Benny didn't manage to escape Business' clutches for over 8 years by standing around looking cute.
A lifetime of experience had taught Bad Cop how to assess the situation mid-switch, how to sift through his counterpart's surface memories in that split-second.
So the instant he was in control, he grabbed the front of Good Cop's shirt and yanked, sliding down at the same time, and Good Cop's face cracked against the wall. Bad Cop scrambled away, dragging Unikitty with him.
Good Cop whirled furiously, one hand over his nose. There was blood leaking between his fingers.
Bad Cop stood to face Good Cop, shielding Unikitty behind him. "The hell do you think you're doing?" he barked.
Relief washed over Good Cop's expression. "Bad," he said, lowering his hand. His nose didn't look broken, but it was banged up pretty badly.
Bad Cop planted his feet firmly in a fighting stance. "I asked you a question," he growled.
The relief became confusion. "What do you mean?" Good Cop asked.
"Just look at yourself, man!" Bad Cop said, gesturing. "Threatening Ben? And I know you're planning on killing Business, and god knows what you're going to do to him first."
Anger darkened Good Cop's features. "Are you going to stop me? After everything he did to us? You're going to just let him get away with it?"
Bad Cop bunched his hands into fists. "I've been where you are," he said through gritted teeth. "Trust me. I had him in my hands. I know what you're thinking because I had the same idea. But it's not the way."
"Oh, don't tell me you're going to say that it would make us no better than him," Good Cop snapped. "That's so cliché."
"I was not!" Bad Cop said indignantly, then paused. "Okay, maybe I was," he admitted. "But that's beside the point! The point is, I'm a cop and you're planning first-degree murder. So help me, Good, I will arrest you!"
"You'll…" Good Cop's face went slack for a moment, and then he burst out laughing. "You'll arrest me?"
"Yes," Bad Cop said, clenching his jaw. "Arrest you."
"And you think I'm just going to go with you?" Good Cop sneered. "You've never been as good a fighter as me, and you're in a body you're barely used to!"
He had a point. Bad Cop narrowed his eyes. "No," he replied. "But I know someone who is."
Think you can do this, Ben? he asked, mentally packing all the information about the situation into the question.
I am so ready to get out of here, Benny answered. He sounded very angry.
Before Good Cop could think to react, Benny had switched in and lunged. But Good Cop's reflexes were faster than Benny was able to cover the distance, and he caught Benny's fist mid-swing, using the momentum to flip Benny over his shoulder. The idea was to slam Benny into the ground, but gravity was optional for the spaceman, and he used that same momentum to slip upwards out of Good Cop's grip, bumping lightly up against the ceiling instead.
Before Good Cop could get over his surprise, Benny let gravity take full hold of him again, and he dropped onto Good Cop like a sack of potatoes, driving both of them to the ground. Then he was up again, hopping away as Good Cop scrambled back to his feet and took up a fighting stance. There was a tense moment where they regarded each other, Benny hovering so his toes barely brushed the floor and Good Cop baring his teeth.
Good Cop moved first, swinging his fist in on Benny's left. Benny ducked, planted his feet on the floor, and pushed off straight ahead, head-butting Good Cop in the solar plexus with his full weight behind it. He somersaulted off Good Cop's chest as the cop toppled backwards. Good Cop hit the floor, and Benny landed on him again, feet on Good Cop's arms, pinning him to the floor.
"You have the right to remain silent," Benny said, crouching over Good Cop. "Anything you say-"
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Good Cop wheezed, and he hauled his arms upwards, throwing Benny off.
Benny flipped up into the air, regaining his balance. As Good Cop was struggling upright, Benny did a roundhouse kick into the side of Good Cop's head. His glasses were flung off, skittering along the floor, and Good Cop hit the ground on his side, hard.
Benny perched on him again. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have-"
Good Cop made another attempt at tossing Benny away, but it was feeble.
"Dang," Benny said. "You are one tough nugget. Hey, Unikitty, mind grabbing the handcuffs? They should be on the nightstand."
Unikitty nodded and hurried to get them. Benny gave Good Cop a shove with his foot, rolling the cop onto his stomach. Good Cop spat blood out onto the floor. "You're surprisingly ruthless," he rasped.
"You haven't seen me on a bad day," Benny said in a dangerously cheerful tone. Unikitty returned with the handcuffs and handed them to him.
Benny pulled Good Cop's arms behind him and clapped the cuffs on. "You have the right to speak to an attorney," he continued as he hauled Good Cop to his feet.
"Stuff it, kid," Good Cop snapped. "I know the Miranda Rights, okay?"
"Great!" Benny said. "I'll read you the Benjamin Rights, then."
"What?" Good Cop began, but Benny brought his elbow down on Good Cop's head, and the cop crumpled to the floor, out cold.
That was police brutality, Bad Cop said reproachfully.
"I'm off-duty," Benny replied, and then all the energy drained out of him. He sagged onto the couch and put a hand to his forehead. "Please tell me this is weird behavior for him."
There was a troubling silence. Reluctantly, Bad Cop said, I was afraid this would happen.
Benny threw his head back against the couch. "Aw, what?" he moaned.
Of the two of us… Bad Cop hesitated. He's the one with real anger issues.
"Isn't he supposed to be Good Cop?"
It's more complicated than that, Ben. Bad Cop sighed. He's the friendly one. He's good with people. He likes people. Me… Not so much. There's ways we balance each other out, but we're two different individuals. We don't balance perfectly. I'm… not even really sure how we happened.
Benny could tell this was hard for Bad Cop to talk about. It was likely he'd never fully explained it before.
He is Good Cop, Bad Cop continued. But he has his limits. Limits that are very hard to reach, but limits nonetheless. And if you push him past them…
"He goes psycho-killer?" Benny said.
Well… I mean, this has only happened once before, but not quite so…
"Psycho-killer?"
Benjamin.
"Sorry. What happened last time?"
It was in secondary school. We were… Bad Cop paused and made a grumbling sound. We were bullied a lot, he admitted reluctantly. I was always getting into fights. Then one time I took on an upperclassman much bigger than me. I lost that one really badly, could barely see straight. Then Good switched in and… well, we ended up having company on our way to the hospital.
The story was accompanied by images and emotions. A sneering teenager in a school uniform. Benny could taste a ghost of blood on his tongue, could feel a phantom pain in his ribs. There was fear, a lot of fear, coupled with the conviction of imminent death. Then the images went black and there was suffocating rage that wasn't Bad Cop's.
"Oh." Benny said when Bad Cop was done.
Yeah. Oh.
Benny let out a long groan. "Is there, like, an off switch or something?"
Seriously?
Benny held his hands up. "Just askin'."
Unikitty settled onto the couch next to Benny, and he jumped a little. He'd almost forgotten they were there.
"So, what are we doing?" they asked.
Benny sighed and looked at Good Cop's unconscious form on the floor.
"I guess we should probably get this guy down to the station," he said.