Marinette's POV
It's been three days after the fight between me and Chat Blanc. It's been three nights since I last had a good night's rest. I haven't slept basically at all; nightmares plague me every time I close my eyes. They are so vivid, so real that I never sleep longer than ten minutes at a time. There are bags under my eyes and I'm spacing out more than usual. Alya and my parents would sometimes give me worried glances and would ask if I'm ok. I would simply say that I'm staying up for the exams that are coming up. It seems to work as they stopped asking me, at least for the time being. The only one who knows the truth is Tikki.
Tikki. I look at Tikki who is currently sleeping on a pillow on my desk. As of late, I and Tikki have been, well, distant from each other. I suppose it's my fault, I've been closing myself to her after the fight. I...I dont know why, I just started talking less and being more secluded, which is hard since she has to be constantly on my person. I take a shaky breathe and pull my hand down my face, tears filling my eyes.
I stare at my hands, the moon light streaming through the window shining on the tears gathered on there, giving my hands an almost ethereal, morning dew look. I...I dont know what to do anymore, it's my fault this happened. I...maybe I shouldve fought harder, tried better. I should have listened to him. I'm just so clumsy, I mess everything up. I...I can't do nothing right, nothing. I can't even save my friend. I dig my nails into my arms; I grit my teeth against each other, tears streaming down my face like salty rivers. 'Clumsy, mistake, waste of space, can't do anything right, why are you even a hero?'
I open my eyes and gasp to myself, "Why even am I a hero?" I pull on my pigtails and bury my face in my knees as more horrible thoughts come.