Chapter Ten: Grave Young Men
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Sarah McLachlan – Fallen
A loud shrill noise was piercing through his aching skull as he opened one eye lazily eyeing his vibrating cell phone with malice. His whole body was protesting as he rolled on his side to grab the offending item, meaning he'd got a pretty good work out the night before. He also had just realized he was entirely naked, which meant he'd brought someone home with him. His phone was in his hands now and he was squinting at the caller ID trying to ignore the pounding in his head.
"Make the noise stop." A voice commanded from underneath the sheets.
Tim froze, taking a few seconds for his groggy brain to accept that there was someone else in the bed with him. He frowned at the familiar shape before turning his attention back to the noise that was assaulting his senses almost violently.
Great now he had someone to go through the awkward morning after routine with. Someone annoying and demanding by the sound of it. He narrowed his eyes staring at the caller ID and trying to make out the tiny digital words.
Megan.
Tim pressed disconnect before flicking the phone onto silent and off vibrate. Yet another problem he had to face. She'd probably heard about the shootout yesterday and watched to come by to play nurse. He knew who he wanted to play nurse and it wasn't that curly haired harpy.
Tim found himself sighing at the memory of Kate in a nurse's outfit from way, way back. He had to admit it had been a complete turn on when she'd stepped into their bedroom wearing the tiny white uniform with matching white stockings. It sent shivers up and down his spine remembering that now.
The girl next to him made a groaning noise, reminding Tim that she was still there and it was no the time to be reminiscing over his ex girlfriend. He took a deep breath trying to figure out how to handle this. He remembered very little besides doing shots at the bar and selective images of some one's flesh melding against his.
A one night stand…
He hadn't done that in a very long time.
The girl in question was slivering towards him under the covers, her face turned the opposite way so he couldn't catch a glimpse of it. Shit he didn't even catch a name.
Tim was alarmed by how close the girl was getting now, she was trying to snuggle against him and that was not something he felt comfortable with especially not from a stranger. So he tried to scoot away discreetly, catching sight of the hair underneath the covers and swallowing hard.
Shit he'd picked up a girl who looked like Kate, or at least had the same kind of hair. He was mentally thumping himself in the forehead. He'd made that a taboo in the past, never pick up a girl who looked remotely like the woman who'd broken his heart. It was too painful…
She was getting closer now and Tim found himself already hanging over the edge of the bed with nowhere to go.
"You keep doing that then your gonna fall out of the bed."
Tim was speechless as the female next to him, rolled on to her back, throwing her arm over her head and tilting her face up towards him.
Kate.
His mind was working frantically trying to make sense of this anomaly as a sense of immense dread filled him. The covers were pulled up to her chest but there was no mistaking the fact she was also naked underneath them.
"We didn't… did we?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Kate's eyes snapped open as her head twisted slowly towards him. He suddenly felt very, very stupid. Her sensual lips pursed together as she narrowed her tired evergreen eyes at him.
"You gave me the best orgasm I've had in six years and you don't actually remember it?" She exclaimed incredulously.
He felt utterly aghast at the situation at hand and totally unequipped to deal with it. He remembered certain things but he knew he was missing some very important highlights of the night.
"I wouldn't…" he tried but the look on her face made his mouth clamp shut.
"You did, check out the scratch marks on your back. Or have you not realized we're both naked? Do you usually get naked with a girl just to sleep?" Kate shot back at him her voice dripping with sarcasm.
She began to shuffle back over towards her side of the bed, keeping herself covered from his prying eyes, hence giving him some freedom to move into a position where he wasn't on the edge of the mattress.
"I don't bring girls back; it makes it easier to leave in the morning." He explained, before putting a hand to his mouth to make himself shut the hell up.
Kate's beautiful face darkened before she tore back the duvet and climbed out of the bed completely naked. He couldn't help but marvel at the sight of her slender body. He was transfixed analysing every curve and detail of her. The only thing that had changed was the ugly jagged scar that was etched into the skin on the left side of her back.
He found himself wanting to ask, but his brain was having a problem functioning due to the stirring in his groin. He was watching in fascination now as Kate slid the sleek, black silk panties up her toned thighs. He shuddered just watching her. He definitely remembered taking those off.
Kate was slipping on her matching black bra now; he tilted his head as she fastened the clasp at her back with ease. He remembered the time he'd undone it with his teeth just to see if he could. It wasn't until she'd stepped back into her trousers and was yanking open the bedroom door that he realized what she was actually doing.
He was on his feet in an instant wrapping the sheet around his naked waist and holding it, bundled tightly in his fist as not to indecently expose himself. This was not a conversation he wanted to have naked.
"Kate." he called after her as she disappeared into the hallway.
He followed her as quickly as he could, trying not to trip on the sheets as she scooped the silky strap top off the carpeted floor of the hallway. Shit… he remembered that coming off too, and then the feel of her lips on his as he slammed her against that wall.
How could he have forgotten that? How could he have forgotten her?
Kate was pulling the top over her head now, mumbling something under her breath. She'd almost made it to the front door. He caught the words as his hand enclosed on her arm.
"Great… this is just fucking great." She muttered as he span her around to face him.
"Stop right now." He commanded.
Her evergreen eyes were etched with a fury he'd never seen before, not even the time she'd thrown that apple at him.
"Get the fuck off me." She snarled at him, her face contorted in rage as she tore her arm from his grip and sprung for front door.
Tim almost toppled over caught up in trying to grab her again and clasp the slipping sheets to his body before he ended up flashing someone.
"Call me if you remember anything." She snapped, yanking open the door and exposing him to the harsh light of day.
He used an arm to shield his face from the freakishly bright light, as pain erupted in his head. It was only going to get worse, so he took a step forward to brave it. He needed to get her back here.
"He's all yours." Kate spat at someone standing out side of his door before stepping out of the house.
He was left standing there clutching his sheets to his half naked body, trying to spare his eyes from the harsh morning light as he watched Kate's retreating back stalk to the end of his drive way and then out of sight. Someone else stepped into the light, blocking it out and giving him a brief reprieve from the glare of the beaming Miami sun.
He thought his day couldn't get any worse but he was wrong.
Standing there before him, making no effort to hide the fact she was admiring his naked form was Megan.
"I need a minute." He croaked before slamming the door in her face.
Tim was still wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, even though he'd practically shoved Megan out of the door an hour ago. Of all the god damned things to do…
He stared at the back of his hand still seeing traces of her repulsive lipstick marring his skin. She'd practically thrown herself at him as soon as he'd reappeared at the door wearing jeans from the night before and his favourite grey t-shirt he'd found atop of the laundry pile.
Her lips had been on his within seconds, her tongue forcing itself down his throat. His hands had gripped her shoulders, literally pushing her away from him.
Suddenly he found her chattering at him and he couldn't focus on the words.
She'd been so worried… blah blah blah. They'd all melted into the same old spiel she usually gave. Usually he gave her a chance and heard her out. But under the impending circumstances, there was not a chance in hell he could face this onslaught now. He was more hung over than he'd been in a long time and Kate had stormed out because he couldn't keep his stupid mouth shut and enjoy the moment.
He was to blame for this, him and that stupid tequila bottle.
Tim was sitting on the floor now, his knees drew up, legs apart so he could rest his elbows on them and clasp his hand together. His dark eyes were firmly fixed on the object in front of him. He'd been staring at the shoe box for the past ten minutes and he still couldn't get up the courage to open it.
It was Pandora's Box.
Opening it would be like unleashing a whole host of evils on himself, emotions he'd spent the years bottling up and trying to bury. All that was left of their relationship resided in a small box that he kept locked in the back of his closet.
For a long time it had been the only evidence that she'd existed. He used to look through it all the time just to make sure he hadn't gone crazy and created her from a figment of his imagination. It used to be something that held reassurances but now it was an object of terror. Something that could break him.
Tim rubbed his hand along his three days worth of stubble on his chin. He needed to do this, he had to re-evaluate things; it was time to make a decision.
Make or break…
His hands were trembling as he lifted the lid gently off the box. He wasn't sure whether that was because of the hangover or the fact he was terrified of doing this.
It was the pictures that came first. He'd stacked them almost lovingly on top of everything else. There were several of them back from the time when he was always taking pictures with that damn camera.
Kate had always been the subject and she'd always obligated him with a pose, she didn't care how dumb it looked, only that taking the pictures made him happy.
After she'd left he gone through a purge of all the photographs he'd taken, he'd thrown a lot of them away when he'd been selling the apartment they'd bought together. It had been time to move on and get rid of the things that reminded him of her. But there were some pictures he found himself unable to part with. A small stack he'd locked away in this box along with his heart.
He took them out and held the first one between his fingers as his eyes rested on the image before him. He couldn't help but smirk; she was wearing an orange bed shirt. The camera had caught the moment of motion as she posed for him drawing her arms up over her head, her eyes closed, her lips parted. The shirt had ridden up and her black panties were revealed along with her taunt stomach muscles. Her long legs on display. She didn't have a care in the world, and he remembered neither had he. The clothes had come off after that, but those pictures were long gone, he'd thrown them away but for some reason this was the only one of that selection he couldn't part with. It was sexy, sassy and it was Kate, it captured her innocent and her wickedness all in one picture. It was her essence and as he set it down and picked up the second, he found he missed those days they used to share, just in the apartment together. It wasn't long after that photograph that he decided he wanted to marry her.
The photograph before him was his favourite. It was the private side of Kate, the one he only got to see. He'd used the back and white function on the camera to take it. She'd been sitting against the couch on the floor, one leg stretched out in front of her, the other at a comfortable angle as she read a novel, her eye brows etched in concentration. Her hair fell in waves around her face. She was wearing his grey v-neck sweater over loose denim cut offs. It was slipping off her left shoulder, revealing small expanse of skin across her chest and naked shoulder. It was as she set the novel down and tilted her head to gaze at him that he took the picture. The softer edges of Kate's personality shone in this picture, the tenderness in her eyes and sheer adoration she used to have for him.
Tim was finding it hard to breathe as he set it face down on the carpet and moved onto the next offending item in the box.
The Ring.
He stared at the tiny circle between his fingers and sighed. It was a silver band of channel set diamonds with a larger one set in the middle. It was stunning; the minute Kate had seen it in the window of Tiffany's her eyes had lit up. The next day he'd gone back and bought it.
Tim felt the weight of it in his palm and closed his eyes, clenching his fist. The band was cutting into his skin now but he didn't care, he needed to feel it.
Her skin was against his, slick and glistening as she moved underneath him. His eyes were on her face as her head tilted back in ecstasy. The illicit moans that came from her mouth were pushing him further to the edge. This was how it was meant to be. Just him and her, no boundaries. All thoughts of what had happened were out of his mind and he was focusing on what was in front of him right now and he was getting lost in the sensations that they were creating. She was his and he was claiming her.
The words were on his lips as he felt it rush through his body.
"I love you."
Tim's eyes snapped open as his hand went to his mouth as if to stifle the words that had erupted from him in the early hours of this morning. Suddenly the pieces fell into place. He suddenly realized why she had left like that this morning and he was kicking himself. He ran his hands through his hair, the ring still clutched in his hand.
He couldn't believe he'd slipped up like that, he got caught up in her and suddenly the words were out and he couldn't take them back.
No wonder she was pissed.
He knew she remembered it and those words they meant the world to her. If he hadn't used them everything would be ok, this would have just been a one night stand…
He knew that wasn't true. One night with Kate was never going to be enough.
There was only one thing left now.
The Note.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to reopen that wound. The note was reserved for having your heart ripped out of your chest and right now he wasn't strong enough for that. All the damage she'd done with one sheet of paper in her curvy feminine print, it was astounding, he could face down murderers without blinking an eye but this tiny piece of lined paper scared the living hell out of him.
His hand was already enclosed on it, creasing the thin sheet in his grasp.
The noise of his cell phone jolted him before he could unfold the tear stained paper. Tim was on his feet and striding towards the kitchen table checking the caller ID before he answered.
There was no way he could deal with yet another Megan scenario today.
He set the paper down on the table, flat underneath his palm as he listened to dispatch rattle off the location.
In seconds he was flicking his phone shut and snatching his keys up off the table before groaning. His bike was still in the shop until tomorrow. He was going to need a lift.
It was time to call Delko and keep his fingers crossed that he'd end up with anyone but Kate as a partner.
Tim Speedle knew fate was not going to smile on him today.
The Crime Scene was at a condo over looking the beach. A beautiful, expensive view, for the woman who deserved the best. Alison Donahue was all about the best. Just standing in her master bedroom I could see that, from the feather pillows to the Egyptian Cotton sheets. The floor underneath my feet was the finest laminate available; the walls had definitely been decorated by an interior designer. Everything about Alison Donahue screamed it was all about her tastes in life.
Even her taste in boyfriends. Charles Latham was the upper end of the sale. Perfect shape, marathon runner, a high class CEO of a Miami based company. Alison was fishing in the big leagues with a guy like that.
The body of Charles Latham was lying on its back, wearing only its underwear. There was bruising patterning his body, which indicated he'd been moved at least once. This was the first suspicious indictor of foul play, one of the many that was already leading back to Alison.
"What are you thinking?" I asked Alexx as I studied the position of the body on the bed, crouched down next to her.
"Definite signs of asphyxiation, I'd say the poor guy had fallen asleep in his pillow if I wasn't watching that." Alexx pointed down the hallway in the direction of kitchen.
I raised my eyes watching the scene in front of me feeling slightly nauseous. The dead guy's girlfriend was currently engaging Bernstein with a little entertainment of her own.
Alison Donahue was stunning; her skin had a natural porcelain, flawless complexion. Her eyes were a vivid and bright green. Her dark hair was wavy and fell past her shoulders, it was salon created and probably cost a mint to upkeep but I had to admit it looked fantastic on her. Then again she already knew that. Underneath that white silky robe was the body of a model, and one she was currently flaunting in Bernstein's direction and it didn't take ten guesses to understand why.
She was perfection, a freaking modern day Snow White.
Her lips curved in a sensual pout as her long fingers traced Bernstein's clipboard, her voice was low and talking in rich seductive tones. I couldn't hear her words but I was guessing they were peppered with pretty little promises. I rolled my eyes before returning my gaze to Alexx, shaking my head.
"She so did it." I stated as Alexx tipped Chuck onto his side, checking the lividity on his back.
"That's up to you to prove." Alexx reminded me, as she flipped Chuck back as she flipped Chuck back down.
"Trust me that is going to be immensely satisfying." I informed her, leaning back on my haunches to flick open the clips on my crime scene kit.
The second door to the bedroom opened, my hand was instantly on my gun as Alexx and I raised our heads to meet the intruder. Speedle glanced up as he stepped in through the door, his gaze watching mine before he jerked his head away, clearing his throat before taking in the scene.
I pursed my lips together, before turning my attention back to Alexx.
I was supposed to be taking on this case alone. First one Horatio had trusted me with since I'd gotten here. To have Speedle of all people walk in and join in the fun was as frustrating as hell, especially after the mess that was this morning.
I was furious and bitter but I was better then this. I could be professional, but right now I was already on the edge from seeing Alison's little interaction with Bernstein.
I could feel his presence at the bottom of the bed, as he stood there, looming over the body.
"Erm… Horatio wants me to take over this case." Tim stated.
The silence that followed was awkward, my jaw clenched so tightly it ached before I turned my head towards him, temper flaring as he refused to even look at my face. My eyes were on his dishevelled profile, as he bit his lip.
"Does he think you're more competent than I am?" I retorted, closing my kit and raising to my feet to face him.
Tim sighed sensing the challenge, before folding his arms and tilting his head towards me in a round about manner.
"He needs your help on another case." Tim hesitated before adding. "I'll need the Hummer."
I exhaled deeply, fighting the urge to strangle him. So he used me and then he stole my case, fantastic. He certainly knew how to kick a girl when she was down. But I was a professional, I could get past this, I would get past this.
"It ok if I grab a ride with you Alexx?" I asked biting my tongue as I twisted my head towards Alexx.
Alexx scrutinized my face before glancing at Speedle, who was staring down the hallway at the approaching model before realization spread over her features. I found myself unable to meet her eyes.
"Of course sugar whatever you need." She said softly, her eyes flickering to Alison as she appeared in the doorway clutching her cup of coffee.
Alison's eyes fixed immediately on the lone male in the room, as he set his kit on the dresser and flicked it open. Apparently Alexx and I didn't exist anymore. She only had eyes for him, which in turn made me want to beat the living hell out of her. Thank God I had self restraint otherwise I would be bitch slapping her right now.
Jealously was not becoming of a woman, my mom had taught me that, and I knew how to be tough and dignified.
"You're off the case? That's too bad." Alison pouted at me before turning her complete attention onto the attractive dark haired male in front of her.
Even in his hungover state Speedle looked handsome, his Irish heritage shining through even more the afternoon sunshine caught the lighter tints in his wavy dark hair, his stubble making him look even more rugged and sexy.
My throat constricted for a second and my insides clenched.
God damn you Speedle.
"But I see your leaving me in the very capable hands of some very nice men." Her tiny hand was rubbing Tim's forearm through his button up shirt and he stood there, expressionless, watching her.
Her voluptuous lips pursed together as she raised those pretty green eyes up to his face, trying to gauge his reaction.
A woman knows how to play a man and I had to admit Alison was a true artist. She was better than I was; better than I could ever be.
Was I disappointed in that? It wouldn't have made him stay anyway. Tim had made up his mind the minute we'd entered the bar yesterday. He'd even said it.
One night, me and you, just like old times.
I'd been wrong about him, time had changed him more than I had expected. It was my own fault really I'd made him cold and cruel, at least towards me. However in response to Alison's advances he seemed to be in his element and I was beginning to struggle in my attempt to take the high ground here. My fist was clenched, my fingernails scraping across the skin of my palm, to stem the resentment rushing through me.
"Why do women do that to their nails?" Tim had taken her hand now in his larger one his thumb caressing along her long fingers, his eyes studying the glittering charms on Alison's nails as she gave him that brilliant smile.
"To attract men of course." Alison giggled.
She pressed her palm to his chest lightly, before leaning in, her hand rubbing over the muscles near the centre of his chest, right over that bruise from the gunshot he'd taken.
The last nail in the coffin, my resolve broke.
"Do me a favour Alison and take that tea and get the hell out of this room." I snarled, jerking my head in the general direction of the doorway.
Alison fixed Tim with a sulky expression, making a point to blatantly ignore me. My nostrils flared, as I narrowed my eyes, glaring at the back of her beautiful black head.
"I don't really have to do that do I?" she fluttered her eyelashes, leaning into him so he could get a good look at her cleavage.
As I said a woman knows a woman and watching Alison pulling those tricks was sending me into a vicious, spiteful mood.
Tim cleared his throat, his voice gruff as he averted his gaze, glancing at me over Alison's shoulder. He must have caught sight of my expression because his eyes were back on Alison and he was rubbing the back of his head almost regretfully.
"Better do what the lady says for now." He said apologetically, lowering his gaze.
Alison retreated back towards the door way, taking up a position where she could watch vigil over Tim Speedle. My jaw clenched as I strode towards him, trying to ignore the fire that was rushing through my veins at being thrown into this position. As much as I tried to play the professional, in regards to Tim my emotions always got the best of me.
"You need a cold shower, go back and tell Horatio you'll help with his case." I said in hushed tones.
I was standing in front of him now, hands on my hips, feet apart.
"He asked for you Kate." He murmured distracted as his eyes strayed from my face and back to Alison as she ran her finger around the rim of the mug.
Tim wasn't even paying attention to me. Another kick in the ribs, Speedle really knew how to make a girl feel wanted. I was seething now but I was barely able to keep a lid on it. Tim was going to throw away a career over a damn hussy and I was not going to stand there and watch.
So I did what any concerned partner would do, I unclipped my phone from my trousers to call his supervisor.
"I'm sure his mind will change when I tell him how you're about to compromise this case." I told him, as I began to dial Horatio's number.
Tim's hand enclosed on my wrist, firm but not strong enough to do me any damage. Just like this morning. I could smell the scent of his cologne as he leaned, his mouth next to my ear. It wasn't close enough to be personal but it was enough to make me listen.
"I can handle this." He said in a low tone, for my ears only.
"I bet you can." I remarked yanking my wrist from his grasp and pulling away so we were face to face, both standing our ground.
"I was doing this long before you decided to come back so give me some credit." He growled, his arms crossing over his chest.
I recognized it as his defensive posture; I was making him feel threatened.
Good, he damn well deserved it. He had better be glad that was the only thing I was doing right now.
"If I think you're screwing up this case I'll have you pulled off it immediately. You got that Speedle?" I warned him, jabbing my finger at his chest.
"I got it Callahan. Now I think its best you wait in the van for Alexx before you compromise the case in your own special way." He responded scornfully.
"It beats watching you fawn all over our suspect. Alexx I'll be in the van." I called out to her before snatching up my kit and striding towards the door, hearing the lingering conversation continue.
"Your girlfriend seems angry." Alison remarked in her soft spoken tones.
"She's not my girlfriend." Speedle stated before shutting the door behind him.
He was fucking lucky I was walking away right now otherwise there was a distinct possibility I would have killed him.
Café Rouge was located around the corner from the Crime Lab and had a fantastic seating arrangement out on the patio, which I was taking full advantage of. As soon as I had arrived back at the lab, Horatio had take one look at my face and decided it was time for my lunch break under the guise of Eric explaining the case to me in a relaxed atmosphere. Horatio had told me to go ahead, Eric would meet me here. In reality he was giving me a little time to calm down.
I was sitting at my table alone and thoughtful, jabbing at my chicken salad with my fork. I couldn't taste the food, I was eating for substance. The truth was I hadn't eaten since the previous day at lunch. After I'd left Tim's this morning the first thing I'd done when I'd gotten in was getting the longest shower I'd ever had in my life, scrubbing the touch and scent of Tim Speedle off my body, which was probably why you could still smell the jasmine shower gel clinging to my skin.
A shadow fell across my table; I raised my eyes to meet Eric's, only to realize that it wasn't actually Eric. It was someone far worse. Man this was not my day.
I dropped my fork onto the plate with a loud clatter before picking up the napkin and wiping my mouth with it, watching as the man in question slipped into the seat across from me.
"Long time no see Kate." Agent Jennings murmured as he shifted in the seat.
Gabe Jennings was a tall man with broad shoulders and a good suit. He'd put some of our Homicide detectives to shame with his dress sense. Everything about him screamed professional. His silver hair was the only thing that gave away his age; his slender face looked younger than the majority of people in their early fifties. His eyes were trained on me, but I knew he was constantly aware of the environment surrounding him. The FBI always were.
Jennings had been my handler after Ray had slipped up and been bumped back down to Narcotics. I knew why they'd picked Jennings and to be honest I was relieved about it. There wasn't a chance in hell me and this man were ever going to be friends. He had a cold hard exterior and a life that had been dedicated to the FBI. No ties, just the FBI.
"Let's cut to the chase Gabe, you need me for something." I was praying this wasn't about the Mob, getting arrested would just top off my bad day.
"We have something for you, something you could slip into easily."
My sigh of relief was audible and if Jennings thought it was strange he didn't seem to care.
"UC again huh? You guys never seem to quit." I remarked, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the wooden table top.
"We knew you hadn't been here long enough to get settled down, make any attachments." Jennings informed me.
"In other words you put me on standby. How do you know I haven't made a life here? Or have you been keeping tabs on me?" I spoke my thoughts out loud.
I hadn't expected this, well at least not so soon. Jennings sitting across form me was surreal. I had created a life here but it wasn't the one I wanted, not anymore. It was getting harder and harder to fit in and be normal. Maybe that's because the truth was that I wasn't. I'd done things and seen things that other people had nightmares about.
Jennings had told me before I left it was a special type of person they recruited into UC and once you were in, you were in for life. There was no going back. UC's couldn't function in normal life; they couldn't fit into society anymore. I suppose being so used to playing outside of the rules, it become hard when you had to obey them. You screw up and the FBI gives you a get out of jail free card, in real life there was no such thing.
"You know we're always watching. I'll need you ready at the latest three days." Jennings was firm and direct, as always.
To say that they were always watching was a little alarming to say the least. It meant that they knew about Tim and everyone else here at the Crime Lab. I knew it was a security measure, but it was one I hadn't taken into consideration. It also meant they knew today was a good day to approach me and that was sneaky.
"Ok. What, where and who?" I pondered, tapping out a rhythm with my fingertips on the table.
It was something I always did when I had to make a decision. Weighing the pros and cons and getting all the facts…
This could be exactly what I needed. My way out of Miami.
"We need you to work your way into gang located in Brazil, the Mala Noche. Your physical attributes should make it easy for you." Jennings leant forward as he spoke his voice dropping to a level only I could hear.
"Which usually means I'm someone's physical type." I concluded. "How deep?"
"There's a chance you won't be coming back, you disappear completely. No contact with anyone. If you run into trouble we won't be able to get you out." Jennings' eyes met mine as the clarity of the situation hit me hard.
My eyes strayed to my left hand and focused on my naked ring finger. Six years ago I'd had everything I could have ever wanted but I'd given it all up to enter into the Mob. Right now I had nothing. I didn't fit in here. I'd tried but I couldn't slide back into that life. People changed and I knew things could never be the same again. It would be easier to give up this charade and do what I was supposed to. I already had my answer. I'd had it this morning back at Tim's house, feeling sick at the fact he'd used me.
"I'll do it. Where do I report?" I said finally, tilting my head at Jennings.
"I'll pick you up after your shift today and take you to the briefing. After that we'll have you on the first plane to Brazil."
"I get off at six." I told him, looking down at my hands, feeling utterly devoid of emotion.
Jennings rose to his feet, as I slumped back in my seat looking up at him. Our eyes met green on granite before he spoke, resting his hand on the back of the chair as he pushed it underneath the table.
"I knew you'd come through Kate." He stated, in his deep throaty voice.
I shook my head, picking up my fork and focusing on the meal in front of me.
"I'm not doing this for you."
He nodded before taking off into the crowd of people that littered the sidewalk and disappearing in a way only Horatio and the FBI could. Usually I found that somewhat unnerving, but now it was a reassurance I was doing something right. I took a sip from my glass of coke wishing I had something stronger. It didn't matter there would be plenty time for that on the plane.
Brazil would be a one way mission and either way I knew I wasn't coming back.
It wasn't long before I heard the chair scrape across the concrete again and a plate clatter onto the table in front of me. I raised my gaze to meet Delko's concerned features as he dropped down into the seat across from me. I reached out and stole a fry off his plate, usually this caused banter about ordering a salad but Eric said nothing. He merely stared at me waiting.
I pursed my lips together ignoring the growing awkwardness between us, as I stabbed at a piece of lettuce with my fork, distracted.
"That was a Fed right?" he said, as he picked at his own meal, looking moody and agitated.
"Yea it was."
I kept my eyes on my plate. Eric was going to be one of the people I'd miss. Over the past few months we'd become buddies, he's become one of my closest friends here. He made me smile on the darkest days and was a constant reassurance in my battle to fit in.
"Why was he here talking to you?" Eric asked, as he squeezed tomato sauce onto his plate.
"I'm leaving soon." I said quietly.
The table vibrated, scaring the hell out of me as Eric slammed the tomato sauce bottle down on the table top. My head snapped towards him and I found myself staring into enraged hazel eyes.
"When?" he demanded.
"Jennings is picking me up after my shift, I'm leaving tonight." I told him wearily.
I hadn't planned on saying any goodbyes. Word would have got around the lab as soon as the FBI had informed Horatio I was leaving. It was cruel but it was necessary. Goodbyes had never been my forte. They were too difficult.
"And this your way of saying goodbye?" he snapped, shaking his head. "I cannot believe you Kate, you've made a life here and now you're throwing it all away for what?"
"To take down the Mala Noche, they're a Brazilian gang…" I replied.
I'm not sure why I submitted that information to him. I had to feel like I was doing the right thing, I was taking on a dangerous gang because I had to. But if I was really being honest with myself that wasn't the real reason here at all. The FBI had given me a way to escape the problems that life held for me in Miami and I was taking that chance at the risk of my own life. It was the only thing left for me anymore; I was too fucked up to be normal.
"I know who they are, and you are going to get yourself killed. They don't respect women the same way the Mob does. Girls are objects to them, a challenge to use and abuse and when they're finished they'll let you loose in the jungle as sport." Delko informed me.
I already knew about the Mala Noche, the FBI kept their eye on potential threats, so did the Mob. The Mala Noche had been moving in on America and in particular Miami for a while now, and if the FBI was putting someone in UC, the problem was bigger than I had imagined. They were ruthless, so I'd heard and I was opening myself up to a whole world of trouble, but trouble was when I worked my best, I kept a cool head and ran tight ship. I did well in high stress situations and in the face of danger I was steady as hell. I'd almost been made once in the Mob and experience I still carried the scar from it.
"I know what I'm getting into Eric, so do not patronise me by filling me in on the dangers." I retorted defensively.
Which only made Eric more determined, he decided to try another tactic.
"Ok then how about you and Speed? The two of you looked all cosy yesterday. How do you think he's going to feel about you taking off?" Eric asserted, scowling at me.
How cute he thought I was going to hurt his friend. It was too late for that.
"To be honest I couldn't give two shits about what Tim Speedle thinks of me right now. I was wrong coming back here and thinking that we could work. It's best to get as far away from here as I possibly can before something else blows up in my face." I growled, jabbing at the chicken on my plate to distract myself.
"You've really thought this through haven't you? You can't keep running your entire life Kate, things don't work that way. One day you're going to have to face the things you don't want to." Eric warned me, shoving his half eaten meal away.
Eric was preaching to the choir here, he just didn't know it and I couldn't face giving him all of the details, because I couldn't bear to re-live them. Speedle had cut me deep, but I guess that was the point.
"I did, and look what happened, I got burnt. I can't watch him flirt with other girls, it kills me, so I'm outta here." I balled up my napkin and threw it down onto my plate frustrated.
"Speed doesn't flirt, what are you talking about? You obviously don't see the way he looks at you." Eric snorted, slamming his palms down on the table for emphasis.
"Yea well him and that Alison chic seem pretty damn close. He's already offering to call her when he gets some information." I told Eric bitterly.
I was staring into the bottom of my glass at the dregs of coke, I was stirring my straw around and around so the ice cubes kinked against the glass.
"It's over Eric. Its time for me to move on." I said before draining the glass and setting it down again.
Eric slumped back defeated, his eyes fixed on the plate in front of him as he bit the inside of his mouth. The debate was over, there were no more arguments Eric could make because he knew what ever happened I was going and that was final. He had tried but it wasn't enough to make me stay. The one thing that could have changed my mind was the one thing that had pushed me all the way. I'd promised if he was in my life I wouldn't do this again, I wouldn't leave. He wasn't in my life anymore he'd seen to that this morning when we'd woken up and then back at Alison's place. We were through.
"I hope you're not making a big mistake Kate." Eric murmured, looking back at the people walking by.
I shrugged, picking up my sunglasses off the table and setting them on my head.
"I know I'm not." I told him confidently, raising my hand to gesture the waiter over.
"Good Luck then, with the Mala Noche. You're going to need it." Eric brooded.
There was silence between us both, I didn't know what to say and Eric had his lips clamped together trying to suppress the anger and betrayal he was feeling.
Join the club. I was practically a gold card member.
I waited until the waiter had brought us over our drinks before I decided to change the subject.
"Tell me more about the case."
The lab was bristling with people, it was mid shift and the lab was busy. Yet Horatio had taken on an extra case as a favour to an ex-con, which apparently had been a good idea because thee kids had been dealing in weapons, they were planning something.
Horatio had asked me to go over the Eric's Crime Scene photographs making sure they hadn't missed anything form the blood spatter. Horatio was in interrogation with one of the 'Four Twenty Boyz' right now.
I hunched over the work bench my eyes studying the pictures intently. There was definitely a void in the blood; there were definitely three people there.
The door to the layout room clicked open, I lifted my head to find Tim lingering in the door way. I lowered my gaze again back to the photographs.
"I'll be done in here as soon as Horatio gets out of interrogation." I told him in a monotone voice.
I heard his footsteps before glanced up to see his gaze on me, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Look…can we talk?" he offered gruffly.
I tilted my head to one side, putting a hand on one hip as I turned my attention to him.
"Does it involve a case or the Crime Lab?" I asked, looking at him pointedly.
Tim sighed, resting his palms on the counter between us. Him on one side and me on the other, just like always.
"No."
"Then no we can't." I told him.
"Kate…" he began.
The sound of his cell phone cut him of, causing me to raise an eyebrow and him to look suddenly very bashful.
"That'll be Alison no doubt." I sniped before returning to Eric's Crime Scene photos.
Speedle narrowed his eyes at me before retreating from the lay out, covering the receiver with the palm of his hand.
"We'll talk later." He informed me; his expression said he meant it.
I, however was feeling rebellious, he had no hold on me anymore.
I snorted, shaking my head.
"It's a little late for that." I declared watching as he glowered at me before slamming the door to the Layout Room behind him.
Horatio's page was urgent, more urgent than the scene I was watching before me but I found myself unable to tear my gaze away. I'd been watching Speedle and Bernstein arguing ever since Bernstein had seen Speedle exiting the interrogation room looking confused and forlorn. He'd been in there alone with Alison.
And that wasn't protocol.
Their voices were drifting down the corridor towards me as I stood there, shaking my head and narrowing my eyes.
"You were interrogating our witness without me, that isn't procedure Speedle" Bernstein's voice was rising as he jabbed his finger at Tim's chest.
Tim at least had the decency to look slightly ashamed of himself. His head was bowed, his hands in his pockets, his expression subdued.
"I just had a few questions for her…"
I'd never seen Bernstein look so mad; he was using his interrogation face, the one that made suspects break down in tears. At least he had Tim's back, but I knew if Bernstein thought Tim was slipping he'd bail. The reputation of a dirty cop spread like wildfire around here. I'd already heard the rumblings about John Hagen and I was hoping Tim wouldn't end up subjected to the same treatment because he fell for a two bit whore.
"You interview her again and I better be here." Bernstein growled, his face alive with fury.
"Yea yea, you will be." Speedle shot back.
His tone was dismissive; his gaze was already back on Alison following her movement as she stalked around the interrogation room.
I'd had enough, he could be as mad at me as he wanted to be. It didn't matter I was leaving in a few hours time, but I was not going to watch him disgrace himself like this, not today at least. Call it a parting gift, I reasoned. I'd feel awful tattling on him but if it got Alison's claws out of his skin I was willing to do it.
My phone was ringing again. I snatched it up and held it against my ear.
"Callahan."
"Kate, it's Horatio, what's the hold up?" he asked in his soft spoken manner.
I turned away, from Speedle and Alison and started towards the parking garage sensing the anxiety in his voice.
"I'm on my way." I tried to pacify, my heels clicking as I broke into a jog.
"Kate, have you got your gun?" Horatio asked.
The question threw me; my eyes fell on my leather holster attached to my pants.
"Yes."
"Good because you're gonna need it."
The Hummer was racing through the streets at high speed, sheets of rain pelted down upon the windshield as we approached the huge red brick school building. Dark clouds were billowing over head, a storm was coming. My eyes were fastened on my watch, counting down the minutes it took to get to the high school.
16.16 p.m.
"After this we need to talk." I said to Horatio, hanging onto the handle above the passenger side door as he took the corner.
"Speed knows what he's doing Kate."
My jaw actually dropped as I twisted my head towards him stunned and speechless.
"What kind of supervisor would I be if I didn't know what was going on with my own employees." He reminded me with a small smile as I gaped at him.
"I hope your right, for his sake." I returned my gaze to the windshield seeing the school coming up on the left hand side.
"You ready?" Horatio asked.
"Always." I returned.
Horatio slammed his foot down on the breaks whilst jerking the wheel to the left, the Hummer swerved across the road, tires screeching as it ground to a halt in front of the step leading up to the school. The sound of sirens echoed in the distance, SWAT was on their way, they'd never make it for the deadline. I checked my watch.
16.19 p.m
My gun was already in my hands, and I was snapping back the safety with precision and ease. I stood to the side, watching Horatio who was deep in conversation with the Principal. His eyes were focused on the 9 mm clutched tightly in my hand. He spoke, gesturing wildly with his hands.
"We don't want to cause a panic."
A gun shot echoed through the air, followed by screams and the shrill shrieking of the fire alarm. It was meant to distort and disorientate. I had to hand it to him; Jeff Wilson had done his homework.
"Kate, take the stairs." Horatio yelled, pointing at the stairwell.
I was on it in seconds, rushing up the stairs two at a time until I got to the top, greeted by mass chaos. Teenagers of all ages were running in different directions, gun shots erupted throughout the corridor, further down. It was time to get people out, right now.
I held up my badge, trying to create some calm.
"MDPD I need everyone out to the nearest fire exit right now!" I yelled.
I was pointing and ushering people towards the stairs, so they could get out of the main exit. The safest route away from Jeff. A young girl tripped amongst the scrambling school kids.
"Your ok, run straight down and out the doors." I urged her, whilst grabbing her arm and hauling her to her feet. I put a hand on her back pushing her in the direction of the stairs.
I heard the gunshot, second before I felt the pain. My side was suddenly on fire, I choked mid breath, a gasp escaping my lips. My gun fell from between my fingers at the abrupt impact, clattering across the floor away from me. My hand went immediately to my left side, dabbing at the wound gingerly and revealing blood soaking through my shirt. The bullet had grazed my skin, it had been close, so damn close and it hurt like fuck but it was time to face the threat.
I had to protect these kids.
I spun around; my eyes falling on Jeff Wilson clad the long black trench coat. The corridor was empty now; it was just me and him. There was a discarded rifle on the tiles next to him. The hand gun was trained directly on me. At this range there wasn't a chance this kid could miss and yet I was still stepping forward. My resolve steely as I tread towards him. Jeff Wilson was just a kid, but a kid who felt betrayed by his family and the system.
It occurred to me there was a very real possibility I could die here today.
Jeff's eyes met mine; he was sweating heavily a sure sign of nerves. There was a chance this was all going to be ok.
"Put the gun down Jeff, It's time to talk. Don't make this worse," I was surprised by how firm my voice actually sounded.
My survival instincts were already taking over. My mind was working ahead, gauging chances, options and actions that I could take. I couldn't reach my gun that was out of the question. My side was in agony, and I could feel my shirt sticking against the wound.
"You have no idea what I've done." He said, his eyes wide.
"That's not true, I know about Mark in the cemetery. You can stop this right now." I told him stern.
A smirk crossed Jeff's boyish features, it suddenly occurred to me I'd made a mistake, I'd underestimated him.
"Your right, I can."
Jeff Wilson looked me straight in the eyes as he squeezed the trigger and I stared right back.
Death had never been so welcomed.
So I waited.
But nothing came except a quiet dull click, one that I recognized far too well from over the past two days. A misfire.
The little bastard's gun had jammed. Even God had forsaken me.
Today was so not my day.
Jeff's hand was already on the weapon, yanking back the barrel as I reacted on pure instincts. I didn't matter anymore, but those kids did.
I lunged straight at him. Our bodies collided, Jeff toppled backwards at the unexpected extra weight, his wet shoe slipping across the tiles. I choked in pain, my body going rigid as we went down; I was on top of Jeff. Both of us were scrambling for the gun, despite the fact Jeff was clearly otherwise armed. I could feel the barrel of another gun digging into my ribs.
I shoved his arms upwards driving the gun above his head as I ploughed my knee into his stomach. The gun scattered out of Jeff's reach as his body jerked, winded. I grabbed for it, experience making me fast despite the immense throbbing sensation in my side. The gun was in my hand prepped and loaded and I was holding it right in front of Jeff's face, panting out of exertion and pain.
"You stupid, stupid boy." I growled, leaning back to straddle his legs.
Jeff's hands were above his head now as he lay there on the ground. I was trying to catch my breath as I took my time methodically disarming him gun by gun.
"I could have killed you." He muttered, as I pat him down with one hand.
I could hear footsteps on the tiles behind me in the distance moving closer and closer. There was more than one, which meant SWAT had just arrived.
"Apparently it's not my time just yet." I dispensed, feeling exhaustion wrack my body.
"Kate, are we clear?" Horatio's soothing voice called out to me as I moved my right hand across my body to put pressure on my bleeding side.
"He's all yours." I stated.
It was difficult for me to rise to my feet. The adrenaline was leaving my body and I could feel myself beginning to go into shock at the damage done to my body. SWAT was moving in from all sides now. Swaying I took a step back, before flicking the safety on Jeff's gun and letting it clatter to the ground.
My legs already moving on their own accord, my mind completely stunned by the turn of events as I strode past the Kevlar clad SWAT team. Horatio was calling out my name but it wouldn't penetrate through to my brain, I didn't want to face him. I was scared of what he'd see in my face.
The rain was still pouring down, drenching everything in its path. I stepped into it willingly, feeling its cool relief as it washed over my skin. My hair was already plastered to my head and my clothes were clinging to my body like a second skin.
I pulled my hand away from the bleeding flesh wound, watching as the blood diluted and ran in streaks from my fingertips. I was beginning to tremble now, the evidence in my shaking hand as the rain stripped away the trauma leaving only a realization I couldn't hide away from, one I didn't want to face.
I tilted my head up, letting the fresh water wash away the pain and the fear, and all the bits in between. It filled me with the numbness I needed to survive, I didn't feel alive anymore. I felt empty.
When all was said and done, my shoulders slumped in defeat and I began to wobble from the chill of the air and the trauma my body was under, Horatio was right there, wrapping a blanket from the ambulance around my despondent frame. He guided me with gentle hands me towards the open passenger side of the Hummer.
Tripp was standing there, holding the door open as Horatio seated me half in and out of the car. My hands wouldn't stop quivering as I tried to brush the wet hair from my vision unsuccessfully. Tripp was already off in search of a paramedic leaving me alone with Horatio, as he reached out and pushed the hair back from my face before taking my freezing hands in his, rubbing them together to warm them up.
"You'll be ok Kate." I turned away feeling Horatio's vivid blue eyes on my face
Nothing was going to be ok, because I knew when I looked that kid straight in the eyes as he pulled that trigger, I'd wanted to die.
The Trace Lab was quiet, it was near the end of the shift and everyone had left early in preparation for the weekend ahead. Speedle was seated on a stool filling out his report on the Chuck Latham case. He wanted to be rid of this case and all the trouble it had caused in the course of the day. To be signing off on the final page was a welcome relief.
The day had been long and emotionally draining, from this morning's hangover to the aftermath of the case. Alison had been playing him, from the moment he'd stepped into that condo and he'd known it. In fact he'd used it against her in order to get a confession, and at the end of the day, he was happy with that result. The world did not need pampered princesses like that, especially ones with homicidal tendencies.
Yet there were several things that were plaguing him. Kate and her reaction to the case. She'd followed through with her threat and gone to Horatio to get him taken off the case. It had taken a lot of explaining to make Horatio understand he was playing Alison at her own game and that Kate just hadn't realized that. More to the point Speedle hadn't told her. He knew Kate was unhappy, he'd contributed to her shitty day in generous proportions, but he was hoping to make it up to her later on tonight.
It had been Alexx who had approached him over his current state of affaires, cajoling him over lunch until he broke down and told her what had transpired between him and Kate. Alexx was a sympathetic listener, she was the mother figure he'd lost all those years ago when he'd run away from home. So when she gave him advice, he listened and mulled it over. She was right of course why deny the thing that was right in front of his eyes. He'd spent so damn long fighting, he couldn't let down his defences, but it was time to Alexx reasoned.
He'd been alone for a long time, and he deserved to be happy and Alexx pointed out Kate made him happy. Life was too short, and they'd seen too many things not to take another chance.
The door to the Trace Lab was thrown open crashing against the wall making Speedle's head twist in shock towards the person hurrying in.
Delko halted right in front of the work desk, leaning over it, eyes intent on Speedle.
"I don't care what you did but I need you to fix it right now." Delko told him, his voice low and threatening.
Speedle squinted at the other man, before raising his eyebrows unnerved.
"You're gonna have to back up a little." Speedle gestured with his hand as he spoke, his eyebrows knotted together confused and concerned.
"Whatever happened between you and Kate. You need to fix it." Eric persisted.
Speedle looked away for a second, trying to piece together the cause of Eric's clear agitation. Kate had obviously talked to Eric at some point today, and from Eric's behaviour it appeared that he'd missed something crucial in the past few hours.
"Not that it's any of your business but I intent to make it right, after this shift." Speedle informed Delko, studying the younger man's posture.
Eric was concerned and in turn that made Speedle uneasy. Eric and Kate were buddies, so in turn it would be reasonable to consider she'd tell him things.
"You need to find her now, the Fed is here and he's taking her to Brazil as soon as she gets off." Eric erupted at Speedle.
"What?" his heart was racing in his chest now, he knew where this was leading but she'd promised him…
He'd also broken her heart this morning. He'd seen it masked underneath her anger as she was leaving.
"The Feds want her to go UC in the Mala Noche, do you know what they do to girls like Kate there?! She goes and she's coming back in pieces." Eric was ranting in borderline hysterics.
"Where is she?" Speed was on his feet closing the brown file on his work bench, his jaw clenched tightly.
"The locker room, she's in the locker room. Just…don't let her go Speed." Eric pleaded, as Speed slipped past the other man and stalking with determination in the direction of the shared locker room.
The locker room was cold and dark; the artificial light cast a sickly glow on Kate's skin as she stood in front of her open locker. Her hair was damp and hanging in strands across her bare shoulders as she peeled her wet black shirt off her clammy skin. He moved to take step back to give her some privacy but only succeeded in accidentally bumping into the metal trash can next to the door. A loud thud echoed through the room causing Kate to tilt her face towards him as she yanked a clean white shirt up over her black lace bra.
"I'm sorry, I'll turn around." Tim said, rubbing his hand along the back of his head.
Kate lowered her head to focus on the buttons she was attempting to fasten them.
"You've seen it all before anyway." She muttered, pulling her wet hair out of the shirt. "How's your girlfriend Alison doing? I think lock up's going to be a bitch for her."
Kate was being unfair, and Speedle guessed on some level he probably deserved it, but he'd had a shitty day too, and it was only going to get worse. She was leaving him, she'd lied and broken her promise and that cut him far worse than anything else she'd done since she'd come back because he had been ready for her.
"She's not my girlfriend and I don't appreciate you telling Horatio I can't do my job. I know when I'm being used and I knew that girl was playing me." Tim snapped back.
The anger was filling him up now making him bitter and volatile; he'd had enough of this bull shit.
Kate was brushing out the tangles in her wet hair with a brush. She shoved it in her locker before turning to face him.
"It was obvious to me that you had a conflict of interest and I thought H needed to know that maybe you weren't someone to trust on this case. And it's shocking to hear that you know what it's like to be used. Because you're pretty good at using people yourself. I guess you two should be a match made in heaven." Kate retorted, bundling up her old shirt and throwing it at the bench.
Her words were cruel and he didn't deserve them. He hadn't been using her that was never his intention. They'd ended up in bed together because that's what they had both wanted. His rationalisation didn't stop his temper flaring, she just kept pushing him.
"Yea because you've never had a conflict of interest at all, does H know your were screwing his brother? I knew the second you mentioned his name when you got back and I can see it in your eyes now, your no better then Alison." Speedle spat.
The expression on Kate's face told him he'd hit the nail on the head, and he felt a surge of discomfort at the fact he'd let his mouth run away with him. It was when they were looking over the beach that he'd realized something had happened there. Kate hadn't been telling all and he never pushed it because he didn't care. It was none of his business, but now he was using it a weapon against her because she was hurting him all over again and he deserved to have his say.
"You know what? Fuck you Speedle. You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what happened to me when I was UC. There's a big difference between Alison and I. I threw him out when I found out he was married, that would have turned her on more." Kate snarled.
Underneath all that fury, he knew he'd just hurt her all over again, but it didn't matter because he was determined to get the last word in this fight. He was hurting her like she was about to hurt him, and the worst part was that she wasn't even going to say goodbye.
"The only difference between you and Alison was the fact that she killed her lover and maybe I'd have more of an idea if you'd bothered to tell me." He shot back; resentment twinged his voice as Kate slammed her locker shut and turned her full body to face him.
"Why would I tell you anything about what I've been through? Just looking for more shit to throw in my face? More information to help you prey on my weaknesses and to use me with?" Kate's arms were wrapped around herself now.
"I didn't use you Kate, we used each other, you liked it right? Being with me again. I bet it turned you on knowing that you could just walk away again."
Speedle couldn't stop himself, he was infuriated by her, she drove him crazy. She was the only person who could incense him this much and he hated that, he hated her for doing this to him.
"You don't remember a damn thing do you? I promised you I wouldn't leave if you were in my life. You made it obvious to me this morning that it was nothing more than a one night stand, and your actions today proved that fact. Don't worry, Speedle, I won't be in your hair much longer. Just know this time? This time I didn't walk away, you pushed me away." Her voice broke towards the end, and although her face was contorted in rage he knew that she was hurting.
He wondered how it had come to this, he'd come in here to stop her, he'd been ready to pour his heart out, but she'd put him on the defensive and now all the little things that had been building up had rose to the surface and were out in open, and it stung. She had to know the consequences of her actions. The full weight of them. She thought she was leaving behind nothing but that wasn't true she would break his heart all over again.
"So you're going then, your going to Brazil? To fraternize with a guy who uses women like you and then leaves them in the jungle to die? I don't know why I even bothered coming in here to stop you. You're hell bent on getting your self killed but you're just too much of a coward to do it yourself."
He'd taken one look at her face and he knew. The only reason she was going to Brazil was because she wouldn't be coming back. She'd been depressed lately, and this latest rejection had pushed her over the edge, he could feel it. It was in her motions and movements and above all her expression, and it tore him up inside. This was his fault.
"I would think that me being gone would make you happy. I can't do this Tim. I can't keep fighting you and I obviously can't handle seeing you with someone else. At least if I die this time, I'll know that I don't have anything to leave behind. Last time, it's what kept me alive. Just the idea that I could see you again and things might work out okay. Obviously that was just a little girl's silly dream."
Her voice was quiet now, they weren't shouting anymore. Her hand was resting on her side as if she was in pain. Tim found himself exhaling deeply before he took the first step.
"You know, I nearly died the other day and the last thought in my head was you, and it's always been you, I can't play these games anymore Kate. Us both caring and pretending we don't. I want you to stay. Don't go to Brazil... stay here with me." He implored.
Tim Speedle was putting all of his cards on the table for the first time in a long time, and apparently it wasn't what Kate Callahan had expected. He wasn't one for begging but if he had to, he would get on his knees and do it if it made her stay.
"You never called me. You acted that way with Alison and then now this? Now you want me to stay? I feel like you are pulling me ten different ways and I don't know what to believe or what to trust."
Her eyes spoke volumes, he saw the conflict, the pain, the fear, and beyond all of that he saw her soul. It was so damaged and broken, but it was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He wanted to help her repair it, he wanted to see Kate shine again, the way she had all those years ago.
He found himself standing right in front of her. His hands settled on her shoulder before sliding down to her arms. His thumbs rubbed gently through her shirt as her body relaxed under his touch, from the look on her face it was a completely involuntary action.
"Believe me, trust me... stay for me." He said softly.
His eyes were on her face, taking in every single detail of her exquisite features. He brushed a stray strand of moist hair back, tucking it behind her ear, as she closed her eyes exhaling deeply. He swallowed hard before opening his mouth and telling her the only words he had left to say.
"I never stopped loving you."
Kate's eyes were glistening as she reached for him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, as her lips captured his. Her kiss was slow and chaste. She winced as he wrapped his arms around her, she pulled away slightly, her hands on his biceps, her cheek pressed against his.
"I'll stay." She whispered. "I love you too damn much to leave if you want to give us a chance, but I can't handle another incident like this morning Tim."
"You won't have to." He promised, before his lips sought out hers, drawing her into a tender, heartfelt kiss.
His hands slid down to her waist. Her shirt was wet to touch under his left hand. Tim drew back, his eyes falling onto his hand as he turned his palm skyward. It was red and sticky. Tim frowned as his gaze fell onto the growing blood patch on Kate's white shirt.
"Your bleeding." He murmured as Kate looked down at her shirt, her eyes fixing on the blood.
"I got grazed by a bullet; it's not stopped bleeding yet." Kate told him, shaking her head.
"Let me see." He said quietly, his fingers already on the hem of her shirt.
"A kid decided to do his own Columbine; I got caught up evacuating the school. It would have been a different story if his gun hadn't jammed." Kate volunteered the information.
Tim lifted up her shirt gently, his fingers brushing her skin lightly as he scrutinized the angry raw wound defacing her smooth flesh. Kate flinched as he prodded the sensitive skin around it.
"Sorry." Tim muttered already opening his locker and taking out the green medical kit before dropping to his knees in front of Kate to get a better look at it.
"I'm just thankful his gun did jam." Tim told her as he tore open the packet for the antiseptic wipes.
"This is going to sting." He warned before cleaning up the blood surrounding the wound and then the wound itself as Kate held up her shirt.
"It's been a while since you had to clean me up." Kate remarked with a smile as Tim took out a cotton pad and pressed it to the graze.
Tim found himself smirking at the memory.
"The time you accidentally dropped that wine glass when you were drunk. You got the glass in your foot and I had to clean it and take you to the E.R." he reminded her.
"Not my finest moment." She admitted as Tim used surgical tape to fix the gauze to her skin.
She was a better patient now than she used to be.
"Neither was you wailing about it in A&E at the nurse." Tim pointed out as he rose to his feet.
"Hey, at least I wasn't cursing at her." Kate pouted as Tim closed the medikit and placed it on the top shelf of his locker, before shutting the door and turning back to her.
"No you reserved that for me when I was using iodine to clean it in the first place." Tim teased, his hands resting on Kate's hips as he stepped closer to her, just enjoying the ability to actually do that without repercussions.
"I wasn't that bad." Kate said, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Tim relaxed into her hold, looping his arms around her, clasping her tightly against his body, inhaling her scent and revelling the sensations of her.
"I missed this." Kate whispered into his shoulder.
Tim sighed blissfully, his fingers trailing through her hair as if she was the most delicate thing in the world. To him she was. Under that tough exterior was a beautiful fragile creature.
"Let me take you home." He mumbled into her hair.
The two of them broke apart reluctantly as Kate nodded her agreement.
"There's just one more thing I need to do." Kate promised, grabbing up her leather jacket off the bench and slipping it over her shoulders, cringing at the pain from her side.
"I need to put my files away. I'll meet you in the lobby." Tim said, unable to keep the small smile from creeping across his features as he looked at her.
"I will see you there then." Kate winked at him from the doorway before disappearing through it.
Jennings was standing there in the reception area, wearing a dark brown trench coat and holding a dripping umbrella. He looked pristine as usual, his stone coloured eyes focused on something through the glass in the lab's. His whole attention was focused on it. I frowned, twisting my head towards the glass walls to see what had caught his eye.
Eric was standing there, leaning against the table in the lay out room. His eyes firmly fixed on Jennings, his jaw clenched as he glared at the agent. His eyes shifted to me as I strode towards Jennings, he pursed his lips together before turning away looking pained.
Well Eric's day was about to get better.
Jennings turned his head towards me, arms folded over his chest.
"You ready to go?" he asked gruffly.
I bit my lip and looked down at my shirt; the blood stain was slightly visible. I fiddled with the zipper at the bottom of my leather jacket, drawing it up to the curve of my breasts to hide it.
"Actually Gabe, I'm not going. You're going to have to do your own dirty work from now on." I spoke quietly.
Jennings turned his whole body towards me, his granite eyes falling on me, his gaze hard and steely.
"Excuse me?" it was more of a command than a request to repeat.
"You heard me Gabe. The FBI's going to have to find a new little go to girl from now on." I informed him, my face expressionless.
Jennings was leaning forward now, his large frame hunched so that he was inches from my face.
"You can't do this Kate, we own you." Jennings seethed through grinding teeth, his fingers gripping my arm tightly.
"You've got nothing on me Gabe. I'm not like Ray, you don't own me." I wrenched my arm from his grasp.
Jennings face turned cold, his thin lips clamped tightly together, his eyes burning with fury as I raised an eyebrow.
"I had my suspicions, but the look in your eyes just clarified it." I grimaced in pain, resting my hand on my side.
"Things don't add up Kate, things that you told us. How could you go a whole six years without giving us Jose Morelli and Reggie Russo, Sully Genovese's right hand men?" Jennings leaned in close now, keeping the conversation private.
"I told you Sully kept me well away, he didn't want me near those two men's business." I returned, meeting Jennings' challenge, hands on my hips. "If you had anything on me Jennings, I'd be on that plane already."
Jennings' nostrils flared as his eyes narrowed on something behind me.
"Your making a mistake Kate, you think he can understand you?"
I followed his gaze to see Tim standing next to the elevators, tilting his head up towards the ceiling before turning his attention to us, his eyebrows rising.
"He can't love you, not after the things you've done and you can't ask him to. Spare yourself and him the heartache and come with me." Jennings murmured as we stood apart, eyes on Tim as he studied his keys.
Jennings was right of course, to expect something like that was unfair. I couldn't put that on Tim's shoulders…
Time to make a choice.
Spare Tim or take a chance.
It was never that simple.
I swallowed hard before raising my head to Jennings.
"Screw you." I hissed. "You've had six years of my life; let him have the rest of it."
"You know I'm right Kate, this life isn't for you. You're beyond this life, worth so much more…" Jennings drawled.
"Worth more? You're wanting to send me to a place we both know I won't make it out of. You would be sending me to my death." I paused; making sure Jennings saw the venom in my gaze. "You took me away from him once; I won't let you do it again. I'm through with the FBI Jennings, don't contact me again." I growled before turning my back on Jennings, and striding towards Tim.
He raised his eyes to meet mine as I exhaled deeply.
"You ok?" he murmured, analysing my features for signs of conflict.
I hit the button for the lift, Jennings' words haunted me, I found I couldn't speak. The words were choked in my throat rendering me speechless. Tim's hand caught hold of mine, our fingers entwining as the tension in my body began to subside.
Resting my head against Tim's shoulder, I knew I'd made the right decision. His lips brushed my forehead, a butterfly kiss. A source of comfort, a show of love. He was my everything, my whole world in one man.
"Thank you." He whispered.
My main bathroom had a large modern walk in shower. It was my safe haven at the moment; I was basking in the water as it rained down on my body. I tipped my head back rinsing the final dregs of shampoo from my hair and letting out a deep sigh. I was beginning to feel human again and that was a good thing.
There was a rush of cold air as I heard the shower door click open. Tim was stepping inside, an appreciative look in his eyes as he studied my naked body before stepping under the jet stream. His hands rested on my hips as his mouth claimed mine, the water pouring down on our barely touching bodies.
Tim drew back reaching over my head for the shower gel, his body sliding against mine, sending a thrill through me. My hands roamed over his chest, my lips fastening on the bruise right above his heart. Tim let out a gasp as my fingers teased up his back; my body pressed up against his. I could feel Tim's erection stirring against my stomach as I stood on tip toes, my lips tracing along his collar bone as I rubbed my slick wetness against his cock. Tim shuddered before withdrawing. He gave me mischievous smile, pouring the shower gel onto his hands before setting the bottle back on the shelf.
"Turn around." He murmured.
I raised an eyebrow before obeying. Tim's hands were on my shoulders, his fingers moving in tight circles to massage the muscles at the back of my neck. His hands moved across my shoulders, seeking out the tension and dispelling it. He worked lower caressing the soft skin beneath his fingertips, playing along the bottom of my back. He paused, only for a second before tracing the thin jagged white scar that sliced diagonally across the left side my back.
I put my hands against the tiles on the wall and bent my head forward, pressing it to the cool tiles as his skilled hands worked their magic, easing the trauma I'd experienced.
"How did you get it?" his lips were next to my ear.
I closed my eyes, and exhaled slowly.
"A guy made me when I was undercover; he wanted to teach me a lesson. The knife nicked a kidney; I was in hospital for a while." I shared softly.
"Did you…" he asked gruffly, he couldn't get the words out.
"No…I don't know what happened I wasn't conscious." I recounted, "I woke up, still alive, still part of the Mob. I remember pieces but nothing I can grasp."
Tim's lips were pressed against my skin as he spoke.
"I'm sorry Kate; I wish I could give you the last six years of your life back."
I lifted my head off the tiles, before turning to face him, my hair in tendrils around my face.
"You're here right now, and that's all that matters. You make the memories disappear for a while." I told him with small smile.
I could see the troubled expression on his face, the helplessness in his eyes. I leaned forward on tiptoes, my hands resting on his shoulders as I kissed him, feeling suddenly hesitant and shy for revealing another part of myself he knew nothing about.
Tim's hand caressed the side of my face gently, as his lips moved tenderly from my mouth to my throat. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. His thumb traced my lips lightly before his mouth returned to mine, chaste and loving.
His hand slid down to my thigh guiding it up to his hip and grasping it in place as he rubbed the tip of himself along my moist opening. I quivered against him, my arms wrapped around his waist drawing him closer.
"I've got you Kate." Tim whispered against my lips, bracing himself on the wall behind me as he eased himself inside me deft and slow.
My body trembled as he buried himself deep inside me; his eyes lingered on my face as he began to move in long, deliberate thrusts. My body yielded to him and I could hear nothing but my own shallow panting as my skin flushed under his touch. My hands mingled in his dense hair, clutching him to me as I felt the first wave pleasure erupt in my body.
I whimpered, my body bucking against him. Tim thrust harder into me, still maintaining the slow and steady pace making the impending orgasm more drawn out. My senses were alight, there was nothing but this feeling, and I became lost in him. The orgasm hit me hard, I cried out Tim's name, my body arching against him. He held me in place as I contracted around him, whole body trembling at the frenzy of pleasure erupting inside me.
Tim called out my name as his fingers tightened on my thigh, shuddering as he came deep inside me. His head rested on my shoulder as I clung to him, my knees weak at the intensity of the orgasm that had tore through my body.
"I don't think I can stand." I sniggered.
Tim's arms looped around my waist, keeping me on my feet as he drew out of me. He was grinning as his eyes searched my face.
"You look happy." He informed me, one hand turning off the running water from the shower head, while the other one held me to him.
"I am happy." I replied drowsily, snuggled against his warm skin.
Tim cradled me like I was precious as he yanked back the shower door and guided me into the cool bathroom, wrapping a towel around my shoulders and helping to dry me. I decided to let him take care of me. All those years of being on my own had worn me down and to feel so loved and cared for was a shock to the system, but I went with it, because I knew that I wasn't alone anymore, I had someone to rely on.
Tim was with me every step of the way, never letting me out of his sight even as I tugged on my pyjama bottoms and mismatched blue top. He pulled back the covers of my bed for me to crawl under before he climbed in himself, clad only in black boxer shorts as he curled around me. His chest was pressed against my back, his arms holding me, reassuring and secure. I could feel his head resting on my shoulder as we lay there in the dark, just listening to the sound each other's breath and enjoying the sense of contentment in our hearts.
Writing this chapter was one very wild ride and I wouldn't have got through it without the wonderful Miss Montana,- thank you for your inspiration and the ideas we shared .I don't know what I'd do without you.
Also thank you readers and reviewers, this story wouldn't be here without you, stay tuned because there's a lot more in store.
Cheymon: Thank you for your kind words, as it continues you learn more about Kate's past and the effects it has. I hope you keep reading.
Maddy: lmao, I decided to try my hand a little more at smut and this is what came out. I'm glad you like it; it was the biggest pain in the ass to work on. As I said keep the name. I will read your original story, but RL hit me a little harder since we last spoke, I'll email you about it lol. Lol Carmen doesn't want to play ball at the min. I have half of 102 written so I may push on with that later on today.
Blue: lol I have had a crap week so I could do with some ice cream too, I'm sorry I'm greedy lol. Lol that sex scene almost killed me it was really hard to figure out the dynamics and of course it changed from what I originally had planned. Lol Drunken sex with Tim Speedle is highly recommended. Lol it was never gonna be just sex between these two.
Lapland: thankies for still reading lol I thought I'd lost you back there. I try and include some of their history through out some of the chapters, and I had to get that Ray thing in, he was a naughty man lol, but he isn't the only person who screwed Kate over, I feel sorry for poor H taking over all of Ray's messes. Lol in truth I didn't really venture too ,much into smut until What If's and as soon as I broke that threshold it got easy to write.
Eva: apparently you are not the only on in search of a cold shower. Lmao I'm glad you love Miami and he is hot as hell makes me get hot flushes lol. I have a thing for guys with attitude and he just makes me laugh with his sarcastic comments. Seriously though thanks for the review and I'm glad you love this story. It's in the actual ep, Calleigh gets dosed, I just used it to have Kate open up a little. I won't forget Carmen; she's just playing a little hard ball at the min. I have half of the next chapter written already, it's just hard to push it further because there's so much happening in it. Lol so long as you don't get a blow up Tim Speedle your fine lol.
Mauveine: You make me blush with your review every time, and thanks for betaing, your suggestions came in handy. Hey the heart thing was your idea so I can't take all the credit. Lmao was better than the "Mac moment". I'm lad you love the pairing, they are becoming my fav couple at the min. I can't wait to move onto the good stuff, series two is just gonna be a blast to write. I'm watching some of the eps and slipping Kate in already. I hate Rayas, he was just slimy and I wanted to show Tripp getting a little protective of Kate. The bar scene came out of nowhere on the second go. I was bulking it out and was like wtf! When I finished because it turned into something a lot more than it started out as. Alcohol way lowered their defences lol, I was surprised they managed to make it out of there to be honest. The sex killed me at pointed because I had all these ideas and no starting point, but it managed to fix itself. Lol I'll need your help with a song for the next chapter.
BEG: lol one of my fav eps too. I'm glad you loved this chapter. It was the one I had to keep working on, because it was persistent as hell. The sex scene was hard, but the chars figured out what they were doing in the end. Lol I don't mind if it's short and you know he's right. Kisses out to you lovely girl.