You don't understand what love can do to you. Not until you had it and loose it. It shows how it can make, shake you, and damn near break you apart. Watching Gracie unfold was once of the worst images I have ever seen, it will always be burnt in my mind. Tears were running down her face like raindrops in a hurricane. Her hands were wrapped around the arms of the chair bracing herself, trying not to fall out of her chair. Her head was hanging low, forcing her long auburn lock to fall in her face. Her body was shaking from all if the sadness that spread throughout her. Apart of her was dying, it was the worst feeling in the world. "Marcus! I need to see him!" She hollered, though her sobs, her voice was so shaken you could barely understand her. I placed my hand on hers in efforts so clam her down. That was the biggest mistake of my life. "You little liar! You said he would be fine! You said he was the best! You lied to me and now he's dead!" She shot out of her chair, "Your gonna pay! We didn't have a chance to live our life and now you killed him! You just wait, your next!" She said pointing a finger at me. Before I knew it Derek was between us.

"Gracie you need to calm down this has nothing to do with her. The Stake was removed and he was fine once we were stitching him back up an aneurism we did not catch exploded. He was gone before I could even begin to cut him open again. He didn't feel a thing. He went peacefully just like he would have wanted. Now it's going to be okay. You just need to call family and tell them what happened okay?" He said looking passionately at her. He wanted her threats to stop just as much as I did.

"I love him so much..." She trailed on, "Now what am I to do..." She sat back down as I began to walk off with doctor Shepard. She needed help. Help we couldn't give.

"You okay Mer? That got kinda intense, I mean with the whole death threat thing." He said placing a hand on the small of my back. For a split second I loves the feeling. It felt natural, it felt perfect, then I remembered what he said. I slithered away from his hand.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine." I walked at a faster pace trying I get away from him. I made a sharp corner heading for the pit. I needed a bloody trauma with no Nuro involvement. I was almost home free when a hand wrapped around my wrist.

"I have to worry about you! It's my duty as your boss to see to it that you are emotional stable to be in an OR-"

"Cut the crap." I interrupted his bullshit. "You and I both know that, that's not why your worried. Whatever you have to go do, you do it, but please just try and let me be alone. I don't need you following me around everywhere 24/7 making sure I'm okay, because I am." I started walking again, he didn't follow me. I was finally alone.

I played with the hymn of my skirt waiting for him to show up. Like a dumbass I had caved and called Jake. He invited me to go to the movie with him, but he was already fifteen minutes late. I was leaving against the brick wall that held the foundation of the building. He wasn't coming. This was all a mistake. I pushed myself off the wall and made my way to the glass doors that were marked the entrance. I had already paid for my freaking ticket and I wasn't about to waist my money. My hand had hand had just landed on the handle of the door, then a loud voice called for me.

"Hey sorry I'm so late. My brother was having an episode. I couldn't get away. I'm sorry Mer." He grabbed my other hand that was down by my side. I released my grip on the door, and walked back to the box office with him.

"Is your brother okay?" I asked not sure what he meant by episode. His hand was still wrapped around mine.

"Yeah. He's just special. He has to have more attention for the most part. Or things happen like tonight. He didn't understand I would be coming back. He thought I was leaving him, he had a totally melt down. I just had to stay with him until he fell asleep." He stated it as if it was a common practice.

"How old is he?" If he was acting like that he must have been the youngest out of the bunch.

"He'll be 23 come may." He said as he handed the cashier his money. "Yeah, I know, he has some type of retardation, with other stuff. We really don't know. We just know he's not all there and we just have to cope with it." His hand fell from mine as he went in to further detail of his brothers situation. "It like just having a seven year old with a horrible temper. You know in the book Of Mice And Men," I nodded in response. "He's like Lennie. He's huge and strong, almost uncontrollable when he gets upset. He's just so big and strong. You almost can't settle him." He opened the glass door halting the conversation, he motion for me to enter in, and followed behind me. "How about we talk about something else?" He said we we had entered in the the lobby of the theater. His hand found it way back into mine. "Like what the hell are we seeing?" He said with a lighthearted laugh.

"It's about this dude a falls in love with this girl, who's his best friend, but she doesn't realize it until her wedding day." He looked as if he was going to throw up from my sad summery of this fantastically reviewed movie. "It looked kinda funny." He smiled down at me.

"It looks like sad chick flick." He stated matter of factly.

"Well next time, if you come on time, then you an pick the movie." I said with a smile, letting him know it was nothing but a joke.

"Well lets see if I even want a next time..." He said with a trace of sarcasm laced in his voice.

"Oh, you just wait. This is gonna be the best date of your life." I pulled him toward out theater and gave the man at the podium my ticket, and he retuned my stub to me. Jake was soon behind me as we walked to find the best seat. The movie was packed, we shuffled our way up the stairs an to the top row. We plopped down in the Aisle seat leaving two seats between the people next to us.

"This better make me laugh." He said with a smile. "Or I'm making you reimburse me for my ticket and time." His hand was still wrappers around mine, giving me a tingling sensation.

I smiled back at him, "Trust me, you'll have fun."

The movie had ended and we were warped up in each other, the armrest that separated us had somehow disappeared, and I was resting on his shoulder. "Did you have fun?" I asked as the people around us began to disembark from their seats and down the aisles.

"You were right." He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "Best date of my life." He pulled me in a little tighter. His head resting upon mine. I could feel him take a deep inhale, "You're intoxicating." I looked up at him. The theater was now cleared out. "I want to kiss you." He spoke in a whisper, his breath warm breath hitting my ear made shivers run up my spine.

I looked at him again, before I knew it his lips were in mine once more. It was just like the night of the party. I felt like I was on top of the world. He was meant for me. I had never felt like this for any guy before. This feeling was new. And I loved it.

I felt a vibration in my pocket, that must have been my mother calling. I pulled away from him, in regret only came flooding in from ending that wonderful moment of bliss. "I need to go. I'm late already and my mom is going to murder me." I stood up out of my seat. "I'll call you tonight." I ran down the stairs and out of the movie house and to my car. I was going to be in huge trouble.

Christina was running toward me with a huge smile on her face. "I'm going to be doing piggy back!" She squealed as she reached me. "You have to come watch me! I'm going to be in OR 5 at six o'clock tonight!" I smiled at her, she already knew something was wrong. "What happen?" Her face fell with the question.

"He died." I said with great sadness. I fine with Derek's decisions to be an asshole, but Marcus dying is what go to me.

"You mean talking medical history. You killed it?" She asked with surprise.

"No Derek did. He kicked me out, to update this wife." I took a deep sigh. "Now she wants me dead, and he just acts like I'm a ticking time bomb." She looked at me with great pity.

"Well you kinda are one.." I slapped her shoulder. "I mean your whore for a husband is dead and you fell for his slutty doctor. You just can seem to catch a break kid." We reached the nurses station and Christina grabbed her chart. "I think you were right when I first met you. You are always just shit out of luck." She started to walk away.

"Like you have it any better!" I yelled after her. She was really just as screwed up as I was.

"Grey!" I heard a voice I didn't want to hear for along time. I started to dart off but the voice caught me before I could get away. "Hey, we never finished our fun." I turned and it was Mark Sloan. The man I was using to get over Derek.

"What a shame I would have blown you away." I said as I attempted to walk away. He still had me blocked in.

"I know. How about we pick up where we left of last night?" He said in a seduceive voice.

"Do you have a thing for woman Derek Shepard has slept with?" I asked in an impatient tone. Hoping that would make him move.

"Only the hot ones" he said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at his idiotcracy. "No I don't have a thing for his woman. He just gets to you all before I can." He laughed at himself. Typical plastic surgeon, always so full of themselves. I tried to move again but he still had me cornered. "There's an on call room fifteen feet away. It's got a real nice bed." I stopped him by placing a hand on his chest.

"If I say yes will you move."

"No, I'll move with you." He said with the same smart ass smirk. I gave him a look that could kill."If you won't sleep with me, at least let me have one more kiss?" He asked as if he was the innocent party in the conversation.

"Fine." I said folding my arms across my chest in surrender. "Go ahead." I said waiting to become the next subject of gossip here.

"Whoa Grey, not now! How about I take you out to dinner tonight?" His smirk was gone, it was replaced with a genuine smile. It was actually quite handsome.

"I can't I'm on call, and I'm taking my lunch break to watch Christina do her Piggy back at six." I said with sadness laced in my voice. It would have been nice to have a real sit down dinner, not some bar or cold pizza.

"That's great what OR?" I looked at him strange. It was strange that this rejection I had just delivered to him, had made him smile and say that it's great.

"Um...OR five." I still couldn't believe his excitement.

"Okay I'll be there at six." He smiled at me an walked off. I had no idea what he was planning. I am not the one for surprises, but what ever he was doing I'm sure it would be nice. Started heading to the pit, as was my plan since I had left the OR an hour ago. I raised my eyes from the ground, a smile was still on my face from what ever Mark was planning. The smile didn't last long. Standing in the door way to an empty exam room was Derek. His face was fallen. His eyes were locked on mine I continued to walk towards the double doors that lead to my safe haven of the pit. As I passed the room where he stood, his hand reached out for me.

"Mer, what are you doing." His voice was coved with pity and sadness.

"It doesn't matter what I'm doing. Go ask you wife how she is. I think that's a little more important than little ol' me." I walked off again he was closely trailing behind me asking why was I talking to his best friend. We should cut all ties to each other. It's still not okay to be attracted to his best friend. I couldn't take it any more, I was just steps to a place full of sad, sick, and dying people, and he was ruining it for me. I stopped right before I entered in to the the metal framed doubled doors that acted as the gets in to heaven. I abruptly stopped turning on my heal, causing Derek to almost run in to me. I took a deep breath and told him how it was.

"Look bud, you may not like it, but Mark asked me out on a date. Get over it. I've been trying to move on all day and you jut keep popping up like a freaking stalker. You need to quit worrying about me and how I'm feeling. That doesn't concern you any more. We have no relationships anymore. We are just co-existing at work right now. Got it. I love Nuro but I can not work under you. You need to start focusing on your wife and how you are going to sleep in the bed both of you made. Now if you would be so kind to leave me alone. I need to go cut someone up and maybe save a life. And I would be ever so grateful if you would leave me the hell alone from now on. If I need help I'll contact you. Got it?" His expression of sadness was still written all over his face. He knew I was totally and completely right. And he couldn't handle it.

"Okay. I'm done then. I'm sorry, I broke you." I looked at him as if he were nuts.

"You're kidding right? You did nothing. Don't even give yourself the thought that you broke me. I was in pieces long before you met me. And you were tape that sort put me back together. And now I've maybe found something even better. Glue. I think I may have found glue who can hold me together just awhile." I took in another breath. "No. You didn't break me. You just started the process of healing."

"Mer-" I placed my pointer finger in his chest, taking him aback, causing him to stop talking.

"Don't call me that." He looked worst then he was before. "Please don't even call me at all unless you have a some once in a lifetime case. Got it?" I turned heading to the placed I had been attempting to go since this morning. My hands were on handle of the door handle, almost in the most magical place on earth, then his hand was on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, I refused to turn around. I did not wasn't to see his face. "I was very wrong. Please forgive me. Mer... I just- I just need to be you friend. I have been with you since Jake-" I shrugged off his hand.

"No Christina was there. You just wanted to take advantage of a woman with a dying husband." I pushed though the doors, half expecting him to follow me. I walked to the main desk, surprised no voice was calling me or some hand pulling me to them. I approached the desk that was covered with charts, and was shocked to see George sleeping on the desk. I walked behind the tall covering of the desk, and gently shook him awake. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were barely opening.

"George, are you okay?" He looked up at me as if I had tried to kill him.

"No." He answered like a grumpy child. "I've had a total of four hours of sleep since yesterday." I rested my hand in his shoulder. He really did have it rough. He was the underdog of our year, and every resident and attending was making him work for his spot. "And I finally got some scut to do, and I keep falling asleep." I looked at him with sympathy.

"Go find an on call room." I said as he looked at me with anger. "Or an empty gurney." He stood up with his stack of charts and made it out of here to find a nice warm bed. How I'd hate to be him today.

"Meredith!" My mothers voice called from the kitchen, I was in deep shit. "Get your ass in her now!" She was going to kill me. I was an hour passed curfew, and she was drunk. Like always. I walked in to the kitchen, anticipating a screaming match from her. "Where have you been?! I have been waiting for you! For an hour! How was I Supposed to know that you were even still alive!"

"Mom, I told you was on a date. We talked about it already." She looked at as a reverend would a sinner.

"So now your out gallivanting around having sex with who know! Before I know you're going to show up pregnant and ruin your life!" She yelled as she threw her hands up. This was bad, her glass of vodka rested on the edge of the kitchen island. I walked over to it moving it before she knocked it down. As picked up her glass she scolded me. "Now you just a drunken, soon to be pregnant, whore!" I did not raise you to be this! If you want to act like this, you better get out of my house!" She downed the rest of her drink, "I'm going back to the hospital." She spoke as she walked out the back door, and down the to garage. Well at least I won't have to worry about any more yelling. I looked down at her empty glass, the bottle of Grey Goose was right to the left of it. I picked it up, and examined my options. I could, just have a few sips. An relax, or I could call someone and just drown myself.

"Hey, Gina! Get over here! My mom just left and the liquor is open." I spoke in to my phone. Gina, was also a child from a family of surgeons. We normally had a drinking session once a week. And this week it was my turn to host It.

"Okay I'll be right there! And I just got a new bottle of captain Morgan " she spoke with pure excitement. We were gonna have fun.

"So it Mom found out that Dad had been sleeping with his scrub nurse, Denise." She spoke after she took a gulp drink. "You should have seen it when they walked into the house. He actually brought her home! Like what was he thinking! I mean, who takes there whore in their house! At Least be a gentleman about it! But any ways I was with Louis and we were just editing our video for film and he bust in with her hanging off of him in total make out. Louis has no ideas was to do he is freakin out." She laughed though the statements of her story a if it was a normal day to day thing that occurred. She downed the rest of her drink making a face as she reached the bottom. "So you know me. I walk up to them and clear my throat, and they stop and look at me. I say in such a sweet little voice, Daddy that's not mom. He looked like a deer caught in head lights. He pulled out his wallet and gave it to me, he said for me and my friend to get out an have some fun. So we did, and when I came back mom was on the couch holding Denise's panties, waiting for dad to come down stairs. They were still up there. We could actually hear them. It was disgusting. I finally was the one who went up there." I looked at her imagining the horrifying seen she had been apart of. At least Ellis wasn't that bad.

"You had to go up there?" I said taking a bug gulp of my coke and rum. "Like you saw it? Why would you submit yourself to that?" I asked I wouldn't know what to do. Thank goodness her and dad already called it quits.

"I'm not like my mom. I couldn't sit back and listen to him. So I knocked down the door and called her a whore and told her to get the fuck out. She pulled the whole you can't talk to me like that young lady thing. And I said, I can say what ever the hell I want. You and my father won't be having jobs tomorrow. Just wait and see. When Chief Grey hears about you two, you just wait. They were shocked. And I threw in for good measure. Mom came home about and hour ago. I'm sure she called and told her best friend all about it already. I walked out and down the stairs, and sat with mom. I held her hand. For a little bit, then they started back up agin. They knew we were here, that's when my mom went up there. He knew we were down there but he went on anyways. It was just disgusting. I can't believe he's my dad! Like how did mom even fall for that!" Gina stood up and walked over the cabinet, she pulled out a bottle of merlot. She had always loved wine, I was never really one for it. She walked back to the couch and plopped down. Instead of grabbing a glass she just pulled the cork out and took a swig. "Want some?" She asked as she pointed it to me. I don't pass up free liquor. I took a huge gulp. I was already drunk, as was she, but we did stop until we were passed out.

"How's Ellis any ways," asked Gina "I haven't seen her in almost a week. I know she's as crazy as ever, since webber transferred to Mass Gen, but I mean is she still as cold as before?" Gina knew all about my mothers history. She knew that everything, all the fights, how I wasn't a good enough daughter for her.

"She's like whiskey, she only get bitter with time." I took another swig. "And it's gotten worst with Webber here. I mean whatever she in love with a married man. It won't ever be okay, and he's never going to leave her. So my mom is really just fucked over. But it's her choice. Whatever she does, she does." I took an attempt at standing up, and fell back down Miserably. "I need to go to bed." I tried again making it up this time, "Lets go." I said as I ran up the stairs to my room. I threw myself on the bed. Gina was right behind me.

"I need to go home." She spoke, but she lived liked a mile a away and she couldn't drive.

"Nope, sleep." She fell on the bed obeying my request.

"Fine, only because I don't want to go back to the fighting." She rolled over facing the wall.

Yeah sure that was the reason.