Chapter Ten

Remus Lupin had never been a fool for love. Sirius' antics in school had been fodder for ridicule for him. It was purely ammunition. James and his some-what sick infatuation with Lily Evans had been a laughing point among them. Peter's incessant and partially stalker-y attempts at woo-ing was particularly hilarious. Remus had been the one in control of his hormones. He was the lawyer. He was PR. He couldn't be off galavanting with every girl in school. No, that was Sirius' role in the dynamic. Remus had to dispel the rumors and soothe the bitter hearts. He acted as a buffer between James and Lily. He would try to help Peter though, sometimes, he thought the boy was beyond help. Sirius used to poke at him to get himself a girl, to have some fun in his life. But to Remus it was more than just something fun to do.

Remus had lived his entire life thinking about love in a way completely different from the world. Love wasn't something that could spring up over night. Love took time. Remus wasn't in any hurry because he believed that to truly fall in love wasn't something done in a instant. Love was sacred, special. He couldn't just toy with his emotions, or anyone else's for that matter, just for kicks. No, love was too precious.

Remus had been ashamed to admit it even to himself but he was a bit of a romantic at heart. He believed you fell in love once. He couldn't take something like that lightly. Remus wouldn't even give the thought of love-at-first-sight the time of day. It was a sickening thought that someone could actually believe to fall in love on sight.

Love was endless. Love was pure. Meaningless flings and trysts were unthinkable to Remus John Lupin. He was a romantic. And a pathetic one at that.

Speaking of pathetic, never has a man been more pathetic than Remus was right now, in detention, scrubbing the toilets in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Of course, Snape had cooked this scheme up. Well, actually, the whole sick and twisted tale began with Snape, somewhere in the middle was a rogue flobberworm and somehow, Filch was dragging Remus by his shirttails to detention; but it was so much the easier to just blame the whole ordeal on Snape.

On his hands and knees, Remus had to take a small toothbrush and, without magic, of course, scrub the inside of the rim. It was then and there that he vowed to never touch another human being ever again. Mumbling curses his mother would blush to hear him say, Remus wiped the invisible sweat from his brow and continued to work.

"That's quite a nasty little mouth you have on you there," came a voice from the toilet basin. Remus jumped a little and dropped the toothbrush in the water. Some of the liquid splashed him in the face. Remus immediately jumped to his feet.

"Agh! Sick!" he yelled as he attempted to wipe the germs from his face. "Gross! I'll never be the same!" Myrtle rose from the water, giggling her twittery little laugh.

"You're funny. I've never met you before." Oh, so little did she know. As a Marauder, it was your solemn duty to be on the best of terms with all school ghosts, ghouls and poltergeists. Myrtle had had a little crush on Sirius back in their day and, from what Remus knew of the Chamber of Secrets ordeal, she had one on Harry as well.

"Well, you shall never meet me again, either. I'll probably die of whatever disease was culturing in that toilet water." Myrtle perked up a little as she always did when death was mentioned.

"Oh, if you do, make sure your ghost haunts that cubicle. It's right next to mine," she finished suggestively.

"Uh..."

"You know, what's your name?"

"Romulus Drigery."

"I'm Myrtle. Don't you dare call me Moaning Myrtle," she practically roared when Romulus opened his mouth to comment that he had a aunt Myrtle but he wasn't going to say anything now. "I used to like being called Moaning Myrtle. But I think I've perked up considerably, don't you?" She looked at him as if expecting a response. He sort of stared dumbly at her. "Well? Don't you?"

"Yeah, loads! Perked up loads!"

"Thank you. Wait." Something had just dawned on the girl. "You're a boy." Remus was sorely tempted to say 'Brilliant observation, my dear' but opted to keep his mouth shut. He just sort of...nodded. Well, it wasn't so much a nod as a painful jerk. "What are you doing in my bathroom?" A sudden flash from Sirius' 'The 6 Tempers of the Female' speech ran through his head.

'Number Four: Females are often territorial. That is MY friend, MY lipstick, MY boyfriend. All others are to back off...immediately.'

Sure, it had been sexist and disgusting but Remus knew better than to incur the wrath of Moaning Myrtle; he'd never be able to pee in the school bathrooms again. He pointed to the toothbrush still floating in the bowl and grunted, "Detention". She laughed and smiled wickedly.

"OH! Little Rommy Drigery got in trouble!" she taunted. "So, what'd you do?"

"Played a harmless prank on Snape," this was Remus' realm: playing to an audience. PRs are often masters of telling the truth in an artful way. You have to get the audience on your side, after all.

"Severus Snape!" she gasped. "He was mean to me when he went to school here. He used to throw his failed potions in my toilet."

"Well, I can understand that."

"While I was in it?"

"Well, now that's just plain mean."

"Don't I know it," she sighed. "What'd you do to old Snapey-poo?"

"The usual; snide comments, questions on his sexuality and general mayhem. I set a hungry flobberworm lose in his room."

"Well, now, that's not near as impressive as I thought it would be."

"Did I failed to mention the lettuce I stuffed down his pants first?" She giggled again.

"You did not!"

"I did."

"Do you have a girlfriend?" she said suddenly. Remus knew that whatever he answered would go bad for him. Which was the lesser of two evils? Or more importantly, which one was the truth?

AN: Ah, I know. I'm evil. Voting is closed because the outcome I wanted has come in...I mean...oh, never mind. The answer is...

NOT TELLING!

You'll just have to wait and find out which side won. Some of you might know all ready from the numbers on your review reply but other than that, I'm not telling. You'll just have to wait and see. Thanks so much! All comments, suggestions, flames and outpourings of love are accepted!