Remus knew Snape still watched him. For the most part, he ignored the Slytherin boy. He rarely went anywhere in the castle without Sirius, and usually James as well, and both of them kept a sharp eye out for trouble. Remus never asked it of them; he did not think he needed their protection, but he was glad not to have to be on his guard all the time.
It had been so long since Snape had dared say a word to him that Remus did not even think to worry on the day in late February when Sirius was ill and had to miss Arithmancy. Neither James nor Peter took the class, so Remus went alone on Monday morning. His only thought was of stopping by the hospital wing after the lesson, to see if Madam Pomfrey had anything that might help clear up the congestion in Sirius's head and chest. When a turn of the corridor brought him face-to-face with Severus Snape, flanked by Rabastan Lestrange and Evan Rosier, Remus stopped short.
Surprise quickly transformed into a nasty grin on Snape's face. "Where's your boyfriend, Lupin?"
Remus tensed as sudden fear rose up in the back of his throat. "Fuck off, Snape." But the words did not sound as careless as Sirius or James would have said them.
Lestrange and Rosier laughed. Snape's wand hand twitched in the folds of his robes. "Not up to much without the boys around to protect you, are you, Lupin?"
Remus would have ignored the jibe and took a step towards the Arithmancy classroom, but going any farther meant turning his back on the Slytherins, and Remus was not prepared to do that. His hand inched towards his wand pocket.
"I can defend myself just fine," he said, forcing as much bravery into his voice as possible. "What about you? You think you need backup to take me?" His eyes flicked back and forth nervously between the other two boys. Neither of them seemed in any hurry to draw their wands.
"I'd have to be pretty hopeless if I couldn't handle a little bender like you on my own," sneered Snape.
The reply was on the tip of his tongue before Remus knew where it came from, but as soon as he said it, he realised that it was exactly what Sirius would have said. "Why, Snivellus! I had no idea. If you wanted to 'handle' me, you should've said something."
Snape gave him a disgusted look. "I wouldn't touch you for all the Galleons in Gringotts. Queer. Pervert. Freak." He spat the words at Remus.
Remus contemplated his tormentor in silence as the words fell flat at his feet. When it was just Snape and himself, or Remus's roommates, the Slytherin did not hesitate to lash out at Remus with feminine pronouns and misogynistic slurs. But now, with his own friends present, he resorted instead to insults concerning Remus's sexuality. Whatever restrictions Dumbledore had placed upon him, they appeared to have worked. Snape was not going to reveal Remus's secret.
He might speculate openly about Remus's relationship with Sirius, but everyone at Hogwarts knew how the Slytherin felt about his Gryffindor classmates, and they might or might not believe him. Even if they did, Remus found he cared less than he had supposed he would. He was proud to be Sirius Black's boyfriend. Why should he care what a vindictive ass whose opinions did not matter thought about him?
Remus's fear of the Slytherin boy suddenly evaporated. He squared his shoulders, raising his chin, as a fierce, bright feeling expanded inside his chest. Very deliberately, Remus drew his wand, eyes never leaving Snape's.
"You want to see if you can take this 'freak' in a fair fight?"
The Slytherin brought his wand up, suddenly wary.
"Rosier?" Remus inquired. "Lestrange?"
"I don't involve myself in squabbles between half-bloods," said Lestrange with a disdainful shrug. "Do as you like. But hurry it up, yeah? We're going to be late for class."
Remus's eyes fixed on Snape's wand. The Slytherin was quick and knew more hexes than Sirius and James put together, but Snape considered Remus a reluctant dueler and a weakling, which might make him overconfident. Either way, it was better to wait for Snape to make the first move.
The Slytherin's grip on his wand tightened a split second before the hex left his lips. Remus lashed out, shouting, "Protego!" and without pausing for breath, "Levicorpus!"
Snape's legs jerked out from under him as his curse rebounded harmlessly off Remus's Shield charm, and he was yanked roughly, feet first, into the air. His robes fell about his face, blinding him, and his next hex went wide. Remus Disarmed him easily. Snape yowled and cursed, flailing against the folds of fabric, hanging from nothing, as the other two Slytherins shouted with laughter.
Rosier and Lestrange turned away, impatient to get to class, and left Remus eyeing the boy hanging in the air above him with distaste, as Snape continued to rain invective down upon him.
"Shut up," snapped Remus, raising his wand warningly.
Snape's mouth snapped shut, as if hexed, and he glowered at Remus, black eyes burning with hatred.
Remus stepped closer, until they were face-to-upside-down-face. "We're done, Severus," he said quietly. "I'm not afraid of you. Don't bother me anymore. And I don't want to hear about you giving any other queer students trouble, either. From now on, they are under my protection."
He turned on his heel and walked away, head held high, ignoring the Slytherin's yells of rage. Someone would be along eventually to let him down.
On the morning of his seventeenth birthday, Remus's roommates barely let him sleep past dawn. The small package they pushed into his hands contained a silver filigree pocket watch with his initials and the date inscribed on the back. Remus blinked back tears. It was the coming-of-age gift traditionally given to young wizards on the day when they were officially recognised as men. The gift was more properly given by fathers to sons, but Remus knew his own parents could not afford anything so fine as this.
"Thank you," he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "It's beautiful."
"Wear it in good health, friend," said James solemnly, then broke into a grin.
There was another, larger gift, as well. "It's from my Uncle Constantine," said Peter, ears turning pink. "He wouldn't say what it was."
Remus's eyebrows lifted. He tore off the paper and opened the lid, gazing into the box in puzzlement as he tried to make sense of the straps, buckles, and shapes. Then his mouth dropped open and he clapped the lid back on, face flushing red. There was no mistaking that shape after all the time he had spent handling Sirius's.
"What is it?" asked his boyfriend.
Remus shook his head, speechless, and tried to shove the box under his pillow, but Sirius snatched it away from him gleefully. Remus did not try too hard to take it back; Sirius would find out about it before long, in any case.
"You don't want to know," he informed his other curious roommates.
Sirius frowned as he peered into the box, then his eyes widened. He plucked out a small sheet of parchment with some directions and a charm written on it. A grin spread across his face as his eyes scanned swiftly over the words.
"Brilliant!" he crowed, giving Remus a wink. "Well done, Pete's uncle!"
Remus cleared his throat as more heat flooded his cheeks. "Maybe we should go down to breakfast?"
"Yes, indeed," James slapped Remus on the shoulder, dismissing the mysterious gift. "Mustn't be late for your lessons, Mr Lupin. The way I hear it, men have responsibilities."
The intriguing gift from Peter's uncle was only half of what distracted Remus from his lessons that day. There was another tradition among the boys of Hogwarts by which they celebrated the advent of their manhood. Remus was not sure how he would react if his friends tried to carry it out. If they suggested it, he would just have to tell them no.
But as evening wore on into night, no one mentioned it. Remus's roommates cleaned their teeth, put on their pyjamas, and got into bed, with no more than a "good night" shared between them.
Disappointment ate at Remus as he lay in the darkness. Did the ignored tradition mean that his friends did not consider him a real boy after all? They could've at least said something, he thought, listening to James's snores and feeling let down.
His bed-curtains rustled and parted. "C'mon, Birthday Boy," whispered Sirius, grinning. He grabbed Remus's hand, pulling him out of bed.
"Where are we going?" he asked, but his heart leapt because he already knew.
Last month, when Peter had turned seventeen, the four of them had sneaked out of the castle after curfew, and gone down to the lake. There, they had, with much giggling, ceremonially stripped Peter, and thrown him off the dock, into the dark, chilly water. Peter had shrieked and laughed and splashed, and finally paddled his way back to shore, shivering. James had presented him with a towel, intoning, "Now you are a man, my son." Swimming in the lake at night was against school rules, but the staff considered the birthday swim a harmless tradition, and turned a blind eye to the practice.
Silently, Sirius retrieved the Invisibility Cloak from James's trunk and threw it over both of them. Then he took Remus's hand and they were away, running down the steps and out of Gryffindor tower.
It was a cold, clear night. The grass whispered under Remus's bare feet and a bright silver moon lit their way as they dashed across the grounds and down towards the lake. At the short wooden pier that extended out over the water, they cast off the Cloak.
Remus hesitated. "Sirius -"
"I knew you wouldn't be comfortable undressing in front of the others," said his boyfriend, taking his hands, "so I told them to skip it. I thought maybe if it was just me ..." The hopeful note in his voice trailed off.
Remus looked away, shoulders tensed. "You wouldn't like it. Seeing me. I look all wrong. If you saw, you might not be able to forget about it when we're - together. You might not want me anymore."
A hand rose to touch Remus's cheek, turning his face back. "I saw you once. I know what you look like, Remus. It doesn't bother me."
"That was only for a second, and it was before. You weren't thinking about - things yet."
"I'd been thinking about things for a while before that, Remus. I just never thought you'd be interested."
Remus stared at him. "You were?"
Sirius nodded, grey eyes dark in the moonlight. "You're not disgusting, Remus; you're just different. There hasn't been a moment since we started that I've regretted, or that I've wished you weren't exactly who you are. Trust me."
His lips were warm on Remus's, but still he shivered. He did trust Sirius, but that did not mean he was not afraid.
Taking a deep breath, he stepped away. If he was a man now, he should act like one, Remus decided; not let himself be ruled by fear. He could not meet Sirius's eyes, but he did not ask him to look away, either, as he slowly removed his robes and raised his hands to the buttons of his pyjamas. He did not need to ask; Sirius did not watch him, but turned aside and began to shed his own clothing. Remus dropped his pyjama shirt on top of his robes before pulling loose the drawstring of his trousers and letting them puddle around his feet. His fingers shook as he removed the binding from around his chest. His pants went last of all.
The cold air and moonlight felt strange on his skin. Remus had never felt so exposed. He hugged himself, barely noticing the chill in the air.
Sirius turned towards him, bathed in silver light, and held out a hand. "C'mon," he said softly.
Feeling as if he were in a dream, Remus's hand drifted up to touch Sirius's. Then they were running, rough boards under their feet, hands clasped together, to the end of the pier and out, flying into the night air. The shock of the icy water startled a shriek from them.
"Last one to the big rock is a Slytherin!" called Sirius, and he was off, splashing mightily.
Remus struck out after him, laughing. Neither of them were particularly strong swimmers. Remus had learned when he was young, but had not swum since his chest started to develop. Sirius had never learned - the Black family had views about proper activities for well-bred young wizards - but could perform a surprisingly fast dog-paddle. The water felt good rushing over Remus's skin, numbing him, and his arms and legs felt strong as they pulled him along. He reached the rock a few lengths ahead of Sirius, and clung to it, gasping.
"Looks like the Sorting Hat was wrong after all," he teased.
Sirius grinned. "Would you still want to be with me if I was in Slytherin?"
Remus kissed him. "I'd want to be with you, even if you and Snape were conjoined twins."
"Eugh," shuddered Sirius. "Thank the Founders we're not! But if I still had you, I could probably find a way to live with it."
His arm circled Remus's waist, drawing him close for a more thorough kiss. Their mouths were the warmest part of them. Remus could feel every inch of cool skin touching down the lengths of their bodies. It felt good. He loved being this close to Sirius.
They stumbled back out of the water, laughing and shivering and holding hands. Remus had forgotten his wand, but Sirius's was in the pocket of his discarded robes. He performed quick Warming and Drying charms on both of them. When Remus bent to pick up his clothes, Sirius called him back, slipping his arms around him, pulling him close. For long moments, they simply held one another.
"There's nothing wrong with being different, Remus," Sirius murmured into his hair.
Remus pressed his mouth to Sirius's shoulder. "I don't want to be different."
"I know." Sirius's arms tightened around him. "We can keep looking. If there's an answer, we'll find it. But Remus, even if we don't - if we never do, and this is the way things always are, there's one thing I want you to remember." He drew back, tilting Remus's face up to meet his eyes. "You are the man I fell for."
Sirius's kiss was soft on his lips. Remus could not speak. His throat had gone painfully tight, and he worried that the moonlight would betray the sudden moisture clinging to his lashes. He wished he could tell Sirius everything he felt for him, but there was too much, and it was too huge to put into words.
Remus cleared his throat. "L-let's go to bed."
A wicked grin spread across Sirius's face. "And try out the gift from Pete's uncle?"
"Maybe." An answering smile tugged at the corner of Remus's mouth.
He would find a way to tell Sirius how he felt about him later.
Note: If you enjoyed this story, please consider checking out the sequel, TransLate, in my archive.