A/N: Chapter 10! Only 2 more to go!
Month: January
Pairing(s): KakaIru, Minor Others
Chapter Rating: R for topics
Word Count: 7330 words
Themes: AU, Romance, Humor, Coming of Age
Chapter Summary: The past comes to back to haunt.
Betas: WrongSideOfRight + ThunderEmperorRaite
Warning: Some sad moments.
Disclaimer: Although people have asked if I was, I am not Kishimoto, so I have no rights to these characters. If I did, Naruto would so be a more of a SasuNaru story then what it is now.
-The New Year's bells rang out across town, echoing in the streets, audible at every corner. Everybody was cheering in celebration, no matter whether they were inside or outside. Many lit fireworks before the police came around. Asuma and Kurenai shared a sweet kiss, while Genma decided it was a good idea to try to hug everyone at the same time.
But not two boys in question.
Iruka and Kakashi were coming down from their sexual high, panting heavily on the bed with Kakashi lying on top of him.
"I have to get going," Iruka murmuring, stripped of energy. He was magically able to push the other person off of him.
"Mmm, why?" Kakashi mumbled back. "Just stay here…" he whispered. He hooked one around around the brunet's small waist and with enough strength, pushed him back on the bed with a loud thwomp.
"K-Kakashi!"
"Why not?" he whined.
"Because I have other guests, you ass," he laughed, slightly swatting the other boy's head with his hand, a playful little hit.
"Ow…" the pale boy joked. Iruka told him he would be back soon then if he wanted. Kakashi just gave him a sly smirk in acceptance.
The freshman managed to sort through the disarray of clothing, distinguishing his from Kakashi's. It really wasn't that hard to tell. Kakashi was taller and bigger than him.
After watching him leave, Kakashi continued to lie on the bed, contemplating what he had with Iruka now. They weren't really back together, and yet had already had sex twice within a week. Situations ran through his head. If things didn't change soon, Iruka might feel like some toy to be played with and would refuse to be with him afterwards. Or what if, now that he had taken Iruka for his own, all he wanted was sex? If they had stopped, maybe he would try to find someone elsewhere. Kakashi dismissed the last scenario. That was never going to happen. That wasn't like Iruka. But still, the first one seemed likely.
"Damn…" he sighed, burying himself in the covers. He really had dug himself a pretty deep hole. He wondered if he could ever get himself out of it.
"Oh, hey guys!" Iruka laughed wryly, trying his best not to walk with a weird gait. He nearly forgot how cold the night was, holding his coat tightly.
"Dude, where have you been?" Genma asked, looking at his disheveled friend. "You missed it! You missed everything!"
The brunet would have normally argued that he didn't and that Genma was exaggerating like always, but given the case that he had spent it with Kakashi intimately, he quickly made up a lie instead. "Ah, yeah. Sorry about that. I guess I got so tired from preparing the party, I passed out in my room. I guess the celebration woke me up."
"Really? But that's not like you," Izumo pointed out.
"Well, it's… it's just that…" he tried to come up with another fib.
"Hey, we know," Kotetsu joined in, wrapping an arm around his friend's neck. "You don't have to explain anything."
"Ah, thank you." To be honest, Iruka felt terrible. All of them believed that Kakashi was still alone during these holidays, leaving Iruka high and dry. Unbeknownst to them, despite the fact that they broke up, the senior was now lying naked under his bed sheets after a playful romp. It was wrong to lie to them. They would have been ecstatic to know that their friend was finally starting to open up.
"Come on! Let's go explore the town!" Genma insisted on everyone, still hyped up. It seemed he barely listened to the brunet's excuse.
"Ah, you guys can go on ahead," Iruka insisted. "I think I'll just go back to bed."
"Aww, but why?" Kurenai whined.
"I'm still a little tired," he replied. "And I do plan on going to the temple too. Best get up bright and early if I want to beat the crowds."
"That's right," she pointed out. "My dad wanted me to come with him."
"Your dad?" Asuma questioned. "But didn't you say you would go with me?"
"We can all go together!" she offered. Her boyfriend couldn't hold in a moan. "What? What's wrong with that?"
"N-Nothing, just he looks too creepy," he confessed.
"Creepy?" Iruka questioned.
"Let's just say Kurenai gets her looks from her mother, thank Kami," Yamato muttered to him.
"I heard that!" she declared. True, she didn't get much looks from her father besides her eyes, but she still loved him. After a brief pause of everyone looking at each other, none of them could hold back their laughter. It was these little moments they enjoyed the most.
After giving up on trying to convince Iruka to tag along with them, the gang decided to leave. Kurenai and Asuma decided to head back to her place to rest up for tomorrow while Raidou, Tenzou, Izumo, and Kotetsu followed Genma and decided to go out some more. Waving them all goodbye and wishing them well, Iruka smiled, watching as each one left. He had to admit, he did feel guilty about sending them off already. He just wanted to spend the night with someone special this time.
He closed his front door and locked it behind him. "Kakashi?" he called out, hoping he would still be awake. Nothing. So he called out again. "Kakashi…" He hung up his coat, kicked off his shoes, and headed to his room. He called out the name again, quietly this time, as he found him still lying on his bed, already passed out. The covers barely did their job, leaving Kakashi almost completely exposed. Iruka could feel the blush across his face.
Unable to bear waking him, Iruka proceeded to just lie with him. He removed his hair tie, letting his hair flow free and slowly slid next to him, pulling the covers over him as well. He could feel the heat radiating from him and scooted closer until he could practically hear the other's heartbeat. He liked this. He liked being this close to him. But up close, he could see Kakashi's scar across his eye clearly. A constant reminder that he was still alive and Obito wasn't. He could even see dark bags under Kakashi's eyes. He hasn't been getting much sleep.
He wrapped one arm around Kakashi's waist and brought himself closer, hoping that knowing he was there with him would help the other sleep. He closed his eyelids, only planning to rest. He tried not to, but he did fall asleep.
Kakashi was the first to wake up, hair possibly more rustled than what it naturally was. For once in a long while did he get a good night's rest, even though it was still dark out. He glanced over to the digital clock on the nightstand. He didn't forget what he needed to do. Or more like they wanted to do.
He turned around and stared down, grateful he could see the sight of Iruka sleeping next to him, grateful he was still here with him. If he could, he would continue to stare at him, admiring what he had before him. He laughed a little to himself, knowing he couldn't. Gently, he nudged the other awake. "Iruka… Wake up."
"K…Kakashi…" Iruka moaned in his sleep. "What…"
"You said you wanted to see the first sunrise of the year, didn't you?" he whispered, fingers gracefully brushing through his brown locks.
"But if I remember correctly… wasn't I suppose to wake… you?" the brunet asked. Kakashi could only laugh as he held onto Iruka.
"True, but now that we're both awake…" he hinted as his hand slowly slid down the younger body, under the covers and under his clothes.
Iruka was quick to react, grabbing a hold of Kakashi's wrist. "I don't think so," he said bluntly.
"Heh, it was worth trying."
Iruka grumbled a little something as he slid off the bed. "I'm going to go take a shower."
"Can I-" Kakashi tried to ask but instead had a shirt flung at his face.
"Don't you dare ask that!" he demanded, already knowing him too well. There was no way they were going to shower together. At least, not again. Not after what happened last time. "You can take one after I'm done."
Kakashi didn't bother to argue back. He just stayed put and watched him leave, left with his own thoughts again.
He couldn't continue doing this. He didn't want to trail Iruka along. They weren't quite back together, not like how they were in the beginning. And Iruka wouldn't appreciate it if they were fuck buddies. Kakashi desperately wanted things to go back to normal, but not with the way they were now. Not after what happened a couple of months ago. And with what had happened years ago.
He looked around, skimming the dark lit room. In a corner, poking out of Iruka's school bag, he found it. He got up, letting the covers slide off of him, and walked over. He reached down and picked out a notebook and dug around for a spare pencil. He flipped through the book and ripped out a single page from the back. He made his way back to the bed and, using the notebook again as support, he went ahead and started to write. When he was done, he could only stare at it, contemplating. He read it back to himself carefully:
Sorry.
I just remembered I had to do something.
I'll call you later.
He hadn't even bothered to sign it. He couldn't think up a good excuse to leave. Just some sorry half-ass one. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"Kakashi?" Iruka called out. Kakashi was too enthralled in his own thoughts to hear that Iruka was done. "You can head in now. And I'll make us some breakfast before we go out. What do you want?"
Kakashi hesitated for a bit before answering. "I…"
"What?"
"… …Anything will do," he replied. He looked back at the note and crumbled it up. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He got up and headed to the bathroom.
"Are you sure it was ok to leave your dogs by themselves?" Iruka asked as the two walked together in the street.
"Yeah… they're used to it," Kakashi answered him.
While eating breakfast together, Iruka brought up about him going to visit the temple after seeing the sunrise and had wished Kakashi to join him. Tentative at first, he finally gave in, not wishing to upset him. To him, Iruka just appeared too festive at the time. So he asked if they had time to go back to his place and least give him a chance to change into better, clean clothes. Of course, the brunet said yes. But what they didn't expect were a hunger-driven, ecstatic pack of dogs waiting for them. After being bombarded, both were forced to bathe and change clothes again. And that only led to another attempt made by Kakashi to be with Iruka again. And luckily for Iruka, he managed to fight off his advances again. And it was not long after they started, the sun started to peek above the horizon. Both stopped to take in the sight, Iruka clinging close to Kakashi and Kakashi smiling down at Iruka.
"So how much longer?" the silver haired boy whined a little. It was a bit of trip since they were going out of the city limits to visit this particular temple.
"It's not that much," the brunet replied, running a little in front of him now. "Can you tell the crowd is getting bigger?"
Kakashi felt a little uneasy going, worried some of his other friends would be there, especially Rin. And even Iruka could spot it. The way he would shove his hands in his coat pockets, readjusting his scarf over and over again, and even rubbing the eye patch over his scarred eye. He slowed his pace down until he was back standing next to him and dove his hand in Kakashi's coat, pulling their hands out, fingers interlaced.
"I-Iruka?" Kakashi only got a giggling smile as he squeezed his hand tighter. The senior could only sigh. He really is too good for me.
"Come on, Kakashi! It's only a little bit farther," he told them as he picked up his pace again, now bringing the senior along for the ride.
As they made their way to the temple, each could see the many kinds of people coming around. They spotted many families together, bringing their young children with them. Some dressed casually, some dressed formally. All with the New Year's celebration, it was easy for them to get separated. It was much more crowded than either one of them had predicted. There had to be at least a thousand there already at the small clearing. Iruka was eager to go walk around, but Kakashi refused it, holding Iruka close to him. The burnet couldn't decide if it was because Kakashi was being childish or protective.
"Come on, let's go pray," Iruka insisted. Kakashi again was a little bit against it, but after some coercion, or more like tugging, he gave in and was led to the temple. But it wasn't before long that they were interrupted.
"Hey! Iruka!" they heard a voice beckon them.
Iruka spun and spotted Kurenai and Asuma together, him in casual clothing, her in a winter kimono. And not too far away was what he assumed to be Kurenai's father. Everyone was right. He did look frightening. "Kurenai! Long time no see," he kidded.
"Ha ha. Surprised to find you here at this temple," she said. "I know of a few closer to your place."
"That's true," Iruka told her. "But this is the one that my family has been going to for years."
"Is that right?" she smiled. "And… you came here alone?"
Iruka was about to question her when he took a quick glance around him. There was no sight or clue of a silver haired man was standing with him only a few seconds ago. "I… Yeah," he laughed off.
"You know, if we knew you were coming here, we would have offered you to come with us," Kurenai insisted.
"It really would have helped," Asuma added. Apparently, his time at his girlfriend's wasn't all too pleasant with her father there.
"Heh, it's ok," he told them. "I-I planned on meeting some other friends up here, so I'll talk to you guys later!" he quickly lied. He didn't even give them time to wish him luck on his fortune as he weaved his way into the crowd behind him.
I'm so going to kill Kakashi…
"Ah, so where did you disappear off to?" he heard calling out to him. And there he was, leaning back on one of the many shop posts all around.
"I should be asking you, Kakashi," he mumbled. "I hate having to lie for you."
"But you're getting better at it," he said, lifting himself up. "I can see you're no longer scratching your scar."
"Oh yeah, I didn't notice- Wait, you were watching me?" the brunet asked. Kakashi nodded. "Then why didn't you come by and say 'Hi' or something?"
"I… didn't feel like it…" he replied, glancing away.
"Kakashi… I thought we were over this," he mumbled. He wanted to confront him, but not now, not at this time. So he dropped it. Instead, he reached in his pocket and tossed a small, fabric at Kakashi. "Here."
Fumbling with it at first, Kakashi finally caught the object in his hand and studied it. It was a small amulet, covered in a deep, crimson silk, bearing the city symbol on it in a stunning gold, matching the small bow tied at the top. It even bore a small, silver bell in the bow. "An omamori?"
"Yep!"
"But when did you…" he muttered, studying it.
"I just figured you needed some extra luck before we got an omikuji," he smiled.
"But I can't take-"
"Hey, I bought it for you so you should just take it. It's not going to work for others if it was bought for you," Iruka teased.
Kakashi was planning on to say more, like how he didn't deserve as much as Iruka would. Or more about how it was a big mistake bringing him here. Instead, he smiled behind his scarf, put the omamori in his front chest pocket, and thanked Iruka humbly for the gift. He really is too good.
"Come on, let's get going!" Iruka cheered, pulling Kakashi along again.
Both boys smiled as they made their donation and picked out a single fortune. Both opened them, Kakashi simply while Iruka did it slowly. Kakashi's smile only widened as he got a middle blessing with the fortune 'renai,' meaning romantic relationships, joining it. He glanced over at the brunet, wondering what he got. But Iruka refused to show him, saying something like it would make his fortune null and void. Yet, from what Kakashi could see, his face was beet red. Iruka could never say to him he got a great blessing long with the word 'endan,' meaning engagement.
That was the last time Iruka saw Kakashi.
After their moment at the temple, the senior decided he really needed to get back to his dogs. Although he saw it as a clear lie, Iruka accepted it and let him go. He continued to call and text him afterwards. But almost every time he was left with a voice mail or no response. The only times he got his attention, one of them ended up at the others, talked, and ended in sex.
Iruka thought he finally gotten through to Kakashi about what had happened. He thought maybe now, the senior wouldn't need to continue to hide from everyone else. He did pop up once in a while at school when classes started again, but once Iruka tried to grab his attention, he always found a way out of talking to him, whether it was running off to class, or actually telling him he was busy and needed to leave. In the end, it seemed all he was to Kakashi was someone to fuck. And Iruka hated it.
"Hey, Iruka!" Anko nearly screamed in his ear.
"Ahh! What Anko?" he screamed back.
"Come on, it's lunch!" she told him. "Socialize!"
It took him nearly a minute to realize Kotetsu and Izumo were with them too, eating their lunches. And, to be honest, he wasn't in a socializing mood. "I don't think I want to," he had no problem to say anymore, resting his chin in his hand.
"Man, what's wrong with you? You've been like this since last month!" Kotetsu claimed. Not exactly true… "Come on! Tell us what's wrong!"
"Kotetsu finally has a point there," Izumo added, leaving Kotetsu to lightly shove him. He just laughed in response. "Just that it seems every time you're like this, you barely let anyone in. It's like you're waiting for something to happen to snap you out of it."
They were right. That's all he had been doing. Whenever he was depressed or didn't want to talk, he secluded himself from everyone else. He never wanted to talk about it, just wished it would all go away. He never could face his problems head on, afraid of the consequences. Just like when his parents died.
"Yeah!" Anko exclaimed. "So you better just st-"
"Thanks Kotetsu, Izumo," Iruka said as he shot up in the air and grabbed his coat.
"Y-You're welcome? B-But wait! Where are you going?"
"I'm tired of sitting back and being depressed. I'm not doing it anymore!" he announced as he jolted out of his chair, grabbed his coat and scarf, and left his friends and the room. The class was left shocked, stunned, and speechless. Anko had tried going after him, but Izumo stopped her, saying it that it was about time that their little Iruka grew up.
Meanwhile, Iruka stormed in the hallways. He had enough. He whipped out his phone, quickly texted Kakashi, and headed to the roof.
He didn't wait long. After five minutes waiting outside in the cold, he heard the door open wide and there he was, dressed warmly as well in a scarlet scarf covering most of his face and a long, black coat. Both looked at each other, not a word exchanged for a minute, but soon their demeanors changed, Kakashi regretful and Iruka scornful.
"You… you texted me?" Kakashi asked.
"Figured me threatening to leave you would get your attention," Iruka told him. He figured if he texted 'meet me at the roof or were through!' would work. "So here we are, Kakashi. And I need to know… What's going with you? I… I really need to know!" he demanded.
"Need to know what?"
"What else! Us!"
"Us?"
"What's going on between us!" he confessed. "Don't act stupid! I thought… I thought we were back together!"
"Iruka," Kakashi sighed.
"And don't give me that attitude!" he shouted. "I thought we went through this! You need to stop pushing me and everyone else away! I though… I thought…" he mumbled, his fists shaking. Whether it was out of anger or misery wasn't important now.
"I…" Kakashi managed when he walked over, trying to embrace him, to try to reassure him things were ok, even if it was a lie.
"No! I don't want you to hug me!" he resisted, pushing the other away. "I want to know if there is still a chance! A chance for us…" He tried his best not to cry but the tears wouldn't stop welling up. "I don't… I don't want to be some toy you can play around w-"
Kakashi broke him off with a chaste kiss, cupping his face. "You… will never be a toy to me."
The brunet hooked his hands on his wrists and wanted desperately to shove him away and scream more, but still wanted to hold him tight and believe every word he spoke. "Then… why? You come around, we barely talk before we do it, then you leave. Why… why do you only see me when you need to fuck?" The senior couldn't answer him back. And that was the last straw. "I'm through with you!" he cried, throwing Kakashi's hands down. He couldn't bear to look him in the eyes anymore as he pushed him aside to leave. He didn't want to deal with his bullshit anymore or show him the tears now running down his face.
And that was the last straw for Kakashi. He was fed up with himself.
"Come with me," was all he said, grabbing and yanking Iruka with him by the wrist. He led him off of the school rooftop as they headed downstairs to the entrance.
"K-Kakashi! L-L-Let go of me!" he demanded but the grip only grew stronger. He tried to struggle but it proved only useless. He thrashed his arm, tried to claw and pry away, and even tried to grab onto a pole or something but nothing did the trick. Eventually, he was led out to the school parking lot to a small, dark blue sedan, similar to one that Minato used when coming to work. "W-Wait! This is Minato-sensei's car, isn't it? Kakashi! St-" Kakashi didn't bother to listen as he unlocked the passenger door and shoved the brunet inside. And before Iruka had a chance to get out, he made his way around to the driver's side, got in, and started it up. "You stole his keys, didn't you?" Iruka assumed. "Listen to me! Nothing is-" He was cut off again when Kakashi spun out of the parking spot and started to drive off.
There was no getting out of this now. Iruka scowled at Kakashi while putting on his seatbelt and prepared himself for what was to come.
Both boys didn't utter a single word to each other throughout the entire ride. Or more like Kakashi refused. Iruka had attempted many times but his words fell on deaf ears. So what was the point of trying again? He wasn't listening even if he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Eventually, about a half an hour later, they ended their trip, leaving Iruka speechless as they drove past the main gates of the place. He gulped as Kakashi continued to drive slowly this time, turning again and again until he finally stopped and parked on the curb. He turned off the car and headed outside with Iruka following him.
"I'm pretty sure you can guess where we are," Kakashi said as they walked along and finally stopping in front of a small, granite plaque. He stooped down and pushed away what little snow had build on it.
Iruka remembered this place well. There were many reasons why but didn't want to digress. "…This is your father's grave."
The senior nodded.
Both stood silent for several minutes. Kakashi just stood there, staring blankly at the tombstone. Iruka was puzzled at first, but eventually, he walked closer and bowed his head in respect.
"I did say… I needed to do one more thing…" he recalled from last month, breaking the silence.
"Kakashi…"
"My father… He died twelve years ago… today actually," he spoke.
"T-Today?"
"Yeah… Suicide."
Iruka felt his mouth go dry as his mind froze. Did he really hear right? "…S-Suicide?"
Kakashi nodded. He took in a big breath before continuing on. "Remember that restaurant we went to months ago?" he asked. "The one …Obito knew about because he had family there?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Have you noticed things about it? And other things around the city?"
"What do you mean? You have to be clearer than things." Iruka noted.
"Like how Obito's family, the Uchiha's, are very big in this city?"
"Not really, but now that you mention it…" Iruka began to think back. He did recall seeing the clan symbol often in town. Many restaurants sported it as well as the local police station. Then there were the big corporate buildings. Most if not all the workers who went inside wore a pin on their chest of the crest. How could he not have realized by now?
"Well, according to this city's history, they had a hand in creating it."
"R-Really?"
"Yeah, two guys, Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama. They came together with their families and decided to settle here. But when it came to who would lead the city, there was this giant fight… Although books will say it was political but people will say that there were hits called and people killed," he explained.
"W-What happened?"
"Hashirama won in the end. After his humiliating defeat, Madara refused to stay. Some say that he then tried to join another city and try to lead there. Majority of the rumors say it was Kiri or he went to work over in Iwa. But anyways, after Madara left, the Uchiha's stayed behind and decided to try to blend in with the Senju clan and the rest of the civilians, making a new name for themselves. So they established the police force here. It's mostly dominated by the male family members while the women usually stay as stay-at-home mothers."
"But what about that restaurant?" Iruka inquired.
"That restaurant was opened by a retiree and has his kids help him out. So cops eat there for free. And even me sometimes because of my connections."
"With your father?" the brunet assumed.
"Yeah… He… He was actually a sergeant in the force."
"Wait! I thought you said that the Uchiha's were the police force. Does that mean-"
"I said they established it. Not everyone in there was an Uchiha," he chuckled a little. "Though it did piss them off when a non-Uchiha outranked most of them."
"Your mom must have worried about him constantly," he wondered.
"I can't say for sure… I never really got to know her…"
"Ah, I'm sorry! I-"
"Heh, it's ok, Iruka. You didn't know," he assured. "I only have this one picture of her when I was born. My dad said she died not long after I turned two. I can barely remember her…" he murmured. He brushed it off and continued. "So naturally, it was tough for a single parent to raise a child on his own. My dad was already on the force and with a low pay, he would usually work harder to make sure he provided everything he could for me. Gone for long hours of the day trying to provide food for everyone."
"Kakashi…" he mumbled.
"To be honest, not really. Minato and Kushina… they babysat me. You can say I was kinda like practice for them when they had their own kid."
"I don't think raising you would be comparable to raising Naruto," he laughed and Kakashi joined him a little before resuming his story.
"Either way, being the son of a cop made a bit of an impression on me. I became so proud of him so much that I wanted to be a cop when I got old enough. So I tried to learn all I could so I could follow in his footsteps," he smiled.
"Sounds like you were really proud of him," Iruka smiled too.
"Yeah, I was. But every day, I wondered if he knew deep down I really did, no matter what I said."
"What do you mean?"
"One day, he was on call to go out on a raid. According to the report, a local gang was creating a drug lab out by the port in an abandoned building, producing drugs with a street value in the millions. It was a bunch of these crazy people who would dress in black with a red cloud sewn on to their coat chests. This would have been the police force's biggest raid yet. So some went undercover months earlier to gain trust with the gang members, waiting for the perfect moment to bust them. And then that day came, to catch them in the act. Yet, things didn't turn out as well as planned."
"…What happened?"
"One of the members found out someone was wearing a wire and killed him on the spot. Obito's father."
"His father was a cop, too?" the brunet asked, shocked.
"I thought we made it clear that majority of the Uchiha is on the force."
"Ah, sorry…"
Kakashi just laughed it off. "My dad overheard it on the wire and sent his comrades in. The thugs fled but not before setting the place on fire. The place was so old, the fire spread like crazy, easily tearing down the place as well as destroying the evidence. Even some of the beams were falling and had dropped on some of his fellow cops. So he was left with two choices: Go after the criminals and try to save the drugs or go and save his comrades."
"What did he do?"
"He saw Obito's father die already and didn't want more to die. He ordered his strongest men to help lift the beam and get the others out of there while the others went after the gang members."
"What happened after that?"
"Everyone else survived. They caught a few of the guys as well, one was a leader. But the drugs were destroyed so they had no solid evidence on them. Most of it came from the drugs or Obito's father's knowledge. Both were gone so they were forced to let them go."
"That must have been tough for everyone…" Iruka thought. He never knew much about Obito's family, though now it made sense why his mother was bawling at his funeral. To lose two people in your life in a short time was hard to deal with. Iruka knew for a fact.
"It was, especially for my dad." He paused again as the memories rushed back in. "Everyone… everyone started to blame him for what had happened, even those who he saved."
"What? Are you serious? But-but he saved their lives! How can they-"
"I know, I know, but that didn't stop them. He went into a depression after that, forced to take a leave of absence and was put on medication. But… I think it was because of me, after what I said to him that drove him over the edge," Kakashi said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I… I found him one day, wallowing in his self pity again in the living room… I was sick and tired of looking at him, seeing him as noting more but a failure. So… I said it to his face. I said to him… that he was nothing but a failure… that I hated being his son, and that I hated him… and I wished he would just die…" he muttered the last part.
"…But it wasn't true, was it? Kakashi?"
"No… I was only eight at the time and I was just mad at him. But he took it to heart. The only family he had… hated him. I left to go to the convenient store and grabbed a few things for dinner that night and lunch the next day… He wasn't that great of a cook. I came home and he wasn't in the living room anymore. I just assumed he went to his room to mope some more. So I made dinner for myself, did my homework, and I went off to bed. I opened his door to tell him goodnight, but he didn't respond. I opened the door wider and noticed he wasn't in his bed. I went inside and that's when I found him… he was lying on the floor next to his bed… his gun near his hand and blood everywhere around his head, just splattered…" He found himself speechless as he felt himself compelled to hold back his tears.
"…Kakashi, are you ok?" Iruka asked as he walked over and clasped his hand, lacing his fingers with his, holding it tight.
Kakashi refused to look back at him, letting him see him crying. "Y-Yeah, thanks," he said as rubbed his eye, brushing away any tears. "The police came by and cleaned everything up, even made up a report that he had died during a home invasion. Even after what they had done to him, all the ridicule, they did that for him like it was supposed to make everything better."
"But what happened to you? Don't tell me you were left alone by yourself," Iruka said, concerned.
"No…" he said, squeezing Iruka's hand back. "Minato offered to take me in, seeing that he and Kushina had room. At that time, they were trying to have a child but failed numerous times, and since they knew me growing up, I was practically a son to them anyways. I didn't mind though. Minato and Kushina are really great people," he grinned wide behind his scarf. "That's why I'm glad they were finally able to conceive."
"They had Naruto," Iruka said as he smiled with him.
"I didn't want to be in their way and I was of age by then so I moved out. It helped that my dad had a large amount of money on his life insurance and left it to me."
"Your home now."
"Had to get a place with a big yard," he chuckled. "Minato and Kushina offered to bring in the dogs too, but the place became so cramped because of them. I felt sorry for Bull. Although they were all still pups around that time, he was still so big, he could barely move around inside," he chuckled a little.
Iruka laughed as well, imagining the sight. "So… you're here to say you're sorry to him?"
"No… I've already done that many times. I don't know if he forgives me though. No matter what I did when I was young, he would punish me, but would never stay mad."
"From what you told me, it seems like you never had anything to apologize for in the first place," Iruka assured him, putting his hand on the senior's shoulder.
"Thank you, Iruka," he spoke, placing his own hand over his.
The brunet nodded. "Then… why are we here?"
"To explain my story to you… To share something personal with you like you did… and to have some courage to say I'm sorry."
"K-Kakashi…" Iruka started to moan, moving his hand back to his side.
"Iruka…" he said, grabbing the brunet's hand again, finger interlocking. "I do… I do love you… so much I don't know where to begin. If I had to, I would apologize to you again and again or anything you wished until you would forgive me for breaking up with you and for my recent behavior."
"Kakashi," Iruka said, looking back at him. "I cannot forget it, though. You really did hurt me. Breaking up with me when you needed someone like me the most. Then when we seemed to get things back on track, you seemed practically used me. And then you take me out here and tell me about your father… and do you really expect me to take you back so easily?" he asked of him.
"No…" Kakashi said, sounding beaten, letting go of the freshman's hand. "I brought you here because I felt you had a right to know where I come from. Losing Obito wasn't the first time I lost someone because of me…"
"But Kakashi," Iruka muttered. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's not your-"
"I know, I know," he repeated. "Just… I've already lost two people in my life. Another without even knowing her. All I thought about was losing someone else I loved…. I was worried about losing you forever."
"Kakashi…"
"Having you take me back would have been nice, but it's something I'm going to leave to you. I can't force you to take me back. I want for you to forgive me, give me another chance because somewhere deep down, you still love me too and think this can still work." Iruka could only stare at Kakashi, unable to respond. What could he say after that? After all of this? "Come on, I'll drive you back. I doubt we can get back to the school in time so I'll just drop you off at home."
Iruka nodded and followed Kakashi back to the car without saying another word. The car ride was tense. Kakashi wanted to say anything that would make Iruka be his lover again, but after everything, it might have been best to leave him to his thoughts. And he was right. Iruka was thinking. Thinking over everything he had gone through. He became the center of the school's attention, was forced to cross dress, nearly raped by someone who would remain nameless in his thoughts, hooked up with the school's declared most wanted senior, got close to the senior class elite, ended up being suspended for the first time in his life, lost one friend, broke up, and lost his virginity. All because he was running late to class on his first day and happened to crash his bike into this guy. He hid his smirk from Kakashi.
Kakashi was right. Classes would be over in ten minutes when they came back so there was no point of going back there. He could grab his things tomorrow or call someone from class to drop it off. He parked in front of Iruka's place, leaving the car running, waiting for the freshman to get out.
"…Walk me inside?" Iruka asked him.
Kakashi looked at him, surprised. "Ah, y-yeah."
Both got out and walked the little distance to Iruka's front door from the car. They stood outside for what seemed like eternity until one spoke up.
"Wait for me," Iruka asked Kakashi.
"Hmm?"
"…Can you do that? Wait for me? Wait for me to take you back. Wait until I think you have suffered enough for making me suffer. Promise?" he offered.
"Iruka…" He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Offer's on the table if you want it, but it's only for a short time," he said. "Going once… going twice…"
"Ah- Yeah, Iruka! Sure, I promise!" he rushed. "B-But-"
"Because," he whispered before locking lips with Kakashi. This time around, it was him showing the senior around, their tongues dancing, the kiss sensual. He found his hands roaming the senior's chest, crawling upward, finding their way around the scarf and buried deep within his wild mane. Kakashi couldn't keep his hands to himself as well, grazing down the freshman's sides, fingers daring to go under the coat. It was this both were craving, both were missing. A kiss, not led by lust, but laced with tender love, the same emotion they both had when they first starting going out, when they truly believed that their love was perfect. But before things got too intense, Iruka backed off, lips still moist, hot breath on Kakashi's. "I still love you, you idiot," he smiled.
"…I love you too," Kakashi said, kissing him again, trying to resume what they had. But Iruka was quick to stop him, putting a hand over his mouth.
"So that means no kissing!" the brunet declared.
"No kissing? Wait-"
"Or any physical contact."
"But Iru-"
"Or any kind of contact until I say so!"
"But-"
"Take it or leave it!" Iruka demanded.
"Just… can I have some kind of estimate 'til you take me back?" Kakashi asked of him.
"Kakashi…" Iruka told him sternly, glaring at him, unwavering from his stance.
"F-Fine, fine. I'll take it. But… I think I need some help," he told him. "Something I can look forward to for next time," he teased, hooking Iruka's chin.
"Kakashi…" Iruka whispered again as their faces got closer. But before their lips touched, a loud crash from a door left Iruka inside and Kakashi out in the cold. "I said no contact!" he told him behind the door.
The senior stood outside, pleading for Iruka to either come out or let him in. But Iruka stood firm on his stance. And besides, it was fun. For once, he had Kakashi wrapped around his little finger. But really, he was smiling, knowing that Kakashi was slowly becoming his old self again.
A/N: Slowly things are coming back together but how long will it take when there's only 2 more chapters to go! Find out in February!
Also, please check out the current contest I'm holding about this fic! Information can be found on my dA account. Name is Mockingbyrd!
And remember, please continue to read and review!~ It's what fuels the fanfic!~ I love it how many people already love this fic!~