When Ladies Get Hysterical

''Fannie!''

An alarmed voice cut through the harmonious silence of the Post Office. Fannie, who was busy doing her morning exercises looked up to greet her hysterical friend.

''Hi, Petula. You wake up earlier than most piñ - ''

''Safe me that opening line! You use that one wayyy too often, jeez, try something different, keeps the customers entertained!''

Petula was breathless, wildly gesturing at Fannie and her hair was a mess. There was definately something wrong with her. Her clothes weren't alright either, they were covered in mud and something gross Fannie couldn't place. What was up with Petula being up at five in the morning anyway? Usually she didn't get out of bed before her parents forced her to...

''Petula, you look tired! And Gosh, you're a mess! What happened? You look upset...''

''YES!'' Petula squealed. ''I am upset!''

''It shows...''

''OF COURSE it shows! I've just seen the most terrible thing... the most ghastly... the most gruesome...'' Petula started trembling again, she'd been shaking and shivering constantly since that horrible encounter with Dastardos. Nothing in the whole wide world had ever knocked her off her feet like that!

''The most gruesome what?'' Fannie asked as delicate as she could, while her surprisement and concerns were increasing. ''What happened to you? You look like you've been up all night... You have, haven't you? Where have you been?''

Petula didn't know how to answer all these questions at once. She didn't even know how to talk about this without falling back to incomprehensible babbling, let alone putting this in such clear understandable words even Fannie would know what she were talking about!

Great Gods, how was she gonna express herself? Would she end up like all those people in them crazy insitutes?

''Petula, you need to talk to me! Are you even listening?''

Fannie started to lose her cool, her friend being in such a bad mental condition made her terribly upset. She LOVED Petula, eventhough she could act like a female Barkbark at times! They were BFFs, what was she to do if she'd lose her BFF?

''F-F... Fannie...''

''Yes?'' Fannie asked, partly anxious, partly hopeful.

''I-I-I'll be alright, but... Y'know what I've seen?''

Fannie shaked her head and waited full of suspense while Petula was licking her chapped lips, preparing the moment that she had to speak about her traumatizing experience...

''Fannie'' she finally spoke, after a few minutes of complete silence ''I have seen Dastardos, the piñata reaper...''

''Hello Patchhie!'' a woman's voice sounded exuberant. ''Gooood morning, my favorite vet on the Island!''

No, not THIS woman! Patch's headache instantly got worse.

He really couldn't cope with this NOW... He had just experienced the most HORRIBLE and WEARISOME night of his life... Why, why Gods, why now? It wasn't even really day yet, it was hardly the break of dawn!

''L-l-lottie... What's wrong? I-i-it's about five o'clock in the morning...''

''Nope Chimpie, you've been sleeping! It's 8 AM, the sun's shining brightly and the first customers are about to visit my store... Hurry up, and open the curtains, you could really do with some vitamin D...''

Patch growled, as he slided the old, brownish curtain open - just a little bit! When he was tired, his eyes got all sensitive and prickly.

Then he reached out for his cup of coffee, drunk all of the dark brown liquid at once, and looked at Lottie the way he saw her; like he couldn't care less!

''Hmm, you don't look all too well, Patch. What did you do? Spend the night with your little... girlfriend!''

Lottie winked teasingly at him and Patch was about to throw up. What did SHE know about his girlfriend, er, object of affection? Had the rumour spread, who had even found out, was him liking her really THAT obvious..? What did Ameena think of it herself, was she disgusted like he'd expected, was she indifferent about it, or, maybe... Did she like him back..?

NO! No, she certainly didn't, why couldn't he get that straight?

''W-w-w-w-what girlfriend?''

''You know... That pretty girl, the new girl, ehm, what's her name again? Almira, Alecia, no, no... Ameena, yes, that's her name!'' Lottie grinned triumphantly. ''You like her, don't you?''

Patch's heart skipped a few beats. Nooo... This was too awful! He had to make something up, no matter how stupid it was, he needed an alibi.

''I-I-I don't p-p-particu-culary LIKE Ameena, she's j-j-j-just a v-very nice person...''

''Yeah, she's nice huh? Nice enough to draw during working hours and to get all nervous and excited whenever she speaks to you... Come on, Patchie! Anyone who's got a practiced eye for love affairs can spot you have a crush on her!
And if you were wondering, yes, I am very skillful when it comes to spotting affection and all those things! I used to breed smaller piñatas, you know. I've got Master Romancer awards for Bunnycombs, Syrupents and Mousemallows.''

Why oh why? Was it really THAT obvious, THAT crystal clear? Had she told anyone already? What did she want from him anyways?

And WHAT was going on with her comparing Ameena and him with smaller piñatas?

''Ahh, I'm experienced in spotting those looks too... Patchingo, silly, I'm a merchand! You look júst like that customer from last month, who was forced to sell his old loyal Barkbark due financial problems! Hahaha, you're not happy about me knowing the truth, are you? And now you're wondering what I want from you? Well, I'll just tell you...''

Lottie's grin widened.

''Don't be afraid, doc, I haven't told anyone yet... And I won't, if you provide me some free goods whenever needed...''

''Wh-what are y-y-you ta-tat-alking about? I only s-sell cough drops a-and b-b-b-bandages...''

''Yes, yes, yes Patchie! And aren't those excactly what I need?''

''B-bandages?'' Patch chuckled.

''No, cough drops! You know that... I'm a... Let's say a little bit addicted to the wonderful side effects...''

Patch let out a sigh. He wasn't really happy about getting bankrupt 'cause he'd to provide whole stockages of cough drops to some crazy old lady, but anything was better than Ameena finding out what how he really felt. This was serious. No one was to find out about his little crush, it would make him look ridiculous.

''Fine'' he growled surly. ''I'll give you this piece of paper, which proves you need cough drops on a daily basis for health issues and stuff... It gives you free medication in every pharmacy or drugstore on the Island. Enjoy.''

He handed Lottie the just-signed papers, and she started jump around the room, all euphoric and hyperventilating, as if she already were on drugs.

Great Gods, that woman was a natural disaster! How the..? Why had Patch even agreed with this, signing those papers to a woman like that was nearly equal to kissing his qualification goodbye!

Why had he given in to a customer that had tried to blackmail him anyway? It was not like Ameena hearing a rumour he liked her was worse than Lottie causing a car accident...

''A-a-a-are you sure you c-can handle t-this? Y-y-you h-have to know that g-great responsibi-bility comes with th-this all t-too generous offer... D-don't take to-oo much at once, it's like alcohol-l, enjoy it s-s-slowly and keep your d-d-dosages in mind, t-t-this stuff can be -''

''Ahh, Patch, you crazy little monkey!'' Lotie interrupted him. ''I know how to handle cough drops! They mainly exist out of honey, don't they? I don't feel like worrying about ridiculously expensive refined pots of honey...''

Patch slapped his mask with his palm. ''These are no - ''

''Now, if you excuse me! I have my own business to run, I can't hang around in yours all day! Just endow me a few of these bottles, and please no further rambling! I ain't no chattering layabout like that higgler of a Leafos!''

Rigidly, Patch put a few bottles of medicine in a plastic bag and handed it to Lottie.

''Thank you SO MUCH my dear! Now, have a nice day and don't forget; tomorrow I might be báááa-ááááck!''

Lottie waved enthiusiastically at Patch as she walked through the door, and a few seconds after she'd slammed, her voice continued echoeing through the room.

Patch fell back in his chair.

Why ON EARTH, why on EARTH all this stuff had to happen especially to him? Didn't those damned Gods have enough innocent, ignorant people to choose from?

Ugh, he'd better close the store and catch up on some hours of sleep... If he'd get the chance at least, piñatas could get sick any time of the day, hopefully Dastardos wasn't in a hungry mood!