Tonks opened her heavy eye lids slowly.
A shaft of early morning sunlight was falling through a gap in the thick emerald velvet curtains. There were particles of dust weaving through the beam, teasing it almost, getting closer and then drifting away.
Her eyes followed around the room and saw Sirius in the exact same armchair she had seen him fall asleep in. His chest was rising and falling to a gentle rhythm. His eyelids were fluttering slightly as dreams passed beneath them and his dark hair was falling elegantly onto his face.
She was curled up on the settee with her cheek resting on the soft material, the quilt still cocooning her. She was so warm and comfortable she didn't think she could ever move from this. She saw Remus sitting on the floor with his legs tucked up to his chin; his hands were clamped around a hot cup of coffee. The familiar smell drifted on the strands of steam spiralling out of his mug. She soaked him up with her eyes. He looked tired, as if he'd barely slept at all. His brown jumper hung from his frame. His eyes were staring into the fireplace. The fire had long been extinguished and all that was left was a pile of charred logs. Yet his eyes were distant, thoughtful. His chest rising and falling slowly.
She closed her eyes as the familiar feeling entered her chest again. The desire for him to want her as much as she wanted him. To know that maybe there was some small way that one day he'd feel like she did.
It was going to be as hard as this for a long time. The sentence had been falling on her for a while now. His silhouette was still visible with her eyes closed. The hardest thing was to have him sit so close to her but for it mean nothing. Every time their bare skin brushed each other it was nothing more than an accident, it didn't mean anything. Every time their eyes met across a crowded room or the kitchen table and sent electricity through her veins, it was only her feeling it. It tore her insides, and there was no relief. She knew it was going to be hard, just not this hard.
But she knew she would have to stop being so selfish. After all it was one of the things she admired most about Remus, his ability to look beyond his own pain and do all he could to prevent harm from falling upon as many other people as he could.
She opened her eyes again. She shifted her body to stretch out her spine and his head turned towards her.
He gave her a sleepy smile and brushed his hair out of his eyes.
"Morning," he whispered to her.
"Morning," she mouthed back.
He gestured silently to the kitchen.
She got up slowly trying to be careful not to wake Sirius. She followed Remus out of the door, their feet padding softly down the hall.
When they reached the kitchen they both resumed their usual places across the table from each other. He placed his mug down on the wood, his jumper crunching softly.
The white porcelain mug showed a moving animation. A young grey wolf was running happily around the side of the mug, occasionally it would stop to chase its own tail. A small smile appeared on her face. His eyes followed hers. "My father bought it for me when I was a boy," he smiled slightly, "I think he thought it would make me slightly more accepting of my predicament."
"Did it?" She asked. The grey wolf began rolling around on the drawn ground.
"I'm not sure," he spoke in his slight voice, "no, I don't think it did."
He shook his head suddenly, "would you like a drink? Coffee? Tea?"
"Tea would be great, thank you." She wanted to ask him more about it, but she couldn't find the right words.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked while rising from the table.
"Yes, thank you," she was glad he didn't mention what happened last night, she was finding it hard to meet his eyes completely. She was also very embarrassed to find she was still in her pyjamas, which consisted of small pink shorts and a polka dot t-shirt. "Did you?"
"That's good to hear. I did, right up until Sirius started talking in his sleep to some girl called Janet. He was telling her how wonderful she looked in her little black dress." He turned from the kettle with a grin that lifted his cheeks.
She giggled, "Wow. How long do you think he'll sleep for?"
Remus glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner, "it could be a good three hours yet. In school he was always the last to leave the dormitory. Before our potions OWL exam, James and I had to drag him out of bed and practically dress him ourselves. He clung to the bed post like a sloth." He chuckled to himself as he tapped his wand on the spoon and it squeezed the tea bag out inside the hot water.
She loved hearing stories of the four of them at Hogwarts. Remus and Sirius were like the last pieces of a puzzle, she could imagine if James was here now he could slot effortlessly in to fill their missing pieces.
"I only knew Sirius when I was a girl, until he left home and my mum married my father." Remus handed her the mug of warm tea. Her fingertips brushed against his as she took the mug from him. He resumed his seat.
"I remember hearing about Andromeda's marriage, it wasn't quite what her family was looking for was it?"
"You could say that," a bitter smile appeared on her face, "marrying a muggleborn is quite disgusting in the Black family's opinion and being the daughter of one doesn't put you in much greater light either."
"How did your dad take it, knowing he was ruining your mother's life by marrying her?"
Tonks frowned, "I wouldn't say ruined is the right word. She loves him; she doesn't care what her relatives think, or anyone for that matter. I think sometimes she sees it as a bit of a joke really, how ridiculous they are and how little love actually matters to them."
He frowned slightly, "don't you feel like your mum's life would've been better had the union not gone ahead? Hypothetically."
"Definitely not. My parents are happy, why would I deny them that just because my father doesn't have witches or wizards as parents? It's not his fault. Besides I don't want to know people who care more about status than happiness. Would you?" She was very confused about where Remus was going with this line of conversation.
His eyes met hers after they had been wandering along the veins of the wooden table.
"Of course not," his eyes looked unfocused.
The talk of her mother's side of the family, including Voldemort's right hand woman Bellatrix Lestrange suddenly sent an incredibly unexpected lightning bolt of fear through her, reminiscent of last night.
"Are you worried?" She whispered to him, her hands still clutched around her warm mug.
"About what?"
"The inevitable war."
She wanted to hear him say it; hear him say that he wasn't scared.
"Are we onto a depressing subject already?" His eyes twinkled slightly, "Sometimes I am, and sometimes I'm not. But whatever comes will come and we will face it when it does. Please don't worry about it," his eyebrows were raised slightly and his was smiling gently.
She smiled back at him.
"That's better," he said hoarsely, taking a large gulp of coffee.
"Where are Molly and Arthur today?" She asked him.
"They went home to The Burrow to have some time to themselves, I think," said Remus.
"Let's see if I can get Molly right," she said giggling; she scrunched up her eyes and thought about Molly's red hair and motherly face. When she opened them Remus' face was alight.
"That really is incredible," he whispered, his eyes running all over her face so much she almost felt a blush creeping up her neck.
Suddenly he jumped up and she could almost see the light bulb above his head.
"I have a brilliant idea," his face was shining, "do you want to scare Sirius out of his skin?"
Tonks stood in front of Remus, curling her long black hair around her fingertips. She was looking down on him now instead of up.
"You are amazing," he said smiling.
"Thank you," she said feeling a gentle blush creep onto her cheeks.
"Here, wear this," he picked up a long black cloak, "I have a feeling she wouldn't have worn those." He nodded at her small pink shorts. Tonks' cheeks burned as his eyes subtlety flicked to her legs.
She put the cloak on and composed herself. "Right, I'm going in."
She walked into the living room where Sirius was still sleeping in the armchair. She stumbled towards him and stopped when she was a few inches away from his relaxed face.
"SIRIUS BLACK!" She shrieked. "WHAT FILTHY HALF BREEDS, BLOOD TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS HAVE YOU LET INTO MY HOUSE?"
Sirius' whole body jumped as he awoke. His eyes looked alarmed but then they ran over her face and widened further. He let out a high pitched scream and his legs went over the top of his head in his struggle to stand up. He did a backwards roll over the armrest and lay in a ball on the floor. Tonks drew herself up to her full height, which was considerably higher from the ground than usual, and she clamped her hands on her hips. Sirius kept blinking his eyes in disbelief.
Remus suddenly stumbled into the room clutching his ribs with laughter. She could see old laugh lines near his eyes. She began giggling too.
Sirius' expression was faltering; fear was replaced by a large frown. He got to his feet, "what's going on?"
Tonks looked at herself in the mirror and grinned, she had done a good job. Looking back at her was a tall woman with wild long black hair, pale waxy skin and pitch black eyes set above dark purple bags. A demented air hung around her and her face was set in an expression of pure disgust. She looked identical to Sirius' mother in her portrait.
She scrunched up her eyes and when she opened them she had shrunk and her hair was back to its bubblegum pink colour.
"That was not funny," came a thunderous voice.
"I'm afraid I have to disagree with you Padfoot," Remus was wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his brown jumper, "it was very funny."
"You," Sirius pointed his finger at Tonks, "I expected better from you."
Tonks felt herself shrinking as she transformed back into herself and shook out her bubblegum pink hair.
She ran forward and threw her arms around his neck. She felt his body relax as he put his arms around her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't hug me for too long. Remus might get jealous," he whispered in her ear.
"What?" She asked, leaning back.
"Breakfast," he cheered raising his arms and walking out of the room as if he hadn't heard her. He punched Remus in the shoulder as he walked out.
"Sirius what did you say?" She ran after him.
He turned to face her with an innocent expression on his face, "I didn't say anything."
She remained stationary as he walked away. He definitely said something about Remus.
"Do you want a game of chess?" A hoarse voice came from behind her. She turned back to see him with an eyebrow raised. His cheeks were still pink from laughing, he looked so happy and it made her smile.
"I think I'm going to have to leave for the Ministry soon," she said while checking her watch.
"But I thought you weren't going in today. You're clearly exhausted, I'm sure they'll allow you your first day off in months." It was hard to say no to him by she really had to go into the office. She knew that she would never hear the end of it if she'd left everyone else to finish her paper work as well as their own, and Kingsley would probably turn up to drag her in.
"I'll grab the board," he said and padded down the corridor and up the stairs.
Tonks rushed into the kitchen to find Sirius cooking eggs.
"Tell Remus I'm sorry and I owe him."
She grabbed a scrap of parchment and a quill.
Token for one game of chess with N.T
P.S Kingsley would kill me if I didn't go in.
P.P.S I'm sorry and thanks for last night.
Then she added a small smiley face at the bottom.
"See you Sirius," she called as she reached the hall.
"Bye Mum," he called back.
She smiled as the door closed behind her.