Note: Thank you so much to everyone, old fans and new alike, for the overwhelming response to chapter nine - and the rest of this story! You all are so wonderful and I'm glad to have you on this journey with me. :)
This chapter is NSFW. Please take heed. It might seem a little jumbled (I hope not), but Rey has a lot of thoughts and feelings swimming around inside her head and heart, and they all want to be heard. Hope I did alright! The first time around, before the hacking, this chapter seemed to be well-received, so I'm hoping for that again this time! D:
P.S. Extra special thanks to my beta Annaelle for going over this tons of times with me (the first time around, though it bears mentioning again this time *loves*), and to Perry_Downing for providing a second look when I was freaking out that none of it worked. xD Couldn't have done it without either of these ladies. *blows kiss*
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. The wedding had occurred late in the afternoon, with a reception and dinner that followed soon afterwards. It was pleasant and befitting of both her own and her husband's royal status, she was sure, but she hardly remembered a thing.
Rey wanted the day to be over as quickly as possible.
But at the same time… she wished it could last forever. She wished that time would freeze for everyone except her―or maybe especially for her―and that the night would never arrive.
Rey was barely aware of what was occurring around her, but she was entirely too aware of the lengthening of the shadows marking the passage of time.
She barely remembered the faces of those who passed her by, congratulating her, but she couldn't remove the image of Kylo… of her husband… from her mind. Everywhere she turned, he seemed to be there, perfectly in her line of sight, conversing with Itamaran nobility and foreign dignitaries alike, his eyes flicking to catch hers, always seeming to be aware of exactly when she was watching him. Worst of all, whenever she closed her eyes, all she could see was him.
Tivona had stopped trying to get Rey to eat anything more than a small cup of soup and some bread some time after the grand banquet had ended, instead choosing to sit by her niece's side and offer the comfort of her presence, running interference with well-wishers as often as she could.
Rey only truly came fully back to herself for a single moment during the dinner and reception, when her cousin Rany had come careening over to Rey, launching her arms around the Rey's neck where she was seated at the table, and planting a large and enthusiastic kiss on Rey's cheek. Rey let a true smile grace her features as she shifted sideways in her seat and wrapped her arms around the now nine-year-old. Her birthday had only been a few days ago, and the girl was still flush with the ensuing excitement―and from the excitement of a royal wedding.
Soon enough, however, the girl was gone, and Rey retreated a little further back into herself.
She wasn't scared, per se… no. Well, yes. If she was honest with herself, and she always tried to be, Rey was scared. There were a lot of unknowns about the future, but she was more focused on the unknowns of this night. Yet she was also afraid of what she knew was waiting for her.
This man, who was supposed to be her enemy, who still was, really… he was now her husband.
And with that came certain obligations.
She knew all of this going into the marriage, had agreed to it all knowing full-well what she was getting into. What she would have to do for her people. She knew that there was a certain expectation of consummation for marriages―Tivona and she had spoken of the topic enough, though Rey had shied away from the particulars… something she regretted, now.
She hated going into something without a full arsenal of knowledge at her disposal.
But here she was, and she didn't know everything, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Not anymore.
She could hold off on the act for the night―she could make Kylo Ren agree if he didn't at first seem inclined to―but she knew that there was the likelihood that his master would see that nothing had occurred.
Rey didn't want to give the First Order anything that would act as grounds to annul the marriage and potentially destroy her system and her people.
She'd come too far for that.
Plus… well. There was the expectation of heirs.
Rey's stomach clenched at that thought, and she was glad for the fact that she hadn't eaten much of anything this evening. Her aunt had told her weeks ago, and since, that she was the last heir in a clean line of succession. It had been Maker-sent that they had found her alive after having lost her all those long years ago, because otherwise the system would likely have been plunged into civil war when distantly-related cousins of the king claimed the throne and fought over it upon her grandfather's death.
No.
No, she couldn't let that happen after having done so much already to save them from the First Order and other threats. She had done too much to ensure their safety, and would do even more still, for the system to be thrown into war without an heir.
Worse yet, Kylo Ren―and whoever pulled his strings―would have a claim on Itamar if he outlived her. A flimsy one, but one that he could enforce through might alone―and he would win.
That simply wasn't an option. She couldn't let it be an option.
Rey was startled out of her thoughts when her aunt wrapped her fingers around Rey's hand. She let herself be tugged to her feet even as she slowly blinked her eyes and lifted her gaze to the man standing before her.
Kylo Ren. Her husband.
As he bowed to her and held out his hand, she realized the most important thing about tonight.
Letting a small smile grace her lips―one with a hard edge to it―Rey placed her hand in her husband's and let him link her arm with his as he escorted her through the hushed crowd. He was silent, and so was she, even as they walked the halls together towards her suite. There was nothing she could think of to say, and nothing she could truly imagine him saying to her.
Not at this moment, at least.
The most important thing, she repeated to herself as her body shivered at his close proximity, his strides slower so as to account for her dress, is that I cannot let fear rule me. If I don't do this tonight, I never will.
And I must.
Kylo dropped her arm in order to open the door for her, and she hesitated, her eyes darting quickly down the hall in either direction. There was no one there; no one except her and her new husband… her enemy. She was about to be even more vulnerable in front of him, in her rooms, near her―their―bed, weaponless and… bare.
Kylo placed his hand on the small of her back, but did not attempt to instigate any further sort of physical contact. He simply left it there, his fingers still, but seeping heat and sparks into her body, sending her heart racing with the memory of his hands on hers, his arms around her body… and his lips crashing against hers over and over…
She flushed and hurried inside, stepping quickly away from the man and towards her dining table, where a vase of cut flowers was placed in the middle. It hadn't been there before, but what had truly drawn her eye was a folded piece of paper and a small, hinged wooden box with an unlocked lock resting beside it.
Rey kept an eye on Kylo through her peripheral vision, still hesitant to let him out of her sight. She shifted slightly to reassure herself that her lightsaber was still in its place in the ankle rig she'd made herself. It was harder to keep an eye on the man as he paced slowly through her rooms, but she cast her mind out lightly with the Force so as to keep track of his movements. She would not be taken by surprise.
The note was short, but to the point, and made Rey's heart swell with affection.
Rey.
You looked radiant today. I was glad to be here, though of course I am saddened by the circumstances that brought this about.
I'm sorry that I could not stay for the reception, but you understand why.
I've left you a little something since I wasn't sure if you had access to it.
You'll hear from us soon, I promise you that.
L.
Leia had left this for her. Leia had been here for the wedding. She hadn't sensed the woman, but she also hadn't been actively looking. There had been… other things on her mind, to say the least. But the important thing was that she had come. She had been here, for Rey, and that meant the world to her. She had likely been here to see her… her son be married, as well, but Rey couldn't even begin to guess at what that had been like for the older woman.
It would have been hard.
Rey clenched her eyes shut tightly, but briefly, willing those thoughts away, and then set the note down so that she could look inside of the box.
Inside were―
Rey shut the lid with a snap, cheeks flushing heatedly, and felt Kylo come to an abrupt standstill a few steps behind her. She looked over her shoulder, and there he was, looking straight at her from the entranceway to her… their bedroom.
She looked back down and shoved the box further towards the flower arrangement.
It was birth control.
She'd considered it before. Earlier. She knew she could take it and pretend she wasn't, and be childless for years before choosing to finally bear a child; an heir.
"You should take it," his voice said from over her shoulder as he strode towards her at a ground-eating pace.
Rey whirled around, only to back into the table because he was already closer to her than she'd expected. "Take what?" She was proud that her voice didn't quaver, though her eyes were a little wide.
"I know what those boxes are. The manufacturer produces birth control in quick-acting, single-use pills, good for two days at a time." His features revealed nothing about what he thought of the topic. "You should take it," he repeated.
Rey felt her body heat up in a blush at the implication of his words. "I… you… but I need to…" She couldn't find the right words, and her tongue felt clumsy in her mouth.
Kylo closed in even more, lifting his left hand to trail the backs of his fingers over her cheek, the ring on his finger cool against her hot skin. He touched her nowhere else, but it felt like he was. "You might have a duty to your people… Rey." The way her name rolled off of his lips did something funny to Rey's breathing. "But I have a duty to you. You're too young for a child. It can wait. It can wait until you're ready. If you ever are."
Rey knew he was right. She felt herself relax, shoulders drooping, and a long, shuddering breath passed her lips. He was right, and it was such a relief to hear it from him. It was also quite surprising. That he was looking out for her own well-being, when there was no reason for him to, left her with a light, pleasant feeling. This, more than anything else, showed that he cared―not just that he wanted or desired her. She had received that message loud and clear, odd as that might make her feel. But to have proof that he honestly cared for her, that he would protect her and watch out for her well-being…
It was mind-boggling, honestly. It made her want to open up to him a little more, despite their history together, but it also confused her. He was her enemy… why would he care? Why would he want her, even? It seemed to go beyond the physical, and that was the part that Rey was having the most trouble with.
He gripped her chin in his hand, though his touch was surprisingly gentle, and made sure that she met his eyes with her own. The golden brown of his irises were darkening, and she couldn't look away. "We don't even have to do this tonight," he murmured. "There is no rule stating that we must." He stared at her, as if waiting for her to say something, but she had no idea how to respond.
Not right then. All of her earlier logic had deserted her.
Kylo bent until his mouth brushed against her jaw line, hot breath causing gooseflesh to erupt all over her body. She shivered as he spoke, his lips ghosting against the shell of her ear. "Of course, I have told you that I do want you, Rey," he whispered. "But I will not have you unwilling or forced."
Rey stilled at that. Her body froze as she took in his words, mulling them over in her mind. She had heard them before, but now… now she really thought about what he was saying; what he meant.
Obviously reading the expression on her face correctly, Kylo pulled himself up and slightly away from her, wanting to give her the time and space necessary for her to think.
He… he wanted her. She'd never really been wanted before. Not like this. No, never like this. There had been men, and even women, who had eyed her back on Jakku, when she'd grown to maturity―and some before that, she remembered with a shudder. But none had ever looked at her like this, and for seemingly more than her body. She'd never felt a connection spark between them and course through her body the way it was doing now; the way she felt every time his hands made contact with her, or even when their gazes met. She'd never had someone want her… and for her to want them in return.
It was frightening.
Exceedingly so. Yes, she'd felt desire before―but only fleeting. A kiss viewed across a room, the way a couple danced together at one of the festivals she had rarely attended, and the simple appreciation of the clean and well-groomed men back on the Resistance base. She had touched herself on occasion, but never with a clear image in her mind.
Now… well, now she could easily imagine touching herself to the mere memory of the way Kylo's lips had crashed over hers earlier that day. And that was scarier than most other things she had faced―but also exhilarating.
She did want him, but how could she ever tell him that? How could she ever allow herself to be so vulnerable around him? Once he knew… surely he would hold it over her and be able to control her with that knowledge?
Would it be worth it?
Rey finally found her voice, her heart racing. "We… we must. Your… someone could find out that we never did, and then my people will be in danger… And all of this would be for nothing." She clenched her eyes shut, as well as her fists.
Moments later, both of her fists were caught in his large hands. He did not grip them tightly or try to force them apart; he simply rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her hands.
Was he trying to soothe her?
Rey's mind reeled at the thought. His hands on hers felt good, soothing her frayed nerves… but also inciting new ones to flare up in their stead. Excitement replacing fear. And that excitement… she was confused. So confused. She didn't know what she wanted, or if she was allowed to want this… to want what he was offering; what his body language and his touches and his kisses promised…
Kylo pulled back and looked down at her, his eyes hardening. She pulled herself sluggishly from her scattered thoughts so that she could focus. "Not good enough. That is the same as force. It's coercion. Manipulation. I won't have it. I don't want anything else besides you, willingly coming to my bed."
Rey felt a jolt that rushed down her spine and straight to her core, and her body heated up at the words. She closed her eyes again, and shook her head slightly. Her body was betraying her… she couldn't think properly with him so near. But she tried, and managed to form her next words coherently. "I can't let my fear control me. I need to do this. I need to."
Kylo stilled and paused. "Still not good enough," he finally said. "That's all very well and good, but it's not the same."
Rey jerked herself away from him abruptly, turning her head to the side though he would not let go of her hands. Liquid rage rushed through her veins as she glared at him. It was quick to occur, but that was no surprise. This was Kylo Ren― he was bound to make her angry at some point. "What did you expect? I was basically forced into this to avoid war—did you really think I'd be happy about having to jump into your bed? I am trying to convince myself to do this, and none of my reasons are 'good enough?'
"You want it all, don't you?" she said, quieter than before, though still angry. She barely registered the shock on his face before his features slipped into a careful blankness. Was he hurt by what she said? No matter. She couldn't find it in her to go easy in this moment―she needed this release; needed to get what she thought and felt off of her chest. This had all been held inside her for too long, ever since she'd first learned about the betrothal and, even though she'd agreed of her own free will, she wanted so badly to blame him for all of this; to blame him for the situation she had found herself in. She had found happiness in a family she'd never thought she'd have, and then to have that threatened? To know that the only way she would be allowed to stay with her family without her people becoming endangered was to marry this man, her enemy, and honor the contract?
"You want it all," she repeated, her voice slower and calmer than before as she accepted that there was nothing she could do to change what had happened. It was in the past now, and she could only move forward―she'd have to do the best with the hand that she had been dealt… and had agreed to. "You want everything from me, until you consume me and I am yours, fully and irrevocably." Rey sounded resigned by the end of her accusation; she was tired.
But there was a little part of her, deep inside, that thrilled at the thought of being so consumed by this man. He alone had this power over her…
"I want it all," he agreed quietly, finally breaking his silence. Rey's eyes darted to meet his, only somewhat surprised that he so readily agreed. "But I also want to be consumed, Rey. I've dreamed about you, about us, together. If I were to get lost in anyone, I would want it to be you."
Rey would have laughed at the ridiculous words if she hadn't seen how serious his gaze had become. Her breath caught in her throat. Was he telling her the truth? If he wanted to be lost with her, together, and not just consume her alone… was that so bad?
He leaned back in towards her, and this time he brushed his lips over hers. He moved slowly, giving her ample opportunity to retreat, but she couldn't move―didn't want to move. His lips against hers were so light that she barely felt the kiss, but her body reacted as if it had been the full press of his mouth to hers. She shivered, her fists twitching in the grasp of his hands.
"Ah, there it is," he murmured with a hint of smugness. "I know that you are attracted to me. Just admit it… admit it and I'll take care of you tonight, Rey. I'll take care of you for more than tonight. For as many nights, or mornings, or days as you want." He paused again. "It will eat me alive if I can never have you, but this is the only way I will accept having you."
He let out a huff of laughter, and Rey's eyes shot open. "Plus," he said, leaning back a little, "this way I will have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave in to me."
Rey's eyes flashed and she pulled her fists from his grasp, ready to punch him straight in the―
He gathered her up in his arms, pulled her against him, and covered her lips with his own. It was deeper than before, more consuming, more powerful, more… more everything. Kylo moved his lips over hers, his arms holding her tightly even as his hands started to skim over the material covering her back, and even over the bare skin of her neck. Soon, he parted her lips, tongue dipping inside, and Rey's eyes widened even further as she stiffened. Kylo opened his eyes, met hers, and then lowered his lids again, changing the tempo of his kiss to something more soothing… but just as possessive. Rey could only react, not act, and she found herself barely able to keep up with the sensations flooding her body and confusing her mind.
One of his hands drifted down her body, curved over the slight flare of her hip, and then cupped the soft swell of her behind. She stiffened, but then sunk into the touch, relaxing her body, giving in to the sensations being pulled from deep within her, burning her up from the inside… and Rey finally closed her eyes, giving in fully.
He groaned, deep in his throat, his lips and tongue wreaking havoc on Rey's ability to think, until finally he pressed the back of her legs into the table, leaned into her, and she was faced with more evidence than she needed that he was aroused; that he liked very much what they were doing.
Rey wrenched her lips away from his, panting heavily as she tried to catch her breath―and her faculties. She lifted one of her shaking hands and pushed against his chest, wanting him to give her some space.
He gave it to her, stepping one full step back, his own breathing nearly as ragged as hers.
She took some comfort in that.
"Rey…" he entreated after she was silent for too long.
She looked at him through her lashes, still breathing hard.
"It doesn't need to be so complicated," he continued. He turned his back on her, for what reason Rey had no idea. Perhaps he needed to regain some control of his own.
"But it is," she began.
"No. It doesn't need to be," he interrupted. "We can do our duty, seal this marriage as is expected, so that no one can cry foul… but we can pretend we're nothing more than a man and a woman. No sides. No names. Just pleasure. After tonight, if you never want to touch me again, or I you, you have only to say the words and I will leave you alone." He fell silent after that, but Rey had still heard that thread of sadness in his words.
He might say that now, but Rey knew… she just knew that as soon as he had a taste of her, a taste of what he wanted… there would be no way he would ever let that go if he continued to want her.
Kylo would have a claim on her, and he would wear her down. It might take years, but he would win.
Rey knew it.
Just as she knew that there was a part of her that wanted him to win; a part of her that wanted to give in for the night. She had resigned herself to her duty, to the consummation, earlier. But he had thrown those reasons out the window. At least, he had told her he would not accept those reasons.
If she had been so ready to do her duty out of some sense of honor, why could she not do the same… but because of pleasure? Because she wanted it?
Because she did.
There was nothing to stop her. No reason to say no. He was her husband, and at least she was attracted to the man who filled the position. He might be her enemy, but he didn't have to be. At least not here. Perhaps… perhaps if she gave in a little, she might be able to get something out of him in turn. Not even anything political. Not yet. No… she could find her pleasure just as surely as he would. He could teach her. She could let him. She wanted him.
What was there to say no to?
"Yes," she finally choked out.
He whirled around, coat flaring around his thighs. "'Yes' what?" he practically growled.
Rey licked her lips and ran her sweaty palms over her dress, only stopping when she realized the top layer was lace covered with seed pearls. She looked him straight in the eye as she answered. "Yes, I want you. At least… at least for tonight," she whispered.
But he heard her plain as day.
A flush barely had time to start spreading across her cheeks before Kylo was upon her, lifting her into his arms in a bridal carry, tossing the box from the table onto her belly, and carrying her into the bedroom. "Take one of those," he ordered.
Rey opened the box to take out one of the packets, opening it and dissolving the tablet under her tongue after a frantic moment of trying to figure out what to do with it. Kylo set her down beside the bed with its turned-down sheets and blankets, pulled the box from her hands, and dropped it to the floor where it landed with a muffled thud on the carpet.
He kicked it under the bed.
Rey swallowed, both out of nervousness and with the need to get rid of the slight aftertaste in her mouth. She looked at him for a moment before turning her back to him, presenting him with the nearly-invisible zipper hidden beneath careful folds in the fabric.
"Are you sure, Rey?" she heard him ask.
"Shh, no names. Not tonight," she pleaded softly. She knew it was Kylo. Would always know it was Kylo here with her, touching her… but she wanted to keep the illusion going for as long as she could.
"Are you sure?" he repeated after a moment. She could feel the presence of his hands hovering near the closure.
"Yes," Rey breathed. "I…"
"Yes?" he asked, his voice hoarse and tight with need, with desire. Desire for her.
"I've never done this before," she mumbled quickly, embarrassment flooding through her. She hadn't wanted to admit this to him of all people, but… No names, she reminded herself. He wasn't Kylo; he wasn't her enemy tonight.
Kylo went still behind her, and Rey couldn't even begin to guess what was going through his mind. She held herself still as well, waiting for him to move, to do something… anything.
"I'd hoped," he finally said, softly. "I… I would have been alright with it either way, but… I had hoped." Rey drew in a soft breath and a thrill shot down her spine at the emotion in his voice. At the need. "You see, R―" He stopped himself just in time, but stepped in closer to her, nearly touching her everywhere with his body as he framed her from behind. She could feel the heat coming off of him, he was so close.
"You see…" he started again, bringing a hand up to start to pull the pins out of her hair that were holding up her mother's pearl hair net. Rey shivered at even that bare amount of contact. "I am a jealous man by nature. I would respect your choices made in the past, but honestly? I am glad that you will be and are wholly mine. By law… by vows… body, mind… perhaps even heart and soul one day if you will give it to me. If you will give it all to me, as I will give my all to you." He carefully pulled the hair net from her tresses, leaving Rey standing stock-still, her body trembling with more than just nerves, as he set the piece on the bedside table closest to them.
He turned back towards her, and they were both facing each other now. "And I can't deny that it brings me great pleasure to teach you what you might not already know. I will go carefully with you…" She could tell he wanted to say her name, but he restrained himself. "But you need to tell me what you like and don't like, and tell me if you want me to stop. Yet know that I won't hurt you; that you can trust me." He waited, steps away from her, as if he were waiting for her to say something.
Finally, she swallowed and spoke, once more. "I don't know why, but I trust you," she admitted quietly. "I trust you with this, at least."
"That's all we need for now… princess." He flashed her a devastating smile to go along with his words, and Rey's lips parted with a soft gasp at the effect the title had on her in this setting… it was as if it was an endearment, not a title. No… not even that. It was… it was as if it meant something entirely more.
Something sensual.
His eyelids lowered even further, and he looked at her with a deep hunger that Rey could feel mirrored within her. She… she needed him. She desired him. "Come undress me," she ordered, trying to inject her words with confidence and perhaps only slightly succeeding.
He obeyed her anyway.
Rey had no problem with nudity, with being around others while they or herself were naked. She'd had to grow used to it, and had never thought it odd before in her life. Yet as his hands unzipped her dress, and slowly, achingly, undressed her, Rey found herself embarrassed for the first time in as long as she could remember. What if he didn't like the way she looked? What if he preferred another sort of woman? What if… what if she wasn't good enough?
"Oh Force, you're beautiful." Those four words snapped Rey out of her panicked spiral, stopping her descent into insecurity and infusing her with hope and a rush of heady pride and confidence that she had never felt before.
He pushed the sleeves of her dress past her hands, letting the material catch at her waist briefly before it pooled to the ground around her feet. She could hear as his breath caught, could feel every brush of skin against skin as he trailed his fingers over the supple planes of her back, fingers spreading until his wide hands spanned her hips, palms brushing against the cloth of her panties.
The only thing covering her from his sight.
Well, that and the ankle holster. Rey could tell when he caught sight of it as he let out a little snort of laughter. The sound was pleasant to her ears, but the feel of his hands was even more delightful as they swept down her legs when he knelt at her feet to remove the holster. He placed a kiss against the back of both knees, and Rey had to fight to remain on her feet at the sensation.
Rey felt Kylo place the holster at her feet and she glanced down to ensure her saber was still in its sheath where it lay upon the fabric of her dress.
Before she could say a word, he was on his feet and turning her around to face him, his eyes raking in her form so quickly that she had no chance to lift her hands to cover herself. It wasn't an instinct for her to do so, but―
"Don't you dare," he growled. He reached out and gripped both of her wrists in his hands, pulling them away from where they had been moving to cover her chest.
"Okay," she whispered. She could hardly catch her breath as she watched his eyes roam over her body. She returned his gaze of appreciation, fully intent on not being a passive part of this process, but realized then that he was still wearing―well, everything. "You're still wearing your clothes," she accused.
"One moment," he murmured as he bent down to capture her lips. He lingered there for a moment before trailing his lips down her neck, over her collar bone, then over the slopes of her breasts, and…
"Oh!" Rey cried out as his lips covered one of her nipples, tongue darting out to flick at the tip. Her hands were still caught in his grasp but she desperately wanted to weave her hands into the shock of dark hair that was pressed against her chest. She struggled for a moment, and then pulled harder against his grip―
―and fell straight back onto the bed, her legs hanging off the edge of the bed, and her eyes wide and startled as she looked up in shock at the man who was staring down at her, one eyebrow raised.
They moved swiftly from there. Rey lifted her hand and pulled him towards her with the Force, his eyes widening as he slid forward on the floor and then teetered over onto his rear on the bed. She'd allowed him enough control to twist around for that, but she was suddenly filled with impatience, her blood pounding through her veins as she leaned over him and attacked his clothes with her fingers. He helped her to remove his clothes, boots, saber, belt, and all, until he was naked before her, kneeling on the mattress just as she was, both of their gazes caressing the other's form with heat and passion.
He was… well, he was quite well-built. She'd only rarely seen a naked man, but from the little she remembered he seemed to be in exceedingly good shape. His muscles were toned and firm, his abdomen toned and tight, and―
Her mouth parted slightly as she released an, "Oh…" from between her lips, her eyes finally settling on the one part of the male body she'd only seen aroused once or twice before―and only from a distance. She reached out towards it with her hand but pulled it back before she could make contact. Her eyes darted up to meet Kylo's hooded ones.
"Here," he said, his voice rough and deep. He rolled onto his back, propping himself up on two pillows, and then reached over to gently grip Rey's hand with one of his own. He pulled her over until she was sitting beside him, legs curled to the side… and then he placed her hand on his cock, covering it with his own. "Touch me," he said, his voice nearly breaking on the words.
And Rey did. His hand dropped away but hers remained. With near-bashful curiosity, she explored the texture of it beneath her fingers; the velvet softness covering the hard shaft beneath. She slowly, carefully, ran her fingers up and down, around the head, around the base, hesitating slightly before swiping her fingers through the bead of moisture at the top, feeling the fluid between her thumb and forefinger before moving down to feel the shape and texture and heft of his sac in the palm of her hand.
She could hardly believe that she was here, with him, and she was able to explore at her leisure. She'd never even imagined a situation like this—never even thought that she would have someone like this beneath her fingertips.
Kylo groaned, flinging his arm over his eyes, but not able to keep it there for long. She knew he wanted to see her. She wanted to see him. And here he was, spread before her… and all hers.
Hers.
She'd never had something—someone—that was truly hers before.
"R―ah! Stop. Stop, please, or I won't last," he pleaded as he suddenly sat up straight on the bed, both of his hands gripping the one of hers to pull her away from his shaft. He got to his knees and pulled her to hers, pressing their bodies together as he lay claim to her mouth once more. She could feel his hardness against her belly and she reveled in that fact―that she had done this to him.
It was a heady feeling of control and power that spread through her body.
Lips still fused, Rey could feel Kylo lowering her onto her back on the bed, and she moaned into his mouth, hands scrabbling at his shoulders and chest, nails raking the skin beneath them. This was it, he was going to―
She wasn't ready for―
"Breathe," he whispered as he pulled his lips away from hers. "It's not time yet. But you need to breathe."
Rey did just that, focusing on pulling in air and slowly releasing it, along with her panic, even as her heart sped up as he lowered his lips to her breast again, mouthing at the delicate skin before lapping at the nipple, then moving languidly over to the other breast and repeating the motion all over again. This time he kept his mouth where it was, however, sealing his lips around her hard peak and eliciting wave after wave of pleasure from her body.
She was wet―so wet.
She could tell just by rubbing her thighs together, by the nearly-ripe feel of her flesh, moist and rubbing deliciously against the soft fabric of her panties that was nearly molded to the juncture of her thighs. She'd been wet before… had even pleasured herself a small handful of times before this… but this… it was so much more than even those few times she'd brought herself to orgasm. Kylo's hands on her body, his lips against her flesh, brought her more pleasure than she'd experienced with her own hands bringing her to completion, and Rey's mind nearly buzzed with that simple fact.
Kylo's hand trailed down her body as he continued to suckle and nip at her breast, sensations chasing down her body along the same path that his hand was taking, until she gasped and arched her back, chest pressed into his face, as he fit his hand between her legs and cupped her there.
"Please―" she whimpered. She wasn't able to keep her body still, legs and arms moving slightly in an attempt to relieve the pressure somehow, some way…
"Please what?" he asked, a slight teasing lilt to his voice.
"Please… I… I don't know!" Rey moaned, frustrated. She didn't know what she wanted from him, just knew that she needed something more. "I don't know what to do," she admitted finally. "I don't know what to ask for. And I hate that!" Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes.
Kylo slowly sat up from where he'd lowered himself beside her, peering at her with a mixture of concern and impatience. He moved his hand to her knee, safely away from her core, and Rey felt something relax within her. She was still tense, however, even as his thumb drew small, slow circles upon the skin of her knee, and his other hand lifted to push sweaty strands of hair behind her ear. "Shh, it's alright," he mumbled, somewhat awkwardly, as if the words were foreign on his tongue.
Clenching her eyes tightly shut, she leaned into his palm as he rested it against her cheek, feeling frustrated at the circumstances, but also mad at herself for allowing herself to become so weak and needy and she never should have agreed to this―she should have just run away and never looked back, living on her own because it was the only thing she was good at.
"I don't know what to do," she groaned, bringing one hand up to place over her eyes. "I… this must be awful for you; I'm so sorry." She had no idea why she felt the need to apologize, but it was like she'd lost control. She wasn't herself. She was stronger than this. What was wrong? "What's wrong with me?" she asked out loud.
Kylo pulled her hand away from her face, and used the other to tilt her chin towards him. As he started to speak, her eyes opened and met his. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're strong. You're courageous. But there's nothing wrong with not knowing what is about to happen. You've been through a lot. Let me guide you. Let me show you what you want. Just lay back and let me lead." He paused, eyes flickering with something guarded, and then continued, "Unless you want to back out now. Do you?"
Rey stared back at him, deep into his eyes, and let her breathing settle into a much slower and calmer rhythm.
Did she? Did she want to back out now?
No.
No―she'd tasted what was on offer, and she wanted more. She was strong enough to get through this intact. She would still be herself tomorrow, and he would be himself. Two separate beings, who had simply decided to share a night of pleasure. She wouldn't lose who she was.
"No," she said firmly, accompanied by as much of a headshake as Kylo's grip on her chin would allow.
A smile spread quickly across his face―a genuine smile―and Rey was nearly startled at the sight… and at how her heart felt like it had skipped a beat. "Good," he murmured, then bent to resume his efforts. "Just lie back and let me make you feel good."
And he did. Oh, did he ever.
Kylo moved his hands slowly over her body, pulling sensation after sensation from her until she could barely form a coherent thought. His lips followed soon afterwards, soothing her nerves nearly as much as the pleasure that they elicited. He spent most of his attention on the soft swells of her breasts, alternating between cupping them with his hands, teasing them with his fingers, nibbling at her nipples with his teeth, and sucking, licking, pulling until she closed her eyes and groaned, long and loud, and threaded her hands deep into his hair.
She must have pulled too hard because he let out a moan that made her core spark with pleasure, releasing an extra rush of moisture, and made her hips jerk off of the bed instinctually. "Oh Force," she mumbled. "That feels so good; don't stop."
He made a humming noise against her breast, the vibrations sending another wave of pleasure through her body, before he pulled back and said, "I have a better idea."
Before she could ask, Kylo trailed kisses down her torso, to her hip bone, and… she tensed, but it was too late for her to say or do anything. He had already hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties and pulled them down and off of her legs, throwing them behind him without even looking.
No, his eyes were trained elsewhere.
Rey tried to clamp her legs together, the red of embarrassment staining her cheeks and chest. No one had ever seen down there. Well, no one except her doctor. It was private―or, it had been. Now, it was on display for him to see, and the hand that he had placed on the hip furthest from him had frozen her to the spot.
The hunger she saw in his gaze as he looked upon the closely-trimmed hair covering her most secret of areas was enough for her heart to start racing again―this time out of anticipation rather than fear.
Without a word, he pulled her legs apart and knelt between them, giving him an even better view. And Rey found herself wanting him to look at her. If he would just keep that heat, that hunger, in his eyes, he could look at her all he wanted. The pleasure clouding her mind was like a drug; the look he was giving her feeding the addiction more and more as time passed.
Again, he said nothing. Rey would have felt uncomfortable with that, but for the fact that he had trailed his fingers gently, slowly, softly over her hip bone, down the crease where thigh met groin, and―oh, so tenderly― brushed his fingers against her mound.
He glanced up as she gasped, catching and holding her gaze for what felt like a lifetime but was mere seconds, and then looked back down, captivated by what he was seeing.
He seemed almost… reverent, and Rey felt like a goddess beneath his gaze.
She couldn't keep her own eyes off of him. Earlier, she had looked her fill of his hard, toned body, littered with scars and moles and light wisps of hair, and now she was watching through hooded eyes what he was doing with his fing―
Oh. Oh.
Rey gasped again, body arching off of the bed as he slid two fingers over her slit, catching and pulling the moisture of her arousal on his fingers until he dragged it upwards to circle around her clit. She was unbelievably sensitive, and a knife of pleasure stabbed through her. It was sharp and aching, this sensation. She knew to expect that from the little bundle of nerves, but this… this was so much more.
Kylo took the opportunity to lean over her body, pressing his lips against hers in a gentle, but deep, kiss as his fingers continued to move over and around her clit, backing off every so often to drag more moisture towards the spot of pleasure.
She was climbing that mountain of sensation that she had felt before under her own fingers, but the way his fingers moved over her flesh, dipping in on occasion, made it feel like the mountain was three times as tall.
And she was climbing it rapidly.
It hit her suddenly, as if from out of nowhere. She came with a shout that was muffled by his tongue delving into her mouth, riding one wave of pleasure, two, three, four… until her body was limp beneath his, trembling, and twitching slightly with small, irregular aftershocks.
When she was able to pull herself together again, she opened her eyes and met his gaze even as he continued to kiss her. The kisses were much softer now; gentler, as if he were attempting to soothe her mind and body alike, tending to her as she came down from her high.
Yet she was still feeling sharp little flashes of pleasure-pain coming from her clit, and she pulled her mouth away from his with a gasp when she realized he was rubbing the head of his cock against her body, catching the hood of her clit every so often and pressing against the exposed bundle of nerves. It was nearly too much, but the sight caused her to moan. She couldn't look away. It was too… it was too… it was too much something that she couldn't name, but she knew that she liked the sight glimpsed down the line of their bodies very much.
If it felt this good on the outside, what would it feel like… on the inside?
"I need you," she panted, not caring for once that her voice sounded needy and breathless―weak in her desire. For him. "Please."
He lifted his eyes from where he'd been watching their bodies touching, just as she had been, and locked gazes with her. His body and face had a light sheen of sweat to them, and his hair fell forward to frame his face, casting shadows across his face. But she could still see the scar she had given him.
His scar. Her scar.
She had given him that, and in that moment Rey saw the scar in an entirely different light―as a mark of possession.
The thought sent a thrill through her, and she hooked one of her legs around his waist with a sudden fervor, wanting to take charge―or at least get what she wanted.
Because she wanted him. Inside of her. She didn't know why, fully, but in that moment she needed him moving inside of her, filling her up, and sending her careening up that peak again.
And she wanted to see him moaning in pleasure, knowing that it was she who caused it. Knowing that she could bring him to his knees and he would be hers afterwards. All hers.
His eyes widened at her leg wrapping around his hip, and they widened even further as he caught glimpses of what Rey was feeling and thinking. She couldn't help it that she was easy to read in that moment, and a part of her didn't care.
She wanted this, and she wanted it now.
He obliged.
She couldn't help but be aware of exactly who was lining his cock up with her entrance. She couldn't help but be aware that Kylo Ren was sending sparks of pleasure through her body as he pushed just inside of her, the thick head stretching her almost uncomfortably, but pleasure ultimately winning out. She couldn't help but be aware that her enemy―was he still?―had stilled, pulled her other leg around his waist to hook with her other one, looked up at her for permission with a soft expression, waited for her nod, and then plunged fully inside of her in one quick, sharp movement.
She couldn't help but be aware that he was a man―her husband―and she was a woman, a girl no longer, his wife, as she let out a loud yelp, followed by a few whimpers of pain which quickly morphed into sighs and gasps of pleasure.
Rey had never been more aware of herself until that moment.
Her nerves felt like they were on fire, some in a bad way, but increasingly being taken over by sparks and licks of flame that were filled her body up entirely with pleasure. The pain and the pleasure mixed, blended, pulsed inside of her body as he moved inside of her. With every stroke he pushed deeper until she was sure he could go no further, but still it seemed he found a way. She was aware of every inch of him within her, pushing and pressing against her inner walls, still sore but receding even more with every stroke, her body and mind already flinging itself towards the crest of her orgasm.
She was aware―how could she not be?―of his gaze locked on hers, one hand braced on the pillow beside her head, arms corded with muscles. He brought the second hand up to push a loose hair off of her sweaty forehead, his pace only stuttering slightly at the movement, before he cupped her cheek with it.
Rey was aware of his thumb caressing her bottom lip, tugging at the flesh and then pushing inside where she flicked against it with her tongue. She was aware of the hitch in Kylo's breathing, the thudding of their hearts as they shared this―everything―with each other.
And finally, she was aware, more than any of what had just come before, of their minds opening and fusing together as one when she was hurled over the edge and into the most intense orgasm of her life, her walls clenching tightly around his cock in sync with the waves of intense pleasure, her body milking him and plunging him over the edge himself.
In that moment, Rey was aware of everything around her, surrounding her, inside of her, and so was he.
"Kylo! Oh Force, oh stars―Ky―Kylo!" The moan passed her lips before she could stop it.
And right then, even through the haze of pleasure completely overwhelming her, she saw a look of intense satisfaction on his face, his lips quirking upwards. In the heady silence that followed, filled only with the sounds of their deep breaths and their hearts beating furiously, she couldn't think to do anything else besides return his smile and to let her body relax completely into the pillows and mattress. Her eyes fluttered closed against her will, her smile slowly disappearing, and she was aware no more.
Note: Alright! So now you and I are finally caught up to where I was when I'd been hacked. I am unsure as to how I will be moving forward as far as a writing schedule. I will figure something out on that end, but as far as this story goes, pretty much the rest of it is mapped out. I just have to write it! And write it properly, after all this time. I will be continuing this story (that needs to be continued after months and months of inactivity, or over a year since it was started and the notes were drafted) so have no fear of that, but it might take me some time to find a rhythm that suits me and my changed family lifestyle, y'know? I'm primary caregiver to my husband, with my own health problems that impede my writing (peripheral neuropathy and rheumatoid arthritis suck so much, seriously), and throw in motivation and inspiration and blah blah blah, etc etc etc, ad infinitum... You get it.
But: This. fic. will. be. finished.
I am SO excited to show you where this goes next. I'm looking forward to exploring the politics and the awkwardness that is bound to ensue from, well... from marrying your enemy and then having everything that happened above... happen. LOL xD Talk about an awkward morning after. Maybe. Possibly. We'll see. ;)
Anyway... much love. To everyone. Old and new alike. This has been an amazing journey. Please, indulge in one of my rec lists (should have at least one on my Tumblr, juuls) or any of my other fics, until I write more of this!
If you read one of my other fics, I am very partial to 'Delicious Ambiguity', which is complete, and 'I'd start a war for you', which will be what I finish first, before any of the rest of my fics. These two are both baby fics, though the latter is a bit of a different take on it. Actually, they both kind of are, because the former is a Force baby fic. hehe
Happy weekend! And until we meet again. Salut et au revoir! Merci, gracias, thank you. *love*