A/N: You all have been warned well in advance that this fic would get to a dark place, and that place has arrived. I am SO sorry it took this long to get this to you but I had to be mentally prepared to write this. Please know that as you read this, it was EXTREMELY difficult to write this and I feel your pain. This is a journey we were bound to take and i felt like it needed to be done right and after everyone had time to heal after the MSF. I will be continuing this on a weekly or bi weekly basis. I am going to be continuing to write Breaking The Law while i write this so that way we have some fun in another fic to offset the darkness of this fic. So without further ado, I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC, I JUST OWN THE DARKNESS THEY ARE GOIN TO AND THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

Much Love And Bethyl On my Lovelies!

DARYL'S POV

I dropped Beth off at her apartment, giving her a chaste kiss before turning and walking back down to my truck.
That poor boy's blood is on your hands. Shouldve been your girlfriend. Give me Carleen and we can end this. Or i can take your girl.
I wouldn't admit it to most but that thought shook me to my core. The thought of the funeral we just left being Beth's made me sick to my stomach. I had to catch the son of a bitch and fast. He was taking without hesitation and it had me on edge. Beth had asked me to come in and on most days I would've jumped at the chance to spend time with her and normally you'd think that a funeral would make you cherish the moments you had with your loved ones. But today had me running from her at a fast pace. Trying to put as much distance between us as possible.
I drove down 85 going ten over the speed limit, Beth's crying face haunting my mind with flashes of Maggie's burning car. The fact that it was meant for Beth had me realizing that I was being selfish keeping her in my life and in the way of danger. I pulled off to the side of the expressway, slamming down on the brakes, placing the truck in park and I realized, I'd rather be without Beth than to be the selfish prick that took her away from the world. Because it was one thing not having her in my life, it was a whole other story not having her in my world. The tears streamed down my face as I realized even if I couldn't be with her, she would be there with me all the time. She bore more marks on me and my heart than my father had spent so many years trying to leave on my back. I pulled off the highway at the next exit and headed back to the person that consumed my every thought and every feeling. The person that held my heart, the person I would break the heart of while I crushed my own in her hands. But before I could do that I had to have one last perfect memory of the love of my life. The sick sadistic bastard that I was deep inside had to be selfish one last time.
I pulled in the parking lot of her apartment complex contemplating my next move. I needed to explain this to her, make her realize that this was for her own good. But this was Beth I was talking about, she would put up a fight, she always did.
'Rip the bandaid off pansyass. Go give her the goods and let her go.' The old me was echoing in my head.
'She deserves better than that man!' The new me yelled back at the selfish moron. 'She aint just a piece of ass, thats girl is your life.'
'Shut up! Pussy ass bitch! You are doing this for her remember? Now go break her. Ruin her for other men. Make sure she finds no one that lays it down like you do. Take whats yours before you let her go.' The old me was a selfish son of a bitch, always had been. All about the take, take, take and no give.
I slammed my fists against the steering wheel, the internal characters battling in my brain and my heart trying to tell me everything was just a bad idea.
'You dont have to do this. Take her away, go on a vacation, get away for a while so Rick can handle it.' The new me fought for the rational idea.
'We dont run Punkass Bitch.' The old me growled out.
I climbed out of the truck walking slowly as i could trying to come to terms of what i needed to say, what needed to be done, hoping that in those last few moments i wouldnt see the heartbreak on her face or tears in her eyes.
"Hey Darlin. I want you to know that this is gonna hurt me more than it will hurt you but i need you safe and you being associated with me is putting you in danger. I cant have that." I said, stopping and shaking my head as i took the stairs up to her apartment two at a time. I reached her door sooner than I had intended, not knowing what I was going to do. I removed her key from my key ring, placing it in the lock and turning it and opening the door. I placed the key on the table just inside the door.
"Hello?" Beth's voice rang out from the center of the apartment. She didn't sound as broken as I thought she would after the loss of Jimmy. She almost sounded chipper, he beautiful voice being one of the many things I would miss about her most.
'Shut it off. You can't do what you have to. You've got to shut it off man. Take a piece of her one last time and shut it off.' Old Daryl said as I rounded the corner seeing her standing behind her couch in her tank top and sleeping shorts.
"What are you doing here?" she said as she looked up from the clothes she was folding. When her eyes captured my appearance I knew she seen my puffy red eyes and disheveled hair. "Daryl, what's wr..." I rushed to her, cutting her off with my lips on hers. I couldn't stand her to see me this way, at war within myself. Her Daryl and the old Daryl fighting for dominance over my feelings and actions. I kissed her rough and hard pouring every emotion I was feeling and had every felt for her, knowing that I had to pour all of Her Daryl in her to stay with her, leaving it with her. Love, lust, happiness, sadness, peacefulness, pain, fear, and grief all flowed through my veins at that very moment. I gripped her face between my hands pulling away and placing my forehead against hers.
"I love you, you have to know that." I said through gritted teeth that were holding back my trembling lip and the tears that fought to fall from my eyes.
"Daryl, what's going..." the words stopped as my body started acting on it's own accord, pulling down her shorts and turning her to bend over the back of the couch. "Daryl?" I fought with my belt trying to break it loose from it's metal restraint. "What's going on?" I could feel the old me fighting the man I was, who was trying to figure out what to tell her. "You're..." Her words faltered when the old Daryl entered her from behind, rough and hard. "Oh!" she moaned out ask I stroked her from the inside out. Her Daryl was fighting a good fight as he placed a kiss along her spine, through the cotton fabric, and bending forward to hold her hands that were placed on the cushion of the back of the couch. He as making love to her one last time, one last time allowing himself to get lost in the feel as she coated him in her warmth. "Daryl." her moan echoed in my aching mind, healing the pain and making me go numb. He had taken over, taking advantage of me, her Daryl. Old Daryl pulled her hands behind her back like a criminal.
'She is, she stole you from me. From the real you. That sick piece of shit you used to be. That's the real you.' he yelled at me. Anger flooded my blood. My thrusts becoming rougher, harder, and malicious.
"Daryl. Stop." She breathed out.
'She doesn't mean it! You hear her breathing hard. You are owning her. Now wreck her like she's wrecked us.' He growled making my hips buck against her harder, gritting my teeth, sweat beading on my forehead, holding both of her hands behind her back with one hand and gripping her hip tightly in the other.
"Daryl! Stop! You're hurting me!" She shouted back at me, looking over her shoulder at me with tears building up in the corners. I pulled out of her quickly, walking away from her to the end of the couch that had its' back to the door of her apartment.
"What is wrong with you!" she shouted. I tucked myself in my pants without looking back up at her. I couldn't. I didn't want to. I was a sick bastard who didn't deserve her. I knew this before we had started but she wouldn't give up. She thought she had seen something in me, and now she had seen just exactly what was hiding deep inside. I started heading towards the door. "Daryl Dixon. Don't you walk away from me!" she demanded but that was exactly what I did. I walked to the door opening it and stepping in the hallway, but not before hearing her say, "You fucking asshole!" Those three words cut me to the bone and haunted me on the way home. By the time my mind had stopped processing what had just happened and all the things I could've done differently, Blake Shelton began to talk to me through my radio.

What's the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
What's the one regret you can't work through?
You got it baby, mine would be you
Yeah you got it baby, mine would be you

Mine would be you
Taillights fading
Daylight breaking
Standing there like a fool
When I should've been running
Yellin' out something
To make you wanna hold on to
The best love ever
Girl, can you tell me
The one thing you'd rather die than lose?
Cause mine would be you

Before I realized what was happening my fist was crushed into the touchscreen of my stereo. Blake was no longer playing and only the silence rang as I pulled my bloody hand away from what used to be my radio. Silence, some say it was golden, but to a damaged man, it was torture. Silence brings demons, demons bring ghosts, and ghosts bring turmoil. I had royally fucked up and there was no going back now. I had been on the verge of violating the love of my life due to internal battle I was struggling with and that was something I couldn't and wouldn't forgive myself for. The lyrics rang in my mind but Blake's voice was replaced by an angel's voice. The angel that would haunt me for the rest of my life, Beth.
What's the greatest chapter in your book?
Are there pages where it hurts to look?
What's the one regret you can't work through?

"Mine would be you." I whispered as I pulled up infront of The Hiding Spot. I entered the building full of bodies, weaving through the chaos and heading to the storage room behind the bar. Michonne yelled out at me, words i couldnt care to pay attention to as i closed the storage room door behind me. I went to the back corner finding my secret stash of three 100 proof Jack and turning back towards the door where the newest addition to the staff stood. She looked as though she was frozen in place as she looked over at my current state. I started walking towards the door when Michonne stepped into the doorway.
"What the hell happened to you?" She asked as the new girl went to grab what she had initially came in for. I didnt answer her, didnt even give her eye contact as she stood there with her hands on her hips. "Alright, suite yourself." Michonne said stepping out of my way and allowing me to leave.

I pulled up in front of my home, grabbing the three bottles of amber liquid from the passenger seat and walking into my house cautiously. The first blow came from the petite leather jacket that hung on the rack against the wall, the second from the framed picture that sat on the table next to the door. I sat all three bottles down on that table, before looking at the picture of the lovers in the frame, on a boat, the sun shining, smiles that looked like they would break their cheeks. I cracked the seal on the first bottle, bringing it to my lips and letting the warm burn drift through my body like a top shelf drug. I lowered the bottle only briefly before taking another swig, vowing to myself that for every item i found that was hers, i would take a swig of my old palm J.D. and place it in a box to drop off with her sister at a later date. I had only been home an hour before the bottle was almost finished, two boxes already full, my body going numb, memories going blurry, emotions packed away in a box as well. I threw myself down on my bed taking a rest, feeling exhausted not only from the emotionally and physically trying day but also from the fifth of 100 proof J.D. that was coursing through my veins and helping me forget. Carol would say i was drinking to erase the pain but from the state i was in, i would've much rathered drinking to erase myself. I laid there as my room went just as black as my heart was at that very moment.

I woke the next morning to the sun pouring through the windows, my eyes protesting against me opening them. As i fluttered my eyes open the pain in my head began thrumming. I grabbed a pillow placing it over my face and blocking the brightness of the room. Taking a deep breath in I was washed with the scent of the woman i had spent the night before trying to forget. I sigh in defeat pulling the pillow away from my face and bracing myself for the bright light of the sun once again. I keep my eyes closed as i blindly reach for my phone on the nightstand, turning over onto my stomach and away from the sunlight. I wake my phone to see what time it is only to find three missed calls from Beth and five missed text messages.
Daryl, what the hell happened last night? I know that wasn't you. - B

She couldn't have been more right. And the thought made my skin crawl, she had been exposed to my dark side and i hated that.
Please answer the phone. - B

Daryl... -B

Daryl are you okay? - B

I was glad she wasn't trying to fight me, fight to get me back, i was glad she was only actually worried about my well-being. But that all changed when i seen the last text.

Daryl, I love you. Please don't do this to us. - B

Without a second look at my phone and tears in my eyes I tossed it across the room. It shattered upon impact with the large vanity mirror which shattered as well. I could never make her understand this was for the best, that was blatantly clear when she was trying to fight for us after I had destroyed us both. I walked over to the vanity picking up the pieces that were left of my phone, squeezing them in my hand, the broken metal and glass cutting against the strong skin of my calloused hands and the physical pain taking my mind off of the emotional pain that was torturing me. I walked downstairs to the kitchen throwing away what remained of phone and catching the shine of the two bottles of Jack on my entry table. I picked up the two bottles, taking them over to the small bar in the corner of my living room and placing them with the rest of the liquor i stored. I walked to my kitchen, grabbing a small glass and filling it with a few ice cubes before walking back to the bar and filling it with the cherish amber liquor. I tipped the glass back letting the contents flow down my throat before setting the glass back on the bar and looking at the reflection of a man i had never thought i would see again looking back at me in the mirror.
"Broken up over a little bit of pussy." he growled, his face making my stomach contents want to rise forth. "Take another. Go numb. It feels much better." he coached me. I poured another glass of whiskey, throwing it back quickly and letting the burn sizzle it's way through my veins. "Atta boy, son. Keep em comin'." he said as i poured another glass. "Always talked so much shit. Now ya ain't much better than yer old man now are ya?" he laughed manically. After pouring the third glass down my throat and slamming the glass down the bar I let my fist pummel into the man in the mirror. The laughing stopped as i watched him disappear in the broken glass. I watched as blood dripped from my knuckles and down the shards of mirror, my broken mirror not just reflecting my outside appearance but showing the broken me that was left in torture inside myself. I pulled my fist back from the mirror, pulling the shards of glass from my knuckles and flexing my hand making sure no permanent damage had been done. "Ain't going to get rid of me that fast, boy." the tormenting voice said from behind me. I turned seeing my father standing at the end of my coffee table in my living room. "You really thought you had a chance with her didn't ya? Wow, boy. Didn't i tell ya you were a fuck up? A mistake. That's all you'll ever be in life or to anyone, not just yer Ma and me." he slurred in his laughter.
"FUCK YOU!" i screamed as i lifted the end of the coffee table flipping it on him, but he was gone.
"Should've just let me have her. I wouldn't have hurt her, not like you did. She would've loved me, she would've learned to, if you would've just left her alone. She could've had a normal life." Zach's voice rang out from behind me. I turned seeing his smug face standing in front of the large wall of windows that led out to my balcony. "I could've given her everything she needed, I could've been everything she wanted. But you didn't let me get that chance. No, cause you are a sick bastard and had to bring her into your sick, twisted life and expose her. You are no better than me." he said in disgust. I charged him, going through him and slamming through the glass behind him, tumbling out onto the balcony. "Just a sick bastard letting ghosts haunt him. How fucked up can you be man?" Zach laughed as he stood over me.
"Daryl?" the soft feminine voice whispered out. Zach disappeared, Beth appearing behind him in the hole of the broken window. "Why did you do this to me?"
"I had to. I need you to hate me, stay away from me. I need you safe Beth." I said standing up, my bottom lip trembling as she stood there looking at me with that broken look that tore what i had left of my heart, out of my chest and onto the patio at my feet. "Martinez is after me and my weaknesses. You are the biggest one I've got. I melt when it comes to you." I said walking towards her and reaching out to touch her face. When i reached her she was gone.
"You fucking pansy. No wonder she thinks she can fight for the both of you. You are mush. Not a strong bone in your body. Thought I had gotten rid of your Ma fast enough that i could make you a man, looks like i was wrong. Yer still that weak ass little boy. Fucking pussy ass bitch." My dad said standing in front of my TV. I scowled at him as i stepped through the broken window and walked over to the bar grabbing the bottle of booze and chugging half of it in attempt to make the ghosts stop.

"Good Job Daryl. Have some fer yer Pa." Zach's voice said with a chuckle. I turned around, feeling the room spin as i took in the two men chumming up to one another in front of my TV. I turned back to the bar, grabbing the remote and turning my stereo system on high as 10 Years' Wasteland started to scream through the house. For those brief moments i closed my eyes, enjoying the silencing of the voices in my head, the numbing feeling in my veins, and listening to the lyrics that spoke to me. I poured a few more gulps of Jack down my throat before turning around and looking at two of the men that had somehow wrecked my life, one way or the other. They stood there like best friends as they talked shit that i couldn't hear above the music. I grabbed the buck knife that laid on the floor since i had tossed the coffee table, walking up to the two man and closing my eyes as i stabbed into them numerous time. I let all the anger and aggression exit my body with each blow until i was drained. I released the handle of the knife on the last blow, letting it hand in it's victim, as i opened my eyes, finding my TV destroyed and the buck knife hanging in the center of the screen like a trophy.

RICK'S POV

"Possible 28-24 at 30 Blue Heron Boulevard. Neighbors called." the dispatcher said over the radio.
"10-4. Grimes." I replied knowing that address well. It was Daryl's. I threw on the lights and pounding down on the gas as i headed in his direction. Fear was firing through my veins when the thought crossed my mind that it could have something to do with Martinez and he could be in danger. I floored the gas pedal only slowing down to take the turn onto Blue Heron and flipping the lights off just before reaching his house. Only his truck and bike were parked out front and as i exited my patrol car i could hear the loud music blaring out from the back of the house. I walked up to the front door giving it a few good bangs with my fist before realizing he wouldn't answer the door. I tried the door handle, finding it unlocked. I opened the door cautiously before stepping into the door. Daryl came around the corner, stumbling and looking like he had just gotten out of the fight of his life. "Hey man, you ok?" I asked and he looked up at me with eyes that were lifeless as he lifted the remote in his hand and turning down the music in the background.
"Fuck you! I'm not you!" Daryl started screaming as he took the empty bottle of Jack in his hand and chucked it at me. I ducked out of the way quickly, letting the bottle shatter behind me.
"Daryl. What's going on?" I asked starting to get very worried for my friend. He was disheveled and blood was seeping out of one of his hands, cuts on his head as well.

"I need you to leave, leave me alone. I'm glad you are dead. Wasn't a good dad anyways." Daryl slurred as he swayed his weight back and forth on each leg. I had seen Daryl pretty drunk a time or two but he had never been like this. Never once. He always said he knew his limits and never exceeded them in fear he would turn into his father.
"Daryl, it's me Rick." I said holding out a hand to him as i started to approach him.
"You made me this way. You made me a monster." He slurred again. He took a step towards me causing me to stop dead in my tracks. He dropped the remote in his hand before rushing me, his shoulder hitting my stomach like a cannonball, slamming me against the wall behind me and taking the wind out of my lungs in the process.
"Daryl!" I shouted trying to get his attention and make him wake up from his drunken stupor but hearing his name only fueled the fire that was raging in his mind. He stood up wrapping his hands around my throat and pushing against my windpipe. I looked into the eyes of my best friend not recognizing the person that resided in them. As i struggled for air i did the only thing i could with my free hands. I grabbed the gun from my holster. Holding it firmly in my hands I slammed the butt of my gun into his head, his grip around my neck releasing immediately as he fell to the ground. "Man, what the fuck happened to you?" I whispered as i squatted next to his body on the floor. It took all the strength i had to pick him up and even more to get him up the stairs. But right now i knew i needed to get him sobered up. I sat him down on the cold tile floor of his shower before turning on the water and sat on the floor outside the shower waiting for him to wake up.