AN: Happy Friday my loves :)

John left Joss's cabin halfheartedly, looking back in at Joss and Maddie who were smiling and waving at him.

He had sat with them for as long as he could and met Maddie's favorite stuffed pink bunny, Mrs. Pickles. John longed to tell the cute little girl that he was her daddy as she shyly cuddled close to him and he wrapped an arm around her. Joss had looked away from the scene with damp eyes and immediately got up off the couch with them, excused herself, and hurried into the bathroom. Thankfully Maddie didn't know that her mommy was upset. Then he would have had to try to explain why without telling Maddie the truth. John watched her go, wanting to follow and make her feel better. But his way of making Joss feel better was a definite way that Maddie should never see or do…ever in her lifetime! While Joss had gone into the bathroom to collect herself privately, he and Maddie ate all the strawberries on the platter, John feeding his to Maddie and Maddie giggling and wanting to reciprocate as she fed hers to John, one at a time. They left mommy the grapes because they were her favorite.

When Joss came back, a smile was plastered on her face but he could see what this façade was doing to her. He could see how much she wanted to oust the secret to Maddie. He squeezed her hand, before promising to meet with her tomorrow so they could have that long overdue talk. Maddie had tried to monopolize his time and while he distracted her, Joss had called to set up for a babysitter to watch Maddie for tomorrow night. She managed to get the 8-10pm slot which was the latest the babysitters ran to. It was probably for the best that they couldn't speak until tomorrow, not just because Maddie wouldn't understand that if she told Selma, Nigel, and Shaw that he was her daddy that she would blow his cover. But also so he could get a handle on the fact that he was a father, something he always wanted but had given up believing he'd ever be.

Now he had to come up with a halfway decent plan for their future. Joss and Maddie lived in New York and he lived in D.C., which happened to be their first obstacle and a very obvious one. But not one that was insurmountable because he could get a transfer to the New York's field office or maybe he could convince Joss to transfer and move to D.C. with Maddie. But he didn't like the latter option. John didn't want to ask Joss to give up her friends and family for him or to uproot their daughter for the sake of his career in Washington. He didn't have any family left besides Maddie now, and perhaps Joss too, if she wanted him more than just a father to their daughter. Just because they kissed and that magnetic pull between them was still quite potent, didn't necessarily mean she wanted a relationship with him. He could have missed his shot a long time ago. Although Joss did seem to be dipping her big toe into the water with her pointed questions as if she was testing to see if he wanted a relationship with her.

And he did, god did he ever want that woman so wholly. He wanted to come home to her and their daughter every day to hear about their day, to talk to them forever. And he wanted to kiss Joss and make love to her every night, cherish her for even wanting to spend a moment with him. Joss was literally the perfect woman and he still was having trouble wrapping his brain around the fact that she even looked in his direction. What did she see in him?—he was an overworked workaholic that had to save everyone because he failed to save one.

John pushed all thoughts about his future away until later, when he could be alone in his thoughts. He closed their door when he realized he had been staring at them for far too long, lost in thoughts, and noticed they had stopped waving. John turned and proceeded to walk to the nearby elevators and prepared himself for Shaw's questions that were going to be direct, angry, and annoying. He stopped well short of the elevators as he saw Donnelly approaching him with surprise written across his face, clearly seeing what cabin he left from.

"Hi, J-sir," Donnelly said, catching himself, with a nod.

John had practically forgotten about Donnelly being on the cruise with them and being a butler in the suites that Joss had and nearly cursed at his misfortune. "Good afternoon," John greeted, keeping his face neutral before moving to the elevator once more, bypassing Donnelly, when he heard a beep in his earwig causing him to sigh in disgust. Just great, not only did he have Shaw to contend with, now he had a curious Donnelly to badger him too.

John clicked the button on his earwig. "What do you want, Donnelly?" he responded dryly.

"What were you doing at Ms. Joss's cabin?"

John thought quickly, "I met her and her daughter up at the pool while Shaw and I were keeping close to the Wixoms. Her daughter fell and I wanted to make sure they arrived to their cabin safely," he said, he thought which sounded reasonable.

"Oh, well that's nice of you," Donnelly said with laughter lacing his voice. "I get it Reese: she's hot isn't she?"

John paused mid-stride. "Excuse me?" he demanded testily as the sudden desire to be Shaw like and go back to pummel Donnelly for even looking at Joss in such a way. "Aren't you married?" John growled.

"Married, not dead, my friend, and Joss IS a very beautiful woman." Donnelly said with a large booming laugh that didn't cease John's urge to kill him. "I don't blame you for checking her out since you are a single healthy man and I really do not blame you for wanting to get away from that lunatic partner of yours. Shaw would drive lesser men to suicide or to the bottle."

John rolled his eyed. "Well thank you for the permission, Donnelly, and yes she's beautiful but that wasn't why I went there,' he muttered indignantly. He wasn't telling Donnelly the truth, that Joss was a woman he had one night with that resulted in an accidental pregnancy, and that Maddie was his, and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her mother for the last five years. Nope, that wasn't happening. It was bad enough that he was going to have to give Shaw some form of an answer about who Joss was, what the hell was going on, but that didn't include Donnelly.

"Good," Donnelly said and John stiffened.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing really, Reese. It's just that you're a workaholic and a loner, there is a reason why your colleagues, including me, used to call you Wolf," Donnelly spoke rationally but John didn't understand why that meant he shouldn't get involved with Joss. "No woman wants to play second fiddle to a career, Reese."

John hesitated before speaking, "Well maybe I wouldn't work so much if I had someone to come home to."

"Yea, maybe," Donnelly agreed not sounding convinced. "But this one has a kid and a cute one at that. Ms. Joss is not the prime candidate to test your theory out on."

"So?—lots of men date women with children and there is no issue," John pointed out, not sure why he was arguing with Donnelly when he didn't want the man to know that he was interested in Joss in the first place.

"Very true, but those men aren't you, Reese," Donnelly said jovially and John faltered.

John felt his confidence sway, his feelings of not being good enough grew. "What type of man am I?" he wondered as he stabbed his index finger into the elevator's button for his deck number. He didn't know why it hurt to hear he wasn't Joss's type, but it did.

"Oh that's easy: the guy who finds the most beautiful buxom blond who doesn't want any commitments. I was there when you had that Homeland Security Agent Martine Rousseau proposition you and didn't bother to hide her desire for a more than platonic relationship between the two of you," Donnelly said with a laugh.

"So you don't see me as a settling down type?" John continued. Donnelly had no idea that his comments were chipping away at his resolve to ask Joss to try a relationship with him. If Donnelly didn't think he had a chance with her what made him believe he did?—just because they shared an intense chemistry and a daughter didn't mean they could make a life together. Who was he kidding?—he had nothing to offer Joss; he hadn't had any family and been alone for so long he wouldn't even know how to fit in one. Would he only end up hurting Joss and their daughter? And hurting Joss or Maddie would devastate him.

"Maybe, if you were marrying the bureau!"

John swallowed hard. "Do you think I'd make a good father, Donnelly?" he wondered softly as he rode down to Deck 8. Donnelly was a father, he valued his opinion.

Donnelly paused. "Why do you ask?—thinking about adopting that giant woman-child known as your partner? I mean you do feed her and make her act like an actual person from time to time," Donnelly asked humorously.

"Can you just answer the question truthfully?" John demanded gruffly as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out.

"I think if you ever have a kid you'd make a very good father, John," Donnelly answered sincerely, realizing the answer mattered a lot to his friend. Or at least he viewed them as friends, he wasn't so sure if John did or not.

Donnelly wondered if there was more to this conversation than met the eye. Maybe Reese really did want something with Ms. Joss and suddenly he felt like a jackass for laughing it off. In all the time he's known Reese he never been in a relationship and it wasn't because Reese was some playboy, the guy didn't bounce from woman to woman. At least he'd never seen it, he never seen Reese flirt with a woman when they went and got drinks from time to time….in fact the women always flirted with him while he had a look of indifference on his face. And as he saw Reese leaving Ms. Joss's cabin he looked anything but indifferent. Perhaps the reason Reese was alone was because the guy was a total introvert and needed the right woman, or in this case—with Maddie and Joss—ladies, to draw him out.

Donnelly needed to remove his foot from his mouth immediately. "Hey Reese, people can change so just because you're a workaholic now doesn't mean you'll always be. You might find someone that changes your mind." Donnelly quickly added, not wanting to call to question whether or not Reese was interested in Joss, because if Reese wanted to scope out a relationship, a real one, than more power to the guy. Reese deserved to be happy and work didn't keep you company when you were lonely; Joss seemed to be a nice woman and Maddie was cute as a button.

John smiled as he felt a little of his confidence that was shaken come back. "Thanks Donnelly," he murmured before he disconnected with the man walking unhurriedly to his cabin room number. He sighed as Shaw was leaning up against the door in her black bikini, arms crossed, looking ready to commit murder, and eyes on him as he approached.

"Sorry for making you wait, honey," John said tugging out the sea-pass to get into the room.

Shaw slid away from the door. "Don't mention it, dear," she sneered. He opened the door for them and she entered first. She waited a moment until the door shut and was locked before demanding, "Who the hell is that 'Joss' woman?—and no more ignoring the fucking question."

John turned to glare at Shaw, who responded in kind, and they entered one of their glare-downs and this was one that Shaw wasn't going to lose! Neither said anything or buckled under the intense glares before Reese exhaled in agitation as he broke eye contact.

John rubbed a hand through his hair. "Fine, I'll tell you." He gave in, which was totally uncharacteristic for him. But he needed to tell someone and Shaw was the only viable option at the moment, but more than that, she was his friend and partner.

Shaw grinned, finally winning one of their glare-downs! "So tell me,"

"I will, but only after you make me a promise, Shaw."

She narrowed her eyes. "What kind of promise?" she asked suspiciously.

"I want you to promise me that you won't try to run Joss off. She matters to me and I'm not sure why the hell you have decided to butt into my personal affairs, but with her you're not going to, got it?" John stated sternly. "You're my friend and, hell, you're like a little sister I didn't want, but I can't lose you. You deserve to know what's going on, but I won't tell you a god damn thing until you make me this promise," he admitted and Shaw hid a smile, not about to reveal how much those words meant to her. Shaw always wondered if he felt their bond too, but was too stubborn to ask.

"Who the hell is she?" Shaw asked in a way of agreeing to his terms.

John looked at her warily, knowing without a doubt that this wasn't going to go well. But Shaw did deserve to know the truth, she deserved to know what was preoccupying his mind so she didn't get blindsided since his head wasn't on the case.

He steeled himself for her explosion, "Joss and I met almost five years ago and we had one night," he said slowly and he looked Shaw dead in the eyes. "She's the mother of my child…Maddie is my daughter," he murmured, waiting for it.

And Shaw did not disappoint him.

Joss was finishing putting her teardrop diamond earrings in her ears before fixing her hair over her shoulders. She had curled just the ends and left her hair down. "Mommy you're so pre-tty!" Maddie sang happily as she bounced on their bed sitting with her legs crossed.

Joss turned to look back at her daughter with a smile. Joss had changed into a fitted sunny yellow, off shoulder, skater dress with her new favorite white three inched heeled strappy, with a peep toe, sandals. She had splurged on the dresses and shoes for her and her daughter, finding some cute pink sandals for Maddie. She didn't do this often and she told herself that was why she had a credit card. She wanted them to wow daddy. Maybe they couldn't oust the fact that Maddie was his to the world and to their daughter until after the cruise, unless circumstances changed which she doubted, but that didn't mean that she couldn't dress to tongue-tie John. And that was the effect she was going for. She had been so giddy to let her baby know she found her daddy that she had selfishly forgotten the fact that John was here working a case. It was careless and Selma's life was more important. Maddie waited this long, she could wait five more days.

She walked to the bed as Maddie stood up on it. "Not as beautiful as you are," she said, playing with her daughter's braids and her daughter laughed, wrapping her arms around Joss's waist.

"Do you think John will like my dress, mommy?"

Joss smiled as she pretended to ponder the question. "Let me take a look at you," Joss murmured, lifting her daughter under the arms and setting her on her feet on the floor. "Twirl baby!"

Maddie giggled as she put her hands on her hips and gave her a cute little two-step twirl, braids flying. Maddie liked this pricy cute sleeveless pink midi-dress and she couldn't say no to it.

Maddie turned to look back at her with a wide toothy grin on her little face. "He's going to love it," Joss assured her princess.

"Really?"

Joss nodded as she picked her daughter up plopping her onto the bed. "You really like John don't you?"

Maddie got bashful all of a sudden. "Yes."

Joss smiled. Her daughter felt the instant connection and didn't understand it, she just knew she wanted to be around John more. "Tell you what, sweetheart, just because we are on vacation I'll let you wear a little blush," Joss said, knowing it didn't make up for the fact that she couldn't tell her daughter she found her father but it would make her little munchkin happy. Her daughter's eyes widened big as saucers.

"YAAAAAAY!" Maddie squealed, so happy, because mommy didn't allow her to wear makeup. Joss chuckled as her baby was hopping up and down on the bed on her knees. Joss turned to go grab her makeup bag and bring it over. "Lipstick too mommy!"

Joss shook her head. "No lipstick."

"PLEASSSSSSSE!"

"Nope, that doesn't work on me. But I'll tell you what, I'll paint your nails pink to match your dress," she bargained, knowing her daughter was very much a girly girl and wanted to wear makeup like mommy, but Joss wasn't letting her four year old wear makeup no matter what. She set the bag down in front of her baby. Maddie immediately began opening the bag up. Joss looked up as her cell began ringing. "You can look at the makeup but do not touch. Mommy needs to see who that is," she stipulated with a loving touch to her daughter's face.

"Ok."

Joss smiled as she exited the bedroom and found her cell on the table in the corner of the cabin nearest the veranda, picking it up and smiling when she saw who was calling her. She answered immediately. "Hey baby," Joss greeted her teenage son.

"Hi mom, how's the cruise?"

"Great, we both just wish you were here."

"I wish I could be there too, mom. But how's Maddie taking it in so far?"

"She's having fun but you know your little sister, she's nothing but a ball of energy," she said with a laugh that Taylor chimed in with. "So how's school?"

"Finished one of my three reports that are due, I was in the middle of studying until I needed a break and decided to see how you and Maddie were fairing."

Joss frowned when she eyed the clock in the cabin. It should be early afternoon in California. "How long have you been working, young man?" she demanded.

"Oh mooooom," he drew out her name as if that would keep her from reprimanding him. It didn't.

"Don't 'oh mom' me, you slept last night correct?" she stated.

"Define sleep…" her boy hedged.

"Taylor Paul Carter, you need rest."

"I also need to finish all these papers and study for my tests, mom," he said quietly. "I'm fine. I just drank an extra Red Bull and I'll go to bed early tonight." Taylor said quickly to circumvent a lecture she was gearing up to give. "I promise mom," he added with his best begging voice. She exhaled.

"Alright, I'll save my lecture about taking care of yourself for when you come home this summer," she relented and it was her boy's turn to sigh, which made her smile. "What? Did you really think I'd shelf my lecture forever?—I don't think so. I don't give a damn about all As that you're striving for, I care about you and your well-being. But we'll go into that at length when you are home," Joss said firmly.

"Where's my favorite girl?" Taylor asked dejectedly, realizing he wasn't going to wiggle out of the lecture.

Joss looked into the bedroom, seeing Maddie still sitting in the middle of the bed looking through mommy's makeup and nail polish. "Maddie is in the middle of looking through my makeup bag while she waits for mommy to paint her nails and apply blush that she gets to wear on this one special occasion."

"Can you put her on, I want to say hi?" Taylor asked. "I miss my baby sister."

"I will in a minute, but I need to tell you something while she's engrossed with the makeup." Joss admitted as she glanced back inside, seeing Maddie was eyeing the lipstick longingly. Joss felt her lips twitch in response before moving back so she couldn't see Maddie and put the phone to her ear. "Okay, she's busy wishing she could wear the lipstick without mommy knowing."

"What's going on mom?"

Joss lowered her voice before saying, "I found her daddy," she said quietly in the corner of the cabin, eyes on the bedroom door ready to change subjects the immediate moment Maddie got bored with the makeup.

"NO WAY!" Taylor said incredulously.

"Way," she agreed.

"He's on the cruise with you!"

"Yep, and that is thanks to my good friends, Harold and Grace, because he's friends with them," Joss explained.

"Wow, what a small world," Taylor said and she nodded her head in agreement. "Soooo?—what did he have to say about Maddie?"

"He wants her."

Taylor was quiet for a moment. "Well that's good to hear since Maddie deserves a father in her life unlike I had. And you seem to really like this guy."

She sighed. "How do you know that?" she grumbled.

"Mom, I could just tell when you were telling me about being pregnant and I asked who was the guy and you got this look on your face. You weren't smooth at all," he said with a laugh.

Joss frowned. "I was that transparent, huh?"

"It was pretty bad." Taylor agreed before growing serious. "Did he explain why he never came back?"

"No because there are complications, honey," Joss admitted as she began pacing, still keeping eyes on the door.

"What kind of complications, mom?"

"Well for starters he's an FBI agent and he's working undercover posing as a married man," she said and Taylor made a sound of disbelief. "Yea and that's not even the worst of it, Tay. The people he was sent here to watch is in the cabin next door to mine which makes telling Maddie he's her father nearly impossible."

"That sucks."

"Majorly," Joss agreed forlornly. "All I want to do is tell Maddie I found her daddy for her and I can't. And John wants her but he can't do anything with this stupid case!" Joss said in frustration, truly wishing the case wasn't real.

"I'm sorry, mom."

"Me too! This is not at all the way I envisioned finding John but I won't cry the blues. This is the situation we are in and I have no intentions of letting what happened five years ago happen again."

"You mean with him leaving and never coming back."

"Precisely, I did manage to get John to agree to drinks for a couple hours tomorrow so we can talk about why he never came back. And then we will figure out when and how to tell Maddie."

"Sounds like you have your work cut out for you there, mom."

She chuckled. "You don't even know the half of it," she mumbled. She ached for John and couldn't have him, what a cruel fate. Harold and Grace gave her the chance to find John again but the circumstances were less than desirable making her wish they had found a different way of giving her the gift of John. However she wasn't going to waste the opportunity they did give her. She was going to find a way to get everything she ever wanted and not blow John's cover to kingdom come in the process.

AN: I needed to find a way to work Taylor into this and this was it. Harold has some 'splanin to do of his own but that won't be for another couple chapters :) Next chapter:

Ch 10: Xs and Os and Woes, Oh My!

I particularly like this title for a couple reasons but it's unfair since I know what happens ;D Thanks for reading!