Only
The sunlight on your hair as you sleep, the sunlight on your lips, the sunlight in your eyes when you wake with my fingers against your cheek brushing away the tears from your dreams, and when you see me you smile, the same smile you give me every morning yet different, I swear, because nothing so perfect can be replicated, we kiss but you laugh and push me away, saying that you need to wash up, you are hungry, all logical reasons but I've always thought logic overrated, especially in this world, still I let you wade into the stream, water darkening your clothes, water pouring down your face and slicking back your hair as you raise your head to the sun and close your eyes, that same pose you try on every morning, except this time when you turn you catch me staring and you smirk, what are you looking at? walking back to shore with your clothes clinging to your skin, that swaying walk, that casual toss of the head, when you sit down next to me I can smell the wetness, fresh and clean, mixed with the scent of your perfume, yes, perfume I said, your perfume, the perfume you didn't put on, the perfume you didn't even bring because you thought it extravagant for a trip such as ours, still you manufacture it somewhere within your body and breathe it out through the pores of your skin, had you some way to bottle it up and sell it you'll be rich, even richer, I mean, and you laugh, thinking it was a joke, and it was, but all jokes are rooted in truth so they say, the crease of your lips when you laugh, the dimples on your cheeks when you laugh, the widening of your eyes when you laugh, did you know I tried to copy your laughter once? tried to capture some part of you within myself, part of your beauty, watching my reflection laugh in the rippling water and realizing it was all futile, like trying to capture sunlight in my hands, before I heard your steps and jumped away from the water's edge, embarrassed, like a child, like that time my mother caught me trying on her lipstick with red smeared all over my face, what were you laughing at? oh nothing much you know uh just stuff, and you raised an eyebrow and my face grew hot and how long ago was that? just two days ago you say? that can't be true it was at least a week, I furrow my eyebrows, but remembering is difficult here, time is fluid here, yesterday we hiked through an evergreen valley, the day before that we lunched at the lakeside, no that was the day before the day before yesterday you say, the day before yesterday we slept in the hollow of a tree, nestled against one another as rain drizzled outside, speaking about our childhood days even though we were too young for nostalgia, and I remember now, yes, of course, you're right (as always, you add smugly), but now that I remember I can't get it out of my head, the smell of moss and pine, the bark scratching my skin, the hum of the rain as you talked about your childhood but sadly, sadly, your warmth in my arms, and I kissed your neck like drawing out poison, drawing out your sadness, your loss, your burden, if I could I would take all your misfortunes upon myself until you are as pure as the first snow of Arctic summer, until I am bent and crushed, please, let me bear it all, if only I could, if only.