A/N Thanks for the reviews.

I tried forever to find a title for this chapter but because it has some many different situations/emotions I found it impossible. It needs something loud, powerful... If anyone has a song-suggestion that could double as a title, I'd be grateful and go back to add it. For now its a chapter without title because I didn't want to wait any longer before posting it for you to read.

"Meredith open the door, please. We want to talk to you" Izzie banged on the closed bedroom door.

"Yeah, Mer, open up." George added.

"Leave me alone." Meredith yelled. For good measure, she put a pillow over her head, attempting to drown out the noises her roommates were making.

"Com'on Mer, just talk to us." annoyed Meredith got up and ripped the door open.

"Piss off. I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone."

"But Mer, we just..."

"Don't but Mer me. You weren't my friends when you thought I was okay, but now that I'm sick you suddenly want to be my friends again?" She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right . Forget it." she slammed the door shut and went back to bed.

"Mer, com'on." the door opened behind her hesitantly and Izzie and George walked into the room.

"Out!"

"Meredith..." George said quietly. "Why didn't you tell us you had cancer, we would have been there for you."

"Seriously! Just this morning, you weren't talking to me. Well, now I don't want to talk to you anymore. You don't get to suddenly be my friend again just because I have cancer. So. Leave. Me. Alone!"

"I'm sorry Meredith, I shouldn't have judged." Izzie said timidly.

"No you shouldn't have. But you did. And you did it in public. Did you ever think about the consequences of your accusations? Or are you that much of a bitch that you just didn't give a damn?"

"What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know, Izzie. But you were supposed to be my friend? How about giving me the benefit of the doubt or how about this, asking me in private what's going on instead of being a judgemental bitch."

"We all know you screw inappropriate men, so it wasn't that much of a stretch to think you're back to screwing McDreamy. Everyone was thinking it." Meredith hid under her pillow until it was pulled from her face. Meredith groaned.

"You know what, you guys stay here, I'll find some other place to sleep." Meredith got up and left the room.

"Mer, where are you going?"

"Leaving!" she pulled the front door shut behind her and got in her car. Where to now? Cristina had just gotten rid of George (thanks to her cancer) and she lived with Burke, that would be just weird. Derek lived in a trailer with Addison and that would be... Yeah, not going to happen. That either left a hotel (not on her salary) or the hospital. Meredith sighed, as she drove to the hospital. One of her few nights not on call, and here she was on her way to sleep in an on-call room.

She sneaked into the hospital. The first two on-call rooms she checked were full, but she got lucky in the third, as the second bed was empty. She walked in quietly, trying not to make a sound as she slid of her shoes and slipped between the sheets. She hoped whoever was sleeping in the other bed didn't wake up since technically she wasn't even allowed to be here because she wasn't on call. The lumpy mattress pressed into her back.

"Meredith? What are you doing here? I thought you went home?" she turned towards the voice and came lie on her side.

"Derek?"

"Yeah."

"I fled from Izzie and George. They wouldn't leave me alone..."

"You let them drive you out of your own house?"

"I guess so. I just didn't have the energy to fight them after today. I just wanted to be alone before I have to face everyone tomorrow." Derek was silent.

"You think I should have forgiven them for their behaviour?"

"I don't know, Mer. George... probably. Izzie... depends on how much you like to have her around."

"Just because I have cancer, it doesn't make everything okay."

"No it doesn't, but it can put things in perspective. I'm not saying don't be mad, but you are not normally one to hold a grudge." Her mattress shifted when he sat down next to her. His hand began running up and down her back.

"Don't let this change who you are, Mer. You..." he started, "You have such a big heart, one of the most forgiving and selfless persons I know. And I know, that if you hadn't gotten cancer, if you had the fight you had, if Izzie still had jumped to conclusions, you would have been mad, but after she apologised, it would have been over." Derek's hand on her back was warm. She sighed.

"I guess so. Doesn't hurt to let them stew until tomorrow though."

"No, it doesn't." His other hand began to stroke her hair. Her eyes slowly dropped shut. She could almost feel the smile on his face as he slowly soothed her into sleep.

When someone walked into the on call room he was trying to sleep in, making all the annoying noises people make when they try too hard to be quiet, he was about to be ready to use his status as head of neurosurgery to kick out whatever stupid intern or resident intruded his privacy. Usually interns and residents avoided on call rooms with sleeping attendings, but he normally didn't mind if the other person was quiet. Then, a wisp of lavender had hit him, and he had known it was Meredith. Which opened a whole new can of worms, with him and Meredith being alone in a dark room with beds... but he was able to handle it, be the friend she needed, to not cross the line again. As he watched Meredith fall asleep under his touch, he felt his own body slowly relax as the tension seeped out of it. Meredith was okay, she wouldn't just vanish into thin air when she wasn't with him. He knew his fear was irrational, but he couldn't help it. As he soaked up her warmth, surrounded by her smell, he felt like he could breath more easily. He pressed his lips into her hair for a moment, before moving back to his own bed. He fell asleep easily to the lullaby of Meredith breathing. When he woke up the next morning (a almost full nights sleep while on-call, miracles do happen) he felt rested. A smile creped on his face. He felt good. Meredith was still sleeping. He got up and stretched.

"Meredith." he touched her shoulder gently. "Come on, wake up." She grumbled something incoherently into the pillow, her eyes tightly shut. He shook her shoulder a bit harder. She opened her eyes, looking annoyed.

"You have to get up for rounds soon. If you get up now, I treat you to breakfast."

"Pizza?" she grinned at him sleepily.

"Sorry, no. I fear you will have to do with normal breakfast food, I don't think the cafeteria serves cold pizza."

"Doesn't serve your crappy muesli either." He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Mature, this morning are we now?"

"It's early, mature doesn't wake up for another hour."

"Funny."

"I thought so, too. Now come on, breakfast is on me, you can't say no."

"I guess not." she grinned when he grabbed her hands and pulled her onto her feet.

They walked to the cafeteria together and sat down with their food.

"After my doctors appointment next week, I have an appointment with a lawyer."

"Okay?"

"There are some things, I mean... My family, legally I mean, consists of my Mum for whom I have to make legal decisions and a Dad who left when I was five."

"Yes...?"

"I need a health care proxy. I need someone to make medical decisions for me if I can't for whatever reason, and if I don't say different, it will be my father. I had never thought about that before but I don't want that. I don't want a guy who abandoned me to make decisions for me. And for my Mum although I have to talk to a lawyer about that because I have no idea if that's even possible."

"Okay, so appoint someone, one of your friends could do it..."

"I want... You are my friend, right?"

"Yes."

"I want you to do it. I mean if you don't want to, that's okay, it's a big responsibility, especially with my dismissal luck and..."

"I'll do it." he interrupted her. "I mean we'll have to talk about it in detail, so I can make decisions like you would want them, but otherwise I don't see why not."

"It's a big thing, you can take your time and think about it, you don't need to decide now."

He touched her hand gently. "Meredith, it's not really that much of a big deal, because you will be fine! Nothing bad will happen to you. I am..." he searched for the right word. "Honoured that you trust me that much."

"Thank you for doing it."

"No problem." He wanted to say more, but before he could open his mouth, his pager went off.

"911 in the pit, gotta go save a life."

"See you later."

"Yeah, later." he grabbed his tray and left.

"Meredith, where did you go, Cristina said you didn't go to her place last night." Izzie was in her face as soon as she had entered the locker room. Meredith sighed, Derek's words still on her mind.

"I slept at the hospital, Mom."

"You just vanished, sorry for caring."

"Look, Izzie. I'm still mad at you, so why don't you give me just a little space and stop hovering? Nothings really changed in the last few days."

"Everything changed! You have cancer."

"Yeah, so what? Technically I had cancer for months, maybe years only nobody knew until a few weeks ago." Cristina snorted into her coffee next to her. "I'm still the same person I was yesterday, the one you thought is an adulterous whore..." Meredith wanted to continue, but Derek had a point, normally she would have yelled, then moved on.

"Yang – Burke, Karev – Montgomery-Shepherd, Stevens – pit, O'Malley – Shepherd, Grey, the Chief and I'd like to have a word with you." Bailey walked into the room and put an end to any personal conversation.

"Well, why are you still here, patients are waiting. Grey, with me." Cristina gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey." she wasn't looking forward to this conversation, and her day had started so nice. They walked to the Chiefs office together.

"How are you holding up, Meredith?" Bailey's voice was calm and caring,a side of her they rarely got to see.

"I'm fine." they reached the office.

"Good Morning, Chief."

"Dr. Bailey, Meredith, come on in. Sit down." The chief put a folder away.

"Some alarming news reached me yesterday, Meredith." The Chief looked at her seriously. "Is it true that you have cancer?"

"Yes, Dr. Webber. Stage II, IDC." She felt like she was in the principals office, about to be scolded for something.

"Why did you not inform me immediately after your diagnosis?"

"Because it was not necessary yet. I would have come to you once I had my treatment plan and an appointment for my surgery."

"Meredith, cancer is a serious matter..."

"It's not like I have brain cancer. A tumour in my breast does not impair my ability to do my job."

The Chief sighed after her words. "Meredith, it would have made things a lot easier for you."

"Maybe, but and correct me if I'm wrong, it's already in the past, so it can't be changed." Meredith smiled tightly.

"Chief, if I may." Bailey interrupted, " Who is your doctor?"

"Dr. Cox."

"She's good."

"According to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, the best in town. After her of course."

"She is no surgeon."

"No, but she is specialised in breast and ovarian cancer patients. She more or less organised a complete treatment package, with surgeon, plastic surgeon and oncologist and so on." Meredith shifted in her seat uncomfortably. This is why she hadn't wanted anyone to know. Now everything would be about her having cancer, every conversation, every look. She was no longer only Meredith Grey, she was now cancer-intern. She swallowed. She would not show any weakness, not here not in front of her bosses.

"I'll be meeting with them later this week to discuss everything before my surgery and to get to know them personally." she offered.

"Our oncology department is excellent."

"Yes Sir."

"Who will be your oncologist?"
"I do not know yet, an oncologist from Mercy West."

"Mercy West?" the Chief sounded surprised.

"My surgery will also be done at Mercy West, just like all test so far."

"Why Mercy West, Meredith."

"I am..." she hesitated "more comfortable at Mercy West." she focused on Bailey instead of the Chief. "The staff here, they like to talk, especially about me and I don't want to... I'll be under and vulnerable..." That was her greatest fear, and probably something she had in common with a lot of surgeons, she loved the OR but only as a surgeon. Being exposed and vulnerable on a steeltable, being at the mercy of other surgeons, nurses, it was not something she wanted to experience where she was working, where everyone was already watching her every move.

"I understand." Bailey nodded. The Chief didn't look like he did, but that was not important to Meredith, she didn't need his approval.

"May I go back to work now, I'll inform you once I have a treatment plan, so we can talk about how it will affect my future here?"

"Go Grey." Bailey said.

By the time Lunchbreak came around, Meredith was seriously considering jumping of the roof. People weren't even hiding that they were talking about her and stared openly. Eating lunch was somewhat awkward since everyone was staring at her, and she could feel that Izzie and George still wanted to talk but Cristina's withering stare kept them quiet. She looked up when Alex slammed his tray down.

"Word in the halls is you were seen coming out of an on call room with Shepherd this morning and he bought you breakfast."

"He did." no sense in denying the truth when apparently someone had seen.

"I thought you said you weren't sleeping with him." Izzie said with a frown.

"I'm not." Meredith said tersely. "But I have crappy roommates who drove me out of my own house and mad me sleep at the hospital. I coincidentally ended up in the same room as Derek. Thanks for that, by the way. More talking just what I needed."

"It's not my fault that..."

"It kinda is, Iz." Alex interrupted.

"Fine. Let's go George." Izzie got up. George looked at Meredith for a moment before getting up and walking after Izzie.

"I hate this!"

"You don't want talk, you gotta be more careful, Mer." Cristina said.

"Whatever, it's not like it changes anything. You started your thing with Burke the same time as Derek and I did. And you were not only that intern, you were that pregnant intern that collapsed in the OR and yet everyone is always talking about me and Derek!"

"Though luck. Happens when you're royally inbred."

"Bitch."

"Whore."

Weird place to end the chapter, I know...

Grey's is on summer hiatus, and now I have to get my writing mojo back because I have only one more chapter already finished.

Tell me what you think.

Don't forget to review, it really motivates.