Chapter 10: confusing

Adrien gasped for breath as he hunched over the trash can. More spurts of air was violently forced from his throat as he gagged again and tasted the disgusting stomach acid rolling through his mouth. A short sob left his lips before he wiped the last bit away with his arm. It smelled gross, and made him want to throw up again. His body ached, and his stomach was throbbing along with his head. He grasped it in hopes to stop the pain before collapsing against the wall and siting down to catch his breath. His green eyes were trained on the treadmill he had been using again. Once again he pushed too far.

After a while he lost track of time. He had no idea how long he was staring at the machine, but no matter how long it was the chalky taste of throw up was still lingering in his mouth. He eventually had to nudge the trash bin away from himself because of the smell, and held his legs to his chest. Tears started to roll down his cheeks as his head continued to throb. He squeezed his eyes shut. What did he do to deserve this pain?

"Adrienne?"

His eyes snapped open and he looked up to see Nathalie. The assistant watched as all color left his already pale face and then looked to the trash can next to him. Nathalie frowned, and Adrien could only continue to cry silently. She crouched down to be eye level with Adrien.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I…did too much again," she murmured. Nathalie sighed.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"That's okay…but let's get you cleaned up so you can rest. You're not going to school tomorrow," she told him. Adrien nodded as the assistant stood up and offered him a hand. He accepted with the hand he didn't wipe his vomit away with and weakly stood to his feet.

"Thanks…Nathalie."

"Thank me later. Let's get you some water."

"No. My daughter will not be posing in a bikini for your magazine! I'm willing to allow sports wear and…I don't care if she's 16! She's still under my authority. I am her manager and I will not allow you to sexualized my daughter! In her contract is a list of athletic gear she can wear. I will absolutely not allow something that low cut and exposing…I've told you tankinis are okay as long as the bottom has a skirt…yes she'll need a cover up with a one piece. Do you not realize how disgusting teenage boys are? The moment she's in anything less than shorts and a tank top they violate the magazine like rabbits!"

Adrien flinched at his father's loud voice. He hated hearing him say "her" and "she" and "daughter". He hated the idea of wearing any kind of swimwear. He hated everything. His head felt like it was spinning. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to eavesdrop on this conversation. He quickly turned around to walk away only to smash right in to Nathalie. His body was still weak and frail from his sickness yesterday that Nathalie had to catch him before he stumbled backwards.

"N-Nathalie! I'm sorry," he whispered.

"What are you doing here, Adrienne?" She asked.

"Um…n-nothing. I was just…walking to the kitchen," he lied.

"Then let's go," she said. He opened his mouth to protest, but quickly decided against it. Maybe a snack was a good idea.

"Okay," he obliged and followed her down the hall.

It was silent except for the click of Nathalie's heels and the the soft taps of Adrien's converse. When they got to the kitchen Nathalie sat at the counter while Adrien rummaged through the fridge to pull out some caviar. He got the crackers to go with it from the cupboard and then a small bowl and spoon. He set his stuff on the counter and started to prepare his simple snack.

"So, how's school going?" Nathalie asked. Adrien looked up at her. He always felt weird talking to his father's assistant. She felt more like a babysitter than just another employee. Sometimes it was annoying, but other times it was rather helpful and enjoyable. Sometimes she acted like a friend.

"It's fine…" he murmured.

"Only fine?"

"I mean, my grades are still good. My friends still talk to me. Not much has changed," he explained as he scooped the caviar in the small bowl he got out.

"Oh? Didn't you break up with Nathanial a few weeks ago?" She asked.

"Uh, y-yeah, but I'm over him now," he told her.

"Your father told me about why you ate all that ice cream last week. He said you like a guy who doesn't like you back?" She spoke as he placed the caviar back in the fridge. He returned to the counter and started piling the caviar on a cracker.

"Uh…yeah. That's why," he mumbled and shoved the salty snack in his mouth before preparing another.

"Do you mind telling me who it is?" She inquired. Adrien froze staring down at his second cracker. Every nerve in his body was telling him to run. Telling him to get out of this situation. Telling him that no one could ever understand so no one should know anything about him. He looked up at her.

"Um…i-it's just a random guy I thought was…attractive," he lied. Nathalie was silent for a while before she sighed. Adrien ate the second cracker and prepared a third.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I do care about you, Adrienne," she said. He stopped mid-bite and blinked at her. Sadness suddenly filled the blond as he set down his half a cracker and wiped his mouth.

"That's very sweet of you, but…I can't even tell myself anything," he told her sadly.

"How much did you hear?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"Of your father's phone call."

"Oh…I-I heard him say I can't wear a bikini for a shoot and other stuff…"

"Good. I-" she was cut off when her phone beeped in her pocket. She quickly checked it and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Adrienne, you'll have to excuse me. You're father needs some help with your schedule," she announced and stood up.

"Please, don't hesitate to find me if you need someone to talk to," she told him. He nodded.

"Thanks, Nathalie…"

She smiled once and walked out of the kitchen leaving Adrien alone. He starred down at his snack for a minute before continuing to eat and finish it up. After he cleaned up his mess he retreated to his room and laid down in his bed. He sighed staring up at the ceiling as the last glimmering bits of sunlight glided over it. Loneliness dawned on him as he found himself craving for someone's, anyone's, company. Someone to talk to even though he didn't know what he wanted to talk about. All he knew was that he wanted to just talk and talk uncensored. He wanted to talk about what was on his mind, but it was hard to know what that was without expressing it out loud.

Adrien turned to his side on his bed and kicked off his converse as he pulled out his phone. He had a couple new messages from Nino and when he checked FaceBook Nathanael had posted another artwork. He liked it and continued to scroll until he found a picture of Marinette smiling widely next to Nino on his screen. Alya had posted it with the caption "fro-yo with my peeps!" along with the sparkly heart emoji. It was posted fifteen minutes ago, and it had about sixteen likes. It appeared that school was now out and his friends were free from their prison. She looked so happy…

Adrien couldn't get over how much he absolutely adored Marinette. Those bright blue eyes had so much light in them. Her wide smile and rosy cheeks filled him with a sense of joy, yet it quickly dissipated as he reminded him of how lonely he felt. He wanted to be with them and talk and be friends, but…he was scared.

He sighed and clicked off his phone before turning over again. His brain kept jumping to a couple nights ago with Ladybug…fuck she was so alluring. Adrien was certain by now that he only liked girls and the more feminine appearance, but Ladybug didn't look one bit like a Lady. She looked…hot. With her baggy clothes and pushed back hair. He loved how cute yet sharp she looked. Everything about that night made him even more confused. Mon chaton…Ladybug…goddamn this was difficult. A sigh escaped his mouth before he turned on his back and held a pillow to his chest.

Her lips…they felt so soft. Kissing her felt better than kissing any…boy? Or maybe kissing Ladybug was better than kissing anyone? He was still yet to kiss Marinette, and it killed him. Who was this friend of hers that liked him? Why didn't she like him? Was she even gay or…interested in "girls"? All he knew was that Chloé thought she was gay, and Chloé wasn't always right. Then again she wasn't always wrong though. Everything was so confusing…he felt at war with himself. Why did all these labels matter anyways? Why did it matter what he looked like or what people called him? Hell, why was he stressing out so much about Marinette being a girl? He should just be able to like someone without worrying about what they look like or what they label themselves as. He was tired…and lonely.

As if an omen from God himself, Adrien's phone lit up with a new message on it. He quickly snatched it off his bed and opened the message. His eyes widened and his heart nearly skipped a beat.

Nino: hey, I'm at fro-yo with the girls. Marinette says she was worried about you. Wanna join us?