Aubrey sat down at her kitchen table, her head in her hands as she stared blankly at the hot cup of tea in front of her. Jax was still asleep in the guest room but she couldn't bring herself to rest. The thought of Jax doing all those horrible things weighed heavy on her. She knew he was mysterious, knew he had a history that was eating him alive but this was not what she'd imagined. He'd had an entire life before he got here. He'd been married twice. Divorced. Widowed. He'd had two baby boys. He'd killed his mother and stepfather, among hundreds of others.
So... why wasn't she more concerned? Why wasn't she scared? Why did the thought of him being in so much pain pull at her heart strings? Why? It wasn't something she could answer. The defeated look on his face told her that he was punishing himself more than anyone else could. She grabbed the cup, holding it in her hand for a moment, watching it ripple before a sip and letting of a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.
She couldn't let this man destroy himself over something he was thrown into. How could he know any better when his whole world revolved around violence and lies? It made no sense that she was defending him against her own judgemental thoughts but she was. Her heart and her mind were at war with the idea of Jax Teller.
Footsteps caught her attention and she looked up to see a disheveled looking man coming into the kitchen in nothing but the shorts he'd fallen asleep in. His usual slicked back hair was laid back and frizzed from tossing and turning. His bright blue eyes were darkened and red. Her eyes wandered down his hard body to three large scars under good left pec before she lowered them again to stare at her tea.
"What are you doing up?" She asked as he approached the table, taking a seat across from her. "Its 3am."
"I could ask you the same." He retorted.
She lifted her eyes to meet his again. The sadness she'd seen before was now mixed with concern. She didn't know what to tell him. She didn't know why she was up. This should be a no questions asked situation. He was a criminal. An all around bad guy. The only logical thing to do is fire him and make him leave town. But that was the last thing she wanted. Deep down in her heart, she wanted to protect him. Save him from any and all heart break.
"You want some tea?"
"Got anything stronger?"
"Beer?"
"Please."
Though she hesitated, she was in no mood to argue. Getting up from the seat, she lowered her shirt slightly to cover her panties as she walked over to the fridge, returning with a cold beer. Sitting back at the table, the two sat in comfortable silence before Jax spoke up again.
"Had a dream about my boys..." He said catching her attention. "They came to find me. Thomas didn't recognize me but Abel did. He just kept asking why. Why I let Tara die. Why I abandoned them."
She listened to him speak. This was the first time he'd freely opened up on his own, without her pushing for more. It was good in a way, to have him release the pain need been holding so deep inside. It was the first step towards getting better. This was never something he would get over but getting past it would be a long process. He paused for a moment, taking a long pull from his beer before looking up at meet her expectant eyes.
"I don't know if I did the right thing, Aubrey. I struggle with it day in and day out. The only thing I do know, is they'd never have a good life with a dad like me."
"You may think that, but there are worse people than you out there. Parents who don't even give a shit about their kids. You don't see it now, but your boys would've been fine. You didn't go back to that life, Jax. You moved on. You came here to start a quiet life. One that they would thrive in. So why did you really leave them with your ex?"
He looked into her eyes, taken aback by her bluntness. "Because this was never planned..." He admitted quietly. More to himself than to her. "When I left, I took the bike my dad had died on. I had full intentions of letting go of the handle bars and drifting off into the next 18 Wheeler. Going out like my old man did. But when it came down to it, I couldn't. I chickened out like a coward."
"Jesus, Jackson." She mumbled under her breath. "Why?"
"What reason do I have to live, Aub." He shrugged his shoulders in defeat. "I can never face my sons again. I failed them. I failed their mother. They were the most important people in my life but having me in theirs was a tragedy waiting to happen."
Aubrey stood up, walking over to his side of the table before kneeling down in front of him. Her soft hands cupping his cheeks. Her fingertips gently running through the hairs of his beard as his eyes stared into hers. That anguish behind causing her heart to break.
"Those boys need to be with their father. They belong with you, Jax. Bring them home. Here. They deserve that. You won't have to do this alone. We're all here to help you -" He lowered his gaze, unable to face her but she just lifted his chin. "I'm here to help you."
Jax looked down into her bright blue eyes. Even in the redness from lack of sleep, they glistened like little blue gems. Even in her night shirt, her hair in messy waves, her face free of any make up, she was beautiful. Genuine in every sense of the word. She cared. He wasn't sure why but she did. He'd opened himself up to her more than anyone he'd ever known and she looked at him free of any judgment. Tara knew parts of his life, the club knew others - but Aubrey - Aubrey knew all of it. From both sides. From every angle. She'd sat there and listened to every single thing he'd ever done, ever regretted and not once did the look on her face turn to disgust.
Now here she was, listening to his frequent nightmare and showing concern for his boys. The thought of Thomas and Abel being here with him made his heart beat quicker. There was nothing he would want more than to start over for them. He had no doubt that the people of Maple Hill would help him. They truly cared. There wasn't any backhand expectations. No deals. They helped because they were neighbors and just like Andy had said... 'round here, neighbors and friends were the same thing.
What stuck out to him the most was her willingness to help him. To help his boys. She had no reason to. Most of the time they were at each other's throats. He was sure she hated him, yet here they were. Here she was. Sitting here at 3 in the morning, being the voice of reason. Offering any and everything he needed.
He gazed into her eyes until his lips lowered to meet hers. The taste of sweet tea still lingering on them as ran his tongue slowly over them. She parted them slightly, allowing his tongue to roam her mouth as it brushed against hers, slowly at first but then the hunger kicked in.
Jax placed his hands onto her tiny waist, lifting her up onto his lap so she straddled him and deepened the kiss. Her heard her let out a small moan as he sat her on his already hard member. Her fingertips gently running along his back leaving trails of fire on his skin. With all the women he'd been with, none of them had this effect on him. Aubrey's touch was electric. It woke all of his senses and left him yearning for more at any lack of contact.
This woman against him was something special. She was strong and soft at all the right times. Maybe he was more like Andy than he thought? Maybe he did need a woman by his side in order to function. Maybe she was the woman for him. No she could never replace would always have his heart. But Aubrey... Aubrey would be his savior from himself. Aubrey would help him make things right.
His hands ran up her bare thighs until he felt this soft cotton cloth of her boy shorts before he slid them up the back of her shirt. The cool touch of his hand callused hands against the heat of the satin skin on her back caused her to let out another mesmerizing sound. Jax pulled her tighter against him as her hips began to move on his, her fingers running through his hair as she kissed him deeper, full of need. She tugged his hair slightly,, causing him to growl into their kiss.
Aubrey pulled away slowly, her forehead leaning against his as they breathed heavily. Her eyes remained closed until she caught her breath. His hand reached up to caress her cheek softly when she opened her eyes to look down at his.
"Jax." She whispered.
"Shh."
He insisted. His lips meeting hers again and though she hesitated momentarily, she quickly gave in. Her hands cupping his cheeks as she pulled him in closer. The comfort of her touch clearing his mind of everything. It had been so long since he'd wanted the touch of another woman. Especially one that meant more to him than a one night fuck.
Standing up with her in his arms, he walked towards the bedrooms. Their lips never parting on the walk down the hallway. Kicking open the door, he laid her back against the bed, sliding himself up between her legs. Her lips moved down lower to his neck and he couldn't stop himself from groaning under his breath. Her touch, her hot mouth, her legs wrapped around him. Everything felt so intoxicating.
He ran his hand down her body, grabbing the ends of her shirt to pull yank it off over her head. Pulling away slightly he took sight of her beautiful round breasts as they pressed against his bare chest. Even in the dark he could see the blush of red that had swept her cheeks. It brought a small smirk to his face that he could have that effect on her. As he made his way down her thin neck to her chest, he popped one of her hardened nipples in his mouth, his tongue slowly stroking it, eliciting a low moan from her.
Aubrey's fingertips ran through his hair, tugging it slightly to bring him back up to her lips as her free hand worked on pushing down his boxers. His hands traveled down to her panties, his fingers curling over the edge of their soft waistband as he tugged them down her legs. Her breathing got heavier the lower they went but just as he was making his way down, his phone went off. Both of them froze, looking at each other confused. Who the fuck would be calling him at this time? Whatever, now was not the time for this. Jax leaned back down to kiss her soft skin once again but the phone began to ring for a second time.
"Jax." She leaned up on her elbows. "Check who it is."
"They can wait." He whispered, his lips returning to meet hers but she pushed him back, nodding her head towards the phone.
With a sigh, he looked at the screen to see Norma calling. "It's Norma." He placed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"
Aubrey watched as his face went from annoyed to concerned in a matter of seconds. "What is it?" she asked as she sat up immediately.
"It's Jerry. He had a heart attack. They're at Maple Hill Memorial right now."