Warnings: Foul Language, PTSD.
Disclaimer: Don't own Pretty Little Liars.
"So…" Emily fidgeted with a sugar packet on the table.
Alison rolled her eyes and looked around the almost deserted cafe they'd been here for five minutes and Ali already wanted to leave.
"You still drink expressos?" Emily motioned to Alison's drink.
Ali nodded.
"And you still like Americanos," Alison nodded to Emily's drink. "Thats where Cece's nickname comes from right?"
"Yeah. When you were… gone, Cece came by a bit," Emily muttered playing with the little flag that had the table number on it. "She's kind of a sketchy, Ali."
Alison's eyebrows narrowed dangerously.
"I trust Cece with my life," Alison answered and there was a warning mixed in her tone.
Emily held up her hands in surrender.
"She's still wanted though," Emily raised her eyebrows with a look that said harbouring a murderer, and a cop killer at that, was probably not the best idea in the world.
"Wilden was a creep," Alison dismissed, shuddering at the thought of that sleaze bag.
Emily dropped her head into her hands, she didn't like mentioning Rosewood or A or anything to do with those three years of insane antics, half of it felt like a terrible distant nightmare.
"I just don't think she's trustworthy," Emily muttered picking up her coffee slowly.
"Well its a good thing you don't get a vote," Alison argued, picking up her bag.
"Ali-"
"No," Alison hooked her bag over her shoulder. "This was not a good idea, you don't have the first clue of what I have been through, what Cece has helped me through, ok, so you don't get to judge."
Alison stood up throwing several bills on the table.
"Alison wait," Emily grabbed for the blonde's arm but Alison moved forcefully out of her grasp. Emily held up her hands to show she wasn't going to grab for the blonde again. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have grabbed you, but please I'm just trying to understand."
"All you need to understand is that Cece is my best friend," Alison hissed.
It felt like a heavy rock had settled in Emily's stomach, even though Ali's best friend hadn't been Emily's title in so long.
"Ok," Emily nodded to herself. "I understand."
Alison studied her for a long moment and Emily picked up her drink.
"Maybe we can finish this at my place," Emily suggested. "My flatmates are out, it would be less public."
Alison looked around at the few people in the cafe, all of them were staring at the pair and Emily flushed under their curious gazes as well. Alison sighed.
"Fine," she conceded.
They sat tensely in Emily's lounge room on the couch neither really knowing what to say first, their friendship had never been this stilted in part because Ali was a domineering bull dozer and Emily was a push over for a large junk of it. Even when they briefly reconciled after Ali came back from the dead it was easy and natural though the underlying sexual tension was too much for them to handle. It was during Alison's stay in jail that they lost their ability to communicate, that phone call one rainy evening where they were both too proud or too scared to say what they really wanted had started the end. After the dollhouse their friendship completely deteriorated into nothing but screaming matches and angry fucking. Emily's gut twisted painfully as she looked to the wall, the memories of shoving Alison against other walls came to the forefront unexpectedly and she grimaced, she had been incredibly cruel.
Alison sat stiffly and didn't give any indications that she wanted to talk.
"Do you… What's Rory's favourite tv show?" Emily asked hesitantly that seemed like a nice safe question.
Alison looked to Emily unamused and the brunette shrunk a little under that withering glare.
"Why don't you ask Rory," Alison suggested.
"Jesus Alison I'm trying to make conversation," Emily rubbed at her face. "What would you like to talk about?"
"I don't want to talk about anything I knew this was going to be a disaster," Alison muttered.
"Well then why did you agree?"
"Really," Alison scoffed crossing her arms. "You practically begged me and you've been pleading for months running around like a pathetic puppy when you don't get your way."
"Great to see you still think I'm pathetic," Emily snarled.
"You're twisting my words."
"Am I?" Emily scoffed. "I heard pathetic puppy."
"Like," Alison stressed. "Your behaviour not you, there's a difference."
"Doesn't change how it makes me feel," Emily grumbled.
"By all means, Emily," Alison cried throwing up her arms. "Tell us all how you feel, why not have a therapy session right here. Whats the big bad Alison DiLaurentis done now?"
Emily knew Alison was being facetious and her anger boiled over quickly.
"Its like I'm fifteen again and you're making me jump through all these hoops for a cookie you never intend to give me," Emily cried.
"There is no fucking cookie and I'm not making you do anything," Alison stood suddenly. "Emily, can we just forget this ever happened, this was obviously a mistake."
"No please, Ali," Emily begged realizing Alison actually intended to leave. "Please I just I want us to be honest."
"Why Em? When I'm honest you just think I'm lying," Alison huffed.
"Fine then can I be honest," Emily held her breath waiting for Ali to shut her down.
Alison nodded softly but kept herself closed off.
"I loved you, Ali," Emily admitted, Alison's eyes softened a touch and a frown settled across her face. "I loved you so much, but I loved your ideal and you were never going to be able to match that. And when you didn't I… I couldn't reconcile the two Ali's the real one who was human and the girl that I lost who was flawless."
"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that," Alison admitted helplessly.
"Then just listen," Emily stood slowly afraid to spook Ali. "I was unfair and terrible to you but Ali, I'm not that person anymore just like you're not a mean teenager."
Alison shook her head.
"Just be honest with me," Emily begged stepping closer. "Do you feel something for me?"
"God, Em," Alison cried with a watery chuckle. "I'll always feel something for you."
"I never stopped caring about you," Emily whispered with a small smile. "Let me be that person Ali, that person you trusted, that you loved."
Alison lifted a hand to Emily's cheek, she smiled softly and Emily felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. Alison's hand ghosted over Emily's soft skin.
"You-"
A phone rang and Emily cursed whatever deity hated her. Alison pulled away and the moment whatever it was, was broken.
"You should get that," Alison muttered.
Emily sighed and fished out her phone she looked at the caller id and wanted to decline but then Ali would wonder why and Hanna would just keep calling.
"Han I-"
"Don't even start with me, Fields," Hanna shrieked. "Theresa finally let it slip, you've been talking to Ali thats why you're such a mess, you're back in her fucking pocket!"
"Its Tessa and its not-"
"How stupid are you, Emily? This is idiotic and all the other words that only Spencer knows but-"
"Hanna I can't do this right now," Emily tried to calm the irate blonde.
"She's there, isn't she," Hanna concluded. "Oh my god put her on the fucking phone!"
Alison looked to her sharply and Emily could tell Ali had heard Hanna. Alison averted her gaze but Emily shuffled closer and lightly touched the blonde's arm.
"Yes, Hanna I am with Alison right now," Emily admitted and Alison looked to Emily fearful the brunette would pass her the phone. "No you can't talk to her."
"Like fuck I can't-"
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Em are you fucking kid-" Emily hung up as Alison gazed at her.
"You didn't have to do that," Alison muttered.
"Yes I did," Emily stated.
Alison looked away and then sat slowly. Emily followed as Alison seemed to gather her thoughts.
"Do you remember that night?" Alison looked to her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"Which one?" Emily asked with a little hesitance, there were several terrible nights between them.
"The night in my room, when you were drunk?" Alison breathed out softly.
Emily rubbed her eyes tiredly and nodded slowly, she wished she could forget that night.
"Thats probably the most worthless I have ever felt," Alison responded staring off into space.
Emily swallowed thickly unsure if she could relive this memory.
"I remember it so clearly, I ripped off all my clothes and laid on my floor ready for you to hurt me," Alison sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "Because you convinced me thats what I deserved."
And it was then that Emily realized she'd done something A couldn't, something that monster had never managed to achieve. She had broken Alison DiLaurentis.
Did that make Emily the real monster of this piece.
"But I put myself back together I got my life sorted and I figured out what I want to do with it, I made myself into someone who doesn't need you anymore," Alison uttered and Emily knew it wasn't supposed to be an insult but it still stung.
"I can't let you back in to my life if you're just going to break me all over again, Emily," Alison whispered. "I have people who depend on me now I can't… I can't be your emotional punching bag."
"Thats not it, Ali," Emily tried to take Alison's hand but the blonde shifted away and Emily didn't want to force her, instead she slowly placed her hands back in her own lap. "I would never do that to you. I didn't.. I was in a terrible place before and I will never be able to apologize enough for hurting you."
The blonde swallowed thickly and shook her head as Emily's tears started.
"Alison please, I never meant, I never wanted to hurt you, ever," Emily promised tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me."
Emily spluttered trying to breath through her crying as Alison pulled Emily to her, resting her chin on Emily's head. The brunette curled into her arms, burrowing down it had been so long since they held each other, almost four years now. Emily sighed heavily as her sobbing slowly subsided in the safety of Ali's embrace, the blonde soothingly stroking her back.
"We can't keep doing this to each other," Alison whispered, Emily tried to pull away but Alison held her tighter rocking them slightly. "We just… we have to let it all go, Em, can you do that for me?"
"But I don't want to let you go," Emily whispered fearfully.
Alison sighed and squeezed Emily tighter.
"If I promised to still be here could you let go of the past, what you did, what I did, can we just make something new," Alison suggested.
Emily nodded sniffling into Alison's shirt.
"You're washing that," Ali mumbled almost affectionately.
Emily chuckled weakly.
"Can we talk about something else?" Emily asked softly.
"Please," Alison agreed.
"How do you pay for school and your apartment and still have time with the kids?" Emily asked lounging in Alison's lap.
They'd naturally gravitated to a reclined position, Emily's head in Alison's lap and her legs stretched across the couch. Alison was stretched out with her feet propped up on the coffee table.
"You didn't hear?" Alison raised an eyebrow and looked down at Emily.
"Hear what?" Emily titled her head, giggling when Alison smiled down at her.
"I sued the Rosewood PD and the District Attorneys office for wrongful conviction," Alison smirked.
"What?" Emily asked in disbelief sitting up.
"Yeah," Alison nodded still happy with herself. "I won too."
"Of course you did," Emily muttered with a fond chuckle.
She stared at Ali for a long moment.
"What?" Alison asked catching Emily's gaze.
"Just.. you're amazing Ali-"
"No I-"
"No," Emily cut in forcefully. "You've taken a whole lot of tragedy and made it into something positive. I'm really proud of you."
"That.. thank you, Emily." Alison smiled at her.
She caught sight of the clock on the wall.
"Shit," Alison muttered. "I've got to run."
"Really," Emily pouted. "You've only been here for.. oh whoa four hours."
"Yeah, you just don't shut up these days," Alison teased as she got up, slipping on her heels.
"Hey," Emily whined but she was smiling as she stood. "This was really nice, after the.. not so great-"
"It was," Alison agreed. "Thank you, Em."
"Maybe we could do it again.. sometime," Emily hedged.
Alison smiled warmly as she opened the door, Emily caught it and held it as the blonde nodded at her.
"Call me," Ali whispered.
"Yeah of course," Emily nodded frantically. "I will and we can-"
Alison stepped forward and cupping Emily's cheek, she stroked it with a thumb peering into Emily's wide stunned eyes. She smiled gently and then placed a tender kiss to Emily's other cheek.
"Have a good night, Em," Alison whispered as she pulled away.
Emily flushed and gulped trying to nod.
"You.. yes," Emily stuttered out.
Alison scrunched up her nose adorably and shook her head fondly, before she turned on her heel and headed for the elevator.
"Um I'll see you at swimming right?" Emily shouted after her.
"Maybe," Alison threw back cheekily as the elevator opened.
Emily waved as Alison stepped into the elevator and Alison waved back softly just as the doors closed. Emily leaned against the door way, this felt an awful lot like a beginning.
End Part One