To see that Kurt's absence left a mark on New Directions would have been an understatement. He had this certain affect, this glimmer by just being present, and without it there, it seemed like something eye-catching was missing from the ensemble.
Sam had noticed it the day he walked into the Glee room to join; how while not everyone was friends with the teenager, much less even paid him notice, his presence was still noted. He had heard from Quinn about the makeovers Kurt had done the previous school year, and they made him chuckle. It was true, the Hummel boy really could make a swan out of a duckling, a river out of a droplet of water, with the barest of supplies and opportunities.
One thing that Sam had learned easily from the start was, no matter what was going on, you couldn't expect what Kurt was going to do. While Finn opposed the idea, Sam was okay with singing with Kurt. The next thing he knew, however, the boy was leaving him hanging, pulling out a showstopper like Le Jazz Hot. While he knew singing with Kurt would have been a blast, he couldn't deny how great the jazz number was. Even when Mr. Schue gave him a hard time for not working with a partner, he and everyone else could tell their teacher just said to save face and that he also enjoyed the performance.
Nonetheless, Sam should have been prepared for Kurt to leave with all the bullying he faced. He wasn't going to stop being who he was, nor was he going to grin and bear it for forever. What he wasn't prepared for, most importantly, was how much his absence was going to hurt. They had only just gotten to know each other and build a friendship, but the sudden departure of the gay teenager hurt Sam more than he was prepared for. Even though he was happily with Quinn, the absence of the Club's glittering sunshine was obvious.
It took until the winter break for Sam to realize just what was happening inside his head. He and Quinn were getting along quite lovely in his bedroom, making out without getting too frisky or urgent, when his mind came up with an image of Kurt during his performance for their Duets assignment. The way the boy moved, hips thrusting forward, nearly caused Sam to lose it in that instant before he regained control. Eyes wide open, the flustered teenager made an excuse for Quinn to leave before she figured out what had just happened. And what had happened, really?
He…He liked Kurt. And not just in a oh-lets-be-friends-and-I-can-prove-straight-people-can-be-close-to-their-gay-friends-without-it-being-romantic sense, but in a oh-my-god-get-in-my-pants-before-I-cream-myself-holy-shit way. After jacking off following Quinn's departure, mind buzzing with hundreds of images of Kurt performing and moving his body, Sam layed in his bed, thinking about what he had just admitted to himself. He had fallen for Kurt, some where along the line, and it was too late. He knew about Blaine just as well as the other New Directions kids did, and it was no joke the feelings Kurt held for the other boy, and Sam knew he had lost his chance.
If Finn hadn't talked Kurt out of the duet, perhaps Sam would have realized his feelings sooner, and Kurt might have never left. If Sam had realized his attraction for the countertenor, he might have been able to tell him at Sectionals, giving themselves the opportunity to get together once more before the winter holidays commenced, and maybe turning Sam into perfect boyfriend opportunity.
But, none of those things happened. Yes, he knew he couldn't pull Quinn along if he held no feelings for her, but what was he to do, really? Kurt wasn't his to claim, despite how much he—and his dick—wanted to think. He wasn't an item to hold and own, nor was he a boy to call his own and control. All Sam had control over was watching from afar, waiting to be the friend that Kurt needed, offering his help and services whenever necessary.
Birds and butterflies
Rivers and mountains she creates
But you'll never know
The next move she'll make
You can try
But it is useless to ask why
Cannot control her
She goes her own way
She rules until the end of time
She gives and she takes
She rules until the end of time
She goes her way
Mother Earth - Within Temptation for Roxximajor
All aboard the Kum Canoe!
I also chose an alternate song with the aid of Pandora in case this didn't work out, which was Come Together/Dear Prudence. I don't know if I'm going to do it, I enjoyed this one in the end, but we'll see. I might.