Chapter 9 Of Old Hurts And Old Wounds

As Castiel lay in his new bed in the Hufflepuff dormitory that night, he couldn't help but think about his past that had finally caught up with him. First there was Dean and Sam on the train, and then Illyria while waiting outside the Great Hall.

In regard to Illyria, if Castiel was honest with himself, he had been expecting the ancient monstrous entity that he had absorbed when he swallowed purgatory, so it came as something of a shock to see this normal girl who could have been anyone.

Then there was Dean. Seeing him again had been a bittersweet moment. There had been the initial joy at seeing his friend for the first time in over a decade, which was swiftly followed by the bitter disappointment when he realised that Dean was not so happy to see him.

Then of course there was Sam. Sam who had believed in him, even while he was under the influence of the souls of purgatory and the leviathans. So while he did not necessarily forgive him for what he had done, he did understand. And in true Winchester fashion, he seemed to be willing to put all of Castiel's transgressions aside for the sake of his brother.

Cas knew after his conversation with Sam on the train that afternoon that he had to make things right with Dean. He just wasn't sure how, but he was almost certain that he would end up enduring more bodily harm in the process.

However, there really noting he could do about it tonight, so instead Castiel laid down and tried to sleep.

Sam was at breakfast by 7:30 the next morning. As he sat at the Ravenclaw table he told himself he couldn't sleep because he was in a new and strange place. It wasn't because he was missing Dean already. At all. So when Dean walked into the Great Hall ten minutes later and sat down with his brother, there really was only one thing Sam could say to him.

"Jerk"

"Bitch"

The two brothers sat in silence for a few minutes before Sam looked around, and seeing that the hall was still relatively empty, decided now was the best time to talk to his brother.

"So Cas is here."

"Sam I don't want to talk about this."

"So what? You're just going to ignore him for the next seven years?"

"If I have to."

"Dean..."

"No Sam. He lied, he went behind my back and worked with Crowley, and the worst of all he broke your dam wall."

"I'm fine Dean, I'm right here and I'm fine."

"You didn't have to watch it. You... No, no Cas can keep his distance or my fist is going to meet his face again." Dean said shaking his head.

Sam took a deep breath. "Dean, you carried that coat around till the very end, I know that despite everything that happened, you still care about the guy, and I'm ok with that. And at the very worst, he might be able to shed some light on the leviathan that's supposed to be around here somewhere."

"Fine! But only because I don't want to get caught with my pants down when some Dick Roman crony shows up."

"That's all I'm asking."

By this time a few more students had entered the Great Hall and so the brother's conversation moved on to something else.

It was the third day of the new term when Illyria decided to try and speak with Castiel. If nothing else she hoped to clear the air between the two of them after the incident with purgatory. So when classes had finished for the day she went and tracked the wayward angel down, and ended up finding him sitting by himself under a tree scribbling in a sketch book.

"Hi, do you mind if I join you?" she asked.

Castiel seemed to study her a moment before nodding his consent. The two sat side by side in silence for about half an hour, Castiel drawing the landscape of the Black Lake while Illyria watched the giant squid play in the afternoon sun. Eventually it was Castiel who broke the silence.

"When father told me you would be here, he said you would be different, would you mind telling me how?"

Illyria took a moment before she answered, without looking away from the lake she answered him.

"He gave me a human soul"

"I see"

Sitting there in silence watching the lake, Illyria could not help but feel that the boy she was sitting next to seemed nothing like the arrogant angel that had consumed millions of soul just over a decade ago.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Open purgatory, you must have had a reason."

"We had just stopped the apocalypse, myself and three hunters, Dean and Sam Winchester and Bobby Singer. I had hoped the when I returned to heaven that my brothers would realise that Michael and Lucifer fighting was not the answer, I was wrong. Raphael wanted to open the cage and release our brothers so that they could fight, I attempted to stand against him. It, did not go well. So I went to the only place I knew for help, I went to Dean, but, I couldn't ask him, he had carried the burden of the world his whole life, and he was finally free, I could not find it in myself to ask more of him.

Crowley took advantage of my weakness and like a fool I let him, he gave me the power I needed to mount an offensive against Raphael, and in exchange I would help him find purgatory, and we would split the contents.

In the end though I think, I didn't even know what I was fighting for, I had been fighting for so long, and then with the power of the souls, I felt like I was, more, I guess. I named myself a God and in my insanity I believed it."

"And when you put the souls back, my brethren held on."

"You where not there?"said Castiel sounding surprised at this.

"No I went back. With the all mother dead and the others more interested in devouring the earth once again the way had been cleared and I would have been able to assume the rule of purgatory."

"I see"

Castiel just looked at his hands and Illyria had the feeling he had never told anyone about what had happened, shame and grief in every line of his posture and the black haired girl did the only thing she could think of and pulled the angel into a maternal embrace. Castiel overcome by everything that had happened in the last few days just clung to the girl and cried.

Over the sound of his tears, Castiel heard the ancient being whisper "I forgive you bright one."

Authors Note: This is my first ever attempt at writing and this chapter was a bitch that didnt want to co-operate, so any constructive criticism you guys could give would be appreciated.