AN: Once again, thanks you guys for the reviews and crits, and for putting up with me putting the wrong chapter in the wrong story! XD
Edraela looked over at Naylei, her eyes doleful, her face haggard.
Has she said anything to you?
Naylei closed her main eyes and swayed her stalk eyes. Edraela sighed, looking back over at her daughter. Isteillia stood on the grass a ways away, her tail hanging listlessly, her fur thin and almost ratted. The gleam of her coat was gone and almost had a grey hue to it, as though the life was fading from it.
What do we do? She hasn't spoken in months! Naylei whimpered, torn at seeing her shorm this way.
Isteillia refused to speak, barely ate, and had stopped doing her art. She'd spend hours standing outside the scoop, staring at the stars with all four eyes. When she slept, it was fitfully, and she often, if not always, woke screaming, kicking and flailing her tail. The only one she allowed near her was her son, the two of them usually watching the skies silently, sharing their grief in silence. Anyone else that tried to come near her was met with a stony gaze, and waves of contempt and aggression. Isteillia had even struck out at her own mother once when she persisted in trying to get her to accompany her to the spaceport for some socialization.
Aslirion had finally relented and talked to Riuka, and she was adamant in her desire not to be a mother at her age. Aslirion was unable to handle the loss of his child, unable to forgive her. He ended their contract, and cut her out of his life. Riuka didn't tell him when she planned on terminating her pregnancy, and Naylei danced around the subject-she had been angry at him for hurting her daughter, but she, too, had been crushed at the loss of the child. She and Nescord had been unsuccessful in their attempts to conceive another child, and she had loved the idea of becoming a grandmother. Aslirion simply assumed the worst, that his child was dead. Paired with the loss of his sibling, and the unresolved tension between his parents that stretched over light years, he and Isteillia were inconsolable in their grief.
Edraela watched Isteillia, knowing she was still staring at the skies, but was waiting for her son, her only comfort, to come home from the classes he was barely passing. She shuddered at the memory of that day.
Her hearts felt like they were about to explode as she raced to her ship, Isteillia's cries of distress still ringing in her mind. It didn't matter how fast she had pushed the ship; she wasn't fast enough. The baby was a bloody mangled mess in Isteillia's arms when she arrived. Edraela had to pull her daughter to her hooves and into her ship. She was bleeding profusely, collapsing on the floor of the ship, still clutching the body of her infant to her chest, wailing quietly. Edraela flew her as quickly as she could to the spaceport infirmary.
She's had an incident with her pregnancy! Edraela said, not wanting to believe the baby was dead. The physicians laid Isteillia on a table and set to work on stopping the bleeding. The scanned her body, and their eyes went wide.
She's bleeding too much; her uterus is torn. A physician turned to Edraela. Was the babe a breech baby?
Edraela nodded, her face going pale. Was she about to lose her daughter and her grandchild all in one day?
We need a transfusion for this female right now. The physician eyed the babe in Isteillia's arms.
Someone get me a sedative; she probably won't give up the babe without a fight.
A needle was inserted into Isteillia's rump, and she slowly went slack. The physician pulled the babe from Isteillia's arms, and Edraela looked over imploringly at the doctor, who shook her head sadly as she wrapped the babe in a blanket, covering the tiny face.
What was it? She asked.
A girl, the doctor replied, a stalk eye watching as the doctors finished administering a coagulant to slow the bleeding. I'm sorry.
Was she healthy? No defects?
She was a breech baby. Most likely, some stress caused the placenta to swell around the baby's head, causing her to convulse, stimulating a premature birth, the doctor said. She looked healthy, but bruised and oxygen starved. I am sorry, Edraela.
Edraela fell silent, watching the blood transfusion into her unconscious daughter as the doctors finished repairing her ravaged womb. Isteillia slept, her arms still curled around the memory of her lost child, and Edraela worried what this would do to her. She wondered if she could survive this.
Her worries were not unfounded. Isteillia was nearly destroyed by the loss of her child. She hadn't spoken since she'd cried her mother's name over the tele-link. Edraela worried about the lack of contact from Breeyar, and she began to suspect that they'd fought before he left. She'd mentioned his name once and it had caused a mixture of pain and anger to cross Isteillia's face. She didn't mention him again.
She and Naylei watched as Aslirion came into view, coming home from his classes. He carried his tail low- high enough to hide his grief, but not high enough to look happy. Indeed, as soon as he came close to the scoop, his tail sagged and nearly dragged the ground. He instantly clung to Isteillia's side like a burr, pressed against her. He rested his chin on top of his mother's head, and she leaned her head against his shoulder as the two of them stared off into the distance. He'd hit his final growth spurt into adulthood, and was now taller than his mother, almost taller than his father at this point. His muscles were developing quickly, his tail reaching its full length, and his blade, already at an impressive size, was still growing. His fur, long like his mother's, was in better shape than his mother's but wasn't as healthy as it could have been, and had darkened to an ultramarine blue. He would make a fine warrior, but now he looked cowed and defeated.
Edraela watched helplessly as her daughter and grandson tried not to drown in their sorrow. She and Naylei turned as Silrukea came galloping up to them, waving her uneven arms frantically, panic etched on her face. Silrukea sent something private to Naylei, waves of panicked excitement rolling off her. Naylei's eyes went wide.
I have to go, Edraela! I will return when I can! She said, and she and Silrukea raced off, leaving Edraela confused. She looked over at her family and sighed.
I love you both, she called to them, turning to leave for her ship to head home. She felt a wave of something from the both of them. She wasn't sure what it was, but the fact that they knew she was there was enough for her- they hadn't acknowledged her in weeks. With the slightest bit of hope in her hearts, she went home. Perhaps something would change for the better.
*****
Isteillia awoke with a start, drenched in cold sweat, her fur clinging to her body. Aslirion yawned and blinked at her from across the scoop before getting up to kneel next to her. She began sobbing again as her son wrapped an arm around her shoulders, letting her press her face into his chest.
It will be alright, mother, I promise, he soothed, stroking the back of her head. He didn't even have to hear what was making her wake- it was the same nightmare every night, although this time she didn't wake with the usual shaking and flailing. Isteillia simply sobbed as her son comforted her, eventually falling back asleep. Aslirion sighed, looking at the horizon. He saw no point in going back to sleep; he'd have to wake up in less than two hours for class. Falling asleep, especially nowadays, was hard for him. He'd spend more time stressing about needing to sleep than actually sleeping.
He held his mother tenderly as she slept, worried affection etched in the lines of his face that was becoming lean with his maturation. He didn't know what had conspired between his parents; all he knew was that his mother was angry at his father, and wouldn't speak of him. He suspected they had fought over him leaving again. No doubt she had been upset he was going to be gone for another birth. He winced at the thought of the death of his unborn sister. He hadn't even known her, and he missed the place she would have had in his life; he'd been looking forward to caring for her, watching over and guiding her as an elder brother would have- almost as the father he would have been to his own child. A pain stabbed his hearts as the thought ran through his mind, and he shook it off, pushing it from his thoughts.
The day was breaking, making the grass glitter as the light caught the dew, shining in each and every drop. A kafit bird nearby fluffed its feathers and began to sing its territorial song, another male responding a distance away, the two songs ringing across the field in a competitive harmony. Aslirion sighed, rubbing his mother's back gently to wake her. She blinked her eyes, stretching. He managed a smile at her.
Sorry to wake you so soon, mother. Come graze with me before I have to go to classes.
She got to her hooves silently, and the two of them set off across the sparkling grass, eating quietly, their hooves thundering in time with the warbling song of the Kafit. Aslirion noticed she actually looked better rested today, her face not as haggard, and she didn't drag her hooves as much. He brightened a bit, hoping she was healing.
You look better today, mother. You look brighter, he said softly. She cast her stalk eyes in his direction. There was a moment of silence between them before a slight light entered her eyes. Aslirion was quiet, hoping, like he did so many times, that she'd finally say something. He even held his breath as the light sparked in her eyes.
I feel better, my son. I think...I almost think I can..start letting go.
Aslirion exhaled audibly, and she stopped, turning to face him. Her face was serious as she looked at him.
Can you let go, my son? My Asli-kala? Are you healing?
Her voice was serious, soft, unlike the sweet light voice she normally had. Aslirion looked at her, cocking his stalk eyes as he studied her expression, wondering if she had almost forgotten how to speak until now. She hid her face behind her impassive mask, but there was a flicker in her eyes- a flicker of fear. She was wanting to heal, but didn't want to go that path alone. She needed him at her side as they moved on. He reached forward and kissed his mother softly.
I am, mother. I think I'm ready to heal, and I'm here for you mother.
She kissed him back and embraced him. She pressed her cheek against his chest, closing her main eyes. The two of them stood there, contemplating on what to do from there. After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled back, and relief was on in her eyes.
Go to your classes, my dear. I will prepare myself for my ritual. She paused. The ritual to let her go.
She arched her tail towards him. His hearts singing, Aslirion touched his blade to hers for the first time in months. The two stood there, looking into each other's eyes for a few minutes. Aslirion kissed her goodbye and headed across the grass to his classes. Isteillia gave the tiniest smile- the first in months- as she watched him canter off.
He was holding his tail a lot higher this morning.
*****
Isteillia exhaled shakily as she got off The Aerlic with Silrukea, and the two of them walked about the spaceport. Silrukea exuded waves of comfort and could barely contain her excitement at her friend being social and finally talking to anyone. Isteillia gave her the first genuine smile she'd been able to muster, and Silrukea danced on her tiny hooves. A male stared at her scathingly, and Isteillia whipped her stalk eyes to him, giving him a glare that made him take a step back and find some excuse to walk away. Silrukea made her odd warbling giggle and Isteillia tried not to imitate her. She headed to a stand where an elderly female was displaying grooming tools and solutions for fur conditioning. Her fur was still in less than pristine condition and she needed to get it back to its former sheen.
Isteillia? Isteillia, is that you?
Isteillia turned her stalk eyes patiently. A year ago, she would have bristled, pawed a hoof and tensed her tail. Now, she simply turned to look at the male that addressed her. Silarian stood behind her, looking aghast at her. His main eyes were wide, and his torso was leaned back in surprise. She turned to face him.
Hello, Silarian, she said quietly. How are you?
Once he saw she wasn't going to lash out at him, he took a few steps closer, worry etched on his face. She didn't shy away, and he took her hand in a friendly manner, looking at her with a concerned frown.
Isteillia, were you ill? You do not look your best.
She looked at him quietly, her tail swaying slightly as she pondered on how much to tell him. She finally made a small sound.
I was ill. Ill of hearts, Silarian.
He stamped a hoof in surprise.
Is...Is Breeyar alright? He asked, and for the first time in a while, he had said Breeyar's name without malice or jealousy. Isteillia fought the stab at the mention of her estranged mate's name, but it was soothed with hope that Silarian had possibly moved on. She averted her eyes from his.
I...I have not talked to him since he left, she said softly.
Silarian said nothing, but he took in the mixture of emotions that sparked in her eyes and didn't press the subject.
Are you sure you are alright? He asked. Isteillia turned to Silrukea.
Go ahead and find Naylei; I need to talk to Silarian. I will be fine, she said as Silrukea sent a wave of concerned suspicion. Her friend narrowed her eyes and gave Silarian a stern look, but turned and headed to the area where the estreens met before routines. Silarian watched her retreating figure, and he looked as though he wanted to say something, but he changed his mind- Isteillia was finally willing to talk to him and he wasn't going to waste it.
I am glad you are willing to talk to me, Isteillia, he said quietly. Will you come talk to me somewhere quiet?
Isteillia hesitated, but for the first time, his face-which had grown leaner, harder, and was mature with experience and intelligence- wasn't mocking or cruel. It was sincere and worry was etched into it. She bobbed her stalk eyes, and began to walk with him out of the spaceport. She watched him from her peripheral vision, assessing him and how he had matured. He was no longer the male she had grown up with.
He had carried himself humbly, almost meekly as a child and adolescent, and had then carried himself over assertively, arrogantly and almost cruelly when he had started his career. He no longer carried himself in either way- he had leveled out. He now walked with a confident grace, almost strolling with the nonchalant ease of a well learned scholar. He carried his tail at an easy going, non-aggressive height, the tail blade cocked to the left, and he had his weight distributed evenly over all four legs. Isteillia hated to admit it to herself, but he looked wonderful. He smiled at her, and she suddenly felt self-conscious, thinking she must look terrible.
You look well, Silarian. Life has been kind to you, she said.
I have grown up a lot in the past year. Had a lot to think about- who I was and the way I was, he said quietly, his left stalk eye twitching slightly, nervously.
They reached a copse of trees, and she kneeled in the shade, enjoying the tickle of the cool grass on her belly. She stretched out her tail and front legs as he kneeled next to her- close enough to be a comforting presence, but far enough to be respectful and prove he meant no harm. She looked up at him, her eyes glittering in the dappled sunlight, curiosity in their depths. He took a deep breath and closed his main eyes, his tail swishing back and forth over the cool grass.
I worried about you, he said after a long silence that wasn't awkward, but strange. I'd always at least glimpsed you at the spaceport, but I hadn't seen you in nearly a year.
You still watched for me, she said softly. It wasn't a question. She was torn being exasperated and touched at his lingering affection for her. He opened his main eyes and the unreadable look in his eyes held her in a vice grip. She couldn't look away.
With your mate not here, I wanted to at least assure myself you were doing alright.
I was at the scoop, she said, tearing her eyes from his at last, looking down at her hooves that rested in the grass.
It...it was a difficult pregnancy...she trailed off and Silarian's face contorted in sympathetic grief.
Isteillia...he said sadly. He reached for her hand, thought better of it and pulled it back.
I will be alright, she said quietly. They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the spaceport.
I am sorry, Isteillia, he said finally. She blinked and looked at him.
For what happened? Silarian, you have no reason to be sorry...These...these things happen.
He scowled.
No, for everything, Isteillia. For not committing to you. For cheating on you. For saying you were not what I wanted. For trying to pull you back into my arms once I could not have you. For pushing myself on you, almost violently so. Mostly, for hurting you. For all that I have done, I am sorry, he said, and he hung his head, seeming to deflate in a mixture of pain and relief.
Isteillia stared at him, her main eyes wide; even her stalk eyes were watching him. The silence stretched between them in moments that seemed like years. Finally, she reached forward and took his hand in hers. Her gaze was tender as she made him look at her.
Silarian, she said softly. Thank you.
You are not mad at me? What I did was inexcusable, he said incredulously.
I have lost something precious to me. I have learned that grudges will not keep what is precious close to you. Grudges and anger only fester. In this moment, you have taught me that. I forgive you, Silarian. You did what you did out of love- though how you went about it was wrong, I forgive you, she said.
He closed his eyes as she reached out and gave him a sisterly kiss, then he pulled her into his arms, hugging her. She stiffened, but only momentarily before stifling a sob and melting into his embrace. She needed this. She needed it to heal. They stayed like that for a while, neither saying a word or moving before he finally pulled back and looked at her.
I wish I had done this earlier. I could have used the comfort these past months, she muttered. Silarian looked pained, and she stroked his temple.
No, not like that, she said soothingly. I just could have used a friend. My son and I have been going through a tough time.
I heard about your son and his intended, Silarian said quietly. She jerked, and he looked apologetic.
Rumors spread fast in the university.
Is that where you are, now? She asked. He nodded, flushing in pleasure.
I am a professor of meteorology, he said, lifting the end of his tail in pride, but the memory of her dancing in the storm so long ago was in his eyes. She flushed and looked away.
Fitting, Silarian. Very fitting, she murmured.
Isteillia, I sensed it was a sore subject, but I have to know. Is...is Breeyar alright? Silarian asked.
Isteillia curled her tail around her haunches, burying her face in his shoulder. The sob she had stifled broke free, and he tightened his arms around her.
No, no Isteillia...I did not mean anything by it.
No, I know. I have not talked to Breeyar since I made him leave! She cried.
What do you mean? He asked, pulling back to look at her. She refused to meet his gaze.
I thought he was leaving because he did not want to be around me while I was pregnant. I was angry he was going to miss another birth. I accused him of not wanting to be a father and a husband, that he was addicted to war, and made him leave the scoop. I have not seen or talked to him since.
She let out a wail and buried her face in his shoulder.
I was so hurt and angry! What if he's dead and I never got the chance to tell him I am sorry, and still love him? What if he died thinking I hated him?
She broke into uncontrollable sobs, shaking. Silarian stroked her back, saying nothing. He sensed this was something she had been holding in for a while, and needed to get out. He was silent, holding her, letting her get it out. There was nothing he could say until she was done. Indeed, she did nothing but cry for what seemed like eternity until finally she collapsed against him, falling silent. Cautiously, he stroked the back of her neck. She let out a shaky sigh and pushed herself forward.
Thank you, Silarian. I...did not realize how much I needed that, she mumbled. He gave a small smile.
I was horrible to you, Isteillia. I want to make up for what I have done. I just want you to know how sorry I am.
She looked up at him, her main eyes studying his face.
I do know, Silarian. I do, she said softly, hugging him. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her in a brotherly fashion.
I'm here for you cousin. Everything will be alright.
Isteillia took strength from the warmth and comfort in his voice. Though he was physically and mentally different, it was nice to be on good terms with him again, and she drank in the security. They stayed like that for a while until they heard the sound of someone approaching. It was Naylei and Nescord. Nescord was holding a bundle in his arms, and both of them looked angry, upset and heartbroken, but resolved and determined. Isteillia got up, Silarian following suit.
War Prince Nescord, Naylei. What is wrong?
Naylei looked close to crying and Nescord wouldn't meet her eyes. He looked at Silarian challengingly. Isteillia lowered her tail.
No, he and I have made amends. We are catching up as family, she said, seeing the suspicion in his eyes. He grunted and looked back at Silarian.
You look like you can hold some weight in your arms. Here.
He shoved the bundle into Silarian's arms. The bundle stirred and Silarian danced on his hooves in shock. Isteillia's eyes went wide and she looked at Naylei.
Is...is this..
Riuka's baby, Naylei said, her voice choking. She could not bring herself to terminate the pregnancy, but she cannot raise it. She demanded that since he wanted the baby, to give it to Aslirion.
Isteillia was at a loss for words. She stared at the squirming bundle in her former fiancé's arms. It was so surreal. She was standing next to the male she once wanted to marry while he held a baby that belonged to her son. Her grandchild.
Naylei...
Naylei had fled, Nescord running after her. Isteillia stared blankly at their retreating figures until they disappeared. She had no idea how long she stood there until Silarian made a soft noise. She turned to him and came closer. She pulled back the top corner of the birthing blanket. She gave a small cry as she saw the tiny face of her grandchild-her granddaughter. She looked just like her son, with a dark slate blue coat. Her tiny eyes were closed as she slept, and she nestled against Silarian's chest.
She...she is so tiny...Silarian breathed. Isteillia stroked the baby's cheek tenderly.
Help me take her home, Silarian.
It didn't take long to get home, and Isteillia immediately set to cuddling the infant and fussing over her. She mentally checked the clock every five minutes. Her son was going to be home soon. Silarian lingered only for a while, but left to give the family privacy. It was going to be a strained situation. Isteillia was kneeling on the grass just inside the entrance to the scoop with the baby in between her front legs when Aslirion came home. His tail was held higher and he looked well. He smiled as he saw she wasn't staring at the skies like she had been. She stood up, careful not to disturb the sleeping child.
Aslirion. There is someone you need to meet, she said carefully. His eyes went to the bundle between her front hooves and his face went blank.
Aslirion. This is your daughter. She's alive.