(THIS IS A SLASH STORY. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SLASH PLEASE DO NOT READ)
Fic title: Real Gone
Song: Real Gone by Cheryl Crow
Pairings: Ric Flair/Roddy Piper
Characters: Ric Flair/Roddy Piper
Mentions of: -
Rated: T
Disc: Not my men or song, I don't make any claims on anyone's sexuality. It's all for fun
Summary: Ric takes his caddy into be repaired.
Genre: General
Special note: This happened to someone I know and to my mechanic. Couldn't resist writing a story about it; but what happens is very exaggerated for laughs.
00000000000
1985
00000000000
A white caddy, sleek and polished, pulled up in front of Piper's Pit Stop. Roddy recognized that engine anywhere. It could only belong to one man, and it was the only car he ever owned that made it past the one year mark ownership wise. He grinned out the slightly grimy windows of the garage watching as the one and only Ric Flair stepped out of the driver's side.
The blonde man ran a hand through his signature fluffy locks, taking off his sunglasses as he appraised the small repair shop. It wasn't too large, having only three bays, and from the looks of the only other car in the lot was Roddy's. That was fine enough; after Roddy was done there'd be plenty of privacy to get reacquainted with his good friend.
The door to one of the bays opened up. "Hah!" Roddy proclaimed loudly and embraced his friend. "Man, I missed you. I really missed you. What are you doing here in Oregon?"
"Wellllllllllllllll, I had a bit of a problem with a tire." He kicked the driver's side tire. "It's a bit flat. And I missed you too! It's gonna take me a bit before I get used to seeing you in coveralls instead of trunks and a kilt."
"Yeah… The transition for me wasn't easy either. But hell. At least I can actually fix your car before it explodes." He grinned at him before turning his attention on the car. Roddy let go of his friend to get a better look. He made an impressed noise at the state of affairs that the damaged tire was actually in. "A little? It really doesn't look too bad. You actually brought it in on time before it exploded, went flat as a board, or you having worn down the rims. I'm impressed. When did you notice it was going flat?"
"About Utah. And I only had one explode on me- I still don't think you can really blame that one on me either." Ric returned Roddy's slack jawed expression of surprise with a sheepish one. "What? Maybe I actually learned something from you about taking better care of the caddy fleet."
"No- you're too damn stubborn. And lazy. Mix those two together? You get a Ric Flair. You got lucky, man." He couldn't help but smile and shake his head. Ric Flair was Ric Flair.
"…You may be right there, Pipes." He smiled back, tossing Roddy the keys. "Could ya patch it for me? I think I musta hit a nail some place. It's a new tire, so it's kinda frustratin'."
"Yeah, I think I can do that for ya, Ric. Go on in and read some of the magazines I got in there. It shouldn't take long. It has to be one hell of a small leak." Roddy patted his back, watching his friend make his way into the shop.
Ric sat down in a chair, shifting casually through the magazines on the table. He made a slight face, wondering where the hell Roddy got these. They were so randomly collected he wondered if his long time friend kept ones people left behind instead of having to actually buy new ones. Choosing bowling between fly fishing and surgical supplies, he flopped down into a metal and patented leather chair to read. He wondered if he should have told Roddy about the eight cans of fix a flat he shoved into the tire to make sure he actually made it to Oregon, but shrugged it off turning to a page on customized bowling balls.
Meanwhile, Roddy cast a look to the halo of platinum hair sitting in the waiting room through the large glass separating the shop from the customers. It kept noise from the shop out of the waiting room and allowed him to make sure no shenanigans went on in his waiting room. He hadn't seen Ric in so long. The man never failed to look fantastic in his expensive suits and well kept hair. Ric wore a whitish-cream colored one today, with a lavender shirt on underneath. No tie, partially buttoned up, with a pair of expensive looking sunglasses hanging in the front. He looked completely into one of the magazines he picked up, brow furrowed, and lips pressed in a thin line of concentration.
Roddy uttered a soft, longing sigh, slowly undoing the cap on the tire to let out the remaining air. But instead of air, he was greeted with a steady stream of greenish foam in the face. "Awp! AUGH!" He gasped out, getting fully covered in the foam. He tried to find the cap in the mess but it slipped right out of his fingers and into the steadily collecting mass on the floor.
Ric was unaware of the chaos going on in the other side of the glass. He turned another page oblivious to Roddy's frantic waving, idly wondering if he could have a bowling ball made with silver butterfly designs embossed in the surface.
Roddy gave up trying to get Ric's attention as he went back to getting the cap. He dug it out of the foam on the ground, heading over to try and cap the tire. Once he reached it, it stopped spewing out the foam at will. "A' course it'd do that." He grunted and placed the cap on the completely deflated tire. He went over to wipe off his face with a rag before turning his attention to Ric. He smacked his lips in annoyance, looking around at all the foam covering absolutely everything close to the tire. He tapped his foot, trying to decide on what to do. Rant and rave? Or get even. Ric was wearing a white suit after all.
0000000000000000000000000
Ric tossed the magazine down when he was finished, glancing to his right to see how Roddy was doing on his tire. Surprised to see no Roddy and a mysterious green goop covering everything, he scratched at his head in wonder. "Hm. Maybe I shoulda told him about the fix a flat." He gulped and startled a bit when he heard the sound of the door to the shop opening up. There stood Roddy, covered mostly from head to toe in green foam.
"Ohhh shit. Uhm. Hey Roddy." He winced. "Eheh- found the fix a flat huh? …There was only eight cans in the tire." He gulped hard.
Roddy stared at Ric while he fidgeted uncomfortably under the gaze. "I am the green slime monster. Coming to prey on your white suit! Come get your hug." He growled and lunged for Ric. The older man yelped and dodged the slime, heading for the door to the shop to escape. Once he rounded the corner, he failed to notice all the glop covering the floor. He took a slide in the foam, landing flat on his back. He let out an agonized howl, looking down in dismay at his ruined suit.
Roddy stood over him, chuckling before helping him up. He embraced him hard, getting the stuff all over Ric's front. "Always tell your mechanic about the fuckin' fix a flat, Ric."
"I'll never forget now." He simpered and looked to the mess on his torso. "Did you have to hug me, Pipes? Really? Did you have to?"
"Of course. You had to match your back. Can't have ya goin' out in that suit with only one part of it partially colored." Roddy reached out and patted his shoulder. "Even though ya made a mess, I still missed you and all our crazed adventures."
"Same. Even though ya ruined one of my suits."
"Welllllllllllllllll, I do have a suggestion for ya in regards to that suit."
Ric made his way through the goop to clean off his glasses. "N' what would that be? To take it off?" He snickered slightly, leaning back into Roddy once he felt his arms circle his waist. Roddy reached out to grab the rag, cleaning off the side of Ric's face.
"Ya may look good in green, but not on your skin."
Ric nodded and chuckled. "Agreed. Ya got a shower back here some place?"
Roddy snickered. "Sure, but it's only for employees."
"Oh really? Ya don't got any room for the nature boy back there?" Ric asked turning around in Roddy's arms, looking into his eyes with a big pout on his face.
"I got maybe enough room for me…" He watched Ric's pout turn up a notch. "And maybe you. Buuuuuuuuuuut only if you take it with me. Hurry up." He whipped Ric in the ass with a towel. "I want to get reacquainted with you, but right now, we're both covered in flammable foam."
"I don't want to ignite myself or you with my white hot sexiness. I am the natich, after all. A pure supernova of-" Ric paused staring indignantly at Roddy who was doubled over in laughter.
"Sexy like swamp thing..!" He choked out and slapped his knee.
Ric looked at him, and with all the dignity he could muster with foam dripping down his hair and onto the floor. "Lead the way, Pipes before I change my mind about you getting any."
FIN