A/N: I am fully aware that I have been the suckmaster general with updating lately. Life is happening at an alarming pace. Thank you to anyone still sticking with this and I hope that this chapter makes up for at least some of my lateness.
Finally, finally, Autumn is here. Just in time for winter. HAH.
Chapter 7
Autumn 2003 - Part 1
With a throaty yell, Kyo aimed his foot right for Yuki's stomach.
Yuki placed his palm as a block before any true impact could happen, stopping Kyo's momentum and shooting the leg up in the air with one swift movement. Yuki's arm stretched through the crisp autumn afternoon, biting at his skin that was heated by the match. He watched as Kyo stuttered backwards. Kyo quickly regained his balance, and without a moment of hesitation brought his fist slicing through the air.
Yuki dodged, feeling the side of Kyo's fist grazing his silver hair, keeping his eyes from widening at the most he had ever felt Kyo hit him in a fight. His face stayed calm, his forehead didn't break a sweat, and Kyo either didn't notice or brushed off the feeling of the ends of Yuki's hair tickling his fist because that still wasn't good enough.
Instead he took the opportunity to grab at Kyo's wrist, spinning him around and pinning his arm painfully behind his back. He jumped when Kyo's leg jutted backwards, and Kyo took the opportunity to escape. Breathing heavily, he charged at him. A move Yuki had determined to define Kyo's frustration. Desperation. Impatience.
Honestly, he had expected it at the beginning of their fight, nearly six minutes ago. But Kyo had stayed composed enough (if that was a word he could even use to match Kyo's blindsided energy) to keep his moves mostly in check and disciplined.
Mostly.
Yuki stretched his leg straight into Kyo's chest in a flash. The force of the impact doubled by Kyo's eager strides forward. He flew backwards, falling gracelessly.
Yuki stood above him, trying to keep his labored breaths at bay as he pinned Kyo with his foot.
"Give?"
Kyo growled at the word as if it stung him and swiped at Yuki's ankle with fingers sharp like a knife. Yuki jumped back with a roll of his eyes as Kyo pumped his arms forward so that he could balance himself on crouched feet. He lunged again, this time swiping his muscular leg in an attempt to knock the rat off balance.
He let out a bark of frustration as Yuki avoided the attack. Kyo sprung to his feet while Yuki was still distracted with getting away and with a curled up fist his arm extended, locked in on Yuki's cheek.
Something pushed Yuki.
No, maybe it had pulled at the back of his collar.
Or blew him back like a strong wind.
All Yuki knew was that the tanned skin of Kyo's arm filled his vision like a swipe of paint over a camera lens, and his cheek was left unharmed. A useless sort of panic bundled in Yuki's chest that was easily squashed by an unhuman confidence and a voice that wasn't quite his.
He can't hit me.
Kyo gave another cry, his brows furrowing, and his eyes blurred with burning focus that was so incredibly counterproductive Yuki was almost impressed.
Gray eyes narrowed, tired and irritated. He caught Kyo's momentum, grabbing the arm that still carried Kyo's fist at full force and pulled Kyo almost completely around him until the back of his knees violently hit the balcony of the house.
With a loud thunk Kyo's upper body collapsed onto the wooden slates outside of Shigure's empty office. Yuki kept Kyo pinned now with both arms, straddling him so he couldn't move as Kyo's legs spilled off the side of the house hopelessly.
He watched Kyo squirm under him, his face flushed red, and his breathing heavy from the fight. But Kyo's eyes were still focused, still on, dilated from something more than just the fight, Yuki thought. Yuki felt frustration bundle in his chest at feeling his focus being pulled to how Kyo's movements were causing a friction against his thighs. How his skin seemed so warm under his fingertips. How his face that was flushed and breathing hard from the match looked so erotic.
"Give?" Yuki asked again, masking the desperation in his voice and hovering over the trapped cat.
Kyo thrashed as much as he could, but Yuki held him tighter, dug his nails into his skin, placed even more pressure atop his body, and leaned even closer.
"Give?"
Kyo gave an aggravated sigh, letting his head drop down on the floor as he rolled his eyes. They did their best not to meet with Yuki's.
"Yeah, yeah, I give."
"Good," finally. Yuki leaned in with a pleased sigh.
Kyo's response was immediate. His chapped lips fell into time with Yuki's, a soft friction igniting between them as their mouths worked together. Still, he could feel Kyo's resentment in the kiss and Yuki made sure to bite down on his pouting lip. It was the only complaint Kyo could give before Yuki urged his mouth open and slid his tongue against Kyo's.
Kyo filled his sense completely, overwhelmed him with his earthy scent that was lined with sweat. His hands moved from where they had pinned his arms and traveled up into those messy locks of orange hair that Yuki adored.
He could hear Kyo give a soft groan as he teasingly licked at the roof of his mouth, and Kyo roamed his hands onto his back and onto his neck. Calloused skin creating fiction through his shirt, and burning through the fabric. His hands were hot, fire sparking in each fingertip, and Yuki shivered when his hands would move away, replaced by the autumn breeze.
He pulled back, the chill in the air a little too bitter for his liking.
"Your room?" Yuki grazed his lips against Kyo's neck.
"What is this, some kind of fucked up foreplay now?" Kyo growled, though his words were distracted by the teeth that dug into his tanned skin.
Yuki chuckled, "it's hard to believe you're actually angry when you're this turned on." Yuki accentuated his point by letting his hand travel down to Kyo's groin, cupping his half hard length through his pants. Kyo gave a frustrated groan.
"Shut up. My room."
"Finally, something sensible comes out of your mouth," Yuki finally leaned off of Kyo, allowing him to stand and follow that rat that was already inside the house.
"Hey, that just sounds like you're looking for another fight!" Kyo called out as he stormed up the stairs behind him.
Yuki turned, his eyes narrowed, his pupils dilated, as he firmly grabbed onto the collar of Kyo's shirt. "I don't think I could make it through another fight," he whispered, smirking when he watched the muscles in Kyo's jaw tense.
"How the hell is that my problem?!" Kyo contested, cheeks flushed red as he slammed the door shut behind them.
Kyo closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of his body vibrating. His arm draped across his eyes, the sounds of Yuki shuffling around his room and gathering his clothes, the suffocating feeling that clung to how relaxed his body felt and how short his breath was. Minutes had passed and he still couldn't quite compose himself. It was infuriating. He moved his arm to peer up at Yuki who was faced away and buttoning his fly.
"You've lost weight," Kyo remarked.
He watched as Yuki turned his head to stare at him from where Kyo was slumped over the futon. His breath making no rush to return to his body, his legs still feeling weak and tingly. Yuki was already half-dressed, though. And with Kyo's comment he quickly let the fabric of his shirt fall over his slender back.
"Oh?" Yuki let the remark slide off of him, tucking in his t-shirt that went under his button up. Kyo grimaced.
It was such a pointless comment, but it was true. Kyo almost marveled at how well he had gotten to know his rival's body. He had been attentive before, with each kick, punch, and block that Yuki would effortlessly thwart him with. He would watch how he moved, his fluid motions so opposite of his own it was almost fascinating. Kyo couldn't comprehend that kind of grace. So he watched it, despised it from afar.
Now that grace toppled him. Overwhelmed him. His observations were so close now, and included so much data that was utterly useless.
Things like… if Kyo slid his hands far enough down Yuki's back, he knew where he would find the dip in his lower back. If he slid his tongue just behind his earlobe, he knew Yuki would tense his fingers into any part of Kyo's skin he could reach. If his calloused hands slid their way up his milky thighs, Yuki would make this sound.
But now there was something else that cluttered his brain. Things like…
The way he could see Yuki's skin cling to the bones in his back. The way he would cough into his hand a bit too roughly when the air turned bitter. The way the skin under his eyes became so dark and haggard once summer officially saw its way out. The way Yuki just seemed… tired.
What was he supposed to do with that?
If he were naïve and if it were three years earlier, maybe he would have mistakenly tried to take advantage of how weak Yuki seemed. That wasn't the case though.
Kyo punched his pillow, letting out a frustrated groan into the air, surprising Yuki.
"You've become so damn scrawny and I still can't beat you!" He pointed to Yuki accusingly, who rolled his eyes with a smile as he finished buttoning up his shirt. "You don't even go to the dojo anymore, what the fuck."
Yuki laughed, "I'm not as weak as I look, Kyo."
"Obviously! That's why you're such a damn pain!"
"I don't look that weak," Yuki said under his breath, his eyes narrowing down into a glare. Kyo smirked. Glad to find any vulnerability on that damn rat. It was addictive.
"Here I thought you were gonna grow out of that girly form of yours by now. Guess you're just a late bloomer, huh?"
"Do you want this girly form of mine to send you flying again?" Yuki threatened, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I thought you couldn't take another fight," Kyo retorted, resting his arms under his head as he laid victoriously on the futon. He could feel Yuki approach him. He could feel how his own words turned into bait and how the rest of him waited anxiously for Yuki to be reeled in.
He could hardly admit it to himself, but after all this months it was something as raw as instinct.
A type of muscle memory that was only good for getting him in trouble. Another instinct he had to dull before he did or said something he would regret.
It was like playing with fire.
Kyo opened his eyes and Yuki's face was hovering above him, smiling as if he could read each begrudging thought in Kyo's head.
"If we're going to treat it like foreplay, I just want to see it through to the end. But if you're that much of a masochist, I don't mind going another round." Kyo felt his face burn, but kept his eyes narrowed and sharp. "Anyone would get impatient watching you move," Yuki's lips were on his again, punctuating the comment with soft, gentle kiss.
Kyo was glad. If he was this close he couldn't see the deep crimson that flooded his tanned cheeks.
Yuki pulled away and Kyo was left glaring up at him.
Suave motherfucker.
"Tohru's gonna come back soon," Kyo said lamely. Yuki nodded, picking himself up off the floor and dusting himself off.
"I'll see myself out then," Yuki said with a smile. With little ceremony, he closed the door behind him.
All the tension in the room followed Yuki, and Kyo finally felt as if he could breathe. Though when he did, his nostrils were still flooded with Yuki's scent, his room marred by the memory of another afternoon with him.
He rolled onto his stomach, roughly ruffling his hands through his hair as he suppressed another frustrated grunt.
Kyo wanted to strut around with that same kind of confidence when it was just him and Yuki. When they were stripped raw and so beyond embarrassment. When they were in a tangle of limbs and breaths and touch. It bothered him how Yuki would win their fights, how much he could destroy Kyo's composure as if Yuki were pulling on a loose thread of a scarf.
But, in the end, no matter how many times they tangled themselves together, no matter how familiar Yuki's skin and scent were to the pads of his fingers, no matter how much his back would arch when Yuki did that thing with his fingers…
He couldn't get used to it.
He couldn't relax.
Every touch sent him deeper down in an ocean of confusion, the murky black water only allowing him sensation and the far off cry of his subconscious mind. Too far and faded to be anything than a dull ache inside his chest.
Kyo took a deep breath and realized he couldn't breathe.
There was a heavy silence that weighed in the room. Unfortunately, it was a silence with which Tohru was becoming intimately acquainted. It didn't change the fact that it made her legs want to twitch. She pulled on her pigtail, staring up at Rin's concentrated face on the book open before her.
It was almost frightening how much of a home Rin had made for herself in this tiny hospital room. Books were stacked up on her bedside table, papers sticking out of them haphazardly with careless handwriting. A deep green blanket rested over the clinical sheets that could only be mused so much from being tightly tucked into the mattress.
The ledges of the windows held a pile of hair ties, earbuds, and snack wrappers. Two cards laid flat on their back that were given to her from Kagura's family and Hiro (she was able to sneak a peek when Rin was sleeping). The curtains were always only half drawn so that the sunlight could still spill in, but the glare wouldn't reach the eye line from the bed.
Tohru looked at the setting of the room, the way it had molded around Rin.
Those deep creases in the horse's brow were also becoming familiar.
"Um," Tohru tried. Rin flicked her eyes in the girl's direction. "Have you found anything useful yet?"
Silence again. Tohru felt her nerves flutter and billow beneath her skin. Something she was learning to endure with these weekly visits. Rin turned her agitated expression back to the words on the pages before snapping it shut.
"No," Rin said. "Have you?"
Tohru shook her head. "I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, though."
Rin clicked her tongue, "I guess I should have expected that."
Tohru looked down in her lap where the soft bound pages rested, her face never able to hide disappointment in herself. With gentle fingers she traced over the words Sohma Shigure that were engraved into the cover of the book.
"Are these books really about the curse?" The words are out of her mouth before she realized she said them, and she's almost surprised by the exhausted look Rin gave her in exchange. "I-It's just! When you said that Shigure wrote about the curse, I thought they would be stories about the zodiac animals! But the stories don't seem like they relate at all," Tohru stuttered out, trying to dispel Rin's intense gaze that she could never quite hold.
"They are," Rin answered simply. "They're stories about what the curse has done to us."
"Oh…" Tohru said, unsatisfied with the vague answer. "I see."
"What's wrong?" Rin's voice is flat and distinctly unconcerned.
"I guess," Tohru started, circling her finger over the name again and again. "Would Shigure really keep something as big as how to break the curse a secret? Especially from the other zodiac animals?"
The look on Rin's face mirrored a bewilderment that Tohru had never seen in her expressions before. The sure, clear, confident, yet desperate looks were so deeply etched into her skin and Tohru had learned to familiarize herself with those. But this was completely different.
A look that asked if Tohru could really be that stupid.
Tohru felt her fists clench, "I don't think he would hide something like that! He can be mysterious, and teasing, but… he's not cruel."
"You're so naïve," Rin snapped back. "That idiot dog is only loyal to Akito! To this curse!"
"But you're a part of that curse!" Tohru felt her voice rise. "So are Yuki, Kyo, Hatori… You told me that the curse is a bond. Wouldn't Shigure want to help if that were the case?"
Rin stared right at her, emotionless eyes that always seemed downturned into some kind of expression of irritation or mild anger. Tohru had gotten used to this look just as she had gotten used to the whole in the fabric of the chair she would push up against Rin's bed.
The horse sighed again. She seemed to do that a lot around Tohru.
"Which one are you reading?"
"Um," Tohru stuttered, caught off guard by the sudden, softer tone. She inspected the characters on the cover of the book. "Summer Snow, is what it says."
Rin reached her hand out as a sign for Tohru to hand the book to her. She watched as Rin's slender and malnourished fingers gracefully flipped through the pages, tucking overflowing strands of hair behind her ear.
"This man here is based off a dragon spirit from generations ago," Rin pointed to a line of text in the book, and Tohru peered over her shoulder to see clearly. "Did you read all of it?"
"M-Most of it!" She declared, determination deep in her voice.
"The story is about a man who slowly goes insane the longer he stays in his house. The voices he hears eventually tell him to kill his neighbor. When he isn't caught, the voices abandon him and he's left to deal with the consequences of being completely alone."
"…What a good analysis!" Tohru praised with bright eyes.
"You idiot, that was just a summary! You said you read it!"
"W-Well, I guess I didn't retain it as well as I had thought… Shigure's writing is gorgeously complex!" Tohru said, overenthusiastically.
"Don't try and sound smart now," Rin said with a click of her tongue. Tohru deflated.
She sighed, "so… a long time ago the dragon spirit murdered someone?"
"No. A long time ago, the dragon was murdered," Rin explained. "By the dog."
"The madman?" Tohru asked, eyes going a bit wider. Rin gave a soft grunt of confirmation.
"There's an old Sohma folklore. The dog betrayed him by bribing a maid to hug the dragon. By then the dragon was appearing in the form of a seahorse and was completely defenseless. While he was still in his zodiac form, the dog killed him, knowing the dragon couldn't fight back. That's the kind of spirit that's living in Shigure."
"Is that story true?"
"Probably," Rin said. "We all grew up with these stories. Most Sohmas know them in some form or another, even if they don't know about the curse."
Tohru's eyes were drawn back down to the pages of the book, "but, he had to live with his consequences. In the book. The madman didn't feel good about what he did."
"Of course not," Rin said. "If the dragon's dead there's no one to erase memories. All the zodiacs had to go into hiding afterwards, even from their own families."
"That's not what I mean," Tohru said, feeling her eyes begin to well up. "In the book the madman felt bad."
Rin turned her head to look at Tohru who still hovered over her shoulder. Small tears slid down her face as she kept her focus on the words under Rin's thumb. It was that silence again, and it settled in the air until Rin leaned towards the windowsill to grab a box of tissues, shoving them into Tohru's face.
"Your reading comprehension is definitely low," Rin said as Tohru blew her nose. "And you're such a crybaby, too."
Tohru smiled into her tissue at the lack of venom in Rin's words.
That's the kind of spirit that's living in Shigure.
Tohru's legs had already carried her almost completely home and she still couldn't get the words out of her head. The way Rin's words were so sure and defiant. The way Rin made her feel almost foolish for believing that Shigure could have even a sliver of a conscience (Tohru believed it was definitely more than a sliver).
Where did that unwavering assurance come from? Where did that complete lack of faith start? Especially in a family that was bound together so intimately.
Tohru sighed at her thoughts, the way they ran around in her head making her dizzy. She could feel a fever just under the surface of her concentration, threatening to give in to the stress these past few months had loaded onto her shoulders.
"I'm home!" Tohru called out.
Shigure poked his head out of the dining room to give her a smile, "welcome home. How was work?"
"I-It was good!" Shigure gave a soft hum of pleased acknowledgement before turning his attention back to his paper. Tohru breathed out a sigh of relief. She almost hated how easy it was getting to lie about her Monday shifts at work. The same spark of anxiety would ignite in her stomach, but her breathing and her words had finally calmed after three months of this new routine.
Tohru held the bag tightly to her chest, the books Rin had finished weighing them down. She would have to return them to Shigure's office somehow. She would have to steal new ones by next Monday.
All this time, and still there were books left to read. Still metaphors and characters to decipher. Still more to know. The curse seemed so big now, so insurmountable. So beyond a hug and a puff of smoke.
"Are you going to stand in the entryway all day, Tohru?" Shigure sang from the dining room. Tohru jumped at his playful voice.
"Right!" Removing her shoes, she shook the thoughts out of her head and walked into the dining room.
How much did she really know about Shigure, she wondered. All she really knew about him was his kindness, his generosity, his funny and comforting way with words. That seemed like enough to her. But now something tugged at those thoughts, causing an unwelcome doubt to sink from her toes to her ears.
"Everything alright?" Tohru doesn't even realize she's staring at the back of his head until he spoke again, his eyes curious and gentle.
"Um, yes," Tohru said, but not even she was convinced by her tone. Shigure didn't look away. "I was just wondering… h-have you," she fidgeted with her bag. "Have you had anything to eat yet?"
Shigure smiled and Tohru felt relief flood through her somehow, "I ate at Hatori's. I just got back, actually."
"Oh, good," Tohru said, much more cheerfully this time. "I'm going to get ready for bed."
"Tohru," Shigure called as she turned away.
"Y-Yes?" She squeaked.
"Don't work yourself too hard. You'll end up catching a cold if you keep that serious expression on your face," he smiled.
"Right. Of course," she smiled back at him.
"Much better," he said. "Goodnight, Tohru."
"Goodnight."
She trudged up the stairs, bag still clutched to her chest, and lips still lingering in a faint grin. Maybe she didn't know much about him. For now, she thought, that was fine.
Time was beginning to move unbearably slow.
Granted when he was at school, time always seemed to capture Kyo as if he were wading waist-deep in damp sand, but lately things had gotten so much worse. Kyo noticed this when he realized he was checking the clock on the classroom wall every two minutes almost exactly. Kyo groaned to himself, sliding down in his seat as the teacher continued to droll on about something he couldn't even fathom paying attention to. His hand occupied itself by spinning a pen between his thumb and index fingers.
The worst part was that he knew exactly why he was so anxious and so damn fidgety. And the reason was sitting only two rows ahead of him to his left.
His head turned to stare at the back of Yuki's head like a magnetic pull. As if that damn rat were a black hole, sucking his attention from Kyo's eyes, commanding his goosebumps to rise from his skin, slowing time in the space around him.
Kyo dug his fingernails into his desk.
Yuki was leaning forward as he took notes, and his hair was parting like waves over the back of his pale, milky neck. His slender fingers were tugging strands of hair behind his ear. His lean muscles were moving under the thick, clunky fabric of their uniform shirts. Kyo was responding to each tiny detail that Yuki left carelessly like a trail of breadcrumbs.
He turned his head away quickly.
Stop, he thought to himself for about the twentieth time that period. Get a fucking grip.
But, shit, Kyo was getting teased by these stupid, insignificant pieces of skin that Yuki was revealing. His hands were clear in his view, and just the thought of what they did to him alone was enough to have Kyo ducking his head down and counting from 100 backwards. Which was so stupid because they were just together last night.
A pang fell into his stomach at the thought. That meant they would have to wait another week. Mondays were the only days that Tohru had work and Shigure would visit Hatori, and getting the house to themselves beyond that just wasn't a reality anymore. It had settled them into a routine, but Kyo felt his leg bounce up and down on the ball of his foot at the thought of having to wait.
Get a grip. Get a grip. Get a grip.
The bell rang, signaling lunch and Kyo felt his shoulders relax. Finally, he could get out of this damn stuffy room. Maybe he could run a few laps around the track until the bitter fall air cooled him down completely. Hopefully forever. Every damn time he was with Yuki now it was like it wasn't enough. Yuki would leave and Kyo's skin would still buzz.
Each time they touched it would burn hotter, and his head would get dizzier. His breathing would come shorter, his voice would rumble louder. What had Yuki fucking done to him?
He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the background noises of the classroom. Tohru and her friends had spent the first minutes of their lunch break peering out the window at the first years.
"They have their distance run this week," Tohru said. "I hope it doesn't rain on them."
"Whatever, I'm just glad we don't have to do that shit anymore," Uotani said.
"If I recall, Arisa, you called in sick that day."
A guffaw of laughter followed as the voices chattered away from him, thankfully. And he felt himself finally beginning to relax.
"Hey."
Kyo jumped at the sudden voice that invaded so quickly, opening his eyes carefully. He looked at the pale hand on his desk, the same hand he had been watching so intently just seconds before. But now it was so close, Kyo could even feel the heat radiating off each fingertip.
He chanced a glance up to see a very smug, very dangerous look in Yuki's eyes.
"What do you want?" Kyo said, a definite bite in his tone.
"Do you realize you've been staring at me all day?"
"I have no-!" Kyo reeled in the volume of his voice because, fuck, Tohru was right there with her two weirdo friends. He felt something burn on his neck and his cheeks. "I have not, you conceited prick."
"Really? That's strange," Yuki said, faux innocence salting his voice. "I could have sworn I felt you watching me. I guess I got all worked up for nothing."
Kyo tensed, not here, not here.
"I guess you did," Kyo wanted to slap himself at how low and soft his voice came out. Wanted to run right out of the classroom and run ten miles when Yuki gave him those all too familiar darkening eyes in response. "I don't see how that's my problem, though."
"It can be, if you want."
"You seem to make a lot of your shit my problem," Kyo retorted but Yuki just gave a small smile. In the corner of his eye he could sense a pair of eyes on him. The freaky psychic girl, if he had to guess. He couldn't quite tear himself away from this vacuum of energy that Yuki always seemed to be.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Yuki said. To him, and him alone. "But you're more than welcome to join me." With that, Yuki slid past him, letting his fingers graze his bicep as he walked by and Kyo gnashed his teeth. What he wouldn't give to just throw his desk right at the back of Yuki's head.
"Yuki!" Kyo was forced out of his thoughts by a voice that was still impossibly grating on his ears, even after it had deepened and matured. Momiji stood by the door with Haru, watching as Yuki carried himself out of the room. "Yuki, where are you going? Join us for lunch!"
"Sorry, I have something to take care of," Yuki said with a smile. Momiji gave a whiney complaint which was jumbled on Kyo's ears when Yuki turned to give him one last sultry look.
Fuck.
"You're spacing out," Haru said simply as he approached the desk.
"Don't think too hard now, Kyo!" Momiji chimed in, and Kyo felt his fists clench.
"Would you guys stop coming up to the third year's floor already?! Go eat lunch with your own class!"
"Awww, but we wanted to eat with Tohru and everybody!" Momiji whined, crossing his arms.
"Momiji! Haru!" Tohru called with a wave, approaching Kyo's desk. Suddenly he was surrounded by his two pesky cousins and Tohru's friends. He felt claustrophobic and tense, tapping his finger on his desk to alleviate some of the frustration that crawled under his skin. "Where did Yuki go?"
"He said he had to do something," Momiji said with an over-dramatic sigh.
"Woah, you look pretty wound up there, carrot top," Uotani just had to chime in. "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."
She laughed loudly at Kyo's obvious growing rage.
"Now, now, Arisa, don't confuse him with such complex instructions," Hana added and Kyo slammed his fist onto his desk.
"Dammit, why are you all ganging up on me today?!" Kyo shouted.
"Sorry, Kyo!" Tohru apologized and he rolled his eyes.
"You don't have to apologize. Just, dammit, I gotta go," Kyo said standing and pushing his way past his cousins and heading toward the door.
"Wait, Kyo! What about lunch?"
"I got stuff to do!" He slammed the door behind him, shoved his hands in his pockets and headed down the hallway.
Only to stop dead in his tracks when he realized he was instinctively heading towards the bathroom.
He let out a loud, enraged groan in the middle of the hallway, causing a few students around him to jump away, before turning on his heel and heading the opposite direction.
He was not going to play his game. He was not going to get sucked into this. He was not going to give him the satisfaction.
Kyo pictured Yuki waiting alone in a bathroom stall, jumping slightly whenever he heard footsteps step inside. Wasting his lunch break on Kyo who would never show up. The frustration that Yuki would wear on his face for the rest of the day. Kyo snickered to himself at the thought. Stringing Yuki out seemed like a much better use of his time.
Then his fantasy went too far.
Yuki alone in the bathroom. Horny and fidgeting. Face upturning and flushed from arousal. The way his teeth would clench whenever he suppressed a groan, his long fingers giving in and sliding beneath the waistband of his underwear. Yuki biting his palm to stop himself from making any noise. Yuki thinking of Kyo.
Kyo rested his head against the cool of the hallway window, exhausted by his own inability to just chill the fuck out. Was this how the rest of the week was going to go?
Today is Tuesday. Kyo thought to himself. That knot in his stomach came back. Today is Tuesday.
He turned around again and headed towards the bathroom. If all his body needed was release then, dammit, what the hell. Maybe making Yuki wait a good fifteen minutes would be a big enough blow to his ego.
By the victorious look on Yuki's face when Kyo finally (cautiously) entered the boy's bathroom, he guessed probably not.
"Just for the record," Kyo started, "this doesn't mean I was watching you."
Yuki smirked, pulling on his arm so that they both stumbled into the far off stall of the bathroom.
"Of course not," Yuki said, and suddenly his lips were hot on Kyo's. Kyo's back being pushed up against the grimy wall of the bathroom, and inwardly Kyo cringed at the feeling. But in front of him was Yuki's warm body, pressing closer, closer, hotter. It was so much easier to focus on that instead.
Kyo opened his mouth when he felt Yuki's tongue running against his bottom lip, sucking on it lightly so he could hear Yuki groan. When he did, Kyo clutched his hands into the back of Yuki's shirt, the one that had been hiding the flex of his muscles all class. The one that seemed just the slightest bit too big on him. His fingers swam through the fabric until he was clutching tightly onto skin that burned warm through the fabric.
Yuki gave a soft, desperate hum against his mouth. Kyo could feel Yuki's small breaths coming through his nose and landing on his skin. He could hear the sound of their clothes rustling together and sounding way too loud in this public space.
Anyone could walk in, Kyo thought in the back of his mind, as Yuki bit down on his bottom lip. Anyone could hear them going at it in this cramped little stall, he told himself more firmly as Yuki's fingertips traced up his stomach under his shirt.
It was no use, the anxiety of being caught only pulsed through his skin as adrenaline, causing his skin to be all the more sensitive, and his breaths to waver through their harsh pants. And Yuki definitely didn't seem to mind.
He really hated how that comforted him.
Yuki pressed his thigh against Kyo's already hardening length and abruptly stopped any train of doubt Kyo might have been having. A sudden groan ripped through his lips and he banged his own head against the wall in an attempt to silence himself. The sound of skull against tile echoed through the bathroom and Yuki flicked his eyes up to him.
"Hey," Yuki said, half amused and half concerned. "Making more noise won't help the situation."
"If we get caught I will kill you. I will absolutely kill you."
"Just keep your voice down," Yuki didn't seem phased as he pressed a kiss against Kyo's neck, his hand undoing the button of Kyo's pants. "If you can, at least."
"You arrogant shit," the bite of Kyo's words were lost on the heavy breaths that replaced his voice. He could feel Yuki's fingers dragging his zipper down, sneaking past his waistband and grabbing hold of his length.
Kyo hissed, tossing his head back, much more gently this time. Yuki smirked against his neck. He could fucking feel it. And in a last ditch effort to wipe that smile off Yuki's face, a feat that he had challenged himself with for years, he ripped his hands from Yuki's back and eagerly tugged at Yuki's pants.
Kyo couldn't quite describe it, but even with Yuki's hand wrapped around his dick, even with Yuki's lips sucking on his neck, even with their clumsy grinding into each other, Kyo was only feeling increasingly frustrated. He felt like he was back in the classroom, watching Yuki lift his pen to his lips, watching Yuki play with the ends of his silver hair. Watching, squirming, waiting, tensing.
This was hardly relieving, and Kyo could feel his fingers start to tremble at his own body's tension.
With aggressive and still quivering movements Kyo tugged down Yuki's pants, bringing his underwear down with it, and does the same with his own. Kyo felt his hips twitch up, seeking that pressure, seeking that heat. Yuki complied as he got caught up in Kyo's pace.
Kyo let out another frustrated groan because why was this still not enough, why was he still feeling so unsatisfied and teased.
Yuki wasn't doing it deliberately, that much he knew. He knew what it felt like to be teased by the rat, to be on his back with Yuki trailing bites and licks up and down his body. Taking his time as he lingered on the spots that made Kyo gasp and squirm. He knew what it felt like to have those taunting and calm eyes on him, watching every single move, every detail of Kyo.
Kyo felt his cock twitch at the memory, opening his eyes. Yuki was so close to him, his eyes clenched shut and sweat breaking out on his forehead as he wrapped his hand around both of their members and pumped them in a steady rhythm.
The strokes weren't as frantic as Kyo needed, but they were deliberate and bold and Kyo still couldn't help the feeling that squirmed under his skin and caused him to shake and flush with an even heavier need.
With a growl, Kyo dug his fingers roughly into Yuki's hair forcing his mouth onto his in a sloppy kiss, while his other hand rested on Yuki's lower back, driving his hips to come forward and collide against Kyo's.
They both let out a groan against each other's mouth, and Kyo tried to force the motion again. But this time when their hips met, Yuki's lips were sealed tight and his free hand has lifted up to cover Kyo's mouth, cutting his labored moan short.
Kyo opened his eyes, aggravated and confused, only to see panic flash on Yuki's face as they both heard a clatter of footsteps walking into the restroom.
Kyo tensed, resting his head against the bathroom wall gently, Yuki's hand still warm over his mouth, while his other hand still grasped at their weeping cocks, though the movement had stopped now.
"-ou hear? Kota got confessed to yesterday after school," a faceless voice said. Kyo swallowed, Yuki did the same.
"Woah, seriously? Did he say yes?"
There was the sound of a stall door opening and closing as the two boys continued their conversation, oblivious of what occupied the farthest stall. Yuki took a steadying breath, his hand clutching Kyo's mouth even tighter.
Kyo looked at Yuki, his eyes pinched closed, his lips sucked between his teeth, his cheeks flushed, his clothes rumpled. He was nearly vibrating with anxiety. Kyo wanted to roll his eyes. Yuki could talk big, but in the end he was still the former class president. The most well-known student in this whole damn school. He stood to lose way more than Kyo if they were caught feeling each other up like this like a couple of hormonal teenagers (which he figured they were).
A toilet flushed, a stall door opened. Conversation continued.
Kyo's body still hummed, and the thought of continuing where they left off once they had the bathroom to themselves again both excited and exasperated the cat.
Fueled by arousal, and just a tiny bit of spite, Kyo let his mouth open his tongue sneaking out to work against Yuki's fingers.
"Man, if a girl that cute ever confessed to me I would say yes in a heartbeat."
"A girl would have to confess to you first."
Kyo could hear the voices laugh as they lingered by the sinks, chatting idly. Kyo's tongue continued to slide against Yuki's fingers, as he licked them with eyes blown wide with arousal. Yuki pinched his eyes into a desperate glare, one that asked what the fuck are you doing, we will definitely get caught, but his grip still loosened on Kyo's mouth.
Kyo took his tongue and urged the fingers into his mouth, sucking on them, slicking them with sweat. His eyes trained on Yuki as he did, watching as his breath was coming harshly through his nose. He wanted to tease Yuki. He wanted his body to agonize over every touch and every lick that Kyo placed on him. He wanted.
But more than anything he hoped the message would come across as Kyo sucked on Yuki's fingers, licking between them and drenching them in his saliva, because the words were way too embarrassing to tear from his lips.
The voices faded. Footsteps turned into something distant and weak.
But their loud, flushed breathing and throaty groans didn't bounce off the walls either, even if their shoulders relaxed.
Instead, Yuki watched intently as Kyo sucked his fingers, pupils wide and filled with an unnerving passion.
Kyo watched back.
Watched as Yuki slid the fingers from Kyo's mouth. Watched as he carried them down past his member and between Kyo's legs. Yuki's fingers were teasing his entrance and Kyo felt his knees go weak.
Yuki leaned into him, pressing their chests together, everything touching, everything hot and pulsing between them as if they shared the same blood. He brought his mouth right next to Kyo's ear and whispered, "is this what you wanted?"
His tone sounded genuinely curious and almost completely bewildered, though it didn't push down the thick coating of lust his words carried. Kyo couldn't bring himself to answer, so instead he tried to bring his hips forward, tried to force Yuki's fingers inside of him.
Yuki got the message.
With a fixated look on Kyo, Yuki slid his finger inside of him. Kyo hissed at the sensation, his spine tensing against the wall. He could feel his breath start to quiver, feel how his body trembled, feel how the blood that had previously rushed to his head to make him dizzy was now going straight to his dick still in Yuki's hand.
Yuki stared right at Kyo as a second finger entered him. Why was it so quiet now? Why was it so much hotter? Kyo didn't think he could detach himself from Yuki if he tried. With a soft groan that was definitely not a whimper, Kyo moved his hips.
It was as if they were starting again completely. Yuki hand began to move again, pumping them together as he had been, and his fingers were curling inside of Kyo, causing the cat to groan and writhe beneath him.
But Yuki's reactions were just as strong. His hands were shaking, his body bending slightly as if he couldn't withstand the pleasure that was riding through him. His head was bowed, though Kyo could tell he was trying desperately to meet Kyo's eye line. He was so caught up in Kyo's pace, in Kyo's movements, in his body, that Kyo could tell that Yuki was losing his control.
Kyo suppressed a smirk. His hips moved even faster, grinding himself down on Yuki's fingers hungrily. Yuki moaned, and he released their cocks so that he could hold himself stable against the wall. Kyo immediately took his place.
His hand wrapped around them both and with quick and frantic movements he was pumping them closer and closer to the edge. His hand wasn't as rhythmic or as disciplined as Yuki's, but his erratic movements and wild fingers caused Yuki to let out another deep groan.
Kyo mirrored the sound as Yuki's fingers crooked forward, hitting that spot inside him so carelessly. His entire body shuddered and his mouth hung open as Yuki repeated the motion again and again. Abusing that tiny bundle of nerves inside him relentlessly.
The cat released another guttural moan, but bit his lip trying to keep himself quiet. His thumb rubbed over the head of Yuki's weeping length, and he knew they both wouldn't last much longer.
He could feel Yuki's fingers inside of him, working to push Kyo off that edge, sliding in and out of him until it was just too much. Too much, too much, too much.
But not enough, Kyo angrily thought to himself as he came. His breathing was heavy, but Yuki's fingers weren't stopping and Kyo frantically pumped Yuki's cock and in just a few strokes he came heavily, too.
Silence fell onto both of them. Their chests heaving, their breaths trying so hard to calm down. Their exposed flesh flushed and sweaty.
Kyo rested completely against the wall, wincing when Yuki slid his fingers out of him. A chill almost as cold as the quiet October air filled him when Yuki took a step back to rest against the wall behind him. They stared at each other for a minute, hyper aware of the sounds of the ongoing school day around them.
"Class is going to start soon," Yuki said, his voice hoarse and his breathing not back to normal yet.
"Right," Kyo wasn't in a much better state.
With fingers that tried to disguise their trembles, the two arranged their clothes into proper order and walked out of the stall.
Side by side they ran the faucets, washing their hands and avoiding looking directly into the mirror. Yuki stopped the water and grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket, drying his hands before offering it to Kyo who had just turned off his own sink.
He accepted it wordlessly, and watched as Yuki undid his tie so that he could do it again.
Kyo chanced a look in the mirror. He ran a thoughtless hand through his hair to bring it back to its former nonchalant messiness and wiped his face with Yuki's damp handkerchief. It still burned with a post orgasmic flush, but the thought of splashing cold water into his face in front of Yuki didn't seem like an option.
He handed the piece of cloth back to Yuki, who was now in mostly perfect form. Kyo swallowed.
"Listen," Kyo treaded gently. "Don't… Don't talk to me in public anymore."
Yuki raised an eyebrow at him, "people aren't going to know we're screwing around just because we exchange some small talk."
"It doesn't matter," Kyo said firmly. He could not get himself this riled up during the day again. They had even almost gotten caught. Whatever these eager and overwhelming feelings in Kyo were, he was going to have to power through them, and Yuki approaching him whenever he damn pleased wasn't going to help that. "Let's just keep it to Mondays."
Yuki's eyes narrowed, his expression flashing into one of clear offense and anger. Kyo opened his mouth, already on the defense, but Yuki just looked him up and down before he gave a reluctant nod, "fine."
"Fine," Kyo echoed.
With that he left the bathroom and walked down the hall back to class.
Autumn was getting colder every day, and the sharp winds sunk past the school walls and into thin panes of glass to set a distinct chill over the hallways. In a way, Yuki thought it felt colder inside. When he was outside the air had a chance to feel refreshing, inside it was just a reminder of how inescapable the chilly air was. Usually he would keep himself wrapped in a light cream sweater, but the idea of being chilled to the bones in all the layers the school dress code permitted sounded fruitless when even colder days were ahead.
He leaned against the school building, looking out towards the courtyard, trying to pretend that the cold absorbing into his skin from the wall didn't cause him to shiver. A sharp, careful breath was sucked into his lungs, but a kind of disappointment floated in his exhale when tobacco couldn't accompany the icy burn of an oncoming winter.
He hadn't smoked in a while. A familiar urge tugged at his lungs.
Though it wasn't as if he could smoke here, anyway.
"Eat."
Yuki was pulled from his thoughts when a plastic wrapper pressed against his cheek, warm from being held. Haru held the bread against his face, letting go when he was certain Yuki's reflexes were attentive enough to catch it.
"What's this?" Yuki asked.
"Curry bread," Haru said simply. "They were out of the yakisoba, sorry."
"You don't really have to apologize," Yuki said with a strained smile. "What's this for?"
"You didn't eat anything at lunch again," Haru said. "You're losing weight."
Yuki instinctively looked down at himself as if he hadn't noticed. He had. His eyes weren't quite keen enough to notice the changes in his face, but he could feel how his uniform sagged on him. In the morning, he would fasten his belt a notch or two tighter. His casual shirts also didn't fit the way he liked anymore.
He sighed, opening the bread, "how did you know I didn't eat?"
"Hmm," Haru mused, face stoic as he leaned against the wall next to Yuki. "Call it a mother's instinct?"
Yuki gave Haru a wary glance, "what you're my mom now, too?"
"You don't think I'd be a good mother?"
It was said with such a serious face Yuki couldn't help but let out a slight chuckle. He bit into the bread, forcing himself to swallow.
The greasy snack flowed down his throat and landed uncomfortably in the pit of his belly. His stomach churned uncomfortably, protesting the bite that Yuki took.
Ah, right. That's why he hadn't been eating.
It wasn't really anything he did on purpose. And his body never felt hungry anymore, so it never bothered him until food was placed in front of him. But there was a nausea that followed Yuki with every bite he took. At dinner he did his best to finish everything in front of him, but usually had to calm his raging stomach with extra helpings of plain white rice just to keep the well-seasoned, home-cooked meals down. A strategy that only lasted for so long, until even such a staple sat uneasily in his stomach.
Maybe that's why he had been so tired lately, so desperate to pull himself awake in class or doing homework or doing anything, really. Truthfully, he tried not to dwell on it. Not wanting to face the inevitable consequences that awaited him if he tugged on that string.
Instead, he took bite after bite of the bread Haru had given him, ignoring how his throat seemed to constrict with each swallow. There was no need to make people needlessly worry.
"Thank you," Yuki said when the bread was finished and the taste had stopped souring on his tongue. "It was good."
"No problem," Haru said. "You looked like you needed it."
"Did I?" Yuki asked with a dry laugh.
Haru nodded, "did something happen?"
Yuki's expression fell reflexively and Haru made a sudden, deliberate hum.
"That's the face you've had since lunch."
"I didn't realize. Sorry for worrying you," Yuki said. He meant it. A particular kind of guilt weighed on him whenever Haru gave him those glassy and all-knowing eyes.
He looked back to his cousin, his lips taut in a firm line and his eyes unwavering from where Yuki stood. Yuki could tell Haru was waiting for his answer to continue. He was waiting for Yuki to unload this horrible, messy knot that was resting in his chest. This creeping paranoia. This unsettling feeling that consumed him ever since he had placed that first stupid kiss in May.
"Don't talk to me in public anymore."
The words died on his tongue. His throat closed. He couldn't speak. All he could do was slide down the wall, bending his knees so that he could rest his elbows on them and duck his head. He could feel Haru's eyes on him.
"I'm tired," Yuki said. He hoped that would be enough.
He felt rustling of clothes next to him, and felt a warm hand on his back. It coaxed out only a few more words.
"I'm tired of living like this."
It sounded dramatic. Petty. Childish. Idiotic. Careless. It sounded so like him, Yuki thought helplessly.
All he could do was pretend the words hadn't reached Haru's ears. Even as he stayed by his side until he lifted himself up on weaker, thinner legs and forced himself to make the journey home.