Well here I am again. :3 Did you miss me?
No? Okay. ;-;
Well, here's the tenth chapter of 'Crimson Tears', and I'm surprised with how much angst that I can produce.. Eh.. x3
Well, anyways. This chapter is pretty sucky, I know.. I don't really like how I wrote it.. It just turned out sloppy for some reason.. ;-; Maybe I'm stressed *cough* I'm always stressed *cough* What? Did you say something?
Anyways. This chapter were inspired by my deceased grandmother. Sure, she died over three years ago, but i still think of her, and this chapter brought out things she told me, like the 'Forgive yourself' part. She always told me to stay strong, and that she loved her first grandchild very much, and she loved my smile, because I could, or can, smile anywhere and everywhere, no matter how hard things are. So.. I brought some of my love for her into this story, and I hope that you'll like it a little bit at least. :)
And I just want to say THANK YOU! I weren't expecting to see so many readers on the last chapters. Heck, I weren't expecting anyone at all. O_O So thank you soo much, hugs to you. ~
DISCLAIMER; I do not own this. It's just the old dude without a name that's my own character. =3
WARNINGS; Spelling.. Grammar.. Ect ect, you get it, right? Not beta tested, too lazy to do that..
Enjoy.~
Naruto looked at his own hands atop of the white hospital blanket. He fidgeted with his fingers and clawed at his nails with a dull expression. He didn't even know what he did at the hospital, since he didn't remember much from the time in his 'house', all he knew was that he almost killed himself. He knitted his hands and looked up, his blonde hair clinging to his face from the blood and dirt that were collected in it and on his face. He felt dirty, not just on the outside but on the inside. The nurses that ran back and forth knew why he was there, and some of them didn't even dare talk to him now when he had his memories back. That sucked. Really sucked. And he felt really alone at the moment. But he'd been lucky. He shared his room with and old man, a kind one, but deadly sick. Naruto didn't know what kind of sickness he had, but he enjoyed talking to him. It made him feel a bit better, not that the man was overly kind or anything, but he talked to him without being scared. Naruto didn't even understand at first why the nurses were afraid, it wasn't like he was going to kill them. Not at the moment at least . He might do it if they gave him one more shot. He hated shots. Especially now. He didn't trust the needle, the content or even the person holding it. Not even a nurse.
''Hey kiddo. Stop spacing out will you and go use the shower!'' Naruto snapped his head to the side and looked at the old man, ''I would if I could.. I can't walk, remember?'' The man blinked and then made an 'Ah' sound, ''I kind of forgot that.'' and then he laughed. It made Naruto smile a bit. It was a hearty laugh, and it reminded him of his godfather, whom disappeared a few hours before the massacre of Naruto's parents. He hadn't heard a word from him in ages, and he started to doubt that he was actually alive. And if he were, Naruto swore that he would hunt him down and beat him for just leaving him like that.
''Hey.. I'm REALLY curious, so can you promise me to answer this question?''
Naruto blinked and thought for a while. What was the worst that could happen anyway? Everything bad had already happened anyway, so why even hesitate? He nodded and reverted his eyes to the man again. ''Go ahead, I'll answer.'' The man smiled before sitting on the edge of his own bed, looking straight into Naruto's eyes, dead serious.
''What have you done?''
Even if Naruto were prepared mentally, he still got a bit surprised to hear the question being uttered in such a serious tone. Even if he expected the man to ask such a thing, he weren't prepared for the nervousness that rose in his chest and made his heart beat faster. He swallowed dryly before opening his mouth.
''A lot of things..''
The man furrowed his brows and looked at him, his gaze pressing Naruto to continue to talk. And Naruto saw that he wanted to know everything, and not just a little piece of the story. He sighed deeply and looked at the man again, ''You know the Uzumaki massacre?'' The man nodded. Of course he knew. He himself had lived not too far away from the house, and he had clearly seen the fire rise from the house, and heard the screams of the people inside the house, and the spectators outside. ''That was my fault..'' The man blinked before staring at him, ''But you're just a kid! How in the world..'' Naruto smiled slightly, ''Do you remember when the newspapers pressed articles about a micro chip that Minato found?'' The man nodded and looked at him with tension in his eyes, now very curious to where Naruto was going with this story. ''They said that the chip was destroyed right?'' The man nodded again, eager, but didn't say anything to rush him. ''That's a lie..'' The man stared, ''But Minato-san himself said that it was destroyed, why would he lie? And where is it now then, and do you even know that?'' Naruto looked at him again.
''I have it.''
The man blinked before laughing, ''Where you do have it then? Here?'' Naruto nodded, dead serious, and the man's laughter soon faded, uncertain of what he was going to utter next. ''Where..?'' Naruto turned around, moved down the hem of his shirt slightly and touched the place on the top of his spine where the small chip sat, now under his skin. The man stared, and when he looked closely, he could indeed see the contures of it. ''So you killed them..? Why..?'' Naruto hugged his knees to his chest and rest his head on them, staring straight into the white wall on the other side of the room, ''They were my parents.. I don't really know why I did it.. Since my mind weren't my own at that time.. I just remember myself doing it.. Hearing this.. Voice in my head, or voices.. Telling me to do it.. And I couldn't resist..'' The man swallowed but didn't loose his composure, feeling sad for the blonde. ''Poor kid... Can't you get it out?'' Naruto shaked his head.
''It's stuck.. And sooner or later, I will kill everyone else too.. That's why I tried to kill myself, after I broke free.. But my friend took me here it seems..'' The man nodded, ''That explains your last name.. I thought it was odd, I haven't seen an Uzumaki in ages.. But you sure look like your dad.'' Naruto smiled slightly, but the smile soon faltered. ''I wish that I could see them again..'' The man smiled before handing something to him.''Here. I have a feeling that you'll want it..'' Naruto looked at the object and accepted it. At first sight, It just looked like a piece of paper, since it technically was, but when he turned the 'paper' around, he saw a slightly torn, worn out photo of the man and his dad, Minato. Naruto's eyes grew wide and he stared, ''How..?''.
''You see, when they moved in, before you were born, we took a picture together since I was his gardener for a while. He was a fine man, and I think that you would want this photo.'' Naruto just stared at it and he felt his eyes water, ''No. You keep it.. I think I owe you that..'' Naruto smiled and gave the picture to the old man again. The man looked at him for a while before taking it back, accepting his decision Naruto looked at the man again before closing his eyes, tears threatening to spill from under his eyelids.
''I'm sorry..''
The man laughed before he smiled softly, ''You have nothing to apologize for.'' Naruto stared in disbelief, ''Of course I have!'' The man smiled and looked out of the window, watching the birds and the trees. Clearly a peaceful sight.
''You know.. Sometimes we humans do things that aren't our own choice. We make bad decisions and we say stupid things, but that just shows that we truly are humans. We are not a godly creature, and we are certainly not perfect. And most of the times, you just need to forgive yourself, and not the person you think you've hurt. Because sometimes, that person isn't hurt at all, but you feel grief anyway. If you feel like that, you need to forgive yourself, move on and work on the part where you're incomplete. We are only humans, including you. The decision to kill them and to do what you did, were not your choice, and therefore, it's not your fault. I don't know how long I'll live, but I'm happy that I got to tell you these words, and I hope that you'll think about them at times where your heart seems to give up. Forgive yourself, work on your imperfections, and rise up again. Or else you'll be stuck in the mud while everyone else walks by.'' The man turned his head towards the door when he noticed someone stand there, ''And sometimes, you just need some help.''
Naruto looked behind him to see Sasuke stand there with a serious face, ''That's wise words old man.. I think I needed to hear them myself..'' He turned his head towards Naruto and sat down on his bed, ''And so did you..'' The man smiled and laid down again, content with himself. ''Maybe your help is right there, and all you need is to do is to accept it.'' Naruto looked at the man before he turned his head towards Sasuke who smiled slightly, ''Come on... Let's get you cleaned up...'' Naruto nodded and took the ravens hand, and with much difficulity stood up on wobbly legs. The old man smiled from his bed when he saw the blonde take a few shaky steps with the help of the young Uchiha. He then closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, feeling happy that he managed to encourage the young boy a bit in the midst of his darkness. And little did he know that Naruto was just as happy that he were able to talk to the old man. His smile then faltered when he looked at him. He would probably die soon, and the fact that Naruto couldn't be with him pained him much, even if they barely knew each other Sasuke, who stood beside him, smiled softly as he looked at the blonde. He really seemed to like the old man much, and it was sad that he needed to take him away from there, but it was necessary and he looked at the silver haired man in the doorway and nodded at him, and so, the older disappeared from the room. ''Change of plans.. Let's go home now, and then you can wash up..'' Naruto nodded as he watched the old man in his peaceful slumber, ''Come on..'' And with a final glance behind him, he walked out of the room, clutching Sasuke's hand in a sort of self comfort. ''You'll meet again someday..'' Naruto just nodded, but both of them knew that that wouldn't be the case. And when they a few minutes later sat in the comfort of the police car, Naruto cried quietly. The old man had left such a deep impression on him, and the fact that he had no relatives to visit him made the situation even worse. So Naruto cried for them, he cried their share of tears when he finally would die, maybe he'd been a husband, a dad, a grandfather, Naruto would never know, but he cried anyway. For his own and the man's dearest sake. And no one stopped him.
Later that day, when Naruto was in the shower, getting rid of the blood and dust with the help of a certain raven, there was a call. When their host, Kakashi, answered, he was met with grim news that brought a sad expression to his face. ''He wanted us to call and say goodbye to Naruto-kun. It was too bad that he didn't have the strength to talk to him himself.'' Kakashi nodded with a slight 'Yes,'. ''He wrote a message, a short one, if you could pass it on it would be kind.'' Kakashi smiled behind his mask as he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around and there stood Sasuke with a confused expression. When he saw the older's face, he closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, ''Of course I will..'' Kakashi then continued to listen as he saw how Sasuke disappeared from the kitchen to find the blonde, who still was unaware of the situation.
When he found him, he was sitting on the couch with a towel on his head and face directed towards the fire burning in the fireplace. ''Hey, Naru..'' Sasuke sat down besides him, and it was as if the blonde knew what had happened, for he just feel against Sasuke's chest without a word. He just continued to look into the fire as Kakashi quietly entered the room, ''Did you tell him..?'' Sasuke shaked his head as he loosely laid an arm around the blonde's shoulders. ''Hey Naruto.. He left you a message. Sasuke, will you read it?'' Sasuke nodded and looked at the words, neatly written on a piece of paper by the older man, but even if it was his writing, you could see and hear the old man's voice and face when you looked at the text, which made Sasuke smile slightly as he softly started to read the note.
''Don't be sad now. I barely knew you. But hey, does that matter? Just don't cry, I'm not worth it. You're a nice kid. No matter what you yourself think. Don't go around and think about past things, mistakes and the like. Think about the future instead, and all the good that you can do. You will surely do something great, and don't forget to mention me when you tell your speech to the president! Haha, no, you don't need to. But seriously. Don't be sad Naruto. As I said, sometimes, you need to forgive yourself and not the persons around you. So smile, that's the best you can do for everyone. And I'll watch over you together with your family, okay? Good. Now, don't give up, and fight. I'll cheer for you. Goodbye, and don't you dare be sad! Oh, and a little message to the Uchiha kid. Take care of him will you, I won't forgive you if you hurt I need to go now, and I'm a bit sad that I couldn't say this personally, but I think a note will last longer. Take care Naruto, and don't give up!''
By the time Sasuke was done, Naruto cried, but he still didn't move. He just sat there, staring into the fire with tears running down his face. It all was too much, and he couldn't comprehend anything anymore. He didn't understand why everything was happening right now. But the words that the old man send him hit him in the heart, and that's what made the emotions swell up to the surface. The words were true, too true for his own liking. But even if he cried, he could smile slightly, feeling a sense of comfort when he heard the words of almost a complete stranger. They encouraged him more than anything anyone else had said, and with those words as a back up, the whole situation didn't feel as hopeless anymore. ''I'll remember to mention you.. I promise..'' He closed his eyes, but his smile never faltering.
Sasuke smiled slightly he to as he looked at the blonde in his arms. 'Thank you for helping him with what I couldn't.. Somehow, you managed to give him the strength to fight back, even if just a little.. I can see hope in him again, and I've missed that sight.. So thank you..'
Later when Kakashi returned from the grocery store, he found the two fast asleep on the couch, and he couldn't help but smile slightly as he put down the bags on the kitchen table. ''Take your rest boys.. You'll need it.. The real struggle is about to begin, and we need you two to be on top..'' He then walked over to the two and turned of the long forgotten TV and placed fetched a blanket who he gently laid over them before quietly walking out of the room with a small smile on his face, he to silently thanking the now dead man.
''Forgiving yourself huh...? Maybe that's something that we all need to practice on..''
I don't know how the ending turned out.. xD It's probably very weird.. Well, practice makes perfect, and well.. I'm practicing.~ x3
Thank you for reading, if you do, and reviews gets a cookie. 8'3
Byee.~
Oh! By the way, I'll try to make next chapter a bit less angsty. =3 Even I need a break from all the angst.. x3 Well, bye.~ For real.. x3