Chapter 10: The Escape
Tony was depending on Clint and Natasha thinking they'd convinced him to cooperate. The whole plan would go to pot if they anticipated him and Loki making a run for it. They needed to move now. Granted it was a stupid ass plan, but it was better than playing into SHIELD's waiting hands. Besides, he totally doubted they'd see this one coming.
"All right, Reindeer Games. I need you tell me a little bit about your magic. Like, you can sense other people using it, right?" Tony asked as he looked out the window, making sure Clint and Natasha were still in their room. They were, and their cruiser was parked on the side, out of the view from their window. Perfect.
"As you wish; if it will help." Loki replied as he put on a plain green button-down shirt he'd gotten during their adventure in Walmart.
"So, can anything interfere with that ability? Like if they're underground or behind metal or something?" Tony continued, and settled on his plan to steal the SHIELD cruiser. Worst case scenario, they'd be able to outrun pretty much anything unless Fury sent a chopper after them. Unlike the majority of the SHIELD agents, Tony had survived the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo. And if it weren't for Ivan Vanko ruining his little party, he would've won. In other words, pretty much no one was going to be able to stop him in that car without blowing it up with an armed aircraft. ...Which would be quite a spectacle and SHIELD was not likely to risk it. It would be easy for them to cover up, of course, but it probably wasn't worth the effort.
"No, not especially. Though being underground may block SHIELD's computers if that is what you were thinking of." The trickster answered. "It is a risk better off not taken."
"Never mind that, then." Tony replied, "Plan B it is." They were probably better off anyway. If Clint and Natasha were going to get them a workspace, they probably knew his buddy in the NASA base.
"What is plan B?" Loki asked and followed Tony's gaze out the window.
"Just follow my lead. You're not going to like it, but I think you'll be able to deal with it when I explain myself." Tony told him and pulled on a white t-shirt. Quickly, he shoved a the cutlery from the drawer beside the bed into his back jeans pocket in case he needed makeshift tools. "Now, what I need you to do is carry the stuff." Loki glared at him angrily.
"You expect me to trust you?" He hissed, but grabbed the Walmart bags with their clothes and leftover food from the rest stop vending machine anyway.
"No, but I don't want to tell you in case Clint and Nat have a bug in here. They might be able to hear everything we're saying." Tony explained. Loki sighed in resignation. He supposed that was a distinct possibility. Without another word, he followed Tony out of the door. He didn't even ask what was going through his idiot mortal brain when they walked around the back of the building instead of just heading for the road. When they came out on the other side of the parking lot, he raised his eyebrows questioningly. Tony motioned for him to be quiet and had him hide behind the dumpster. He whispered a string of curses when he saw the engineer approach the SHIELD cruiser using the shrubbery it was parked next to as cover. What is that Idiot thinking? He is not seriously... Oh Norns no... He is going to steal the SHIELD vehicle.
And that he was. Tony made fast work of picking the lock with wires he'd ripped out of the back of the TV, and even faster work of hacking the computer that was embedded in the dash. Within seconds, he'd reset the voice commands and disabled all SHIELD protocols. He hit the button for the automatic locks and motioned for Loki to get in. Glaring like an angry viper, he did and threw the bags into the back seat.
"Engine start." Tony commanded and the car came to life. Easy. No hot wiring and, no dirty work. Much better than that stupid truck. Not to mention much faster and loaded with weapons that he hopefully wouldn't need to use.
"Now, if you want to know why I chose this car, there's two reasons. One: I know how all the tech works – I built the entire system for SHIELD a few months ago. It doesn't need keys, and it'll only respond to my voice commands now. Two: It's fast as fuck and no one's going to be able to catch it to save their lives. SHIELD goons and cops don't drive in the Grand Prix. ...Though I know you have no idea what that means. As an added benefit, all SHIELD cruisers have the same license plate, they won't be able to use that to get any help from the local authorities. That secrecy thing is about to bite them in the ass pretty hard." Tony explained as they left the parking lot by going back around the building so the two spies wouldn't see them pass their window.
Loki still looked incredibly pissed, but he obviously understood the logic. Also, he sincerely doubted Barton and Romanov would have planned for them pulling a stunt like this. If nothing else, it would buy them some time.
"All right, fine." He eventually caved. "Where are going?" He asked, dreading the answer.
"Malibu. I don't feel like wasting time building a new suit when I can just take the Mark 42. It's operational and while I've only done some test flights with it, it should be good enough. It kind of blows that I have to steal from myself, though. At least breaking in will be easy as long as SHIELD doesn't have the place surrounded." Tony rambled as they drove, leaving the Houston city limits behind them.
"I suppose it is better than visiting your 'funeral' last week, but really, is this necessary?" Loki snapped, though Tony honestly thought it sounded a little bit the demigod was actually whining like a kid that didn't want to do its chores.
"Sorry Bambi, I'm not a badass space viking wizard. I'm going to need it." Tony answered. Loki muttered something mutinously, but otherwise refrained from commenting.
Sure, Loki was still a snide little son of a bitch, but it was almost scary how well they had worked together so far. Tony hadn't believed Loki's comment about not being in control of his own mind when he attacked earth, but now he was starting to think it might be possible. If nothing else, Loki was smart and preferred stealth. He'd followed Tony for two months and he hadn't even noticed. Even now, he insisted on totally reasonable strategies. The only problem with that was that Tony didn't feel like spending the rest of his life in hiding. That being said, Loki's way of thinking now clashed horribly with the trickster Tony thought he knew. The Loki that was sitting next him in the SHIELD cruiser fuming with anger at such an idiotic, risky plan never would have pulled that ridiculous stunt in Stuttgart. Well, maybe not. Tony could totally see him commanding a bunch of 'lowly mortals' to kneel before him – but not while something more important was at stake. It had been a distraction, obviously, but Loki never would have exposed himself in that way, either. He would have taken another form, that was certain.
"And here I thought I would not have to endure sitting in a car with you for three days." Loki complained boredly, Tony only rolled his eyes.
"Compromise, remember? Plus, I'm doing literally 95 miles an hour. No one is going to argue with this car, if they don't shit themselves when they see it flying up behind them. What else do you want from me?" Tony said, pouting. There was no trace of any particular annoyance in his voice, though. Loki looked out the window at the landscape rushing by at an alarming speed. Somehow he thought it should be nauseating, but Stark guided the car easily at such a speed. It didn't even lean much when he weaved through traffic. ..And here he had barely kept that truck in straight line driving slower than a half blind old woman. Embarrassing.
"I suppose." Loki mumbled and watched as Tony cut off a police car. It didn't follow. Of course not, the cop would need balls of steel to mess with a SHIELD agent on a warpath. "Can I ask you something, Stark?"
"Mmm? What's on your mind, Darling?" He asked nonchalantly. "Unless you want to know what I'm smoking to have come up with this crazy ass plan, because honestly I don't know. I mean, I am awesome at making bad decisions, but this one is totally the worst yet. I mean shit, stealing a SHIELD cruiser? Hot damn I've really outdone myself. ...Except maybe for that time I was drunk enough to let Clint talk me into thinking that going to a gay bar in drag was a good idea." In spite of himself, Loki laughed. It was a real laugh, not like the hollow maniacal sound that echoed through the dungeons of Asgard when laughter was preferable to tears.
"I convinced Thor to do something very similar once. Though, I am certain you made a better woman than he." Loki commented. Tony almost ran off the side of the road as he fell into hysterics at the mental image of Thor in drag. Oh man, someone needed to photoshop that shit. ...Since it was pretty much impossible to get the thunderer drunk on 'Midgardian swill' and there was no way he'd do it sober.
"I wanted to ask what you intended to do once we apprehend Doom." Loki added more seriously.
"Honestly, I don't know. I've had it up to here with Fury's little super secret boyband and Pepper's nagging. Maybe I need a vacation. And a real relationship. I'm getting sick of meaningless sex. I know, I can't believe I'm saying that. Is it time for Ragnarok? " Tony said thoughtfully.
"No, it is not. Nor can I believe that such a sentimental statement just came out of your mouth." Loki responded thoughtfully. He glanced at Stark out of the corner of his eye as he drove. He was attractive, there was no arguing with that. He was masculine, but not in the way that the Aesir preferred. Loki shook his head and turned his gaze to the road in front of them, those thoughts would get him nowhere. He hated Stark and Stark hated him right back. ...But did he hate Stark? He was finding it hard to even argue with him lately. Any attempt at getting under the mortal's skin to get rise out of him had been wholly half-hearted.
"We should stop them." Clint muttered as they listened to Tony and Loki talk about leaving. Natasha lay in the bed next to him. She rolled over and ignored him.
"We haven't gotten any sleep since this mess started. We can go after them later. They won't get far." She replied and snuggled into the blankets. Clint didn't bother arguing, he knew he wouldn't win. Natasha was right, anyway. They wouldn't get far. If they did, they'd find them anyway.
A few hours later, they left the room intending to track down Stark and his pet demigod. Clint left the door key on the table and followed Natasha in the late afternoon sunlight. He caught sight of her face, and his relatively cheerful mood vanished. She looked ready to kill something, and that was never good.
"What?" He asked, stretching. His back was horribly stiff from the cheap motel mattress and sitting in the cruiser for a week. Wordlessly, she pointed to where the car was parked. Clint's eyes darted in the direction. There was no car.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." He moaned and shook his head.
"Call Fury." Natasha spat. "I'm done with this shit. If he still doesn't want us to apprehend them, there's no point following them around at this point."
"Yeah, I know." Clint groused and dug out his cellphone. "Fuck it, let's just kill Stark. Actually, you get Stark, Loki's mine." He hissed and handed Natasha the phone. Her eyebrows shot up as she examined the blank screen and a snarky text message from Stark thanking them for the car. She tried to dial headquarters, but the phone wouldn't let her.
"He hacked it through the car's computer." She reasoned, and threw the smartphone against the wall as hard as she could. It shattered into at least a hundred pieces. "He's buying time."
"Yeah, and I'd say he actually managed it this time. Come on Nat, you didn't see this coming." The archer said dismally. She huffed in annoyance and started walking toward the motel office to use the payphone there. Clint smirked, knowing that was as close to a yes as he was going to get.