"Come on, Zorin. You have to get up." Moose said as she stroked my face.
I shoved her off weakly, turning away from her.
She sighed, breathing out her anger as she always did when it came to me. "You've been in bed for three days. You have to get up."
I pulled the covers up over my head. "At least to have a shower?"
I stayed still, unmoving and ignoring her words.
Well, I wasn't particularly ignoring her; her words just weren't coming in. I just couldn't make sense of them in my brain. Why should I even bother to make sense of them? What was the real point of it? Why talk and have friends, when in the end we only die anyway? What was the point of it all?
"Please, Zo. We need to go see Annie. Please?" she asked as I stared emotionlessly at my wall.
"Girls?" my mothers frail voice came from, I'm guessing, the door.
"Sarah?" Moose said as she moved around to face her.
"That nice boy's on the phone again for you, Zoë." She said and I grumbled something and moved around a little bit. That, I did understand.
"I'll go tell him you don't want to talk." Moose said, squeezing my arm and then getting off the bed.
After a couple of minutes, the bed dipped down and I felt my mother's hand fumbling around until she finally managed to locate my cheek.
"He's extremely persistent." She said softly and I grunted as I moved around so my head was on her lap.
I kind of guessed it was Brady. Just thinking about him made my stomach do somersaults.
She sighed as she kept her hand on me, somehow managing to bring a small amount of comfort to me as she stroked my cheekbone.
"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." She said in her usual soft tone.
I rolled my eyes. "Why do you always quote Shakespeare to me?"
She smiled gently. "I quote because I don't know how to put the words I want to say together. Much more eloquent people have said what I want you to know."
My mom was always so interested in literature. I'm pretty sure she's read every single book published. It's not surprising she has an obsession with William Shakespeare.
My mother's one true love was reading. It was another thing that was harder for her, being blind.
I sighed as I closed my eyes, breathing in my moms comforting smell. It reminds me of when I was little.
"Quote me some more." I mumbled.
"'The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep' ~ Henry Maudsley. Of which I mean, stop all this moping about and cry. You're not doing yourself any good. You're not a zombie, and I know you're hurting. Stop acting like everything's going to be okay, Zoë. It won't be if you try to isolate yourself like this."
I closed my eyes, hating that I knew what she was saying was right.
"It's so much easier pretending it didn't happen." I whispered, my voice hoarse from not speaking for a while.
"It's easier? You don't feel the pain, then?"
I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "I'm fed up of the pain."
She stroked my hair. "I know it's hard, honey. He meant a lot to you, I know. But this isn't healthy and I'm not standing for it any longer. I want you showered and with Annie by the time Sophie gets here."
When I felt a pat on the head I knew it was finalised. She meant business, and if I didn't do what she said, I was in major trouble.
My mom may sometimes be emotionally unstable, but there were times like this when she wasn't. This was when her mothering side takes over the anxiety, as Sophie says. Sophie's my mom's carer.
I passed Moose on my way to the shower. "Oh, hell! How did you do it, Sarah? I've been trying for three days straight!" She said and I rolled my eyes.
As I felt the hot water splash against my face, I felt totally alone - alone, but somehow safe. It was okay for me to let go. I always find the best place to cry is in the shower. It's so warm. I love the warmth. And you can always blame the redness on getting shampoo in your eyes, after all.
Anyway, after my shower, Moose and I walked, hand in hand, to Annie's house.
… to Richard's house.
"So, umm, what did Brady say?" I asked quietly, trying to swallow the nervousness.
She shot me a look. "It doesn't matter."
You know how I said I got Moose cravings? I appear to get Brady cravings, too.
It's been three days since I last saw him and those cravings are getting pretty strong. Like, doubling-the-pain-in-my-heart kind of strong.
I just wanted to see him. And hug him. Brady gives very nice hugs. Very, very, very nice hugs. Arg. I proper need to see him.
What if he's done something stupid, like hitting his toe on something again? And then he could of cut it open. And then it could have got infected. Then he could have been rushed into surgery. And then there could have been complications. And then he could of died.
"Calm down, Zo." Moose said, stopping and putting her hands on my arms. "You're, like, hyperventilating. What's the matter?"
I just shook my head, taking a deep breath and carried on walking.
Stop being ridiculous. Moose would tell you if he died.
Would she, though? I sent a suspicious sideways glance at her. She caught it and pulled a really shocked face. I couldn't not smile at that.
Okay, he called, you dumbass. He can't call if he's dead.
Hopefully.
Shut up, you unhelpful part of my brain.
Brady, Brady, Brady, Brady…
Stop thinking about him.
'Impossible,' my brain sang.
Arrrrgghhhh. I am now contemplating if Moose would realise if I ran away to Brady's.
Chances are she will notice, though.
All I can think about is how freakishly perfect he is. And how much I want to be with him. And what it felt like to wake up in his arms. I hadn't really slept much since that night with him, even less so than usual.
I miss his smell, his warmth, his happiness, his arms, his face, his voice, his... I just missed him. And I was annoyed that I did. It really annoys me how people say they 'miss' someone when it's only been a couple of days. Because I know what it's like to truly miss someone, but really, I did miss Brady already.
"Okay, come on." Moose said, smiling sadly at me as the pulled me up the driveway.
The memories came flooding and crashing back to me like a tsunami.
She pulled me up the steps, and then after letting me have a massive reunion with all of Annie's dogs, she led me to Annie's room.
"Go on." She sighed, shoving me when I just stood at the door. I groaned and opened it.
She was sitting on the edge of her bed, her arms wrapped around herself. When I stepped through the door she looked up quickly. She looked terrible. Like, terrible terrible.
She looked like death.
I stared at her for a while, the both of us in total silence before she jumped up, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.
And here we go again with the tears.
"I don't want him to be gone." She sobbed as we clung to each other, crying our faces off.
"I know, Annie. I know."
She pulled back, sniffing and attempting to wipe her eyes. "Angharad. I want you to call me Angharad sometimes, you know? It's what he wanted."
My face crumpled up again as more tears found their way to the surface and I latched onto her, crying even harder.
Why does it always hurt so much? I tried blocking out the pain like I have so many times before… but it never works. I always end up latching onto other people to help me. Like last time, with Moose. Though, to be fair, that turned out better. I gained a sister.
And then there's Brady, who I definitely latched onto… I really need to see him.
And… Richard.
If only.
I try to be strong. I like to think that I'm actually quite a strong person. I don't cry over petty little things, I don't moan about a paper cut like some wimpy girls I know do, but when things are like this, then my strength just seems to disappear. And I hate feeling weak, I hate having to rely on people. But I know I'm fine, because I trust who I rely on. I know Moose will be there for me always, and I know Brady would too. And all of the girls. I can count on the girls for absolutely anything. They're my rocks. They're what keep's me together.
About two hours later, after just talking with Annie, I walked back out to find all the girls were outside her room, sitting in the floor.
"Hey, you okay?" Moose asked, standing up and I nodded, pushing her back down gently.
"I'm fine. I'm going for a walk." I said as I walked past them. "Need to… clear my head."
"Want anyone to come?" Babs asked and I shook my head, waving her off.
"Thank you, though." I said and Moose caught my hand, giving it a squeeze.
It's just little things like that, which make me that much better.
I hurried down the stairs and out the house. The cold wind blew against me and I let out a long breath and started walking back to mine.
I sneakily crept into my house. But my mom and Sophie were in our dining room, talking, so I easily slipped up stairs undetected. If mom knew I was home so early she'd think I didn't have a proper talk with Annie and send me back. But we talked. There's only so much you can say.
I stepped into my room, looking at all the pictures plastering my walls.
I love photos. I love taking them and everything.
Every spare space on my walls is covered in either a music band poster, or photos. Well, there's some room left, but they shall be covered soon. Some are of my girls, other people I know, things that make me happy, landscapes, or just random things. I traced a photo that I had of me and Richard. We were at the beach late one night, having a barbeque, and I'd gone snap-happy. Moose got fed up and stole my beloved camera from me, and unbeknownst to me took some of her own pictures. I was glad of it now, though.
Just looking at his face, he was so happy and… alive.
My cell buzzed on my desk and I sighed, dropping my hand and walked over to it.
Six unread messages
Ah, bollocks.
'Hey do you want to meet up or something? x' – Brady
'Are you okay? How are things?' – Brady
'Seriously Zo, please reply. I'm going mental. How are you?' – Brady
'Okay, Moose says you don't want to talk to me but I really need to see you. Please can we meet up? X' - Brady
'I understand totally if you don't want to see me. Can you just text back? I need to know if you're okay' – Brady
'You're driving me crazy. Are you okay? Please call me back.' – and, would you believe it, from Brady.
Damn Moose. She really believes Brady's going to murder me or something.
'Meet me at the beach in 20 minutes? I really need to see you. Oh, and don't believe anything that Moose says, she's a little silly and very overprotective.' I replied and grabbed a coat, heading back down the stairs.
My house is like a five-minute walk from the beach. I love being so damn close to the beach. About half of the photos in my room are of the beach. Even when it's cold and windy and dark, I still think the beach looks beautiful. I plonked myself down on the sand, staring out into the ocean. I find the ocean so peaceful. I just loved staring off into the ocean, watching the waves.
Not that long after I sat down, Brady sat down next to me. I looked up at him. "You're early." I stated.
He looked at me and nodded. "I was trying to beat you here. Didn't work." He grinned and I smiled before looking out at the ocean.
"How are you?" he asked after a long moment of silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. I would be fine with just sitting side-by-side with Brady in complete silence for the rest of my life.
I shrugged. I wasn't going to lie and say 'fine'. It annoys me terribly when people are like that. "How about you?"
He shrugged. "What have you been doing? Why didn't you answer the phone?" he asked, his eyes flickering over to me every so often.
I let out a loud breath through my nose, unsure how to answer that question. "I haven't done anything. I wasn't really in the greatest… frame of mind."
"I came round – to see you." He said, nudging his shoulder into me.
"Oh?" I nudged him back.
"Yeah." He said, continuing the little nudge war.
"Moose didn't let you in?" I guessed.
"Nope." He said and I laughed.
"She means well."
"I know." He said, looking at me and smiling.
"And I think she feels slightly threatened by your muscles. I don't think she knows if she could take you in a fight or not." I said and he laughed loudly.
"I've missed you." He said softly and I took his hand, linking our fingers and bumping into him harder.
"I missed you, too."
He seemed a little nervous at first, but his hand soon relaxed. It was like he was constantly scared he was going to hurt me. Like I'm so 'fragile' he would break me. I am not fragile. I will have to inform him of that later, but right now, I was quite content to just sit there as I rested my head on his shoulder. He let out a breath and leaned the side of his head on top of mine and we just sat there, in silence. He didn't say anything and I was so grateful. All I wanted was to be with him. I didn't want to have to talk.
Letting go of my hand gently, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me tighter to him as it got colder. He kissed my forehead and I smiled against his skin. He really is the most adorable guy I have ever met. And he was shirtless again. Whoa. This whole 'friends' thing gets a lot harder when the 'friend' has quite fantastic abs and a distaste for clothing.
My stomach rumbled loudly and Brady put his face against the top of my head, breathing deeply before he pulled away. "When was the last time you ate?" I didn't reply and he sighed. "Come on, let's get some food in you."
I grumbled random stuff as he stood up, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. He grinned at me as I huffed and frowned. "Oh, grow up." he joked and I laughed as he started pulling me along.
I felt so guilty, laughing.
The man who'd acted as a father to me for so long had passed away, and here I was laughing.
"Where are we going?" I asked and he turned to me, an eyebrow raised slightly. "Oh hell no! Brady, please!" I begged and he laughed, picking me up around the waist and walking with me under is arm.
"Come on, Zo. Emily likes you."
"No, she doesn't!"
"She told me she did."
"She was just saying that so she didn't upset you!" I said, not missing a beat.
"Nope." He said as I he walked happily across the sand. "Sorry. You're just going to have to deal with the fact that she likes you."
"Urg! Brady, you really don't understand wha-" I trailed off when I saw the familiar mass of brown and white fur come charging towards us. "Rufus!" I shouted happily.
"Err, what?" Brady said, and then started moving me away when he saw the St. Bernard, as if trying to protect me from the dumbass dog. Big old Rufus couldn't hurt a fly.
"Put me down, put me down!" I squealed and Brady reluctantly did so and I stood up just as Rufus ran at me, his huge weight tackling me to the floor.
"Aw! How's my favourite boy?" I cooed as I ruffled his fur and he panted excitedly. I love his fur, he's so freaking soft. He put his massive paw on my arm, and I struggled to keep stroking him, he was quite a strong dog.
He slobbered on me and I groaned and laughed as I wiped the dog drool off my arm. Lots of people try and stay away from St. Bernard's as they're known to slobber a lot, but I didn't care. I fucking love this dog. I love all dogs really. They're just so freaking adorable. Even Rufus, who was about as big as I was if he stood on his back legs, he's just lovely.
Liam came jogging over, smiling apologetically at us. "Sorry about him," he said and Brady nodded, walking to stand closer to me as I just happily played with Rufus, who kept trying to lick my face. He started to lean into me and fell on my butt.
I assumed for the guys to start talking, as I knew they used to be quite good friends, but they didn't so I sighed and stood up.
"I heard about what happened." Liam said, a look of sympathy on his face as he stepped forward. "I'm so sorry, Zoë." He said as he pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around Liam's neck, noting how his hugs had lost the comfort that they once had, how they failed immensely in comparison to Brady's.
Brady's POV
He was hugging her. My girl. He was hugging my girl. I breathed in and out, my breath coming out in short gasps. I thought I could handle my anger quite well by now, but this was fucking hard. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, willing myself not to phase and tear him to shreds.
Not that he didn't deserve it, who was he to touch her? He shouldn't of. She wasn't his to touch. There was just no excuse for it.
His hands were on her waist.
I wasn't very happy at all.
Admittedly, her coat had been undone, but that didn't mean he had to hold her underneath it, just the small layer of her top preventing skin-on-skin contact. He could have just put his arms over her coat. He was just using it as an excuse to get a feel of her.
I imagined myself punching his face repeatedly... I shouldn't of. Now I couldn't get the image out of my head. It was just so tempting. And he wouldn't be able to fight back. I was immensely stronger, what with me being a werewolf. It would show Zoë that I'm the better man. But then I remembered that she wasn't particularly fond of physical abuse, so that may not make me a better man on her books. But the feeling of his nose breaking against my fist would be highly satisfactory.
She smiled meekly at him as she pulled back. That sent another spark of anger off inside of me and I dropped my eyes, glaring at the sand underneath my feet.
She shouldn't me smiling at other guys. It just wasn't right. She was my soul mate. Other guys just shouldn't be making her smile. She had the most heart-shatteringly beautiful smile I'd ever seen in my life. Other guys shouldn't be graced with the luck of seeing it. She was too beautiful for them to look at.
"Don't worry." She said as she kneeled down beside me, continuing to stroke Rufus.
I was, despite my great anger, very amused and happy over the fact that Zoë seemed to have a major soft spot for dogs. And by the way he was wagging his tail excitedly, it appears I'm not the only one who was incredibly happy by her presence. She didn't seem to mind that he was such a big dog, and I was quite a big wolf, so maybe she wouldn't be scared. Also, she didn't seem that fussed when he drooled on her, and I most definitely salivate over her.
Okay, now I sound like a pervert. I'm not a pervert.
Fine, maybe I'm slightly perverted when it comes to Zoë.
I'm apparently also very jealous when it comes to Zoë. I'm even jealous that she's touching that dog and not me.
Fuck.
I'm screwed for the rest of my life.
"Well, I'll see you around. Call me when you're ready to go out." Liam said.
"What?" I growled at him, automatically getting into a stance ready to pounce on him. He fucking did not just say that. He didn't just ask her fucking out in front of me!
He didn't just ask my girlfriend out at all, no matter if I was right there or not.
Cock.
I mean friend.
Just friend. We are 'just friends'.
"To go running, Brady." Zoë said nonchalantly as she continued to fuss over the dog.
She seriously turned to jell-o the moment she saw him. Maybe, when I tell her about being a wolf – which I will, eventually, do – I can just phase and she'll melt again.
She won't, though. Nothing is ever that easy.
"Oh." I said, straightening up, as Liam looked at me, wide-eyed, as if I was mental. "Sorry." I mumbled.
Yeah, I am mental.
"Okay, we have to get going." Zoë said, standing up and brushing her hands against her ass after patting Rufus once more. Do not think about her ass! That is not safe territory to think about. We don't think about Zoë's body while in public, remember?
"I'll see you later." She said to Liam and he smiled, waved and nodded at her.
"Bye, Zoë… Brady." He looked at me awkwardly and I managed a nod at him. It's weird. I used to really like him. But ever since I found out he had a friendship with Zoë, all I could think about was his annoyingness and what I hated about him. Which is strange, as I don't tend to dwell on what I hate.
Zoë sent me a quick smile and started walking again and I quickly followed after her.
"Ready to go to Emily's?" I asked, smiling at her and she looked at me, glaring slightly.
I really don't feel good when she glares at me. I do not feel good at all.
She let out a loud groan and sighed. "Fine. But we won't stay long, right? I don't want to walk home late."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Nah, nah. Of course not." She nodded, smiling thankfully. "You really think I'd let you walk home alone, anyway?" She rolled her eyes. "I'll protect you, Zo."
She looked at me, slightly amused but mostly just angry. "Oh, and how are you going to protect me?"
Oh crap.
Tell her? Don't tell her?
'Because I'm a werewolf'? No. Not the best way to break it to her.
"Err… in time, my dearest Zoë. In time."
And I will. Soon. I will tell her soon.
Lying to her about stuff is absolutely killing me. And she's my soul mate… I want to be able to talk to her about everything. Plus, Emily and Kim are proper badgering me on it. They want another girl to talk to about all of this.
But Zoë doesn't want me to tell her. I was just going to have to wait until she loves me, until she likes me enough to want to fight for me. She doesn't want me to tell her, as she doesn't want to have to keep it a secret from everyone. I want to mean something to her so that she will want to take the risk. I want to mean something to her so that it's okay if she has to lie because it will be worth it because she has me.
And I have to make that all happen fairly quickly.
Anyway, I took her to Emily's, where she talked, ate and hopefully had a good time. I walked her home quite early, remembering that she must be scared of something – maybe the dark? I wasn't quite sure – and I kissed her on the cheek at her door.
"Goodbye, Brady." She said, smiling at me when I pulled back and I nodded. I didn't like hearing her say goodbye. It just wasn't nice. I never wanted to have to say goodbye to her.
I stared at her, while she bit her lip, as if internally debating something and I just took in her beauty and her delicious scent. I bathed in it. Everything about her was so unbelievably gorgeous – perfect. I felt so absolutely honoured that it was me she was spending time with, me she had feelings for – and she does! She may not want to be with me emotionally, but she does have feelings for me.
She shut the door behind her and I stepped forward, resting my head against her front door, where she had been just moments before. I longed for the day that we lived together, where we had our own front door, where I could walk in happily, knowing that she was mine and I was hers. I could come home from little vamp fights to my Zoë, like what Sam does, and Jared sort of does. They get to hold their girls, knowing that everything is fine, knowing that everything is worth fighting for. I want so badly to just go to her and hold her tightly, kiss her brains out, so that I know that she's safe, but I can't. I'm adamant that I will someday, though. That's the only thing keeping me going. I live for that day, because it will come.
I knew that this was hard for her, loosing Richard. And I would forever blame myself for that. I didn't deserve Zoë to love me, no matter how much I wanted her to. So I would contain and try to control myself around her. I was going to act gentlemanly to her, because I want her to be happy again. Hopefully she'll reward my gentlemanliness by become my girlfriend one day.
I heard her pause behind the door for a moment and I stayed completely still, knowing that we were only inches apart; the only thing keeping us from touching was this door. I longed to be on the other side of it, to see her. I longed to know what she was thinking.
She opened the door and flung her arms around my neck and I stifled my shocked breath and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, picking her up off the ground.
I closed my eyes, basking in the sensation of having her body against mine as she buried her face against my neck.
We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other tightly. And I couldn't have been any happier. I tried not to breath to loudly – I didn't want to disrupt the moment.
I'd been going crazy over the past few days, not knowing anything that was going on. So to have her now, to feel her against me, that was just brilliant.
"Zoë? What are you doing? Are you there?" her mother called. Zoë cleared her throat. I wasn't counting, I was just lost in the feeling of her, but I knew quite a long time had passed.
"Umm, yeah, I'm now coming in. Hold on." She said and I could tell from the sound of her voice that she had been crying slightly.
I pulled back to see her face and she did have a few tear tracks running down her face.
"Thank you, Brady, for today." She whispered and I nodded as I stroked the tears from her face.
It hurt insanely badly to see her cry. She kissed my cheek this time before she moved around to try and get her feet back on the floor and I reluctantly set her down.
"Please, call me – whenever." I said, as I looked deep into her eyes. To my delight, she nodded. And I knew she meant it. I kissed her forehead and she smiled at me before slipping back inside.
"I love you." I murmured, looking desperately at the closed door.
I wished she'd come back out again, but I knew she wouldn't. She couldn't keep coming out, or else I'd never leave.
Not that I ever wanted to leave. Every second away from her was torture. Absolute torture.
You know how I said I was a pervert when it came to her? Yes, well, sometimes – when it gets too much – I just sort of camp out outside her room. It's really not as bad as it sounds. I'll have just finished patrolling and be on my way home but I get a little distracted when I pass her house. The sound of her breathing, the beat of her heart, the delicious smell of her, the adorable noises she makes when she sleeps – which isn't often – they're all just too enticing. When I get here I just can't leave. At least if I'm lying in the woods, I know that she's safe. That, at least, brings me small comfort.
It's my first day back at school today (URGH!) so I thought I'd post this to cheer you all up :) Please tell me what you thought so I know what you guys think to know if I'm going in the right direction with this story.
Massive thank you to everyone reading, reviewing and adding this story! Please keep the reviews coming, they are FULLY appreciated! :)