I know... You guys hate me...

Seriously though, i'm a very, very, very strong Team Edward girl... Him dying would cause me to want to kill myself... And also i can't have a sad ending, all my stories have to be happy...

But your just going to have to wait... Sorry.

I watched as the priest said the final words, "Our brother Edward has left us, gone on to a better place. More precious, more sacred than any of us could imagine. He will have eternal life and will be looking down on us, taking care of us, and keeping us happy and safe…"

I blocked out his words and tried not to blink, not to let the tears stream down my face. But still they did, I didn't have an off button, I just couldn't stop crying…

Edward had died, his body too badly burnt and crushed to have an open casket ceremony… I was glad of it, I didn't want my last memory of Edward to be him lying motionless, his eyes closed, the light of them not being shown to me. My last memory of him had been etched to my brain. His eyes, glittering, shining…

I couldn't help but wish that the other man, the one who had crashed into Edward, had taken Edward's place. He came out of the accident with nothing but whiplash and some cuts and bruises. But he was still living, still breathing, still loving… I should've felt bad for my wish, but I didn't… All I wanted was Edward…

Someone touching my hand brought me back to the present, I looked up at my mum, not meeting her eyes. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes now… It was simply too hurtful to know that I could look into theirs but not into Edward's… She was smiling slightly, I looked around. The ceremony had ended and now we were heading to the graveyard.

I let her pull me, taking me outside, the cold air not freezing my tears, not freezing the pain…

We stood at the family plot, Edward was the first to occupy it… I looked at the message on the gravestone;

"Edward Masen.

1993 – 2010 Age 17

May he rest in peace, with his loved ones safe in his heart…"

It was true, I was in his heart, never to be free again. I watched as the priest spoke and the coffin began to descend into the ground. I tried to take in a deep breath, but the tightness in my chest stopped me.

I watched as his parents stepped forward, throwing flowers down onto the coffin. They cried too, but their tears stopped at times, they smiled at people, they talked to people, even that much was too much for me…

It was my turn, I stepped forward and looked down at Edward's coffin and then very gently I threw down the single red tulip that I had bought for the funeral.

I stepped back into my space and the priest said the final words. Then we blessed ourselves and everyone moved. My mum and dad left me to go and talk to Edward's other relatives. I stood and stared at the grave my breathing ragged and unsteady.

My gaze travelled to the little body standing silently beside the grave. Jasper…

I felt my breath catch, I thought about how this must have affected him. How it must feel for him, losing his brother, his best friend…

I'd been watching him throughout the ceremony, he didn't cry, didn't make any sign he was hurting. All he did was hold a big plastic bag…

I watched as one of his aunties stepped towards him. She put her hand on his shoulder and he turned towards her.

His jaw was tight, his lips formed a straight line, his eyes didn't form tears and I knew he was hiding how he really felt.

"How are you Jasper?" she asked softly. He stood and looked at her silently, I knew exactly how he felt, I'd had people asking me how I was, how I was feeling too, and it got annoying after a while…

"Everything's going to be fine…" she said and when he didn't respond she moved away leaving him alone beside his brothers final resting place.

I hated it when people said everything was going to be fine, because I knew and I was sure Jasper knew too, that everything was not going to be fine…

I took a deep breath and moved towards him. I knelt down beside him and he turned to look at me. His jaw set, his face hard, and his eyes like rocks. I looked away from them quickly, they were too similar to Edward's eyes…

I looked at Edward's coffin, "You miss him, huh?" I whispered.

He didn't respond, I turned to look at him. He stood his eyes staring solemnly at me, his face not shifting a feature.

And then suddenly he snapped… His jaw loosened, his lips started trembling, and his eyes melted, the tears brimming up his eyes and down his cheeks.

His arms flung around my neck and I hugged him tightly.

"Yeh…" he nodded against my shoulder, his hiccups silent and his sobs unsteady, "Yeh, I miss him…"

I hugged him tighter and tried to find some comforting words, "You know he's looking down on you… He's taking care of you…"

"He is?" he said, his arms tightening, I felt his head move up towards the sky.

"Yeh…" I nodded, "He's watching you… He's taking care of you… And he doesn't want you to cry and be sad, he wants you to be happy and be the kid he loves…"

"He does?" he asked me.

I nodded again and pressed my lips together happy he couldn't see my tears as they streamed down my face, "Yeh… He doesn't want you crying and missing him… He wants you out there ding dong ditching every house you can find…" I laughed but the sound was blocked and muffled by my tears.

He hugged me for a short moment and then he pulled back, he looked down at the bag.

"What have you got in there?" I asked, sniffing and wiping my eyes.

"It's for you…" he said, handing me the bag, "It's Edward's stuff… Stuff he would've wanted you to have… Don't look at it until you get home though, you'll probably want to do it in private…"

I nodded and took the bag from him, the tears never stopping.

Jasper's sobs had stopped, but the odd tear still ran down his chubby cheek. He placed his small hand on my cheek, "Don't cry, Edward doesn't want you to cry…" he whispered.

I closed my eyes and nodded, but his words couldn't stop the constant flow from my heart…

"I'd better go and see my mum and dad…" he said, I still hadn't opened my eyes and I felt his lips touch my forehead softly.

And then he was gone, I turned and sat at Edward's grave, the bag still in my hand, until my mum and dad came and got me.

The journey home was a blur, all I could think of was the bag that sat in my lap, its contents unknown to me.

As soon as we got home, I went upstairs, just like I had every other day since Edward's death.

I went to my room and closed the door firmly behind me. Then I went and sat on my bed, the bag sat on my knees.

I took a deep breath and put my hand inside, the first thing I touched was a pile of paper. I pulled them out and looked at them. They were Edward's drawings… My fingers traced the lines and my mind went back to that time in his room… The time I saw his calendar and told him my deepest thoughts… He said he'd be there, he said he'd make that sad day a happy one… But I'd never thought about what would happen if the bad thing, the thing that would end my life, happened to him…

I blinked and set the pages to one side on my bed. I reached inside and felt wood. I pulled out what looked to be a photo frame. I turned it over and I gasped.

It was a photo of us, at the wedding. I'd completely forgotten about it… His aunt had come up to us while we were dancing and demanded that she take a photo of us… Edward stood with his arm around me, smiling brilliantly at the camera, the happiest I'd ever saw him… I stood under his arm, happy to be there…

I blinked and the tears dripped onto the glass of the frame. I wiped it away and set the frame down on the bed.

The next thing I lifted out was Edward's Shayne Ward album. I felt my chest heave as my mind travelled back to when we'd danced, when he sung to me… I couldn't help the one short laugh that escaped my lips.

I put my hand in and felt another piece of paper, I pulled it out and looked down at it. The tears in my eyes were making it blurry, so I wiped my eyes.

I stared at the picture and tried to breathe. He'd drawn a portrait of me, from the photo he had taken at his house a week ago. I was smiling slightly, he'd captured the happiness and love in my eyes and it had to be his best work yet… But there was something in the picture that hadn't been there that day.

Slipped into my hair, just above my right ear was a single red tulip. My mind raced back to the time of our first date, when he'd bought me the tulip and told me to look up what it meant… I still hadn't looked it up…

I looked down the picture and at the bottom there was a note, "From the moment I'd laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one I'd fallen in love with…"

I took a deep breath and set the drawing down before my tears could land on it and smudge it.

I put my hand back inside and my hand reached cotton fabric. I pulled it out and looked down at the pink shirt… I crushed my fingers into the fabric and brought it to my nose, I breathed in the deep scent of Edward and for a moment it was like he was back in the room with me… My tears started flowing and I laid my head on the shirt for a long moment before taking it away, afraid of messing up the fabric.

I shook the bag, and I heard something rattle against the plastic. I slipped my hand around the wooden object and I automatically knew what it was.

I pulled out the chopstick, the one I'd given him… I couldn't believe he'd kept it…

I turned it between my fingers to see where I'd written my message.

I found it after one short turn,

Edward,

I think I might be in love with you…

Bella.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. My heart had been ripped from my chest and taken away with Edward. I was empty but yet so full of pain and tears that I felt like I was going to burst. I would never love again. I would never be the same, I could feel myself changing, dividing myself from the world and everything in it… Just wanting to be with Edward…

I opened my eyes and moved to the shelves in my room. I took a box with sequins and ribbons stuck to it full of old birthday cards and I went to the bin. I opened the box and tipped the contents into the trash. I went back to the bed.

I lifted Edward's drawings and I placed them inside, they were a perfect fit. I kept the one of me with the tulip. I took his shirt and folded it gently, smiling and crying at the memory of him trying it on… it ran like a film in my mind… I gently put the shirt into the box, and then I put the lid on it and put it back on my shelf.

I went back to the bed and took the photo of us, I set it on my bedside table. I took the picture he'd drawn of me and I slipped it into the frame of my mirror that faced my bed, the picture sat beside the cotton tulip he'd given me.

I walked back and lifted his chopstick, I walked to my dressing table and put it beside mine. I stood for a minute and then I lifted the chopstick he'd given me. I read the message and I felt my heart swell. He'd promised there would be more happy memories, but for me there wasn't enough, Edward had been taken from me too quickly…

I put the chopstick back and put them side by side. I lifted his Shayne Ward CD from the bed and put it on top of my own CD collection.

I took of my coat and threw it on the chair, then I removed my black clothes and shoes and changed into my pyjamas.

I turned on my computer and waited until it loaded. I went to Google and typed in, "Red Tulip meaning." I hit search and I suddenly felt nervous.

I was suddenly worried of what it would mean… And then I realised I was doing something I should've done when Edward was alive… I should look it up and then ring him and tell him and thank him… But I couldn't do that…

The results came up and I hit a website that gave an a-z on flower meanings.

I scrolled down, my fingers shaking and I stopped at Red Tulip.

I closed my eyes and felt the hot tears run down my cheeks. All there was written on the page was,

"Undying Love…"

Don't give up hope... ;)

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