Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am merely playing with them while wishing they were mine, especially Draco. Heh heh heh heh…
Plot: Everyone writes Pansy Parkinson as a big, whiny, and ugly brat, but what if she wasn't? In one awful night, she lost her family and hardly anyone understands what she is going through. How will Pansy get through the summer and her last year at Hogwarts when the Dark Lord is getting ready for one last strike…
A/N: Thanks, you guys, for the great reviews and I would like to welcome the new readers as well. I finally updated it. I'm so happy.
WARNING!!: THERE IS A TORTURE SCENE (ALTHOUGH NOT REALLY GRAPHIC), SO IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME SAYING I DIDN'T HAVE A WARNING. I DO. YOU'RE READING IT.
Helpless
Last time…
"No, Draco. I'm going to do it."
"Pansy…" His shoulders slumped down. Defeat was prevalent in his voice. "Fine."
"But will you help me?" She nearly winced at the pleading she heard in her voice. "Will you help me get to Voldemort?"
He never turned around, but he nodded. "Yeah, I'll help you, Pans."
Chapter Nine
"This is insane! You've both lost it!" Blaise glared at Pansy and Draco.
The three were seated in the dining room. Pansy had just told him her plans for Pucey with Draco elaborating a few fine points. It was about five in the afternoon.
"Blaise, this is what she wants. Is it right for us to deny Pans her justice?" asked Draco.
"But you're talking about killing a human being!" he exploded.
Pansy thought he would have understood. She thought he did after what he said to her back in the garden, that he would kill Pucey and would have too if Draco hadn't ordered him away.
She said as much. "I thought you understood, Blaise."
"I do, Pans, but this is crazy. You, a killer? This is wrong and Draco shouldn't be encouraging this." Blaise took her hand in his. "Please, Pansy. Think about what you're about to do."
"Obviously you have given this thought." Pansy drew her hand back. "Blaise…I'll admit, I don't remember the attack itself, but if I see him, my memory will come back. Then I'll fully be justified in ridding the earth of a miscreant like him."
Blaise considered her. "What if you can't go through with it?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"What if," he started, "everything goes according to plan—Voldemort agrees to summon Pucey for you and you remember everything he did to you—but at the last minute, you can't torture him or kill him? What then? Voldemort will surely want a show guaranteed. What do you think will happen to you, to all of us, if you don't deliver?"
Pansy narrowed her eyes. All of them? Why Blaise as well? It was just her and Draco who—wait, of course. If Draco was in with Voldemort, then it was reasonable to assume Blaise was connected also. She looked over at Draco. His face was thoughtful and his gray eyes troubled.
"Good point, Blaise. I hadn't considered that angle," murmured Draco.
Blaise softly snorted. "Hard to believe you hadn't seen that hole."
Pansy caught the quick glance Draco tossed at Blaise and the tiny shake of his blond head. Blaise raised his dark brows a fraction in response.
"Yes," said Draco acidly, "even a Malfoy can make a mistake now and then, although it is a rare occurrence."
Blaise smirked. "Is it?"
She cleared her throat decisively. This conversation was going nowhere. Both young men turned her way in annoyance. Their expressions shared an irritated What?
"The Dark Lord clearly expects blood to be shed. If I should fail to do what is clearly due to Pucey, I will give myself up to Voldemort in his stead."
Denials erupted heatedly on either side of her. She couldn't…There was no way…Her mind was going…A stupid idea…The epitome of idiocy…What the fuck was she thinking…
"It's only fair," she pointed out. "His life or mine. That's the way I see it." Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes for a moment. Lifting her eyelids just a little bit, she could see Blaise worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and Draco watching her.
Pansy slumped in her chair. "What am I anyway? A broken toy? I'm fucking ruined, that's what I am. And I'm supposed to get through one more year of school? Fuck that!"
"Pansy, don't give up," said Blaise. "We'll help you." He turned to Draco and nudged him. "Say something."
Draco flicked his gray eyes towards Blaise, then at her. "Pansy, you're right. It seems no matter what you do, you're fucked. So why not give up? If it'll make you…better, then by all means, do it."
Her mouth dropped open. He was going to let her just…let go? Did he even care? What the fuck is his problem?
"Damn it, Malfoy!" Blaise snapped. He shoved his chair away from the table and lunged to his feet. Pansy cringed instinctively away from his simmering fury.
Blaise glared at Draco. He pointed at him. "What the fuck, man? What the hell are you trying to pull here? Telling her to give up? Agreeing to take her to Voldemort? Letting her plan a murder? Draco, you are seriously becoming unhinged!"
He's just trying to help, that's all. Blaise doesn't know this is the only way for me to have peace of mind, she thought quickly. Pansy watched frustration creep into Blaise's face when Draco said nothing and did nothing but smirk.
"Draco, if you do not say something in the next five seconds, I will beat the shit out of you," threatened Blaise softly.
"Zabini, I want this over and done with as much as Pansy. If we do nothing and let Pucey go unpunished, what will that say about you and I?" he asked. Then almost as an afterthought, he added, "Or Pansy?"
She frowned. What was he trying to say to Blaise without her knowing? It was as if he was talking in code. Draco didn't look at her, so she couldn't see his eyes.
"Something must be done. Pansy has to show that she isn't weak. If she doesn't, then the wolves will eat her alive and I will not let that happen, Blaise. And neither should you."
Blaise swallowed visibly. He looked conflicted. "But not this way, Draco. There has to be another way to show strength."
Pansy spoke before Draco could. "No, Blaise," she said quietly. "There isn't."
They quit the house after ten minutes of listening to Blaise trying to dissuade them. It didn't work. They apparated to a house in the middle of nowhere. Draco got them in after he warned her to keep her face hidden. Then he led her down somewhere in the basement to a room.
He took her hand and drew her in. He motioned her to kneel and he did the same. A figure stirred in the shadows. It came forward.
"And why have you come to me, my children?" asked Lord Voldemort in his high, cold voice. Pansy and Draco were kneeling before him.
Pansy forced down the shudder that wanted to go through her body. She mustn't show weakness. Draco had said that. She held her head up high and met Voldemort's gaze without flinching. "You know what has befallen me two weeks ago. You also know who committed this act against me."
"Do I?" Voldemort's blood-red eyes narrowed.
"Yes," she said without hesitation. "I want to kill him myself."
And you, too.
"Really?" The Dark Lord laughed coldly. Pansy clenched her jaw to keep from wincing. She looked over at Draco to see how he was doing. He was looking up at the ceiling, the floor, and the walls in a restless manner. She knew that behavior. He was bored!
"May I ask why you've come to me with that revelation?"
"He is in your service."
"Many people are in my service."
"Only you can command him to come at once without delay. He will not expect an attack in your presence," she predicted. "Once he appears, I will confront him—"
Voldemort interrupted her. "What will I get out of this charade?"
Pansy glanced down and back up at Voldemort. "You will see my first kill." A murderous gleam in Voldemort's eye shined bright at this. She went on. "But should I fail in my mission to kill Adrian Pucey, I offer my life in his place."
Voldemort stroked his chin thoughtfully and Pansy struggled to keep the glare off her face. The man who had ordered her family killed was sitting a few paces in front of her. She so desperately wanted to end his life, but it wasn't the right time. Pucey first, then Voldemort. That was the plan.
"How much time will you need to prepare yourself, Parkinson?" asked the Dark Lord.
She took a long look within herself and made her decision. "I can do it right now."
"Wonderful!" Voldemort clasped his hands together. "He is here right now, but knowing young Lord Malfoy here, you two were never noticed coming in. Your element of surprise is intact."
"What of the others?" Draco asked. "Should they be made to watch?"
Pansy looked at Draco. "Others? What others?"
"When Pucey had you alone, there were others coming. They said Pucey was breaking you in." He looked away, but not before she saw the fury swirling his eyes. "They were going to pass you around like a common whore."
Pansy didn't know what to think or feel. She suddenly felt numb, detached from her body even. She didn't recognize this feeling, but she felt as though she could kill someone with her bare hands.
"Yes," she said calmly. "They should watch."
Voldemort smiled widely. "Excellent." He stood up and looked down at them. "Please, stand. Parkinson, do you wish to do this here or is there some other locale you have in mind?"
"Here is just fine." She felt Draco's gaze on her face. She turned to him. "Is that all right with you, Draco?"
He cocked his head to the side. "This is your game, Pansy. Not mine."
She saw his eyes were bright with excitement. Others would not have discerned that. They would have seen his eyes hard as stone, but not her. Pansy smiled. He approved.
"Everything is in order," she said to Voldemort. She added, "You may watch if you wish."
Voldemort smiled a cold smile. "I very much would like to see this."
In a few short minutes, Pansy and Draco drifted away to the shadowed fringes of the room. The chairs before the fireplace were moved aside to make space for her retribution. Voldemort called in a young Death Eater to summon Pucey and the others.
"How are you holding up?" Draco asked in a low voice.
Pansy breathed in deeply. "I'm okay. I want this whole thing over and done with, so I can forget it and move on. I want it very much."
The door then swung open. She watched Adrian Pucey walk in. Terence Higgs, Theodore Nott, and Marcus Flint followed. They kneeled automatically.
"You wished to see us, my lord?" Pucey asked in subdued voice.
Pansy felt her knees buckle and Draco's arms come about her as she fell. She didn't hear his hurried whisper. All she could see was his face and his sneer. All she could feel was his hands on her body, his mouth, his breath on her ear. A jolt went through her as the bolted gate in her memory crashed open. Everything came rushing back and she could barely keep her head up. A dull ache at the base of her skull bloomed. Tears formed as she remembered. Anger choked the shame from her consciousness. The anger turned to rage. The rage clawed at her insides, begging to be let out.
"It is not I, but someone else who wished to see you." Voldemort's voice reached her ears. She looked up just as he glanced in her direction. "Miss Parkinson?"
Her gaze went to Pucey as he stiffened. She rose to her feet, leaving Draco to do his part in this script: guard the door. She sauntered into the light, watched Nott's face pale, and then drain completely of color when he spotted Draco. She let a cold smile spread upon her face. His fear was…intoxicating. Pansy wasn't going to do anything to Nott, of course, but still it was heady feeling to see his emotions.
She glared at the others. Pucey did not look at her. He kept his eyes to the floor. She walked between him and Marcus Flint, cutting him off from the others. They rose warily from their positions and started for the door, only to see it blocked by Draco.
Draco shook his head in warning when Flint got too close.
"My lord," said Terence Higgs. "What is all this? What is going on?"
Voldemort did not give a response to that.
As she circled the thing that had caused her so much pain, Pansy felt oddly powerful. She put a hand in the folds of her robes and fingered her wand. Then she drew her wand out, holding it loosely in her hand.
"We meet again, Adrian Pucey," she said. He still knelt before the fire. He seemed frozen, like he couldn't believe what was happening. As she went behind him, she reached out and touched his back. He stiffened even more.
"What you did to me was wrong, Pucey. And you're going to pay for it."
His head came up. Pucey sneered, "I only gave you what you were asking for."
SMACK!
He fell to the side. Pansy shook out her hand. "I'm doing the talking this time, Pucey."
His dark eyes were wide in shock. "You hit me."
She threw his words back at him. "I only gave you what you were asking for."
Pucey got up as he went for his wand.
"Expelliarmus!" she yelled. Pucey's wand went flying. "Crucio!"
Pucey's screams filled her ears as she watched him writhe on the floor in pain. She lowered her wand and he lay there gasping for air.
"Idiot," she hissed. "Did you think I would not be prepared?"
"Wh-what…are you going…to do?" he panted.
Pansy only smiled. She raised her wand. "Crucio!"
The screaming went on and on. Out the corner of her eye, she saw the other three were huddled, wearing masks of fear. It made her smile even more. They obviously didn't think she was strong enough to do an Unforgivable. Well, she proved them wrong.
She lowered her wand. Pucey curled up on his side immediately. Pansy didn't want him to die of pain. At least, not yet anyway.
An idea came to her and she walked over to him. Pucey was twitching as he tried to catch his breath. She kicked over onto his back and sat down on his stomach, straddling his body.
"Poor Pucey," she crooned. Glee filled her when she laid a hand upon his forehead and he flinched. "How far we have fallen…" she smoothed her fingers over his closed eyelids and down to his cheek. She felt the stray hairs he missed when he had shaved. "You shouldn't have raped me, Pucey. Did you actually think you would get away with it?"
"No…more. Please."
"You must pay," she sighed. Pansy leaned forward and touched her mouth to his. He flinched again. A quick kiss to show she wasn't afraid any more. Then she stood up and went a few feet away.
"Please," Pucey moaned. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Pansy glanced at his friends. Flint was watching, his face blank. Higgs and Nott, on the other hand, were very much afraid. A strange urge made her wink at them as she said, "Crucio!"
Pucey thrashed on the floor, screaming. No, not screaming—shrieking. Pansy knew the difference. A scream is just one's voice raised up loud. A shriek is actually high-pitched screaming.
Finally, she stopped. Pucey was sweating and breathing raggedly. Moans escaped his throat between breaths. Tears wet his face.
Pitiful, but fully deserved.
At the back of her mind, a faint voice was yelling to stop. Since she could barely hear the voice, Pansy ignored it and watched Pucey arch his body in pain. Yes, she knew the Cruciatus Curse was extremely painful. Professor Moody had demonstrated it when he was teaching at Hogwarts back in fourth year. She remembered feeling vaguely sick watching that disgusting spider twitch and shudder on top of his desk.
She lowered her eyes to the floor. There was no feeling of sickness now, only rightness. Pansy did not feel shame for what she was doing.
It was justice.
No, no! Stop. This is all wrong…
A flick of irritation flashed through her. The voice was back, slightly louder this time.
Go away, she commanded silently. This is none of your affair.
Please stop it! Before it's too late…
It's already too late, she replied. Please understand that I'm doing this for the both of us.
Pansy lowered her wand once more. The shrieking stopped. He started to sob. Whether from the pain or perhaps shame, she didn't know.
Or care.
She nudged him with her boot. "Get up."
The sobbing intensified. Pansy felt an unexpected surge of sadness. She was actually going to go through with it. She was going to kill him. He knew. She knew it. The others in the room knew it. Her heart was right there at the edge, balanced…waiting.
Pansy could feel this was near the end of the line. The end was just there. She knew the solution and how to do it, but would she? Did she dare?
The sense of completion was hovering beyond the edge.
She kicked him again. "Get. Up. Now."
Pucey grabbed at her ankle. "Please," he cried. "Have mercy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She leaned down. "Get up, Pucey."
His dark eyes clenched shut and he drew in a sharp breath as he got to his knees slowly. "Please, I…am begging you. Don't kill me."
Pansy didn't say anything to him. She only stared at him.
He began to moan in despair. She heard it in her heart. The voice screamed at her not to go through with it.
Pucey stood up weakly. His head hung down. His entire body shook with his silent sobs.
Pansy pointed her wand at him.
Her heart lodged in her throat and its beat resonated in her ears. Everything faded away until she could only see Adrian Pucey.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Avada Kedavra!"
A jet of green light shot out and hit Pucey in the chest. The heavy thud following the light struck her straight to her soul. It was the mourning bell as the last of her innocence died. She didn't think she had anymore, but she did.
The voice wailed.
Her wand hand fell to her side. The monster was dead. She should feel triumphant, but she didn't. She should feel elated, but she didn't.
She just felt…empty. A void where there should be something.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again. The shuffling of feet drew her attention to the door. Three terrified stares were fixed on her.
Flint, Higgs, and Nott.
They were alive when their friend wasn't. They were just as guilty.
Anger simmered in her. They were alive. Pucey wasn't. It wasn't fair, but life wasn't fair.
"If you ever come near me again, I will kill you," Pansy said in a low voice, looking especially at Nott. "Should I ever hear even a whisper of a rumor that any of you have committed the crime that has been done to me, I vow to hunt you down and shame you before considering the thought of killing you."
Draco nodded in approval behind them.
Then Voldemort spoke up behind her. "On this ending note, I want to add that this situation will NOT be discussed again. Ever. Should I learn otherwise, you will answer to me. Do you understand me, Nott? Flint? Higgs?"
"Yes, my lord," said all three in hushed tones. Nott refused to meet her eyes.
"Parkinson." She looked back. "Malfoy here will escort you back to his home now." He drew near and he said something only she would hear as he passed. "I very much enjoyed the show." Pansy didn't know what to say, but no matter. Voldemort commanded Flint, Nott, and Higgs to dispose of the body.
Draco took her by the arm and guided her back through the house. Once outside, they apparated back to Malfoy Manor.
They met Blaise entertaining Narcissa in the main parlor room. The laughter ceased instantly upon their entrance.
"So?" prompted Blaise.
Pansy fixed her eyes on the window. She could see a clear blue sky and dark storm clouds in the far distance. "It's done, Blaise."
"Pansy." His voice practically oozed disappointment.
She turned to him. "I thought I could kill him for myself, to make him pay, but I couldn't."
"Wait. Are you saying he's alive?" asked Narcissa.
Pansy shook her head. "He's…dead.
"Then…"
"It was a mercy killing. If I had left him alive, I would have died. He would have lived in shame for breaking down completely and begging for his life." She sighed. "After what I put him through, he was better off dead."
"Oh, Pansy." Narcissa rose from her chair and came towards her, arms open as if to give her a hug.
The sudden move and threat of comfort moved her to speak. "I'm really tired, Cissa. I'll be in my room resting."
She turned away before she could see Narcissa's face fall, before Draco or Blaise could say anything. Pansy ran upstairs, her robes flapping in the slipstream behind her. She closed the door and locked it.
Murderer…
"Oh shut up," she growled.
Pansy walked to her bed and sat down. She bent her head.
She cried.
She cried for herself and for Pucey. He would not have a proper burial. He would just disappear. Nothing would change that.
Murderer, the voice whispered. The word slithered into her heart before she could stop it.
So what do you think, guys? You know what to do. Review it.
— TG