Break Away
It was getting harder and harder to pull apart from his embraces. She just wanted to be there, good and proper, where she was meant to be.
Vera was gone now, and she knew that things had to be settled before her and Mr Bates could be wed. But she wanted to be his wife, and wanted the world to know that they were spending their future together. No more of this courtyard cuddling in the cold.
She knew it was time to go back inside, but she burrowed her head into his chest, never wanting to let go.
Light
He called her quicksilver and light, that is what she was. His beacon of hope, against all odds. Her sunny smile, that let him know that everything would be all right now, they had each other. She taught him to love again, and a most powerful love at that. His sun, and his moon, and his stars.
Dark
She tried to focus on their hands, together, lit by the lamp. The only light really in this dark room. And that's how she felt, trapped in the black with him being the only thing keeping her from being completely swallowed back it. A buoy in the sea, her life vest that kept her afloat.
Heal
Her mother used to say, "A wound won't heal if you pick at the scab."
But the problem was, Anna wasn't sure she was the one doing the picking.
Perhaps maybe she was though. Maybe this was her fault after all, and thus now this was her punishment.
She kept telling herself that she knew that she couldn't go back, but it was so hard to see a way forward sometimes. Her chest still ached every waking moment, and she often pulled away from John's touches, even if she had been the one to initiate a embrace, or took his hand first.
Sometimes, the only thing that got her through a day was just thinking that as soon as a day was over she could start again. But she never really could start over again could she?
There was never a time when she thought, oh, this is all over now. Even years later, when she looked back, she realized that she hadn't gotten over it, but rather moved forward. She had been changed by it, but she also had changed again, and that was the thing about life. The scars would remain, but she did make so many good memories that helped them fade.
Trouble Lurking
Trouble seemed to follow them, and it was lurking again in the shape of this Inspector Vyner. John had finally convinced himself long ago that he had not pulled Anna into to share his fate of misfortune. But yet, it was hard for him to fathom that God could continue to torture her in this way.
He could tell she was struggling again, and thus he made a promise, one he'd try his damnedest to keep.
In the Storm
The clouds were gathering on the horizon, and both could feel it. The last trip to London had been good for Anna, but it was all lining up for it to be the complete opposite this time. They were supposed to be looking into the house to see what needed to be done before they sell it, so that they can start the next chapter in their lives.
She has grasped his hand as they had gone up the stairs, and he held hers at the station. They were about to enter the storm, and John was her lighthouse.
Breathe Again
Anna flexed her fingers in and out. She twisted her wedding band around a few times, and then exhaled. But she couldn't keep still and wrung her hands again, as she slowly paced in front of the cottage's fireplace.
John entered and she turned to look at him, always recognizing her husband's gait. It wasn't something that startled her, at least not now.
"Is something wrong?" he asked. He held out his hands to her, and she gladly took them. He then drew her to the sofa, but she did not relax into them.
"It's just… sometimes I feel as if I've been to hell and back and I'm still trying to catch my breath."
"But darling, you have."
She bit her lip in an attempt not to cry. "Sorry, I'm just in one of those moods, I'll be fine."
"Remember what I said though, you don't have to do this alone, you don't have to hide this from me. With what all you have been through, you can cry as much as you want. But let me support you through it. And let us take the time for you to be able to breathe. I know how badly you want 'someday' to be today, and if I could I'd change that for you in an instant. But for now… let's just be."
Blinking through tears, she nodded, and turned to bury her face into his shoulder.
Thankfully, someday was right around the corner.
Night
John had had insomnia when he first name to Downton, and Anna used to sleep like a log. But as obstacles arose, she spent many sleepless nights worrying, and that evolved into anxiety.
Night itself though also had meant other things over the years. During the war, slipping away into the courtyard for a few embraces between tasks and before bed.
This night he woke up her side of the bed empty. He clamored out, and went in search of his wife. He found her walking slowing in the sitting room, one hand on her back, the other rubbing soothing circles on her massive bump.
She saw John, and bent her head to talk to their child she was carrying in her swollen abdomen. "Looks like you woke up Daddy now too!"
He crossed the room to join her and she stopped walking. He placed his hand aside hers, feeling the jolt of the baby's kicks. "I figured the little one was keeping you up."
"Well, first, he was standing on my bladder, and then he decided it was time for kickball."
"Hmm, are you sure she's not practicing her dance moves?"
"No, but maybe he is."
They smirked, knowing that both did not really care if it was a boy or a girl, just as long as their child was healthy.
"You are probably right though," he said, "it's probably a boy. Mother's intuition and all."
Anna gave a small smile and looking down again. "Well," she said softly, "I'm not quite a mother yet…"
"Bad harvest." He muttered the magic words before she could.
"Bad harvest," she repeated.
Soon, their nights changed again, this time interrupted by the cries of their sweet and dear newborn son.
Teamwork
The Bateses slipped into parenthood with ease, proving that it was role that they were made for.
While in part it was because they both so individually suited to be a mother and a father, it also was because they worked so well together as a team, something that they had fine-tuned some many years prior.
"Team Bates!" Anna once said with pride.
Their team had now grown by one member, and they both hoped that they could add a few more.
Family
The Bates family sat in the sitting room of their cozy house next to their flourishing hotel. Will scooted his little train along the patterns of the rug, and Emma and Margaret played with their dollies. Anna bounced baby Robbie on her lap, clapping his hands together with her.
She looked over at John, who had taken his eyes off his book to look at the scene before him. A contented smile filled his face and she returned it. There were times like this they thought a scene like this would never play out. And yet, here they were… safe, by the fire, with their children all around. And all was well.
A/N: Once more, thank you to the people who have read and reviewed my fics over the past how many ever years.
I'm sorry that I had to speed through doing these but it is what it is.
*Scroll back up really quickly if you don't want a movie spoiler
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In my mind, Anna never, ever, ever has a bob haircut. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn't important, (especially when we were originally worried about if Brendan would even be involved in this dang film) but when you have imagined different scenarios, and what the plot of this fanfic was to be, in a million different permutations, for three years, assuming that not more was ever going to actually come… it's just so, so jarring, and too drastic of a change for me. I honestly don't feel it's in character and if you follow my blog you can see more of my reasoning. So this in entire work, including the ones set in the future, she has long hair. This was the first thing to be now AU and I don't want to wait around and see what else is (BB's name is surely not my pick, of course, but I'm more worried about cementing things regarding them having more children, and the hotel), so that's why I'm posting this the way I am.