Disclaimer: If you've seen them on the show, they are unfortunately not mine, though I wish they were.

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When Olivia and Elliot returned, having arrested the twelfth child abuser, Alex was still perched on a desk in the squad room. She noticed the exhaustion on Olivia's face and wondered if it was prudent to have Olivia working this case, but she knew that if she said anything, the detective would bite her head off in a second, so she stayed silent as the detectives hauled the man into an interrogation room.

"So, Counselor, the deal sticks?" asked Captain Cragen, coming up behind her.

Alex snapped out of it. "Um, yes. Unfortunately."

The captain sighed. "So it's only ten to fifteen, tops."

"Right. I wish we could put the bastard away for life, but getting the other guys is more important."

He nodded and turned to go. Alex considered calling him back and telling him that she was worried about Olivia's objectivity in this one, but doing that wasn't going to help anyone. Plus, she guessed Olivia hadn't told her colleagues much, if anything, about her past and she wouldn't be the one to do so.

Olivia appeared in the doorway. "Alex, you can go now. We're good."

"What happened?"

"They talked. Shame you had to cut the boyfriend a deal, though."

"Are we going to trial or are they going to plead out?"

"All of them, unsurprisingly, want to plead out. They don't want their names dragged through the press. Fifteen to twenty years."

Alex nodded.

"You can leave," repeated the detective.

The ADA sighed. She knew this was what Olivia really wanted – for the one person who understood what this meant to her to leave so she wouldn't have to appear so vulnerable once again. So, against her better judgment, she got up and left the squad room.

* * *

When Alex got back to her apartment, she sprawled out on her couch, suddenly realizing how exhausted she was. She noticed her old doll lying on the floor beside her and briefly wondered how it had got there. She was too tired to think right now, having gone thirty hours without sleeping. Rolling onto her side, she reached out and pulled the doll toward her, cradling it in her arms as she fell asleep.

* * *

Olivia had to resist the urge to go out for a drink after a long day of work, because she knew if she started, she wouldn't be able to stop. Her mother's uncontrollable drinking had taught her never to use alcohol to wash away her pain.

She got back to her apartment and sat down on her couch. She turned on the television and flipped the channels without really paying attention to what was actually on. Nothing good was playing, so she turned it off and laid her head on the couch.

The scrapbook that still lay on the table next to the sofa caught her eye. She picked it up and pulled herself into a sitting position, crossing her legs and opening the book. She traced the outline of Alex's blonde pigtails on their first day of grade one and realized that the photo was already wrinkled. She sighed. Alex had done the same thing many times, running her own fingers over the photographs so often that they'd creased.

She hugged the book to her chest and rested her chin on it. It made her feel closer to Alex.

At night, when she was alone, she missed her friend so much and had no problem expressing these sentiments. She wondered why, when Alex was actually there, she chose to push her friend away.

* * *

The next day at work, Alex and Olivia went in to talk to Carl the child molester again. It was more a formality than anything; finalize the deal, etc. "Olivia, we can ask Elliot –" Alex began, but the determined, set expression on the detective's face stopped her. She fell silent as they entered the interrogation room and sat down at the table across from Trevor and Carl.

"Good morning, Detective," Trevor said to Olivia. He inclined his head to Alex. "Counselor."

"So here's what we're going to do," Alex told Carl. "You're going to explain again exactly what happened and we're going to record it." She took out a tape recorder and pressed play. "Go on."

Carl leaned back and smirked. "We were alone and she was in that pretty little pink tank top of hers and she just looked so beautiful that I couldn't resist. I called some of the boys and they came over and you know, we had something really good going. We fooled around with her a bit, yeah, then we had sex and it was so amazing and it felt so fucking good." He licked his lips, clearly enjoying the discomfort of the two women. "Is that it?"

Alex found her voice and nodded. "Yeah." She turned off the tape recorder and turned to Olivia, who was sitting perfectly still, her face stony, her hands clasped together so tightly that they'd turned white.

She started to get up to leave, but Carl's smooth voice stopped her. "You know what? I love Maggie, but Jenny . . . oh, my God, that girl is just delicious. Even when she cries, you know, that just makes it even better. Because she loves it, you know, it's just part of the game and she plays it so well. So fucking well –"

Olivia was staring at him, but instead of Carl, she was seeing Joseph, the one who'd nearly killed her. He was sitting right in front of her and he was talking about her, how delicious she'd been at the age of ten and how her own crying had just been part of the game and how much he loved it and – oh, God, she couldn't take this, couldn't take this, couldn't, couldn't take this!

Alex's eyes widened when she saw Olivia lunge at the man. The detective had Carl by the throat and she'd shoved him up against the wall. She'd seen Elliot attack perps before, but never Olivia. Olivia was usually the calm one. "Olivia!" she yelled.

"Whoa!" cried Trevor. "Police brutality!"

Alex ran to her and gently pried Olivia off Carl. Olivia's shoulders were trembling as she stepped away. Thoughts whirled through her head at the speed of light. What had she done?

Olivia went limp in Alex's grasp, aware that all three of the other people in the room were staring at her, but unable to stop herself from shaking. This wasn't Joseph, wasn't Alan, wasn't Steven. It was Carl. Yes, Carl was a monster, but he wasn't going to hurt her. He was just another perp, but she was so sensitive today, and he'd scraped her open wound. That still didn't give her the right to attack him. She was going to be in such trouble.

"Liv," whispered Alex, still gripping her firmly by the shoulders. "Liv, are you all right?"

Olivia took a deep breath and raised her hands. She stepped away from Alex and backed up so she was against the wall. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm sorry. I'm okay."

Carl picked himself off the ground and brushed himself off. "Wow. Did I strike a nerve, Detective? Maybe you had, um, a relationship with your mother's boyfriend?"

Olivia ignored him and concentrated on breathing. Inhale – one, two, three. Exhale – one, two, three. She was the professional here and she was above this. She wasn't going to let him get to her. If she wanted to do this job, she had to be able to handle these flashbacks. She had to be able to put her past aside and deal with the present.

Alex cast Olivia a sidelong glance. She was extremely concerned about her friend and knew that, even though Olivia would never admit it, she needed to be away from the situation. "I think we're done here," said Alex. "See you in court for allocution."

Trevor cast Olivia one last fleeting look before leading his client out of the room.

Olivia took a moment to compose herself. She drew herself to her full height and took a deep breath. "Alex, I –"

"It's okay," said Alex quickly. "I understand."

The detective sank into a chair and rested her chin in her hands, emotionally drained. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

Alex pulled up a chair next to her, watching Olivia rest her head on the table and cover it with her hands, repeating softly how sorry she was. She hated this, how Olivia would apologize over and over whenever she was afraid. It was tearing her heart out to see her friend in such a vulnerable position again, but there wasn't anything she could do. Olivia was flashbacking, but Alex couldn't help her unless the detective let her in. And of course, Olivia wouldn't do that in a million years.

So she sighed and got up. "Come on, Liv," she said. "It's okay. Come on. Let's go."

Olivia looked up, tears glistening in her eyes. The look on her face pierced Alex's heart like a thousand knives, but before she could say anything, Olivia had risen. She followed Alex out of the room in silence, taking several more deep breaths to calm herself, to remind herself that everything was okay. The men who'd hurt her were never coming back.

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