Hello all, I apologise profusely for my absence as of late. I have been struggling to manage my job, degree and anxiety and motivation has been really lacking. I've been so ashamed of myself for not writing I avoided my laptop, I avoided checking the site and even my emails making my boyfriend check instead! But I am fighting my way back. However, over the period between april and june, I do have several major assignments and a very busy period at work so please bear with me if I slow up!
I do plan to update the other fics but this just happened to be the first to get an update.
Thank you for following these stories, it is your reviews and messages that keep me going. (I'm sorry it's not terribly long but I felt the chapter had to end there. I will try to update again soon)

It was weeks before Astrid saw Hiccup in school again. She'd seen him out of school for study sessions, and in hospital, but Gobber had kept him off for a time. Astrid couldn't blame him. With Hiccup's injuries getting worse and worse each time Scott attacked him, Astrid was surprised he came back at all. But like Heather, like herself, Hiccup was a warrior. He kept getting back up after each battle, no matter how badly he had come off. To them, each scar was a badge of courage. They might have been knocked down, broken and battered, they might have really thought they had lost the war, but they kept fighting. Astrid knew they were warriors. And warriors don't give up.

Astrid remembered her uncle Finn again, he'd always said it didn't matter if you fell down, what mattered was getting back up and carrying on. He'd first taught her that when she'd been learning to roller-skate and kept falling over. She'd been so cross, she couldn't stay up for very long and the other kids were all skating around flawlessly. He told her it would take time but she was impatient and with every fall she tried to give up. But he would not let her. And eventually she learned…
… And now those skates were buried in a box in her garage. Dusty. Faded. Untouched. It made her feel so sad. He spent all that time teaching her things, and the only thing she regularly practiced was combat. Perhaps it was time to dig out those old things and learn again. But as she entered home room, she realised that none of that would happen any time soon.

Hiccup was desperate to be invisible. The teacher was talking about bullying and how it was bad and how she hoped no one in this class was responsible for some of the violent bullying taking place in school. It didn't really surprise him that no one had ever dobbed in Scott. People were scared of him. And even as they sat there, Scott cracked his knuckles in Hiccup's direction, the threat plain on his face.
Then the unexpected happened.
Astrid had just walked in as Fishlegs raised a hand and said "Astrid has punched me a few times."
There was silence.
All eyes turned back to Astrid. Hiccup felt his heart drop down to his knees.
"Astrid? Is this true?" The teacher asked, peering at Astrid through her glasses. Astrid stood there and stared. Fishlegs turned away. Astrid could hardly lie. She was in trouble every now and then and Fishlegs was squeaky clean.
"Yes." She said plainly. Hiccup's heart dropped further. He knew she could throw a punch. But why would she attack Fishlegs? Fishlegs was hardly one to pick a fight or provoke a girl like Astrid. The realisation was a huge blow to the gut and Hiccup made eye contact for a brief second before he looked away from her, sad and disappointed.

Astrid's own heart sank when Hiccup turned his back on her. Her whole body seemed to ache with a pain she couldn't understand. She made to walk away.
"I think Astrid you and I need to have a chat with the headmaster. Wait for me outside his office please." Great. That would mean a lecture and a phone call home. Then things would get worse. It was truly starting to feel like she was fighting a losing battle. No. She would not lie down and cower. She knew she shouldn't have punched Fishlegs, but she was not about to suffer for it. No more bruises. No more. She would not make blue her skin. Fishlegs would not be her undoing.
But Hiccup might.
The disappointment, the sadness and shame in his face. That hurt more than a hundred blades or a thousand fists. And it killed her. The fresh cuts seemed to scream to open, itching where they were healing and her scars tingled like a million tiny pinpricks. No more pain. No more. She simply nodded and walked away.
But she didn't go to the headmaster's office. She ran. She ran out of school and down the road. She ran to the graveyard and stopped at her uncle's grave. She sobbed to him about how sorry she was as her hands shook and blood dripped on the grass and the dirt. Then she ran further still. She ran past her home and out onto the edge of Berk. She ran into the wooded areas and ran through the trees. She ran and ran and ran. Finally, she could run no more and she collapsed onto the muddy ground and sobbed. Her shaking hand made another cut. She didn't even feel the pain. She let the blood dribble down her wrist as she cried, a crack of thunder overhead as the rain began.

There was a soft growl and a pair of glowing eyes. They emerged from the thicket of trees and sniffed. They knew that scent. The wolf lumbered over, sniffing. The human didn't even flinch. Was it because she knew it was him or because she no longer cared? He could smell the steel of her blade clasped in her hand. He could smell her blood on it, and on her wrists. Why had she done this to herself? Toothless could not understand. He nudged her lightly but she didn't respond. He nudged her hand, the one holding the blade and it fell to the ground. But still she did not move. He nudged and nuzzled and whined constantly and eventually she gave it up. She gripped a hand in his fur tightly and rested her head on him, sobbing into his fur. Toothless gave a small rub of his face against her. He did not know why the human girl cried. He did not know why she was all the way out here, alone and hurting herself. But he knew she was a good person. He knew his human liked her a lot. Toothless stayed there, even when the rain poured down. An alpha protects his own. And she was one of his pack now. And he would take care of her.

Hiccup had heard Astrid had not been at the headmaster's office as she was supposed to have been. The teachers were furious that she had run away. But he knew there was concern too. People didn't just run out of the school, even when in trouble. And Astrid had never been known for being a flight risk. She was brash, tough, and occasionally violent. But she wasn't a coward. Astrid surely wouldn't run away from a lecture by the headmaster?
Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe she wasn't everything he had thought her to be. But why, he wondered again, would she punch Fishlegs? Why would she punch one harmless nerd, and offer to help another? Or were they two different types of sport to her? Fishlegs and Hiccup had not spoken much all day. They hadn't even spoken to each other much.
A girl approached him at lunch. Hiccup recognised her but not from his classes. Her name was… Helen?
"Hiccup, have you seen Astrid?" She asked. That puzzled him. Why was she… then he remembered a very blurry memory of the day Scott had hospitalised him. Astrid had been with someone, this girl. What was her name again? "Hiccup? I've been looking for her all day but I haven't seen her. I'm worried. Have you seen her?" Heather. That was her name.
"Not since this morning. She ran off." He mumbled, pushing his potato around his plate.
"What? Why?" Heather demanded, surprised.
"She got in trouble."
"Don't be childish. She wouldn't run off just for being in trouble."
"Well I didn't think so either. But the teacher found out she had punched Fishlegs and sent her to the head but she never turned up. They checked cctv and she ran out of school."
"What?!" Heather looked fairly angry now. "She wouldn't run for no good reason."
"That's what happened." Hiccup mumbled, somewhat sadly. Heather turned on Fishlegs who shrugged.
"She's not as brave as Hiccup thought. Too cowardly to face up to what she did."
"Oh and you're the brave one?" Heather snarled.
"I reported the bully. That takes guts."
"Didn't report the bully who beats the shit out of your friend here though did you?" She retorted.
"Nor did Astrid." He said plainly, taking a mouthful of beef. Heather now really got mad. She grabbed Fishlegs by the front of his shirt and growled in his face.
"If anything happens to her, it's on you. And believe me, I'll make you feel every drop of guilt you deserve to feel for it."
"What do you mean 'if anything happens to her'?" Hiccup asked, the concern now back and clear in his voice.
"If she didn't tell you it's not for me to do. But believe me, you'll pay if anything does." She said, warningly to Fishlegs.
"But what do you mean by…" Hiccup began again. Heather turned to look at him.
"If you haven't noticed, and if she hasn't told you it isn't my place to do so." Now Hiccup had more questions but Heather was already walking away. He dropped his food to the table and hurried after her.
"Heather! Heather wait!" He called. She stopped and turned to face him.
"What?" She snapped.
"What… what are you worried might happen to Astrid? Please… I don't want to see her hurt."
"Then I suggest you don't look." Was her blunt response. Hiccup's heart stopped in his chest. "Look Hiccup, sometimes people hide pain. Sometimes people can't hide it any longer. Sometimes people can't deal with it." His heart began beating again, now in a rapid terrified pounding. "If Astrid ran, it wasn't the teacher's she was scared of. Whatever made her feel threatened enough to run, whatever finally broke her… That's what the problem is."
"I have to… we need to… we have to find her. And help her."
"And how do you propose we do that Hiccup? Like I said, she wouldn't run. She's a warrior. She's not afraid of a fight, a battle. There's something else we don't know. No one does. And if she's determined to hide it still, to protect herself from it, we won't find her. She'll either come back on her own or…" She tailed off and bit her lip. Hiccup wasn't sure he wanted to hear the 'or' but he asked anyway.
"Or what?"
"Or the police will find her body."