Veronica woke up feeling like crap. The previous day's events kept her up last night and, when she finally did fall asleep, she was restless. No orgasmic happy dreams; just a lot of teenage confusion.
Unable to make a real decision on what to wear, Veronica chose a pair of faded blue jeans from the floor of her bedroom, a pink t-shirt from the top of her drawer, and green hoodie that was haphazardly thrown over her desk chair. At least I can pull the hood over my head and hide at lunch, she thought. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun, did her makeup, and continued into her day.
Breakfast was quiet, her mom seemingly out of questions to ask her about her date with Casey. In the car, Veronica pulled her hoodie over her head and sunk into the seat. Her dad looked like he wanted to talk but chose not to poke the bear.
When Logan slid into the back seat, he was all smiles, until he saw Veronica.
"What's with you?" he frowned.
"Didn't sleep. Feel like garbage. And you?" she snarked.
Logan shrugged. "Actually slept great last night. Been sleeping better than I have in my entire life."
Veronica peeked out from her hoodie. "What's your secret?"
Logan looked at the back of her dad's head and then back to her.
"I don't know. It just started happening. Maybe my brain is too tired from all the homework to think about anything else at night. Well, that and the pain medication for my ribs," he said, and gave her a quick wink that made her suspect there was more to it. She made a mental note to ask him later.
"Drugs. Got it," Veronica muttered and pulled her hood off her head.
"It lives," Keith proclaimed from the front seat, smiling at her in the mirror. Veronica stuck her tongue out at him. "I would hanker a guess that is just good old fashioned teenage angst that is keeping you up at night."
Veronica groaned. How her dad could be so right about so many things just amazed her.
"Maybe the image of my dad scaring the bejeepers out of my date has sucked my will to live."
Keith grinned. "Get used to it. This is the first of many times I'll terrify boys who try and date you. Or we can send you to a lovely convent school near Sacramento, if you choose?"
"Hey! The convent sounds fun...and then I can visit on the weekend," chimed in Logan. "What's the platonic best friend version of the conjugal visit?"
"Popcorn and a movie," replied Keith with a laugh.
Veronica groaned. "Do you guys rehearse this stuff when I'm around?"
"Nah." Chuckled Logan. "It just kind of writes itself."
Veronica had never been so happy to arrive at school. She tapped her foot anxiously as her dad came around to open her door. She didn't linger, instead giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and started walking down the quad, her hands shoved in her hoodie pockets.
Logan caught up to her easily, and she stopped and gave him a sceptical look. He came to a halt and smiled. "What?"
Veronica closed the gap and dropped her voice. "Okay, Echolls. Out with it. What is really your secret to a good night's sleep."
Logan got a silly look on his face. "Why Mars...you know should know...you were the one who told me." Veronica was confused. He waited a beat before he answered her invisible question. Leaning close to her ear, he whispered. "Masturbating."
Veronica pulled her head back and looked directly at him. "Really?" She hissed. Logan's answer was to grin even wider and wiggle his eyebrows at her. She bit her lip. "I may need another trip to the library."
Logan laughed and began walking again. This time she had to keep up. "So...like...what...you do it and pass out?" she asked.
"Okay...A...keep your voice down...and B...pretty much, yeah," Logan answered, looking down at her quickly as he moved.
New information always made Veronica obsess, especially when she only knew part of the story. She could kind of imagine how it would work with boys...but with girls? She needed to investigate.
"Earth to Mars!" Dick laughed at his favourite joke.
Veronica snapped out if her head to realize they had a river at the rest of the group, today including Mac and Wallace.
"Sorry. Didn't sleep much last night. Hey guys," she stammered.
Mac giggled. "Okay. Out with it Vee. How was your date?"
Veronica looked around at the smiling faces of her friends.
"Good. My dad came along and scared the crap out of him, but that's kind of to be expected." Then she realized, she had another girl to talk to! "Mac! Come with me!" She grabbed Mac by the arm and the two took off. "By guys!" She yelled as she dragged her friend to the bathroom.
Once safely hidden away from the boys, Veronica quickly checked under all the stalls and then kicked the door wedge under the frame so no one could open the door.
Mac sat on the counter, swinging her legs. "Okay. What girl problem do you want to talk about? Casey?"
Veronica frowned. "No. Not a boy thing. This is an informal survey." She walked closer to Mac. "What do you know about masturbating?"
Mac laughed. "Other than, according to our family priest, I will burn in hell if I try it."
Veronica frowned. "Do you believe that?"
"Pfftttttt. No." Mac scoffed. "But I assume if I'm being warned about it, it must be pretty good."
Veronica paced. "I read a book about puberty and they mentioned it. Logan tried it and he said it cured his sleep problems."
Mac arched an eyebrow. "So it works miracles?"
"Apparently. Maybe that's why your priest is so against it." Veronica laughed. "It seems fairly obvious how to do it if you're a guy, but I haven't the foggiest idea what to do if you're a girl."
The first bell rang and Mac hopped off the sink. She grasped Veronica by the shoulders, staring deeply into her eyes, and smiled. "It's up to you, Agent Mars, to find out and then share this information with me."
Veronica gave her a salute. "I'll do my best!" She laughed.
Mac released Veronica and the two kicked the door open, leaving their secret headquarters with a new mission.
Lunch was practically joyous for Veronica and her friends. Casey was over the moon when Veronica suggested he sit next to her, and not in Logan's spot. Logan was in full "cheer Veronica up" mode and entertained the group with funny stories from their friendship. Veronica was sure she was going to pee herself, she was laughing so hard, along with everyone else.
After lunch, Veronica and Mac got up first to get to gym class early enough to avoid everyone else. As they rounded the corner to their lockers, Logan came running up behind Veronica and grabbed her shoulders, stopping her dead in her tracks.
"Logan! What the hell?" she shrieked.
"Don't turn around," he said, not letting her go. "You have a big red mark on your pants."
Veronica and Mac both gasped in unison. They both knew immediately what that 'red' was – Veronica had got her Period.
"I'm going to die," Veronica said out loud. "Who saw?"
There was a terrible pause that seemed to last forever. "Everyone."
Veronica groaned, the feeling of tears coming to her eyes.
"Logan, just kill me and get my humiliation over with. You're my best friend, just do this for me please."
Mac put her hand on Veronica's arm. "Hey. It's bound to happen to all of us eventually. Or at least us girls."
Veronica shrugged off Logan's hands and took off her hoodie, tying it around her waist. Logan stepped back but she couldn't turn around.
"I'm going to the nurse and then call my mom to pick me up. Mac, can you tell Ms. Murphy why I'm not in gym...if the other girls don't tell her first, that is."
Slowly, she turned to face Logan, even though she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "Thanks for rescuing me. Again."
"Anytime," Logan said quietly. Veronica brushed past him, with Mac behind her, head down, feeling like she was going to barf.
Near the gym, Mac patted her on the back. "Good luck friend. I anxiously await the day I join you and the sisterhood."
Veronica smirked. "Thanks girlfriend."
Just down the hall was the nurse's station. Taking a deep breath, Veronica knocked on the door. A woman with bright red hair, about the age of her mom, opened it.
"Hello, dear. Come in and tell me what's wrong."
Veronica walked into the office and heaved a heavy sigh. Glancing around the room as she entered, she noted there was a desk with a phone, two gurney beds, and a little bathroom off to one side. Veronica decided just to stand in the middle of the room, afraid to sit on anything. When the door closed, Veronica turned to the woman.
"I got my period for the first time," she said quietly.
The nurse winced with empathy and gave her a soft smile. "Ah, the joys of junior high. Well, let's get you set up."
Veronica couldn't help but smile. This was obviously a woman who had helped many girls over the years. The nurse walked to a tall cabinet and opened it. She pulled out a big gauzy thing and a sanitary napkin. Turning back to Veronica she held them out.
"These are disposable underpants. This is a pad. Throw out your underwear and put on the disposable ones. Pull off the tape on the back of the pad and stick it to the underwear like a big sticker. Then come back and we'll figure out everything else."
Veronica was sure this woman was some sort of angel. She smiled and took everything, disappearing into the bathroom. By the time she came out, the nurse had two pairs of what looked like hospital scrubs on one of the beds.
"Turn around and let's see the damage," she ordered.
Veronica sighed and turned to show off the big stain on the back of her jeans. When she saw it in the bathroom, she felt like flushing herself down the toilet to escape.
"It's bad," Veronica said.
The nurse sighed. "Not the worst I've seen. Here, pick a pair of pants you think will fit you. I just ask that when you come back to school that you bring them with you, cleanly laundered. You can change behind that curtain."
She indicated a fabric divider towards the back of the room. Veronica nodded and grabbed one of the scrubs, then went to hide.
"What's your name, honey?" She heard the nurse call out.
"Veronica Mars," she replied.
There was some noise and then the nurse spoke. "Hi Sally, it's Julia. I've got a girl in my office that's sick and needs to go home. Veronica Mars." There was silence then she started up. "Grade 7. Yep. Yep. Yep. Thanks."
Veronica imagined the secretary knowing exactly what had happened when she told her what grade she was in. All of them, in their turn, would eventually get struck down by "the curse."
She emerged from behind the screen to find Julia sitting at the desk, smiling at her. "There! Good as new. Now let's get you home. Is there someone to call?"
Veronica nodded. "My mom." And then a thought jumped into Veronica's head; she hoped her mom wasn't drinking. Julia handed her the cordless phone and Veronica dialled. The answering machine picked up and Veronica started talking.
"Hey, mom. It's me. I'm in the nurse's office at school. Can you come pick me up?" She paused for a minute in case her mom picked up the call.
Veronica hung up and dialled her house again. And then again. And again. Still no response so she decided to dial a new number.
This time a friendly voice picked up. "Balboa County Sherriff's Office."
"Hi Olga. It's Veronica. Is my dad there?" she asked.
"Oh! Veronica! Let me put your through to his office!" The friendly receptionist said and there was a pause as she transferred.
"Sherriff Mars here." Came her dad's stern voice.
"It's me, Dad. Can you pick me up at school? I'm sick and I tried to get a hold of Mom and she's not home," Veronica explained.
"I'll be right there. Do I need the sirens?" He asked only half kidding.
Veronica laughed. "No. I think I'll live until then."
"What happened?" Keith asked.
Veronica groaned. "I've been cursed."
Keith sighed. "Well, that explains the moodiness this morning. I'll be right there."
Veronica chuckled. Her poor Dad; two women and only him. Maybe they needed a male dog.
"Thanks Dad. I'll meet you outside," she said then hung up the phone.
Nurse Julia looked up at her with kind eyes. "Have your folks talked to you about getting your period?"
"Yes. Well covered territory. And I have a book at home," Veronica explained. "Just wish I had thought to bring something with me so I was prepared."
Julia smiled. "Well, it's a good idea to stash some supplies in your locker, along with an extra pair of sweats and underwear, for when you have an 'accident' and misjudge when your period will come. Write this date down in your agenda and in 21 days, start watching for it to happen again, around the 24 to 30 day mark, just to be sure. But that way, you are prepared."
Veronica rolled up her soiled jeans and smiled. "You've done this a lot, haven't you."
The nurse laughed. "Number one reason why I still have a job here. It's either me or the secretaries' deal with the girls. And they don't want to."
Veronica picked her bag up off the floor and shoved in her jeans. "Well, thank you. I should get to my locker and then go meet my dad."
Julia rose and went to open the door. "My pleasure. Welcome to womanhood!" she said and opened the door.
Veronica walked into the empty hallway. This was not the welcome she had hoped for.
By the time Keith picked Veronica up, she was feeling terrible. Her cramps had ramped up, she had a headache, and she had an overwhelming feeling that she needed to sleep for a thousand days. She quietly curled up in the front seat and looked out the window, not saying a word.
When they got home, Keith opened the door and called out. "Lianne! Are you home?" The response was silence. Keith turned to Veronica. "You head upstairs. I'll wait until she's home before I go."
Veronica nodded and started up the stairs. Dropping her bag onto her bedroom floor, she grabbed a fresh pair of underwear from her drawer and headed to her bathroom. As she crossed the hall, a voice rang out: "Oh my god! Veronica! What are you doing home?"
Lianne was standing at the doorway to her room, in her jeans and blouse, looking dishevelled. She held a small bottle of...something...in her hand. Veronica looked into her glassy blue eyes; she was drunk.
"I...I..." Veronica stammered.
Keith came running up the stairs. He froze at the sight of his wife. "Lianne," he said softly, trying to keep control. "Where were you?"
Lianne looked around frantically, as if cornered. "Oh, well, I was so tired I just decided to take a little nap." She giggled nervously. "But what are you doing home, Veronica?"
Veronica felt a sadness fall over her. "I got my period at school. I called but you didn't answer, so Dad had to pick me up."
Lianne began to defer. "Oh sweetie! That's wonderful! Well, not wonderful that you got it at school, but you're a woman now!" She squealed and hugged her daughter. Lianne smelled like alcohol and it made Veronica's stomach turn.
When she pulled away from her mother's arms, Veronica caught a glimpse of Keith, his eyes brimming with anger.
"Lianne, let's leave Veronica to do what she needs to while you and I talk downstairs," he said with a forced calm in his voice.
A look of terror crossed Lianne's face before she recovered to a forced smile. "Of course. Veronica, I've shown you where all of my supplies are. Use what you need and then I'll come back up and we'll talk."
Veronica nodded and jumped into the bathroom to hide. The arguing started before her parents even hit the main floor. She looked in the mirror and tried to block everything out. This is not happening. Instead of helping her when she most needed it, her mom was passed out, drunk. And now her dad and her mom were downstairs fighting. Tears sprang from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She needed her mom so much in that moment, and now, she was terrified of being left alone with her.
Through her tears, she changed and scampered back to her room, throwing off her clothes and pulling on her sweats and a tank top. Everything hurt; her body, her head, her heart. She lay down in her bed, pulled the covers up to her chin, and gave in to her sobs.
A few minutes later, she heard a small knock at the door before her mom stuck her head into the room.
"I brought you something to make you feel better," Lianne said quietly and entered carrying a big glass of water. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she extended her hand. "Take these Midol and water. They will help with the cramps."
Veronica took the pills and swallowed them, keeping her eyes on her mom. She smelled of Listerine and hairspray, the alcohol now masked, but her hair was still slightly askew. Lianne took out a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to Veronica.
"You can use the pads for now, but here are the instructions for Tampons. You'll probably want to use them when you go surfing." Lianne giggled a bit, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "You know, in my day, they used to say that if you used Tampons, you weren't a virgin anymore. It was kind of silly how much we didn't know."
Veronica gave a small chuckle and wiped the tears from her eyes, taking the folded up paper with a smile. "Thanks Mom."
Her mother dropped her head, running her hands through her hair, and continued. "You know, now that you have your period, you can get pregnant, so if you think you are going to...want to...have sex, please come to me first so we can talk about birth control."
Veronica's tears began to subside. She needed this. She desperately needed her mom to tell her what was happening and what to do. The books were okay, but right now, she needed her mom to show her the way.
"And if...if you do happen to get pregnant, please tell us. Your father and I love you and we will do what we can to help."
Veronica felt herself laugh. "Don't worry. Dad will scare them off before we ever get to that."
Lianne reached out and brushed the hair off of Veronica's face. Her hands still smelled of alcohol, but Veronica didn't care. She needed her mom so much, she didn't care that she was recovering from a hangover in the middle of the afternoon. In her eyes, she came through, even it was at the last minute.
"Veronica, the right boy won't be scared of your dad. In fact, they may even like each other."
Veronica looked into her mother's glassy eyes. "Thanks Mom," she whispered.
"You're welcome. I think you should stay home from school tomorrow and rest. And I think we should order pizza for dinner. I need to teach you how to satisfy a PMS craving." Lianne laughed.
Veronica slid down into her covers without a word. Only sleep would help her forget this disastrous day.
Later, when she woke up, Veronica ate dinner in bed, both to avoid the awkward silence between her still arguing parents and because every time she stood up, she felt woozy. The phone rang while she was in the middle of reading 'Romeo and Juliet', nibbling on the remains of her pizza crust.
"Hello," she answered quietly.
"Are you okay?" Logan asked.
Veronica lay down again with a groan. "Officially the worst day of my life. And considering how things have been going lately, that says a lot."
"Because you got your period?"
Veronica paused for a moment, tears coming to her eyes. Damn hormones.
"That...and when I called my mom to come and get me, she didn't answer the phone so my dad had to come and get me, because she was at home, passed out drunk, in the middle of the day." Veronica sobbed quietly. "And then, she and Dad had a huge fight."
"I'm sorry, Veronica. That really, really, sucks about your mom. I know how much you hate it when they fight," Logan said quietly.
Veronica sniffled. "I think she has a problem."
"She probably does. What are you going to do?" he asked.
Veronica shrugged to herself and buried herself back under the covers. "Right now? I just want to hide. I don't have any clue what to do other than throw out all the alcohol in the house and beg her not to drink again."
"Maybe your dad has some ideas."
Veronica sighed. It felt like her heart was breaking. Fresh tears came up again.
"I can't talk about this anymore," she whispered.
"It's okay. You don't have to," Logan whispered back. The two sat in silence for a moment or two. "However, if you want to change the subject, I have some information that will cheer you up."
"You can try," she muttered.
His voice dropped. "I stole Trina's copy of 'The Joy of Sex' so you could read about masturbating."
Veronica's laugh sputtered through her tears. "Oh my God! What did you...how did you...?"
"Well, I was thinking about it and the only person I know that is actually having sex is Trina. So when I got home from school, I ransacked her room and found it. May I also add that I found naked Polaroids of her boyfriend, some things that I can only assume are sex toys, and several other sex books in her secret stash. This seemed like the best choice from the bunch."
"She's going to kill you," Veronica muttered.
"What's she going to do? Go to Mom or Dad and say 'Logan stole my sex book'?" He laughed. "Besides, I know she has a bunch of naked photos of her boyfriend that would make Aaron very, very angry at the guy. I grabbed one of them, so I officially have blackmail material."
"You are a criminal mastermind. When I'm a cop, I will make sure to put you at the top of my list for 'most wanted'." She giggled. "So what's in this sex book?"
"Everything!" Logan hissed. "Positions. Masturbating. Types of sex."
"There are types of sex? I thought there were just ways to have sex?" She gasped, now almost fully under the covers so no one would hear her voice.
"Oh, there's both. There are ways to have good old fashioned penis and vagina sex. But then there are types of sex which is a whole other thing." Logan exclaimed. "There's oral sex, where you basically suck on each other. There's anal sex, where the guy puts it up your butt. There's also masturbating together, where you get the other person off with your hands, but you do it together."
Veronica felt her brain kick into overdrive. "I need to read this book."
"I know!" Logan hissed. "And there are pictures."
"So you're dropping it off for me tonight?" She teased.
"Ummm...no...maybe tomorrow. But I'm going to memorize it before I do. Remember how you said I shouldn't use porn for research purposes?" Logan pointed out. "Well, here is my clinical analysis of how to become a genius in the bedroom. For when the time comes, that is."
"That reminds me...I'm staying home from school tomorrow so Dad won't be picking you up tomorrow morning," Veronica said.
"That's cool. If I stay up all night reading this, I may not be at school either," Logan retorted.
Veronica scoffed. "Well, I'll leave you to your 'research'. I'm pulling the covers way over my head and going to sleep. Good night, Mr. Sex Genius."
Logan laughed. "Thanks. Good night, Ms. Virgin-with-one-too-many-cats."
Just as Veronica opened her mouth to reply, Logan hung up. Replacing the phone on the charger, she poked her head out from the covers.
Tomorrow. She thought. Tomorrow I'll have all the answers.
The next morning, Veronica was indulgently lazy. She slept in, so she could avoid the post-argument silence between her parents. She lay on the couch watching talk shows and soap operas, so she could monitor if her mother was drinking while doing chores. She took an extra long shower, so she could scrub her humiliation from the previous day from her brain.
Before dinner, she decided to head upstairs and try and work on her homework. While she was working, laying on her bed with the tunes blaring, there was a knock on her door.
"Come in, Mom!"
"Not Mom," replied Logan as he stuck his head in the room.
Veronica smiled warmly and quickly flipped up to a sitting position on the bed. She turned down the music slightly and quickly piled her papers up to make room for Logan.
"Hey! I wasn't expecting you! Come and have a seat."
Logan closed the door and plopped himself down on the edge of her bed.
"I come with gifts," he said happily and began opening his bag. Veronica clapped her hands together and squealed, taking a place cross-legged near him on the mattress.
The first thing he pulled out was a small stack of papers. "Your homework from Mac for the classes you missed yesterday and today."
Taking the papers and tossing them in the pile of other homework, she muttered. "Gee. Thanks."
Logan smiled and pulled out a small box with a pink ribbon. He handed it to her and she frowned at it. "Chocolate truffles. My mom told me...and this is a direct quote...'always give a woman chocolate when she has PMS and flowers when you screw up'."
Veronica laughed and opened the box. Sure enough, there were six decadent looking chocolate truffles in the box.
"I love your mom. She's so smart," she said and popped one of the truffles in her mouth. Her eyes rolled around in her head as she consumed the little balls of orgasmic sweetness.
"And then finally – " Logan said and pulled a thick book from his bag and dropped it in her lap.
Veronica gasped. The words 'The Joy of Sex' were staring up at her.
"Oh my God!"
Veronica indiscriminately flipped open a page and took a sudden, sharp breath. The picture she opened on was of a woman laying on her back, hanging partially off the bed, while the guy had his face down between...
"Oh. My. God." she muttered. She could feel her entire face go red hot.
"Yeah. My feelings exactly," Logan whispered.
Remembering that her best friend was there, she closed the book and brought it up to her chest to hug it. Her chest was pounding against the papers.
"Did you read it all?"
Logan laughed. "Hell yeah! Didn't sleep at all, but I am now completely filled with new and interesting knowledge."
Veronica twisted toward the head of her bed and shoved the book under her pillow, then turned back to her friend. "Better than porn?"
Logan's eyes got wide. "Far better." He dropped his voice and leaned closer. "The porn was all about just sex. This is about pleasure, both separately and together with your partner. Totally different with the – pardon the expression – fuck-fest that the porn was."
Pleasure.
The word itself was seductive. It wasn't just "feeling good"; it was "pleasure".
"Did it make you want to have sex?" she asked.
"God yes," he exclaimed. "Although that doesn't mean I'm going out looking for it. But when I find a girl that is actually willing to date me and she will let me touch her, then hell yeah!"
Veronica rolled her eyes. Reaching over, she flicked Logan's shaggy bangs from over his eyes.
"You talk like you're Quasimodo under there. In a few weeks you'll be 13 and you'll get your braces off...maybe you'll even make your mom's day by letting her cut your hair. Then the girls will be crawling all over you."
After she said the words, she felt her heart sink. She was right; girls would be all over him soon enough. And then what? Where did that leave her?
Logan looked up at her, with sad eyes. "Yeah. But I'm not interested in lots of girls. Just one - one special girl that will make it all worth the wait."
Please say it's me.
"Who is it? Does she have a name?" Veronica asked, trying to be coy, but sounding desperate to her own ears.
Logan smiled at her, catching her eye and she felt like time came to a crashing halt. She watched his lips as he licked them and opened his mouth to speak.
"I don't know if I should tell you?" he said hesitantly. "If you know, then thing will change –"
"Tell me," she begged, her voice coming out as a small breath.
He parted his lips to speak again and...
The sound of her mother knocking interrupted them. "It's almost time for dinner Veronica! Is Logan staying?"
Broken. It was all broken. The intensity she saw in Logan's eyes had died and he jumped off the bed nervously.
"No thanks, Mrs. Mars!" He called and picked up his backpack quickly, not looking at Veronica.
Before she knew what was happening, Logan had opened the door and was standing near Lianne.
"Dad is home tonight so I have to get going." He turned to Veronica and gave her a wave, but didn't make eye contact. "See ya tomorrow morning, Ronnie." He said and then moved past her mom to leave. Her mom shrugged and followed him downstairs.
Veronica felt elated. It's me. I'm sure it was me he was talking about. The way he was looking at her. The way he was worried things would change. It had to be her.
Change.
Veronica halted her celebration. He was right. Things would change if he admitted his feelings. Or if she admitted her feelings for him. And so, right then and there, she decided to tuck her feelings away again, until she knew the time was right to let them out.