It took Amana a few moments to realize she was lying on the floor. Her head was still rested against Nick's chest. Why were they lying there? She slowly sat up, forcing Nick's arm to drop to his side. A smile formed as she remembered how he took her to look at the stars after she told him almost everything, she was getting agitated and he tried to calm her down. Yeah, Nick had his moments and she would make a snarky remark about how cheesy it's been if it didn't actually make her feel good.

It was just after six and she had to go home, Tucker was expecting her at eight and she could not be late, she still had to think about what exactly she could say, if he knows the whole truth he would use it against her.

She was about to get up when she heard Nick's voice "where are you going?" he asked, probably still half asleep, his eyes were closed.

"I have to get back home to Frannie and then I have a date with IAB" she tried to sound casual.

Nick opened his eyes and smiled at her as he sat up "you want to eat something?"

"Thanks, but I should go"

"You have your car here? I can drive you"

"My car's here so it's ok, I'll call you later, ok?" she stood up and walked to the living room.

Nick followed her there, hoping she wasn't going to shut down "wait a second"

She turned to him "you know what, I don't think I'm supposed to call you, but do you want to stop by at my place later?"

"Sure, I'll be there after my shift's over"

"Good" she smiled "I'll see you then"

Nick watched as she took her coat from the rack, he walked to her as she put it on "Amanda" he said "it's going to alright"

"I know" she believed it last night, but now it became real again. She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and walked out of the door.

Nick stood there for a few seconds, staring at the closed door, still feeling her lips, as if they were planted on him. He knew she was worried about talking to Tucker, he was worried about her.

And Matt, was this true? Did Sánchez rape him?

Nick wouldn't have guessed anything like this had happened. Sure, back when he found out the gang knew Harris was a police officer Nick was focused on himself, he had to make sure they still trusted him. All he was told was they gave him quite a beating, he was somewhat surprised they let him live, Sánchez was known to be a cruel person. Nick was certain Harris kept it to himself, for all these years…they were friends once and he had no idea, were there signs that something was wrong? That something happened?

But there were signs something was going on with Amanda and he wasn't there for her then. He couldn't even imagine what she's been going through, all the pain, the blame. He wasn't going to let her be so alone anymore, saying 'I'm here for you' is easy, but he was going to actually be there.

Before taking Frannie for a walk Amanda grabbed something to eat, she just grabbed the first thing she saw and ate it. Frannie was impatient and Amanda hurried to take her outside. As they walked she tried to get her story straight. It was the fact she found them so quickly that bothered IAB. How did she know Harris would be there, did he tell her his plan? Amanda knew they will be going through his apartment, if they haven't already, they will find her fingerprints so she couldn't hide that. But could she tell them the whole truth, everything that Matt has told her, tell them what really happened, would they believe her? She believed Matt but someone else might not, not that it mattered, she knew he'd do something and didn't stop him.

She had to meet her delegate, Helen, before the interview. Should she get a lawyer?

Amanda didn't say much to Helen, she mostly pretended to listen as the other woman explained her rights. Helen let her know that the blood work confirmed she had no alcohol, something that didn't surprise Amanda but it wasn't going to be much help.

She walked into the interrogation room and saw Tucker and the FBI agent, they stopped talking the moment she entered the room and Tucker told her to sit down. Amanda tried to keep a straight face, but her stomach was a mess, she was afraid.

Nick didn't mention Amanda's late night visit to Olivia, after all, they were not supposed to see her and Tucker did mention he'd want to talk to him. It was better for everyone to keep this a secret.

He reached out to his old captain, he needed to get Nancy's address. He had no idea if she kept her last name or changed it back after the divorce. He tried to concentrate on work until he'd get the call from the captain but Carisi had a lot of questions and Nick replied 'I don't know' to all of them.

"But do you think Fin knows?"

"Carisi" Nick tried to stay calm and looked at him "I really don't know" his phone rang and he was relieved he could get away for a moment. It was his former captain, giving him Nancy's address.

He let Olivia know he was leaving, this time Carisi didn't bother asking anything and just looked at Nick as he made his way to the elevator.

Nick rang the door bell and wondered if she'd even remember him.

"Nancy?" he asked as she opened the door "I'm detective Nick Amaro, I work with your ex-husband"

She didn't seem to recognize him "ok" she said.

"Can we talk? Inside maybe?" he didn't want to break the news standing at her doorway.

She let him walk into the house "so what is it? We haven't been in contact since the divorce"

"I worked with Matt a few years ago, we've actually met a few times"

"I'm sorry, I'm terrible with faces" she shrugged and picked up a mug from the kitchen counter "so you worked with him or you work with him now?"

"Both" he replied "I'm here because Matt's been…involved in a shooting" he gave her a few moments to let the information sink in "he's at the hospital, it's really bad"

Nancy placed the mug back on the counter and looked at Nick as if she wasn't sure he's telling the truth.

"What do you mean bad?" she asked.

"He's on life support, I am really sorry"

"All those years we'd been married I waited for this conversation and I get it now, am I still his emergency contact person?"

"Yes" Nick nodded.

"He doesn't really have anyone else, ha?" she walked to the living room and sat on the couch "what happened?"

"There's an investigation, it's not clear yet" he sat on the other side of the dark couch "would you like me to drive you there?"

"I'm not sure" she said "what am I supposed to do, talk to him? Just look at him? It's not like I've…"

"I know it's hard…"

"But he's dying, right?" Nick nodded "I guess I can't let him die alone…even though…"

"Even though what?" he let her get lost in thoughts for a few seconds.

"You said you worked with him before, in narcotics, right?"

"I've known him then, he joined special victims unit a few days ago" he answered.

"So maybe you know why he suddenly became this lonely man, he came home with bruises and refused to talk about it, told me it was just a mess at work, no big deal"

"Sounds like him"

"Yeah, but he wasn't really himself after that, you know?" Nick wasn't sure what to say but she waited for a reply.

"I'm afraid I left right before that and we lost touch"

"Well then I suppose you don't know that he did, changed I mean, I don't even know how to explain, he just became this lonely man, we talked, but…are you married?"

"Divorced"

"So we talked, but not to each other…just like every couple before a divorce"

Nick understood what she was talking about, it was the same for him and Maria, they drifted apart and couldn't really share their lives with each other. They'd both changed, and back then Nick couldn't see it, he thought everything would stay the same, like before she got deployed. Not that it was her fault, she couldn't talk to him because he wasn't really there.

But Harris and Nancy…she stayed exactly the same while Matt became a completely different person.

"I'm gonna need five minutes" she stood up "if the offer to take me to the hospital still stands"

"Of course" Nick said.

Amanda's been sitting in that room for over an hour, answering the same questions again and again. She wasn't a stranger to this tactic, trying to exhaust her. She stuck to her story, omitting parts of the truth, but not exactly lying, she wasn't going to tell them about what happened to Matt or about destroying the evidence.

"So you were in Harris' apartment that night?" Tucker asked.

"Yes" she was pretty sure he'd asked this particular one four times already.

"And why was that?"

"As I said before, we've had string of tough cases and he was new to SVU, I just wanted to see if he wanted to talk"

"So you were worried about him?"

"I wasn't worried then" she kept her answers short.

"But you still wanted to check up on him?"

"He's a coworker, we're partners, so of course I care" she glanced at the FBI agent, he was just listening, writing something once in a while.

"What did you talk about?"

"Work, cases"

"And is that when you thought something might be going on" Tucker continued.

"I didn't think anything, I left after a while, got to my car and a few minutes later I saw him leave, he looked like he was in a rush…"

"And you got suspicious?"

"I wasn't suspecting anything, I guess I just wanted to make sure he was alright"

"Because he didn't seem alright to you?"

"I wasn't sure"

"So you followed him?"

"Yes"

"Then that?"

Amanda tried not to sound frustrated "I saw him walk into an apartment and walked after him, there were two gun shots, I didn't see who fired first, then I called the bus"

"I think we have all we need right now" Tucker looked at the agent and then back at Amanda "you can leave now detective Rollins, don't forget you are still suspended until we are done with the investigation"

"I know" she stood up and walked out of the room as fast as her legs could carry her.

Amanda had a bottle of beer in her hand. She was sitting on the couch with her feet on the table. She's been at home for a long time and heard nothing from IAB, she couldn't call anyone from her squad because she wasn't supposed to have any contact with them. She hated not knowing what's going on, waiting for someone to make a decision that might change everything.

And Matt, she had no idea if he was still alive.

She moved the bottle to her lips and realized it was empty. Frannie climbed on the couch and Amanda petted her and placed the bottle on the floor, she really didn't feel like getting up.

"Thank you for keeping me company" she whispered in Frannie's ear "I wish Nick was here, you miss him too?" Frannie looked up "don't tell him I said that"

Just as Amanda leaned back on the couch there was a knock on the door, Frannie rushed to it and Amanda picked through the peephole to see who this visitor was.

"Don't forget you promised" she looked at Frannie before she opened the door.

"Promised?" Nick heard the last word and wondered if Amanda was talking to him she just smiled and closed the door behind him.

"How did it go?" he wanted to hear about the interview with IAB, Benson said she hasn't heard anything and Nick didn't want to pry so he wouldn't look suspicious.

"I…" she leaned on the door "you know what" she ran her fingers through her hair "can we just talk about something else, anything else?"

"Of course" he thought she'd want to hear about the conversation with Nancy, how she told him Matt had changed out of the blue, how he took her to the hospital and how she said her goodbye.

"I've got some pizza" she walked to the fridge "I bought it today so it's perfectly safe"

"Sure"

"I'm gonna heat it in the oven" she took the box out of the fridge and Nick could see there were no slices missing.

"You weren't hungry?" he asked.

"Not really, beer?"

"No, it's alright" he moved closer to her.

Amanda closed the oven's door and turned on the timer "listen" she turned to him "thanks for being here, it really means a lot"

"Thank you for asking me to come by, I want to be here for you, with you" he wasn't sure what he was doing but his hand moved up, as if it controlled itself and caressed her cheek. Amanda didn't budge, she liked the feel of his fingers against her skin. His hands were always a bit rough, not like he's been working in a factory or a field, but there was a lack of softness in them. It didn't change the fact his touch felt so gentle, so caring. Amanda loved that contrast.

His arm moved away after a couple of seconds "what are you thinking about?" he asked.

Amanda's eyes met his and the blue color looked so pure, so transparent, he could almost see her thinking.

"I just want to get away, be somewhere else" she shrugged and her tone changed "you know what, I said I didn't want to talk about it"

"But maybe you should"

"I just want to forget about it for a few minutes" she leaned on the counter and crossed her arms "when Tucker was asking me all these questions today I answered but…I didn't want him to get hurt" he saw tears forming in her eyes, clouding up the blue.

"But it wasn't your fault, they are covering their asses. I know you don't believe it, but there was nothing you could have done, if he wanted to do that for all these years he would have, no matter what"

"Not if I told anyone about my suspicions, I went to that bar you told me about, checked the security camera, I saw the pictures he had of Sánchez…I knew he was up to something, I destroyed those evidence…"

The timer went off and Amanda stopped talking.

"If it was someone else, what would you have said? What would you say if it was me?"

"But it's not so…"

"Listen, what happened to Matt changed him, he wasn't the same after that…"

"I know he wasn't" she wiped a stray tear "you think I don't know that?"

"I think you see yourself in him and you blame yourself for that as well" sure, talking about something else could have been much more peaceful, but maybe ignoring everything wasn't the right thing, maybe talking about it, letting it all out, was the only thing that would bring her some peace of mind.

"But you've done nothing wrong, ok?" he moved closer to her, leaving a few inches between them "and don't shake you head" he could tell she was about to do that "I don't know how to make you see it, but if you need me to say it a billion times a day I will, if you need to talk to someone else…"

Amanda looked away "I don't want to sit in somebody's office and talk about it, ok? I am tired of talking"

"And you're not tired of feeling like this?" he asked "you're the one who told me not to give up when I was in jail, so now I am telling you that there has to be a way for you to put it aside, to free yourself of this" she looked away but Nick reached for her cheek, there was something he needed to say and he wanted her to look at him "whatever it is you need, please share it with me, because sometimes I don't see it, ok? Sometimes I think everything's alright when it isn't and I don't want to let you down Amanda"

"I don't know" she shrugged "I can't press charges, I can't make him pay…I can't" she lowered her voice so it was barely a whisper "hurt him"

"This isn't about him, it's about you" he wanted it to sink in and let silence fill the room, even Frannie was quiet, lying on the floor looking at them, he took a tiny step further and softened his voice "if you need or want me to take you stargazing every night just say the word, whatever it is" he was glad to see something that resembled a smirk "I just don't want you to handle this alone"

Amanda knew Nick was being sincere, it was written all over his face, all over his eyes "nothing corny" she said.

"I promise" he allowed himself to smile.

"Other than that I don't know" she shook her head "if I knew how to throw it away I would have done it a long time ago"

"All this time ago you thought you had to hide it, you thought there was no one who'd care, but you don't and I care, but I want to do more than care, if you let me"

"You've got a magic wand?" Nick didn't get a chance to reply because Amanda just started laughing "I'm sorry" she tried to say and her laughter took over him.

"This is terrible" Amanda wiped another tear, this time it was formed due to all of the giggling "the pizza's probably cold" she managed to say after she calmed down.

"It's fine" he took it out of the oven and placed it on the counter.

"Nick" she grabbed his hand "how 'bout we just take things slow, ok? That's all I need"

Amanda's phone buzzed and she walked to the living room to pick it up.

"What is it?" Nick asked.

"A text from Liv, I'm cleared and can go back tomorrow" the moment she replied Nick's phone buzzed as well.

"She's calling me" he said before answering "yeah…ok, ok, thanks for letting me know" Nick placed the phone on the counter. He didn't have to say anything, she knew Matt was gone.

They met somewhere in the middle, holding each other. Letting the pizza get completely cold.

-The end-