Author's Note: Guess who got her laptop back. That's right I did. In order of celebration here is the next chapter. PLEASE review to let me know your thoughts and what I need to work on. Constructive criticism is welcomed, not bashing or flaming. As always updates will be on Saturdays, but I might start to update on Wednesdays as well. I haven't decided yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters. They belong to Hiro Mashima.
Chapter 9: Lucy POV
Strong, muscular arms surrounded me as I gasped, and I clawed at my throat, fighting against the horrifying experience of not being able to breathe. Despite the disorientation and confusion, I sank deeper into his warmth, loving how his body folded around mine. I coughed and gasped some more, and little by little, clarity returned. Cold, harsh reality doused the warm and fuzzies.
Natsu had tried to choke me. I struggled from his hold and made it to the edge of the bed before he trapped me in his arms again. "Where do you think you're going?"
"You fucking choked me!"
"You fucking came."
"Are you trying to kill me? Do you hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you that much, Lucy." He moved one arm from my waist and wound a fist in my hair. "You need to remember I'm the one in control here. Just because you have a hot vagina doesn't mean you can disobey me. When I say no orgasms, I mean no orgasms."
Intense hurt welled, unstoppable, and I let out a sob. More followed until I was bawling like a baby. He'd taken something from me—something I'd held onto for years. He'd taken my first time with him, had sullied the memory with his cruelty. That was something I'd never get back, and it hurt so incredibly bad because he didn't seem fazed. I was just another piece of ass. Even worse, I was someone who deserved his contempt. I did deserve his hatred, but I didn't deserve to die. "Stop crying, or I'll put you back in the cellar."
"Why do you have to be such an asshole?"
"Why did you have to send me to prison?" he shot back, adding another painful yank on my hair.
"I didn't want to. God, Natsu…I didn't want to."
"I'm done tiptoeing around this. Either tell me why you did it, or I'll choke you again." Another sob escaped, and I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. He rolled me onto my back, pinned both wrists to the mattress with one hand, and circled my throat with the other. My pulse pounded out of control. But he didn't apply pressure. Instead, he stared into my eyes, as if searching for an answer.
"Please…don't. Please…" More tears seeped from my eyes and dripped down the sides of my face. He leaned down and licked them up.
"Either tell me the truth, or you go nighty-night again."
"Please!" I begged. "I didn't want to do it. Natsu…you have no idea."
"Oh, I think I do. That's the interesting thing about being locked up, Lucy. I had way too much time to think. You wanted me, only I wasn't giving in, was I?" He lowered his face until we were nose to nose. "You couldn't handle the rejection." I didn't know if I was more appalled or indignant over his assumptions. "Admit it! You were nothing but a pampered, spoiled little brat, and you didn't think twice about throwing me away like trash when you didn't get what you wanted."
"I loved you!" I screamed into his face. "I loved you so fucking much." I turned my head and wished the mattress would split open and swallow me. Oh, God. I was ten shades of mortified. His silence weighed more heavily than his body did.
He flexed his fingers around my locked wrists. "You have a funny way of showing it," he finally said.
I had no answer to that. His hand twitched around my throat, still threatening punishment. "Please, Natsu," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Don't do this."
"Don't do this? You have no idea what you did," he said. "I want to squeeze every last breath from you. I want to fucking break you until your nothing but pieces in my arms."
"Please," I gasped.
"They raped me in there, Lucy."
I couldn't breathe, and not because his hands threatened to shut off my air, but for the first time, I really allowed myself to see what I'd done to him. "Kill me," I said, hot, salty drops of regret trickling into my mouth. "I deserve it." He narrowed his eyes—eyes suddenly bright with pain—and pressed harder on my throat. My mouth opened, and I gasped as spots floated in the air. The room narrowed, walls closing in a little more with each thump of my heart. I thought it would pound out of my chest. "Do it," I squeaked.
"Fuck me," he choked out. The vulnerability in his tone tore me in two. He let go of my throat, and I sucked in the air until I thought my lungs would burst.
"I wish I could take it back," I said, squeezing my eyes shut. I'd caused him so much pain, had ruined his life. I'd done this to the only guy I'd ever loved. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I said it over and over, wishing he'd believe me, wishing I could turn back time. "If you need to talk about it—"
"Shut up." He returned me to my side and trapped me against his body. "It's late. Get some damn sleep." Instead of returning me to the cellar, he clung to me, one hand fisting my hair while the other claimed my breast. His legs tangled with mine.
I knew this conversation was far from over. He wouldn't stop until he got the truth, and I wondered how long I could hold out. How many choke holds could I handle? How many hours suspended by my wrists, alone in the cold, dank cellar? How many times could I withstand him torturing me with sex? I brought my fists up, pressed them to tremble lips, and dug sharp fingernails into my palms. When it came to Natsu, I never knew what was coming next, and I didn't know what he was capable of, especially in light of his admission. I shuddered to think of what he'd been through. I was a pampered, spoiled brat. Selfish to the core.
I should have stopped it. I should have spoken up and told the police the truth, but as the first hours passed, most of them spent in a state of shock, I lost what small bit of courage I might have possessed. Hours turned into days…days into months…months into years. All the while, Natsu had been in hell. For all the tough guy front he put up, I believed he did care about me, somewhere inside him where the guy I remembered still existed. He might have loved me, if things had turned out differently. If I hadn't wrecked him. Life was what it was. I couldn't change the past. I could only deal with the present as it hurtled toward me.
Sometime later, his breathing evened into gentle snores, and I carefully tugged my hair from his fist and lifted his warm palm from my breast. Little by little, I extricated myself from his hold and crawled from the bed. When a floorboard creaked under my foot, I froze, fear rising in my throat in the form of a lump. He didn't move. I swallowed hard and inched toward the panel that would drop the ladder onto the first floor. God, I was quaking like a leaf. The situation reminded me of one of those scary movies I used to make Hibiki watch with me—the ones where I'd yell at the heroine, lamenting her stupidity because there was no way she was getting out of there alive. I had to. For both our sakes.
I didn't hold anything against him. The horrors he'd experienced in prison were my fault. I wouldn't take that from him, wouldn't attempt to deflect blame. We all made choices, some good, some bad. When it came to bad decisions, Natsu and I were batting one for one. So I had to get out of there before the situation escalated and he did something we'd both regret. I kept his sleeping form in my periphery and released the ladder. It dropped to the floor with a ridiculous amount of racket, and my whole body stiffened. He rolled over, underneath the layers of blankets, and for a moment I wanted to crawl back into bed with him.
What a ridiculous notion. As soon as his soft snores resumed, a burst of adrenaline shot through me. I climbed down the steps and landed with a soft thud on the hardwood floor. I turned in the darkened room, thankful for the heavy rain hitting the roof in a cacophony of taps and dings. Under the cover of noise and shadow, I rushed through the house in search of my clothes. Heck, I'd settle for a jacket at this point. If need be, I'd walk out of that house buck-naked. I headed toward the kitchen, hoping to find a coat in the closet by the door.
Turning the corner, I shook with a mixture of anticipation and dread. It was deja vu, and I was back in my house on the night of my engagement, preparing to take hold of freedom with both hands, to hell with the consequences. I smashed into a body, and at first, I thought it was Natsu until the deep voice registered—a voice I didn't recognize. "What are you doing wandering around by yourself?"
"Natsu!" I screamed, turning and running toward the loft, as if my life depended on it. I screamed for him again as my feet threatened to slide across the hardwood. I was in such a frantic hurry to get up the ladder that my foot slipped on the first rung, and my chin hit the wood hard. I fell on my ass, my jaw throbbing, and palmed my breasts as a figure loomed over me.