? I thought I always talked a lot. Too much, according to you guys," Joe said, chuckling as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "So what brings you here, Mr. Graduating?"

Matt groaned at Joe, slumping his head in his arms. "Please, don't remind me."

"Oh? Unhappy about leaving the blissful ignorance and safety of high school?" Joe said wistfully as he took a seat across from Matt at the small wooden table, sipping at his coffee daintily.

"Safety?" Matt snorted, glaring at Joe. "You've been out of there for too long."

"Have I? I suppose." Joe straightened the glasses on his nose, sliding his chair closer so he could rest his elbows on the tabletop. Unassuming silence filled the kitchen for several minutes, as Matt tried to think of what to say and as Joe hummed softly.

"…Joe?"

"Yes?" Joe replied, looking down at Matt.

Matt kept his eyes on the grain of the tabletop, his face half-hidden in his arms. "You've had to… deal with things you don't like, right?"

Joe let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Boy, have I! That whole Digital World thing? Not exactly my cup of tea, Matt. Don't you remember how scary and—weird it was?" Joe pursed his lips. "Of course, I'm not complaining now. But… this isn't exactly about bringing up the past, is it?" he asked in a softer voice. "You don't talk to people without a reason, you know."

Matt frowned at Joe's smirk of knowledge. "Shut up," he ordered, but neither knew it was serious. "I don't know, I have this girl problem…" He stopped at Joe's intake of air. "…Which you probably know nothing about," he realized with a grin. Joe frowned at him.

"That's not true! I've had my—er—romantic endeavours!" After a moment's pause, he shook his head. "But really, why would you come to me about something like this? Wouldn't Tai or someone be more suited to something like that?"

"Well—I can't… really…" Matt couldn't say anything about Kari. If Joe knew he'd probably die of a heart attack, but only after scolding Matt for his idiocy and complaining about all of the implications of his immature actions. "Tai wouldn't get it," he finally decided. "You know how oblivious he can be."

"Ah, true," Joe agreed, but Matt still saw apprehension or something like it in his eyes. He heard suspicion in his voice.

"Well, I sort of told her we couldn't see each other anymore, and I didn't expect her to get over it so fast, but she has, and for some reason I haven't! You know how rare that is!" Matt complained all in one burst, finally sitting up.

Joe shook his head. "Matt, we haven't talked in ages. The most I've heard is that you have lots of groupies. I'm sure they don't get over you too quickly." He was smiling, and that bothered Matt.

"Joe, I'm serious!" he added heatedly. "This is unnatural, and I don't like it. I don't like being the one feeling shunned, or—or left in the dark, or something!"

"Forgotten?" Joe put in quietly.

Matt nodded emphatically. "Yes, forg—no. No, not that extreme," he decided frowning. "I mean, it wasn't even serious! It was just one damn kiss, but things feel so weird if I don't…" If I don't meet up for our dancing lessons. If I don't see her smile, or tease her for her shyness. "She's just a little kid," he added in a whisper.

Joe jumped in his seat. "Matt! I hope you literally don't mean that! You know that's against the law, right? I mean, you have to seriously consider your thoughts about rethinking this relationship if the girl is that young! And just what were doing with a young girl, anyway? Are you serious?" His eyes were round with shock. Matt had to snort.

"No, I'm not serious! She was just younger than me, that's all." That's all. It seemed so simple here, at this table. But when he was alone with her, and he could smell her shampoo and laughed with her at her clumsy stepping as they danced, it was something completely different.

"Well then, why don't you just kiss her again?" Joe asked, half-calm now that he knew (or at least hoped) Matt was joking about the kid thing.

Matt stared at him. "You know what, you were right. I don't know if you're cut out for this stuff."

Joe flushed under Matt's criticism. "Look, I'm just trying to get the basic points here! You like girl. I assume girl likes you." He quirked an eyebrow.

"Er—yes. Well. I don't know if I have any feelings for her! Actually, I shouldn't."

"Maybe that's the problem," Joe said thoughtfully, tapping the table with his index finger. "Denial."

Matt was silent. Was that the problem? Was he actually… attracted to Kari? The thought was ridiculous, but going over everything…

"Well, I was randomly jealous on the odd occasion," he finally uttered.

"Mhm," Joe urged.

"And… I really liked the kiss. A lot. But I felt guilty afterwards, and that's why I broke it off." Funny how it actually sounded like there had been a relationship.

"Guilty?"

"For—various reasons."

Silence. "My advice," Joe finally began, slowly and deliberately, "would be to equal her. If she's acting nonchalant, so should you. Friendly? You do it too. It might be awkward, but at least it'll be the first step to recovery. I've heard that things like this often backlash on the actual dumper, for lack of a better word. You're probably feeling regret, and rather selfishly might I add. Anyway, I think you should show this girl that you're going to stick to your decision. Live your life, date other girls, but be civil to the last one. Don't just give her existence the cold shoulder, you know? I don't think any human beings like to be forgotten, even by the one who broke their heart." Joe raised his eyebrows.

"I—I didn't break her heart!" Matt spluttered, the thought terrifying. "She's fine! She's acting fine!"

"Ah. Keyword: acting."

"You know, you were actually starting to make sense until you opened your much just that little bit too much at the end."

Joe laughed. "I thought your temper had cooled over the years!"

Matt paused. "So had I," he replied. "I guess you'll just always bug me," he told Joe with a smile.

"I think that's the closest thing I'm going to get to a thanks, huh?" Joe asked rather dejectedly.

"I think so," Matt agreed.