I feel half asleep but Jacob assures me its noon. "Are you sure?" I yawn and pull on a sweatshirt over my long sleeve shirt. It's getting colder outside. We're past the point where we can see our breath outside. Now the grass freezes in the morning and the leaves left on the ground are frozen and break when stepped on.

Jacob stares at me sadly, as if I'm someone he pities. "Yeah Em, I'm sure. How are you feeling?"

I run my hand along the gauze around my stomach. "I don't know" I answer honestly.

He nods and leads the way downstairs. He doesn't reach out for my hand and doesn't pull me into his arms the way he normally would when we reach the landing. In fact, he's been careful not to touch me all morning. I know we have to talk about last night, but with Billy around neither of us really wants to get into it. I nod hello to Billy as we move outside and climb into the Rabbit. Billy is acting as if last night didn't happen. I kind of wish Jacob would act that way as well.

Jacob climbs into the driver's seat and turns the heat on high. He reaches over and adjusts the vents so that they blow the warm air on me. I smile seeing how he cares about me. "We can't keep missing school like this" I say as he pulls out onto the street.

"You're more important than school" he says without taking his eyes off the road.

I sigh and fall back into the seat, resting my eyes for a few seconds. Jake said that I woke up again twice after the nightmare. I don't remember waking up but I also don't remember getting dressed, eating breakfast, or even waking up this morning. I'm dead tired. I feel like it takes an insane amount of effort just to keep myself breathing, let alone keep myself conscious.

"I don't know if this is really necessary" I say with my eyes closed because it helps me save energy for talking.

Jacob sighs long and sad. "I don't know what else to do" he says.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Of course" he answers immediately.

I reach for his hand. He takes his right hand off the wheel and wraps it around mine. "Don't let them take me away."

I don't need to explain. He understands me perfectly. "They're not taking you away from me" he swears. He squeezes my hand roughly but I don't pull away. Instead I squeeze his hand as well. I'm scared to death. I look down at my covered stomach and still feel sick. With every little move I feel the cuts stretch and open. It feels the exact same as the first time, just not as deep. It sends chills down my spine.

Jacob pulls into the hospital parking lot and a sense of déjà vu overwhelms me. I shiver with the icy breeze that surrounds me the second I open the car door. Jacob comes around to my side of the car but for some reason he doesn't wrap his arm around me the way he normally would. I cling to the little heat that I can catch radiating off of him. He looks down at me sadly and holds the door open for me.

Jacob walks up to the front desk and tells them I need to see a doctor about possible night terrors. It's strange hearing him say this because he never voiced this idea to me. In fact, now that I think about it, we really haven't talked much about what's going on with me. In the morning he simply checks to make sure I'm ok, both physically and emotionally, and then we move on with our lives. He worries about me and I live in silent fear of sleep.

The nurse at the desk tries to convince Jake to set up an appointment with our local doctor's office as this is a hospital and not a physician's office. Checkups aren't usual here nor are they happily done. Jacob's fists clench and I see him grit his teeth. His jaw hardens and he fights off his anger with incredible self-control. "We don't have time to make an appointment" he snarls and the nurse backs up a little. "I don't know what's happening to her but I know whatever it is is hurting her and she needs help. You have plenty of doctors here. Find one."

I see calculate. Her eyes roam over Jacob and take in his bulging muscles that stretch the fabric of his T-shirt, his hulking height, and his jaw clenched in anger. She gulps and points to the waiting area. "Take a seat in those chairs. I'll get someone over to you as soon as I can." I thank her because Jacob seems to be ready to rip her throat out.

"You ok?" I ask when we sit down. The chairs are extremely uncomfortable. Artificial wear marks cut into my skin and they are just as cold as it is outside. I wrap my arms around myself to try and keep warm. I realize now how much I take advantage of Jacob's warmth and love and willingness to always hold me. I feel more lonely than ever before with Jacob here next to me but so far away.

"Fine" he says curtly. Is he angry with me?

I turn my head knowing he doesn't want to talk right now and watch the people that walk by. I catch sight of a very pale my man and cringe. I lean towards Jacob and I'm desperate for him to put his arm around me and tell me it's all right. "What's wrong?" he whispers and glances down the hall. When he spots the Cullen he tenses up as well and I hear the lowest growl start to build. But Carlisle keeps walking and any altercation is avoided.

I feel Jacob's arm move and he's just about to pull me close when I see the next person waddling down the hall. She's sickly looking and very much pregnant. And very much familiar. My breath catches in my throat and I hear Jacob stop breathing all together.

Bella's eyes are black and blue and her skin is stretched tight over her face. Her skin is as pale as the rest of the Cullens. She looks like a walking skeleton. The only part of her that looks healthy is her stomach which has a fairly obvious baby bump.

Jacob and I share a glance. He searches my face. "Go" I tell him reluctantly. For all the shit she's put him through, he still considers her a friend and still is protective towards her. He stands without giving me some kind of embrace and follows after Bella. It's only after he's gone that I sigh and slouch down in my chair. The world feels a whole lot emptier today.

…

Jacob's Point of View

I reach out and grab her arm. "Bella" I sigh.

She spins around and smiles at me. But she's so thin I can see all the bones in her face. It's really frightening. "Jacob" she says and wraps her arms around me. I feel the bump and pull back from her.

"How can you be…? Did he…? Are you one of them?"

I'm filled with so much rage all of a sudden I want to hunt down every single one of the Cullens and rip their heads off. How could he do this to her? He put some kind of monster inside of her! And how could she let it happen. Why hasn't she killed it yet?

"No" she says and shakes her head without the normal sadness. "I'm waiting until I have him."

"Him?"

"Well I think it's a him. Edward thinks it's a girl but the mother is usually right."

I can't take it anymore. I slam my palm into the wall so it makes a loud slap but doesn't go through the drywall. Bella jumps and immediately stops talking. My whole body shakes and I struggle to hold back the anger. "Why?" I growl from between clenched teeth.

"Jacob… I want this" she says and places her hand on my shoulder. I shake her off and press my hands to my face so hard that I'm afraid I'll push my eyes back into my skull. But maybe that's a good thing. Then I don't have to see my friend like this in this delusional state.

"Can't you see what it's doing to you?" I yell not caring who hears. "It's going to kill you!"

Bella looks around frantically to see if anyone has heard. Then she turns back to me with a frown on her face. "Please don't argue with my Jacob. Emma's been keeping you away from me and I don't want to spend this time fighting."

I backtrack. "Emma hasn't been keeping me away" I defend.

"Yes she is" Bella snaps suddenly. Her eyes darken and I watch as her normal mellow composure is clouded by anger. "When you got hurt she blamed me and she's kept you away since…"

"That's not true" I say and shake my head. I think back and try and come up with a reason for not seeing or calling her. The real reason is because there's simply been no time between my injury and Emma's dream attacks. But I don't know if I should tell her this. After all, she's obviously very close with the Cullens, I don't know how much about Emma I want them to know. The pack ruled that the Cullens most likely don't have any control over this, but I don't trust them and I certainly don't want them to know Emma is weak right now.

"I just couldn't find the time" I say lamely, knowing it's not a good enough answer for anyone.

Bella's eyes narrow. "Because of her" she spits out. "Imprint or not, what good can she be for you if she's keeping you from your friends."

But she's not keeping me away, I want to argue. Emma has been remarkably understanding about all of this. She's the one that let me come and talk to you. She won't get mad at me for this either. She deals with all this shit that I throw at her and I don't know why.

I feel my chest tighten as I feel like I'm abandoning Emma. I came here with her to see what's going on with her. Something is very wrong and she's probably scared out of her mind. My girl, having to be tortured and plagued by her dreams and then try and explain all that to a doctor she doesn't know on her own. She has to open up and tell as much of the truth as she can without letting the pack secret out without me by her side. I'm supposed to be by her side for everything. What the heck am I doing here?

"I have to go. Emma…"

"Of course it's Emma" Bella cuts me off. "What? Is she dying?"

That word cuts through me like a lightning hot knife. Just the image of Emma's lifeless… I grab Bella's bony arm and shove her into the wall. She gasps and looks winded. Her eyes plead with me but I don't let up. I get right in her face. "Don't ever say that" I growl. I let her go, not caring if I hurt her, and make my way down the hall to the place where I left Emma. Bella doesn't follow.

Emma's not in the waiting area anymore. I could go ask a nurse but the one at the desk picks up the phone, even though it wasn't ringing, when I come into her sight. So instead I sit and wait for her on the chairs. They are as cold as ice and instantly feel dread for making Emma sit on these. I could have at least had her sit on my lap. Then she wouldn't be so cold.

I can't bear to touch her now though. It's the way those scars opened up so easily, the way the blood found its way onto my hands a second time. How could I have done that to her? Thinking about it made me feel sick.

I wonder what the nightmare was that made that happen. Was she dreaming about that day? About that fight? Was it me, an invisible me, that did that to her a second time? If there's any mercy then it wouldn't have been. I can't stand being responsible for that twice.

When Emma's comes out of a doctor's office she isn't smiling. She has an orange bottle in her hand and stops in front of me. From the way she cocks her head I can tell she's waiting to tell me until we are in the car. This time, when I catch her shiver from the breeze the door throws off when I open it, I wrap my arm around her and hurry her to the truck. I crank the heat up to full blast and hold her hand to try and keep some warmth in her body.

"He thinks I have night terrors" she explains dully.

"And you don't believe" I catch on.

She shakes her head. "I could only tell him so much without telling the secret. And what I could tell made it seem like night terrors. It was probably the easiest diagnosis of his career and it's wrong." She sounds very downtrodden and I pity her. I can't imagine for awful it is to have something be wrong and not be able to tell the people that could possibly help or get any real help at all.

"What did he give you?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject.

"Medicine."

"Well maybe it will help a little. I mean, some of the symptoms are the same. Maybe it can do something" I try.

She shakes her head and stares out the window. "I don't know." Then she spins around quickly. "So is Bella…?"

I nod and clench my teeth again. I hold the steering wheel with white knuckles. "That thing is going to kill her. It's eating her from the inside." I glance over at Emma and see her turn a little green so I drop the subject.

I pull out the parking lot and for a few minutes we drive in silence. The radio is off but neither of us reaches to turn it on. I reach over and grab Emma's hand. "I love you" I say because I feel like I don't say it enough.

"I love you too" she says immediately. Her finger circles the top of the orange container. "I hope this works" she breathes. "I want to be myself again."

I want you back too, Emma.