Disclaimer- I don't own these characters. :)

Chapter 9

"Edward, I—" His name sent a long forgotten tingle down my spine as I was struggling for the words he needed, words that I would never find. After what seemed like enough time for Ean to be graduating highschool, Edward finally looked up, his breathing back to the noiseless rise and fall of his chest I was used to.

"Bella," he whispered my name slowly, cherising the sound, a look that I should know entering his eyes. Quietly, but pleadingly I said "Just please don't say your sorry Edward, there is nothing for me to forgive, but if there was… you were forgiven before you even said goodbye." I repeated what I had said to Alice earlier, because I meant it. "Bella, I thought I was saving you. Leaving for you had always been on my mind, but I was too selfish. One day I snapped, and knew we had to go, but if you had tried to stop me, if you had told me…." He trailed off, taking over my impossible word search.

"I didn't try to stop you because I knew you had to of had a good reason. I knew that being pregnant would only get in the way. And even if it took a while, I am okay now. You leaving didn't save me, it was what, or who you left me with that did it. I'm happy now, Luke and Ean make me happy, and seeing Alice made me feel 17 and carefree again, and being here, with you," I stopped the moment my voice broke. Edward looked at me, and suddenly I knew he had made a decision that we hadn't even discussed yet. He got that old look in his eyes, the one I knew meant that there was no stopping him, that made him look more like my Edward.

"Bella, words are not enough to describe how happy I am to know you are safe, in love and happy. I don't deserve forgiveness for the situation I left you in, but as always, you continue to surprise me. You sought me out, so I will not make this difficult for you. You know how much I love you, but I will not tear your life apart again. However much you want me in your life, whatever role you want me to play, I will do it happily. I made you suffer too long to do anything else. But, do you think I could meet Ean?"

As he spoke, I knew I wanted him in my life, but I did not know how much. I loved Edward, and anyone who didn't know that was just blind, but I loved Luke too. They were different kinds of love, but which one is the one to keep? I also decided that Ean would meet his father, and if I had anything to say about it, Edward would be there for Ean, even if he wasn't there for me.

I nodded to answer his question, "Edward, before you meet him, I want you to see something." I walked over to him slowly, he moved to the floor, so I could sit down next to him, and I got a picture out of my back pocket, "I always carry this with me, as a reminder that even though I can't hold her, she's here."

I handed Edward my worn picture of me in the delivery room, holding Jesse and Ean with a smile on my face, looking completely overwhelmed, but never more excited. He looked at the picture, and then at me, "I should have been there Bella. It was my fault, I never should have put those things in the floor." I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes and sighing, because this had always been something I had argued with myself about.

"Edward, if that floorboard had been loose when you first left, I would have pulled it up. I stared at every inch of my room for days trying to figure out if you left something, anything for me. I don't know how the floorboard came loose, but it had nothing to do with you." I opened my eyes, and was surprised to see that I couldn't see, I was crying. As I struggled to see Edward through my tears I thought I noticed his face look more rigid, and tense. His hand was also half raised, like he wanted to wipe the tears from my face, or just hold me.

I knew I might regret it later, but I leaned into him hesitantly, and when he put his arms around me I completely lost it. I cried over everything that had bothered me since the day he left. I melted into him like I hadn't in over three years. "It—was—so awful—I didn't—k—know how to—keep going without y—you. She d—didn't deserve th—th—that!" Edward rubbed my back and put his head in my hair like he used to, his breath getting just as forced and jagged as my own. "I never meant for it to turn out like that Bella, I'm so sorry." He whispered to me, struggling for what he wanted to say. I finally got to mourn for my daughter, our daughter, the way I should have so long ago. I knew Edward had only known she existed for a little while, but he was just as heartbroken as I had been for almost two and a half years. Sitting there sobbing together, it put back the first little piece of my Edward.

After I had cried as many tears as I could handle, I worked on slowing my breathing with Edward. Finally, I knew that I had sent Alice away for too long. So, with a very small smile on my face, I said "If you can find Alice, she has Ean." "I'm right here Bella, hi Edward."

Alice walked in the door, and Edward and I both stood up. I walked over and took Ean into my arms, and gave him a big hug. Ean's face lit up, and he giggled, then I turned around, looking at Edward, who hadn't moved. Before I got a chance to speak, Ean started squirming, a smile bigger then I had ever seen was across his rosy cheeks, and started reaching out to Edward. I smiled reassuringly at Edward, who looked a little startled, and a little scared, but awe was the dominant emotion on his face. "It's okay Edward, he knows who you are." I hesitated before continuing, "There's a picture of you in his room, he's known you his entire life."

Slowly, Edward walked forward, and before he put his arms out, he looked at me again, "Are you sure it's okay?" "Edward, he is your son too." At that point, I was almost wrestling Ean to keep him in my arms, so I placed him lightly in Edward's. The little bit of contact still sent familiar sparks up my arms, but I ignored it, filing it away for when I had time to think later on. When Ean wrapped his tiny arms around Edward's neck and pressed his head into Edward's chest, apparently being as unaffected by his marble and freezing body as I was, I finally thought about how my presence must have been tormenting the vampire side of Edward.

I then wondered what Ean would smell like, but after looking at Edward's eyes, the lightest butterscotch I had ever seen, and the contented smile on his face, I knew Ean had never been safer then he was in his father's arms. Ean also picked that moment to show off his new vocabulary, proving he recognized Edward when he giggled and looked right at Edward sighing happily as he said "Da." Edward looked at me in amazement, "I told you, he knows who you are, and he loves you." That was the second piece of my Edward that had returned, just a little more light in his eyes.

After a few minutes of just looking Edward and Ean, Ean shivered a little bit, finally reacting to Edward's body temperature. "Bella, you should take him, he's cold" As Edward started handing me our child, Ean whimpered, and then started crying when Edward let go, nuzzling into me and calming down after a few minutes. Edward looked extremely nervous, so decided to try and break the newly tense look on his face, "Well that's one more thing he inherited from me I suppose." Edward immediately relaxed, and laughed, not too strongly, but more then I had heard in 3 years.

Ean looked completely content, but also completely exhausted, so I asked Edward to help me put him to bed. He did, immediately taking to the role of a father, just like I knew he would. We walked into the living room again, and since I walked in last, I decided to sit next to Edward this time.

He started asking all sorts of questions about Ean, and his crooked smile that I loved so much grew bigger with every answer. I told him about how he took after his namesake with his trouble making, and how he received the perfect mix of Edward's gracefulness and my clumsiness. Alice threw in her own questions every once in a while, and we sat there for I don't know how long just talking our tiny miracle. It was easy to see that Ean had all of us wrapped around his tiny little finger. I decided that I needed to talk to Edward and Alice about a few other things.

"Edward, I told Renee and Luke that I was coming out to see everyone for a few days, and I was wondering if it would be alright with you if we saw everyone else? I really do miss them." "Yes, definitely we should go see everyone. Do they know any of this yet?" Alice answered that for both of us, "No, no one has any idea I found Bella except for you Edward." "Well then I want to leave as soon as possible." I said with finality, because I really did miss them.

It was Edward who spoke next, "Well, its very late, and I'm sure your tired Bella, so why don't we leave first thing in the morning, when its warmer and you've had some sleep—if that's okay of course?" I nodded at him, surprised that he wasn't just dazzling me into getting some sleep. I may not have decided if I wanted to be with him, but that man could still dazzle me into anything if he felt like it. "Well, I am tired, so I'll just get some sleep really quick, and then we can leave." I smiled at Edward, and Alice popped up to give me a hug, and I went into the bedroom I was sharing with Ean for the night. After I was lying in bed, I started to think about everything.

I was beyond ecstatic that I had seen Edward again, after wondering and dreaming and hoping for three years. But, I loved Luke, he had helped illuminate my life even more when I had almost lost my way. Edward was a shooting star, that was for sure, but was he the only one I had ever seen?

Or had he blinded me to the point that I hadn't noticed just how bright Luke was? I definitely wanted both of them in my life, and that was beyond selfish of me, but could I really keep them both?

I didn't want to hurt either of them, but I didn't know what to do. Edward would definitely be sticking around, for Ean if nothing else, but could I really ask him to watch Luke and I, knowing that every second was hurting him more then I even knew?

What would Luke do if I told him I wanted to be with Edward? He was unbelievably understanding, and he knew I never got over Edward, but I doubt even he could be that amazing.

I finally decided that time would tell. Tomorrow, I would get to see the Cullens, all of them. They would meet their grandson, and nephew, and for a few hours, or days, I could pretend everything was okay. I would just take it from there. Yes, that sounded good, just get through the next few days, and let it all play out.

I knew Ean would love the Cullens, and I hoped they would love Ean, too. Edward had gone into father mode as easily as I had hoped, and I could tell he would do anything to keep us both safe. It was then that it occurred to me how odd Edward's reasoning for leaving had been.

I know that Jasper tried to kill me, but was that really all? I wasn't so sure, but decided that was another train of thought, that I could tackle another day. After a day so long, I was so emotionally drained I was probably just imagining my worry. With that, my thoughts drifted off to nothing in particular, and I slipped into sleep.

Really long A/N- I forgot to laugh about my little ending last chapter, so I'm going to laugh now at hidden meanings in chapters. =DD

Anyway, Hi everyone. Here it is, only a day later. I'm going to apologize in advance, I had a really hard week, with a bunch of stupid personal problems and petty high school girls. I'm on crutches, so I feel completely useless, everywhere, especially at basketball. And that ride I was talking about last chapter? They forgot me, and that was just the cherry on top of an awful day. So, I really had a bad few days, and I have not been in a good mood, which is how I actually got the time to crank this out today. I also tend to express my mood in my writing, so if there is any excess misery in this chapter, can you tell me? I was trying really hard to keep it out, but I'm a stupid melodramatic high school girl who lets people get to her this week, so this is probably oozing angst. Especially the part about Jesse.I don't know, I'm to tired to proofread from an objective POV. This also my longest chapter yet, because I don't know when I'll get the time and inspiration to write again, this took a lot out of me. =) So pretty please with sugar on top review. Even if its negative, I could use any and all help. I totally love you guys.=)

Special Thanks To: Misti D, Zynthia, guardian music angel, jkmk, SilverAngel1234, FRK921, iloveTwilight-kk, XxBANANAxX, and especially Sobriquet Queen (because your reviews are the nicest things anyone has ever said about my writing) for Chapter 7, and Misti D, SilverAngel1234, XxBANANAxX, RK13, Sobriquet Queen, Musehere, OnlyAtTwilight, and InEdwardCullen'sArms for last chapter, Chapter 8.

-Caitlin