'Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls
In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give
Will always carry you
And who's to say
We won't survive it too
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
And I'll search for so long
Set a-free all
Relying on their will
To make me all that I am
And all that I'll be
Set a-free all
Will fall between the cracks
With memories of all that I am
And all that I'll be
On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
And I'll search for so long' 'Broken Wings' by Alter Bridge
The sad words of the song filtered through my brain, but nothing remained in my memory.
I was alone and that's all I could register.
I knew that I was at a funeral, that my new family and my friends were seated beside me. I also knew that he would never be coming back.
A gentle hand took hold of mine. I glanced up, looking into the soft and hurt eyes of Evelyn. My step-mother, the woman who had done nothing but be there for me.
A tear swelled up in my eyes and I gulped looking away.
What was going to happen to me now? I was unsure of my future. It all seemed to wiz past me, but none made sense.
After the service, and after his coffin was lowered into the ground, I walked over to another grave and sat next to an angel placed on a marble gravestone.
It was the most beautiful thing I had seen. It's wings formed a cave-like cover for the grave and shielded me from the soft rain. I didn't leave with the others. I didn't even bother to tell them where I was going. I couldn't speak.
So I just sat there. Watching my father's grave being covered over with fresh, wet soil. It began to pour, but I still couldn't move. I just stared, and even after everyone had left, I remained.
I felt small and insignificant. And as the cool rain hit my face, it mixed with my hot tears. Black droplets, an indication that my mascara was running wildly on my face, hit my hands. A sob, then a howl. I had to leave.
So I ran. I ran all the way home and crashed through the doors of the Danvers estate.
I threw myself wildly on my bed, my shoulders racking from the harsh cries of sorrow flowing out of me. I couldn't do anything but cry. I felt so empty and deprived.
Deprived of the one person that truly meant anything to me.
Why was he taken away from me?
The words kept running through my head, finally making the anger rise up and my blood boil. I stood up and grabbed the first weapon I could find.
My sword, still in its holster, connected with the lamp. Breaking it, I yelled and screamed, hitting anything I could find.
I began to howl, fresh tears tearing from my eyes.
Unbeknownst to me, a man stood in the doorway, wide-eyed at the monstrosity of the girl before him. His eyes followed her movements, unsure of what may happen next.
The tears slowed, having nothing else to cry out, and no strength left in my small body.
I punched the wall, leaving a whole where my fist connected. The wall was not the only wounded, as my knuckles were bloody. But I barely noticed. The pain didn't go to my head.
I turned around, my back against the wall, and sliding down it slowly, I crumbled. Head in my hands, my legs curled up to my head, I sat there rocking myself, trying not to think.
Cool gentle hands held my shoulders. I stopped rocking. Someone that finally noticed my agony was my saviour. I didn't care who comforted me at this moment, so long as I was not alone through this ordeal.
I lifted my head slowly, strength coming in small bouts. The pale hand reached under my chin to help me. Reid's pale blond hair and pale face came into view. His eyes were what gave him away. They looked saddened, as though he hated to see a friend in pain.
"I, I don't.." I struggled to clear my throat, "I don't know what I'm going to do."
It came out all croaky, my breaths quickened at the anxiety, my throat burning.
My head crashed down into my hands again.
Those hands that helped me before lifted me up easily into his arms, and he carried me to the bed. Placing me down slowly, he handed me a glass of water. I gulped it down nervously, trying frantically to clam myself. I had scared my own self with the display of hatred.
I had trashed some of my most prized possessions in hopes of getting him back.
But I couldn't say any of this to Reid. I couldn't think properly.
Any thoughts were muddled in my head.
"You don't have to explain, just sleep." His voice soothed me.
"Do you want be alone?"
I shook my head frantically. No words, Alice, keep it simple.
"You don't want to be alone do you," it was more of a statement than a question, "It's okay, you don't have to answer. Sleep".
With that, I settled under the covers. My bed was my one sanctuary were I felt safe. Reid moved in beside me and laid one arm under my head, the other holding my hand. I faced him, snuggling into his chest, my head resting neatly below his chin.
This is how I used to cuddle with my dad as a baby girl.
I felt so safe this way.
As I lay there, in his arms, I told myself, willed myself to fall asleep. As if Reid was reading my thoughts, he began to softly chant to me.
"Sleep, Alice. Its going to be okay. You're not alone. You have all of us, and we're going to take care of you. I promise you won't be alone. Never alone. So don't think, just sleep. We'll take care of you……"