Walking away like that, Santana had to admit, felt a little dramatic, even for her. The pin-dropping silence of the room, accentuated by Santana's thumping heart, only added to the theatrical feel. She hadn't really asked Brittany anything, but what she had just laid on the girl, Santana thought would have at least provoked some reaction. She had hoped maybe the girl would stop her, tell her she was wrong, that she didn't want to go out with Sam, and that she wanted to be dancing with her, not him. But Santana knew that wasn't true, she was on a date with Sam, and she was dancing with him. Then why did she run off to the bathroom? And why did she look like she was holding back tears?

Santana didn't dare turn around. The closer she got to the bathroom door, though, the harder the pounding in her chest got and the thicker the wall of tears behind her eyes got. She waited for the blonde's voice, or even her hand, to stop her from walking out. But it didn't come.

Brittany watched Santana's bare back as the girl practically tiptoed out of the room, almost like she was trying to minimize her presence. Brittany's lips trembled. She parted her lips and tried to push out a noise, any noise at all, but all that escaped her lips was a shaky breath. It wasn't more than a shiver, not enough to grab Santana's attention.

As the door swung shut behind Santana, the first tear reached the brim of her eyelid. Fuck. She couldn't even say it, she was paralyzed. She felt pathetic. She wanted more than anything to turn around, head back into the bathroom, and take back her words. To tell Brittany that she didn't want to back off, screw Sam. But she couldn't, she still had some pride left. Or at least she had to seem like she had some pride left. Instead, she picked her feet up as best as she could and made her way through the club. She felt like she had weights dragging to her legs, and she felt almost feeble. She couldn't let anyone see her, not Sam and not Quinn. She would talk to Quinn later, thank her for talking to her and trying to help. Santana made her way through the floor and headed directly up to her room.

Brittany felt sick. She was more confused than ever and she couldn't see straight. Her eyes were cloudy and her head was throbbing. Why did she feel like this? She couldn't understand anything. She had a nice night with Sam, better than nice, really. It was fun. Then she saw Santana, and everything suddenly felt upside down. Why did it bother her that much to see her dancing with that girl? Why did she want it to be her instead? And most of all, why, when Santana had practically told her she was giving her space to be with Sam, did Brittany stay mute?

She hated feeling like this and she hated thinking about it. She just wanted to go to sleep.

Brittany found her way out of the bathroom and was surprised to see Sam waiting not too far outside of it. Had he seen Santana? Brittany wondered what the girl's expression looked like. She wished she had been able to call after her while she was walking away, if anything just to see her face.

"Hey," he looked a little concerned. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Brittany shook her head, looking down at her feet. She was worried if he saw her eyes, he'd know she was lying. He has known her forever. "My head's just throbbing, I think I wanna head upstairs. Need some sleep."

"Aw, Brit, I'm sorry. Do you have Advil up there?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I think."

"I'll walk you up," he offered.

"It's okay," she said, but as she took a step forward she almost fell. She wasn't dizzy, but she sure looked it.

"Woah there," he let out a breathy laugh. "I'll just make sure you get up there okay. No biggie."

"Thanks," she breathed, trying to hide a begrudging tone. She hated how nice he was being. She couldn't figure out how she was feeling about the guy and was practically faking sick to get away for the night. Sure, it wasn't entirely to get away from him, but that also meant she wasn't really in the mood to be with him.

They made their way out of the club and all the way to the elevator in silence. Once they were inside, Brittany felt the need to apologize to Sam for cutting his night short. He had really been looking forward to it.

"I'm- I'm really sorry about this," Brittany said softly.

"What?" He smiled. "Brit, it's fine. I'm sorry you feel crappy."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean to ruin your night." She felt awful for running off on him like that and now leaving him, but most of all, she was starting to feel sorry for maybe not wanting to stay with him.

"I had an awesome night," Sam said earnestly. "I missed just talking to you, you know. There's no one that makes me laugh like you."

"Yeah, you too," she admitted, remembering how goofy the boy was at dinner. The elevator opened and they both stepped off. Sam's room was on this floor, too, so she didn't feel bad about him walking her to her door.

"You remember that time our waiter at Tonelli's asked us which one of us was born first?" Sam burst our laughing.

"Oh my God," Brittany joined him, smile coming to her lips. "That was so awkward. I totally forgot about that!"

"So awkward," he repeated. "He wanted to know how far apart we were, too," he laughed. "I know we're both blonde, but we don't look that much alike."

"I wonder how many people in public actually think we're twins?" Brittany wondered as they arrived at her room.

"My uncle used to joke with me about it, always saying you really fit into the family perfectly and stuff," Sam remembered laughing. He wasn't quite done talking when they arrived so Brittany leaned her side against her door as he continued. "We gotta hang and reminisce some more," he smiled, leaning up against the door as well. "So many good times I forgot about."

"Yeah, me too," Brittany smiled, thinking back to all the laughs the two shared. Even now, Sam was making her feel so much better. But it wasn't the same as before. As she looked up at him, wondering what had changed, she felt Sam's eyes lock into hers. Everything slowed down, and she wasn't positive, but it seemed like Sam's lips were slowly getting closer to hers. She stared up, taking a moment to recognize what was happening. Sam clearly wasn't sure if it was okay, since his head was moving towards her slower than it ever had before. Brittany's heart started beating faster. But not, she noticed, in the way it had been the night before when Santana had leaned in in a similar fashion. Sam looked at Brittany's eyes once more, almost for approval, before he tilted his lips upward. A wave ran through Brittany's body, forcing her to slowly brush her lips to the side of Sam's, dodging his kiss.

"I-I" She tried to say, her eyes flitting shut. "I'm sorry," she breathed. It was all she could think to say. Sam pulled away, realizing the girl wasn't feeling it. "I just- I can't-"

"I'm sorry," he quickly shook his head. "I-I didn't mean to- I, it was just feeling like old times.. If you're not into it or ready or whatever- I'm sorry I just shouldn't have done that. I got caught up in the moment," he apologized, looking down bashfully at the ground. "I'm really sorry." His head was frantically shaking and he looked at the girl like he had just accidentally shot Lord Tubbington, her beloved cat.

"I'm sorry, Sam," she breathed, finally opening her eyes back up.

"Please don't hate me," he tried to smile. She wanted to say the same back to him, only more seriously than him.

"I could never," she sighed. "I'm just- I'm gonna go to bed," she began opening her door handle. "Sorry," she breathed, feeling even guiltier than before, since it was clear now that Sam knew where he stood with his emotions.

"Goodnight," he smiled as best he could.

"Night," she whispered back, closing her door behind her.

Santana collapsed onto her bed, unable to process anything. What the fuck was happening with her? Some girl she just met and kissed one fucking time had taken over her mind. So what if the girl didn't want to kiss her again? There were plenty of other hot girls out there, why did it matter so damn much? It's not like this would go anywhere anyway. Santana didn't do relationships or feelings for that matter. The only time she ever felt anything serious for a girl, she ran the fuck away like a scared little girl as soon as things got serious. Even if Brittany had stopped Santana in the bathroom, then what? Santana wasn't looking for a girlfriend. She just liked fooling around, she always had. Yeah, maybe kissing Brittany hadn't felt exactly like kissing the other girls, but that would probably just make fooling around more fun, which could end up complicating things for the girl. Plus, this would only last the month. Then Brittany would run back to Michigan and Santana would end up back in Ohio, both girls at college. And with college came more temptations. More hot girls. Santana would find other girls to hook up with there. She'd be fine. Brittany should be with Sam, they'd see each other after this and they could be a couple again, why should Santana ruin that for one month of, what, fun? She didn't need it, she'd be okay.

So then why did she feel like a weight was pulverizing her chest? She suddenly wished she had grabbed more alcohol before she left. Suddenly, she bolted off her bed and practically ripped open the mini-fridge.

"Fuck," she breathed when it became clear that all the alcohol had been removed. "Ugh, Dad!" He wasn't against her drinking, but he had to have told the resort that she was under twenty-one when he booked the room because the normal spirits present in the minibar where gone. She begrudgingly climbed back onto her bed, but not before grabbing her notebook. As soon as she opened it, though, she quickly closed it back up and tossed it across the room, the small bound book thumping into the chair. Fuck, she couldn't even write right now. She knew it would only make everything worse. She needed to stop thinking about it, about her, altogether. Then her emotions could go back to normal, and she could be back to Santana again.

She flipped through channel after channel, trying to find anything that would subdue her mind for even a few minutes. Nothing. She couldn't tell you how long she laid there for, staring at the ceiling, staring at the blank walls, fiddling with her simple silver chained necklace, but she knew at some point she had to drift off because before she knew it she was coming out of a light slumber.

"Ughhhhh!" she moaned into the side of her pillow when her eyes came into focus enough to read the clock. 2:57 AM. "What. The. Fuck."

Santana always slept through the night, sleeping was her thing. She loved to sleep. She rolled over onto her other side and shut her eyes, but she didn't feel herself dozing off. She laid there for another twenty minutes or so without any result. Fuck this, she thought. The girl climbed out of bed and started digging through her suitcase in the closet. As she searched for her phone, a light thud came from somewhere behind her. "Shit," she muttered, assuming it was a shoe from the rack above her hitting the ground. She had to call Lizzie, she'd talk sense into her, she always did. As her best friend, she'd reassure Santana that there were girls lining up back in Ohio for her, and that some girl she's known for a week didn't matter at all. She didn't care if she had to walk fifteen miles to get service, she wasn't getting any sleep tonight and she was calling the girl no matter what. The thud happened again, slightly louder this time. "Fuck," she said, covering her head. When she looked up, she didn't see any shoes missing. She turned behind her and everything seemed in place. Santana's eyebrows creased together. She peered out of the closet, looking for some sign of disturbance. She didn't see anything out of place, but as he eyes landed on the door, she realized someone must of knocked. Shit, she thought, did she wake her Dad up? Santana stood up and waited for another thud, but there was only silence. Still, she felt herself drifting towards the door. It wouldn't hurt to check. Santana slowly pulled down on the handle and cracked the door open the slightest bit. She didn't see anyone so she pulled the door open further.

"Brittany?" She spat, her face contorting a little. The blonde was walking away from the door when Santana called her name, making Brittany jump a little.

The sound of Santana's voice stunned Brittany as she turned to face the girl.

"What are you...?" Santana began to ask. The cold draft from the hallway began to hit Santana and she shivered.

"I-I'm sorry," Brittany froze, suddenly realizing how bare Santana was. The girl was only wearing a white skin tight tank top and a pair of black underwear. Brittany quickly shook her head, trying not to stare, and looked back up at Santana. "Did I- did I wake you?"

"What do you think?" Santana almost snapped. Once she saw Brittany's taken aback expression, she realized what she was doing and her stomach sank. She was putting up her guard again, just like she used to, sinking back into her bad old habits. "I- I'm sorry, no, you didn't wake me," she smiled a little, trying to ease the almost bitter air she let out for a minute. "I was actually having a little trouble sleeping," she confessed timidly.

"Same," Brittany breathed. She immediately felt stupid for saying that, since it was already obvious. "I, uh, I just wanted to maybe," Brittany paused so she could steady her breath. The more she spoke and the more air that escaped her body, the more she felt like she was forgetting how to breath. "I needed to talk to you."

"Oh?" Santana said, finally processing what was happening. It had been such a surprise at first, seeing Brittany here, that she hadn't really realized the girl was actually in front of her. The girl that was the root of her current insomniac state was right there, wanting to talk. Her stomach started to feel a little weird, not sure if it should be excited or worried. "You, um, wanna come in?"

Brittany took one look at Santana's body and what was visible of her bed behind her and gulped.

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea," she mumbled.

"Oh," Santana said dejected. That's not good. "Okay," she tried to bounce back. "Uh, we can go somewhere else, I guess." Santana was confused.

"You should, um, maybe put some pants on," Brittany said slowly, trying not too look down. Santana giggled.

"You don't like it?" She joked, trying to ease the mood.

"No, I- don't, I," she stammered, clearly flustered.

"Relax," Santana smiled cooly. "I'm just joking. I'll put on some pants." Brittany liked how easily Santana's smile could calm her. Santana chuckled to herself when she noticed Brittany standing outside of the doorway, nervously watching the girl slip into her sweats. She wasn't sure where they were going, but in case they ended up somewhere cold, she grabbed her gray zip up hoodie and slid it on.

"Where to?" Santana asked as she stepped out of her room, making sure to grab a key on her way out. As she stepped out of the door, she slid the key into her bra so it would be secured. She noticed Brittany's eyes follow the key for a fleeting moment.

"Um, I don't know, I guess we could go to the lookout?" She proposed. "I mean, no one will be there."

"No one will be anywhere, Brit, it's three in the morning."

"True," Brittany laughed, feeling a little silly. This whole thing felt absurd to her. Sure, things were eating at her, but coming here at three a.m.? Stupid. She was so close to walking away when Santana hadn't answered her first knock. Actually, she was walking away. It was a sign, she thought. For a brief moment, her mind was made up. But but then Santana stepped out of the room. Looking like that nonetheless. Who the hell looks like that at three in the morning? "This way we don't have to worry about being really quiet though," she shrugged.

The girls walked in mostly silence all the way to the lookout, Santana unsure of what to say, since she was still unclear to why Brittany was there, and Brittany nervous as hell. Santana could feel her nerves. Brittany was fiddling with the sleeves of her slightly too big crew neck sweatshirt and avoiding eye contact completely. Santana followed Brittany inside, and Brittany let out a relieved sigh when she saw that the place was, as predicted, empty. The blonde walked down the sloped hill and sat down on the exact blanket she sat on when Santana had first initiated conversation with her. Santana, smirk in place on her lips, sat on the bench a few feet away that she sat on during their first conversation. When Brittany noticed the absence of the girl's presence next to her, she looked up and giggled at Santana on the bench.

"Get over here," Brittany patted the spot next to her. "We're not doing this again," she rolled her eyes, still laughing.

"Doing what?" Santana smiled, scrunching up her nose.

"You sit up there being this smooth girl and with your flirtatious act and I sit here like a frozen idiot burning under your gaze," Brittany said quickly, her face already turning slightly red.

"Oh, no," Santana smiled at the girl, the same way she had the first night. "Is that what you think I've been doing? Flirting? I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression-"

"Shut up," Brittany rolled her eyes again with a giggle. Santana liked this playful side to her. She could tell she wasn't totally relaxed, but the more they joked, the more subdued she appeared.

"It's not an act, by the way," she flirted again. Brittany simply rolled her eyes again, but Santana saw her smile.

Finally listening to the girl, Santana stood up from the bench and walked over to sit on the ground next to Brittany. Their shoulders brushed only for a quick second, but even clothed, Santana remembered how much she liked her touch.

"It's so different at night," Santana sighed, looking out at the dark mountain. There were only a few lights on the sides, so only parts of the mountain were illuminated. "It's still beautiful."

"Yeah," Brittany agreed. "I've never been here this late. Or, this early, I guess." Santana felt the corner of the mouth turn upward a little. Brittany knew she had to start talking soon and her heart picked up its pace. Santana looked over at the girl and couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Are you okay?" She asked, and realizing it wasn't exactly what she meant, added, "I mean from the bathroom today, when I walked in, you just, you seemed-"

"Yeah," Brittany shook her head. "I guess that's, uh, part of what I wanted to talk about." Santana let Brittany take her time. Her hands fell between her slightly bent legs and began twisting her silver ring around her pointer finger.

"I, um, it's about what you said," she started. Brittany's mouth started to dry out and she realized, she wasn't really sure what she wanted to say. "In the bathroom," she breathed. "First, I- I wanna say, I wasn't on a date with," she paused, "him." It felt weird to say his name out loud, she wasn't sure why, though.

"You went to dinner with him, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," she shook her head. "But it wasn't like that, I mean," Brittany sighed, not really sure what it was like. Sam had tried to kiss her, clearly it had felt like a date to him. Brittany fell silent for a moment, different feelings and words and thoughts flooding her body.

"I liked kissing you," she blurted out, her eyes staying shut. Saying the words out loud made Brittany's body feel instantly lighter. Coincidentally, it did the same to Santana's. "I- I really did," she started, words pouring out. "But-"

"But you're straight," Santana sighed, trying to complete the girl's sentence for her. Brittany felt like this was a conversation Santana had had before and it made her heart hurt a little.

"What?" Brittany's forehead creased. "Well, yeah, well, I mean, no I guess not," she shrugged. "Who knows what I am!" She shook her head. "I don't really care though," she admitted, making Santana smile. The girl was so refreshing.

"So what's the but?" Santana asked, confused.

"I- I thought it wasn't fair, you know, to Sam." Santana fell quiet again, not wanting to offend Brittany. Fuck Sam is what she wanted to say, though.

"Oh," she settled for, when it became apparent that Brittany was waiting for some sort of reaction from her.

"I thought I wanted to be with him, I mean, I think part of me still does?" She said, inflection in her voice. That hurt Santana more than she wanted to.

Fuck. She hated feelings. This is why she never did them.

"But tonight, or yesterday," she shook her head, remembering it was morning now, "I didn't, I mean I had fun and everything with him, but I didn't feel, you know, they way I used to." She was practically whispering at the end, like saying those words was bound to hurt someone nearby. Santana's sigh of relief was encouragement for Brittany to continue. "And then when I was dancing with him, it was all fine, I guess, until-" Brittany looked up from the view and turned towards Santana. "who was that girl?" She asked, letting her curiosity get the best of her.

"Quinn," Santana told her. "I- I just met her," she told her, trying to let Brittany know that she was just some girl. But by the look on Brittany's face, Santana felt like she had maybe just made it worse. "She asked me to dance with her because some creep was hitting on her."

"Oh," Brittany nodded. Santana wasn't sure what the girl was feeling, since her face seemed uncharacteristically stoic. "Well, watching you dance with her, with anybody really," Brittany said softer. "By the way, you looked good out there," she smiled, momentarily breaking the heavy mood.

"Me?" Santana scoffed. "I only caught you for a second and seriously I was blown away. You looked hot," she smirked. Her smirk quickly faded when she remembered the type of conversation they were having. "S-sorry," she quickly shook her head. She was relieved when Brittany let out a soft giggle, though.

"Thanks. Well, yeah, I don't think I really understood why it bothered me so much, you dancing with someone else. I mean, I was dancing with Sam. And you came in the bathroom and you said all that, and I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to say. So I guess I didn't say anything."

"And here we are," Santana joked. "Three A.M."

"Yeah," she let out a breathy laugh. "Sorry," she apologized.

"I told you, I was already up."

"Right," Brittany said, unsure if she actually believed the girl or not. "Well, I was thinking about what you said, it was playing over and over again in my head. Sam and me, we make sense, you know?"

Fuck. Santana didn't like where this was going. She looked back down at her hands, unable to look the girl in the eye. Why was she doing this? Why did she care what the fuck this random girl had to say? She was just one out of how many?

"I mean, we dated before. The feelings were there. He's my best friend, our families are friends, he makes me laugh, I think he's hot, he's sweet, he likes me-"

"I get it!" Santana said harshly. "Get to the point," she said a little softer.

"Sorry," Brittany said bashfully.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Santana mumbled, but Brittany had already started talking again.

"We make sense in my head. And you and me," Brittany sighed. "I mean, I don't know how these things even work. I've only ever dated Sam. And not that I'm saying I think you want a long term thing, but you're in Ohio and I'm in Michigan, so what am I gaining by having a month of, what, fun? I'd only really be losing Sam, right?"

"Right," Santana sighed, closing her eyes. Brittany was vocalizing her exact thoughts from earlier this evening, it was scary. And fuck, it hurt.

"So I went out with Sam, because that's what I thought I should do. Then that whole club scene happened, and yeah, I was confused, but then Sam walked me back up to my room. And we were acting like our old selves for a moment."

Santana honestly felt like she was going to throw up. Full on sickness, right there right then.

"And he tried to kiss me."

Santana's eyes clenched shut, like she was preparing to be hit by someone directly in the face.

"For a second, I thought I was going to kiss him back, just like I used to. But then-" she stopped. Brittany had been looking at Santana, watching her reactions, but now she looked away sheepishly, down to her slippers. "But then I- I could only think of you," she whispered so softly. Santana's eyes relaxed, like the fight had just been called off and her opponent had dropped their fists. Her stomach settled down and she took in a deep breath that somehow helped her open her eyes.

"So you- you didn't kiss him?" Santana spoke, her voice a little shakier than she realized. Brittany shook her head.

"No. Because of you. Well, not because of you, but, like, I couldn't not think of you when he was about to kiss me. Like I- I wished it was you," she whispered so quietly it was hard to make out. Then she took a deep breath. "Maybe him and I are supposed to make sense, and maybe you and I aren't supposed to make any sense," she paused to take another breath. "But since when does anything make sense in this world?"

Santana smiled, a soft laugh escaping her lips. Brittany was dead serious, though. She wasn't even smiling.

"I- I don't even know what any of this means, I just, I had to tell you. I couldn't sleep. And normally when I can't sleep I just eat, but I couldn't do that either! I don't know what I'm supposed to to about any of this, but I needed to tell you."

"Thanks. You know, for telling me," Santana smiled. Her heart was beating fast, in a good way, and she suddenly didn't feel so dumb for thinking about this girl so much. Maybe whatever strong, crazy connection she was feeling, however scary it was, Brittany was feeling too.

"So what do we do?" Brittany asked, thinking Santana had all the answers.

"Well what do you wanna do?" Santana laughed.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"I, uh, I don't know. What do you wanna do?"

"What do I wanna do about this whole mess? Or what do I wanna do right now?"

"Uh, both," Brittany breathed, confused by the girl's answer.

"Honestly, I'm not good at this stuff either-" Brittany scoffed like it couldn't be further from the truth. "No, seriously!" Santana defended. "I'm really not. I don't know what you want to do, but I guess we'll just, I don't know, continue hanging out, and we can see what happens?" She suggested. Making decisions like this was hard for her, especially when she wasn't completely sure what she wanted. Or what she could handle.

"Can we maybe, like, keep it down low for a little? Not us hanging out, I mean like, other stuff?" Santana loved the way Brittany blushed when she said other stuff.

"Of course," Santana smiled. She got that Brittany needed some time to figure this out, especially with Sam and her family around.

"I'm not- I'm not embarrassed or anything, it's just, Sam and-"

"Hey, you don't have to explain it. It's confusing, we'll figure it out." Brittany smiled, amazed by Santana. All of her. Her softness, her graciousness, her smile, her humor, her eyes, her hair, her lips.

"Thank you," Brittany smiled. The girls fell silent, both taking in whatever their little discussion just held for them both. After almost a minute, Brittany spoke up again.

"So then, what is it you wanted to do right now?"

"Honestly?" Santana smirked. Brittany nodded, waiting for her response. "I wanna kiss you," she said, like it was the most obvious fact in the world. After the butterflies settled into Brittany's stomach, she managed, "Then what are you waiting for?"

Santana shook her head in disbelief before she slowly closed the gap between their lips. Watching Santana get closer to her, Brittany didn't feel like she did earlier that night. She was right. This was nothing like Sam. This was what she wanted. She didn't care anymore what made sense. This was right. She swore by it, and whoever disagreed was flat out wrong. Santana and her, they made sense to her. And it felt right.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you all had safe and happy holidays :)

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope you're all still liking it!

Let me know what you think! Xox

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