Chapter 9

"Alex?"

Alex looked up from her file to see Robin lurking in the doorway.

"Robin, where on earth have you been?" she cried, "Gene's on the warpath!" she noticed that his expression was fraught and his face streaked with tears, "Robin, what's happened?"

Robin swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Kim needs you," he whispered.

Immediately Alex scrambled to her feet.

"What's happened?" she asked quickly, "is she hurt?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Robin wiped his eye and shook his heads. He couldn't work out how to ever make himself feel any better. Pacing wasn't helping. "Alex, please listen to what I've got to say… don't jump in thinking it's a good thing before you've heard the full story."

Alex felt her stomach turn

"What's happened?" she whispered.

Robin hung his head and could hardly force out the words.

"Kim's pregnant," he whispered, "b-but," he flinched, "Alex… it's not…"

Somehow he didn't need to finish his sentence. Alex could tell from his face.

"Oh no," she whispered, "Please don't tell me… please say it's not?"

"They can't even tell us, it's right on the cusp," he choked, "first two weeks of October. Couldn't tell us any more accurately than that." He couldn't hold back the tears any longer, past caring what Alex thought of him, "she's pregnant, and it could be mine or –" he flinched, "or it could be the very worst case scenario."

"Oh god, Robin," Alex didn't know what else to say so she held out her arms and he almost collapsed into them. Being strong enough for Kim was hard enough. He didn't have enough strength to keep himself going too.

~xXx~

Kim looked for all the world like a lost little girl as Alex opened the door of her office and found her sitting behind her desk, hugging her knees to her chest. The moment she saw Alex in the doorway a look of relief crossed her face and she let her legs drop to the floor.

"Ma'am," she said quietly.

Alex tried to smile but her lips looked strained.

"Robin said you needed me," she said softly.

Kim stared at Alex, desperately trying to force herself to deny that fact; to say that she was fine and didn't need anyone but every inch of her expression told Alex that was a lie and Kim knew that she wasn't going to convince her otherwise.

"Oh ma'am," she scrambled to her feet and before she could stop herself she ran toward her as Alex's arms opened to deliver her second hug in as many minutes. She could feel Kim's staggered breath against her as the terrible possibility weighed so heavily on her chest that she found it impossible to inhale the air properly.

"What are we going to do with you, Kim, hmm?" she said gently as she rubbed Kim's back, "I'm going to send you for sex education lessons. Teach you how to work out that you're pregnant before the baby's halfway out."

Kim gave a half-sob, half laugh that came out as a scrambled mess of noises. She clung to Alex for dear life, trembling and shaking.

"I don't know what to do," she cried.

"I'm so sorry," Alex told her. She held Kim while she cried and for some time that was all she could do. It was all Kim would let her do. There was no way that she could speak to answer any of the questions that Alex needed to ask. It was a full five minutes before Kim managed to calm down enough for Alex to pull away from her slightly and look her in the eye. "You know we're all here to help you through this, don't you?" she told her, "whatever happens, whatever you decide, we're all right here."

Kim nodded, her vision blurred with tears.

"I know," she whispered, "and I've never been so grateful." She closed her eyes and rubbed them on her sleeve as Alex gently guided her back to her chair and knelt down in front of her. There was a gnawing sensation in Alex's heart, a horrible memory of the dread she felt just before the end of 1995, after returning to her body to find that the other her and Keats had paid a visit to the basement. The fear that she could have been pregnant still chilled her to the bone. She remembered Kim in her younger guise; a brash young DS who gave Alex a friendly ear and a shoulder when she needed it most. Now Kim was in a similar position and all Alex wanted to do was take the fear away. She reached out and took Kim's hand gently.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

Kim rubbed away a tear.

"Wiped out," she whispered.

"I'm not surprised," Alex said quietly. She tried to look Kim in the eye but Kim's vision was fixed on the floor. "Robin said the hospital weren't very clear on your dates?"

"They said I was nine or ten weeks, Ma'am," Kim whispered, "that one week… it makes all the difference. Between the last time Keats…" she swallowed hard, "and the first time Robin and me… since we were back together… it was only days."

Alex nodded slowly.

"Can you have another scan?" she asked, "see if they can be more accurate?"

"I doubt it," Kim whispered, "technology's not like it was when I had my boys. Compared to that we're still in the bloody stone age. They can't pinpoint things as well as they do these days. I mean, as they did. Over there." She shook her head. Trying to get the right terminology for time zones and words was damn hard. "They gave me a two week window and that's as close as I'm going to get. Unfortunately it's…" she paused and shook her head, "it's the wrong two week window."

"Oh Kim," Alex desperately wished that she could wave a magic wand and have all the answers at her fingertips but all she could offer Kim was as much strength and support as she could. "Did you ask about DNA testing?"

"I didn't know what to say," Kim whispered.

"Would you like me to find out about it for you?" Alex asked quietly and finally Kim looked at her.

"Would you?" she whispered.

"Yes," Alex nodded, "yes of course."

Kim nodded silently and hung her head again. It took a few moments before she could pull herself together enough to speak again.

"You must think I'm the biggest idiot," she whispered.

"Why would I think that?" Alex asked with a gentle smile.

"All you ever see of me is finding out I'm pregnant when I'm already two or three months gone," Kim sniffed.

"Oh Kim, you're not alone," Alex shook her head, "I'm the last one who'd think you were an idiot. My track record isn't brilliant." She bit her lip as she looked at Kim anxiously. "I know this is hard but… but have you thought about what you're going to do yet?" she watched Kim's head fall lower, "whether or not you are able to find out for sure whose baby this is."

"Ma'am, I have no idea," Kim whispered tearfully, "I want a baby so much it hurts, it physically fucking hurts," she clenched her fists and screwed up her eyes. "But if it's Keats's baby…" she almost choked on the thought, "I can't stand the thought of it, I just feel so sick. The thought that there's a part of him in there," her hand met involuntarily with her stomach, "in me."

"We don't know it's his," Alex reminded her.

"But we don't know it's not," she shook her head, "Fuck, is that a chance I can take?" she looked at Alex, her expression full of fear, "can I take the risk of having Keats's baby? But then, how could I take the risk of… of getting rid of it… if there was a chance it's Robin's?"

Alex could barely breathe herself. To see someone she cared about so much going through such terrible pain and the hardest decision of her life made her heart sting inside.

"Kim," she said quietly, "please don't rush this. Take things a step at a time. We'll see what we can find out about DNA testing first and go from there. In the meanwhile," she rubbed Kim's shoulder softly, "look after yourself, Kim. And let Robin look after you too."

Kim nodded slowly.

"OK," she whispered.

"You're going to come through this, Kim," Alex urged her, "you're strong and you're a survivor."

Kim wished that she could believe her but she felt like she was losing her strength fast. Even Kim had her limits. She felt like she'd just about reached them.

~xXx~

Gene had already downed a good measure when he heard his door opening and looked up to see a drained Alex stepping inside. She looked pale and worn, like the weight of the world had been placed on her shoulders. She spotted the bottle on his desk and zeroed in on it.

"Oh, I hope there's enough left in there for a very large glass," she sighed.

Gene raised his eyebrow.

"This could go one of two ways, Bols," he commented, "either you're going to have me up against the wall or down in despair. Which is it?"

Alex sighed sadly.

"The latter," she said.

"Bugger." Gene took out a glass and poured for her a large measure of scotch, then topped up his own. He handed her the glass as she sank into a chair. "Your day can't have been worse than mine, Drake," he told her.

"Ohh, I wouldn't bet on that," Alex shook her head.

"I've got me son and heir sniffing around mister Keats junior," Gene told her, a phrase that seemed to make Alex flinch. She drank rather a lot of scotch very quickly and stared into the remains.

"Young Keatses seem to be the theme of the day," she said quietly.

Gene stared at her.

"I don't know what you mean but it sounds about as positive as Shoebury reviewing Red Dwarf's last series."

"Positive," Alex repeated, "that's an unfortunate turn of phrase, Gene." She took another sip and looked up at him, her lips reluctant to impart the news. "Kim's pregnant, Gene," she hesitated, "and there's a question mark."

Gene stared at her, reading the worry in Alex's eyes. He swallowed, his expression severely serious and he dropped his head for a moment.

"I take it both candidates are dark haired, dark eyed…" he took a swig straight from the bottle, "but only one has the ability to find someone who'll occupy the other side of the bed without the use of gas and air."

"She doesn't know what to do," Alex shook her head, "Robin's in a mess, he's trying to be strong for Kim but he needs someone to be strong for him too."

Gene swallowed as a shudder travelled down his spine.

"Wouldn't be the first time Jimbo's put one up her," he said grimly.

"That's only part of the problem," Alex ran a hand through her hair, "Gene, you know what happened to me. In pregnancy." She flinched at the memories, "I faded out, I –"

"I don't need a rerun, Bols," Gene blanched, "it's permanently imprinted on me memory, believe me."

"You know what her papers said," Alex's vice dropped, "what if the same thing happens, Gene?"

"She was knocked up before and she didn't do a disappearing act!"

"But who's to say what condition she's in out there?" Alex hissed, "whichever is the stronger… "

"She plummeted from a bloody five story building, Bolly!" Gene cried, "the fact she didn't snuff it is the stuff of miracles. She probably resembles a pancake," he saw Alex flinch at his words. "Or worse. Maybe a bowl of pancake mix."

"This isn't helping," Alex swallowed.

"Just trying to point out the facts, Alex," Gene sighed and looked at her more seriously. "How many people have been in her place? How many of them even made it back? What happened to you was a one-off. Bad timing. Things cohabiting."

"Coinciding, Alex sighed, knowing Gene only said it so she would have to correct him.

"You were weaker here than you were out there when you slipped away," Gene told her, "can't see that happening to Stringer. She's got Batman shoving pizza down her neck all hours of the day and night."

"Eating a lot of pizza doesn't necessarily mean she's stronger," Alex said quietly.

"We can't start writing her a goodbye card every time she gets a flipping paper cut either!" Gene told her. He saw Alex nod slowly. She understood Gene's logic, she knew that her own circumstances had been different but she couldn't help but worry. Gene cleared his throat to get her attention back. "So," he began, "with Stringer being knocked up…"

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"…Yes?"

Gene pulled a face and pretended to do some paperwork.

"Don't suppose she's on pelvic rest, is she?"

Alex shrugged.

"Hope not," she said cheekily getting just the glare from Gene that she'd been hoping for. She laughed, she couldn't help it, and walked around to his side of the desk. "Gene, thank you," she said quietly, "just for setting my mind a little at rest. After what happened to me I'm paranoid."

"You've been watching too many of Shoebury's X-Files videos," said Gene but his expression was sober and serious. "Stringer will be OK, Bolly. She'll have to be. She's tougher than the bloody boots she wears. And they're tough," he shuddered, "she stood on me foot last week I couldn't walk for two days."

Alex rolled her eyes and admonished Gene for picking on Kim again but she felt a little more settled inside. Whatever happened to Kim and Robin, whatever happened with the baby, she was going to be there to help them survive it. As unlikely as it seemed, she had a feeling Gene would be too.

~xXx~

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and especially for the reviews, I've really needed this to help me get through the last few weeks and your comments have kept me going. I'm going to give you all a shock to end the week now though – the fic that follows this one is going to be… fluff! Yes, you read that right, fluff! You're shocked? Imagine how I feel!